RE: Sweating the small stuff !!

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 3:09:34 AM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I don't believe i was defending my relationship in any way. If anything i was questioning it!

unfounded defending and questioning come from the same root...insecurity....

Your opinion and you're welcome to it.
If you wish to see things that arent there then be my guest.
Edited to add - again though i would ask you to quote where i have been unfounded, defensive in my answers to others questions. As far as i am concerned i have just replied to people.
As for defending myself well i'm done doing it with you.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 10/16/2007 3:11:52 AM >

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Post #: 41

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 3:27:31 AM

Tannie

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Going by what you originally posted, it seems to me that you have reached a state of near-total contentment within yourself and you are becoming comfortable with that realization. You seem to have figured out that while you may WANT the things on your list, you don't need them to be happy. I feel the same way about my relationship; if I was to suddenly lose his respect, his love, being able to contact him whenever I like, etc., I know it wouldn't kill me or even change the way I view myself as a person.

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Post #: 42

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 4:05:28 AM

TotalState

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Perhaps you should try to put the reason for you not desiring it into words. I, for one, would be very interested to hear it (please turn off your sarcasm detector, I'm being genuine).
I'm going to have to think on this one and get back to you if i may.

Take your time. I'm sure the answer will be of interest to me, and of use to you.

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Post #: 43

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 4:52:00 AM

Squeakers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I'm not and have never been the kind of person who 'sweats the small stuff'. Just recently though many threads in this forum have me wondering if im alone in what i actually do class as the 'small stuff' !!

I know we are all different and all have different need's etc, but i'm beginning to think that if i did a poll of all the different things i don't need, i would be just about the only person who needs none of them.

Respect - i don't feel i need Sir to respect me in any way.
Love - i don't need Sir to love me.
Collar - i don't need to be collared.
Relationship - i don't need to be His partner, g/f, wife etc.
Contact - i don't need contact every day or even every other day for that matter.
Safewords - i don't need them.
Limits - i don't need them.

To me these are all little things and i may want some of them but don't need them, and don't worry about them in any way. Well except for now lol when i'm feeling just a little bit too much over the edge of what is normal to class as 'small stuff'.

So i guess really i'm just curious to know if others share my 'don't sweat the small stuff' philosophy and if you do what you class as the small stuff?

     I've read through most of the replies and I have been sort of thinking about a similar post myself so I'll reply.   Respect and love, it seems like I have always had it so I am not sure if it's a need or a want.   I am not sure if I could be content with out them because it has always been there.    We are friends, I consider myself his partner and girlfriend, I really do not need to be a wife, a partner or a girl friend but I truly want to maintain the friendship for a lifetime.    I think I even need the friendship part simply because it was estabilished first. A collar is sort of a symbol, do not need one.   The people are the foundation of the relationship not the symbol.   I guess the invention of the velcro collar has sort of made a collar, a lesser priority for me.     First and foremost, I know that I can survive without a committed relationship.    I know that forever is a long long time, life can throw a curveball and things can change.   The important part is knowing I can survive a change in my current relationship.    If we wind up staying together until we are gray and the welts and wrinkles on my ass can not be seperated and look the same, that's great, if not, I will survive.   I can still have a fullfilled and content life.   Why worry about it now and cause face wrinkles and premature white hair?
     I do not need contact every day or every week.   I am pretty secure in our relationship and if we are not able to speak every day or every week, I do not wonder what he is doing or where he is or to whom he is with or speaking.    I simply enjoy the times that we have and would not care to share those times with anyone else.
    Safewords and limits, well I do not feel I need them either.    We communicate in and out of a scene.   He knows my moral limits and I know they will not be crossed.   During a scene, he asks how I am doing and I tell him honestly.    I never assume that I must take a little more because I think that is what he may want.    If he wants me to take a little more, he will tell me, if I feel I can take a little more I will let him know that I feel I can endure more.
     I do not dwell on these issues.    Sometimes, there are just more important things for me to think about than worry about these small things.     So misstrubation, I guess I understand what you are say in my own way.    I do not feel I have settled but if I have in someway settled, that is fine because I am happily settled and I would not want to be settled in any other way.    I guess it is more that I detest worry.   I detest stress.    I am in no way religious but the I love that poem about granting the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.    I also add if it works for me but goes against the 'norm' is there a need to change it.    In most cases, no.   I know I go against the 'norm' and I am content there.    Screw those who think that I am wrong, I have my contentment.

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Post #: 44

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 8:20:35 AM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Your opinion and you're welcome to it.
If you wish to see things that arent there then be my guest.
Edited to add - again though i would ask you to quote where i have been unfounded, defensive in my answers to others questions. As far as i am concerned i have just replied to people.
As for defending myself well i'm done doing it with you.

if this were the only post that you started out this way i wouldn't have said anything...but it appears to be a pattern...and if i am so off base....why are you so offended?

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Post #: 45

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 10:36:44 AM

junecleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Respect - i don't feel i need Sir to respect me in any way.

I need to be respected in the sense that I need to be treated as a human being as a woman with worth. I don't need to be the first person he looks to for advice or the person he most admires, but I need my humanity and my feelings to be respected. So I wonder what kind of respect you mean exactly? The kind of respect I give him is much different than kind he gives me, but I still recieve respect .

quote:

Love - i don't need Sir to love me.

I don't need to be loved right away. I need to know that my partner is open to the possibility of loving me. Also, I need a partner who accepts my love even if he cannot reciprocate. I would probably end a relationship after a certain period of time if my partner did not grow to love me.

quote:

Collar - i don't need to be collared.

Agreed.

quote:

Relationship - i don't need to be His partner, g/f, wife etc.

I don't think it's a need. But it a very strong want.

quote:

Contact - i don't need contact every day or even every other day for that matter.

It depends. Most of the time, I feel that way. But if I'm PMS-ing or my hormones are raging, it is hard for me to 'not need contact.'

quote:

Safewords - i don't need them.
Limits - i don't need them.

Agreed.

quote:

So i guess really i'm just curious to know if others share my 'don't sweat the small stuff' philosophy and if you do what you class as the small stuff?

Some of your small stuff....I cannot imagine being happy in a long term relationship without them. I cannot even place myself in the shoes of someone who would choose a relationship like that. Not that I'm knocking it, it's just so far away from anything I can envision making me happy. I think you're kind of weird.

But it's better to be weird and happy than normal and not.

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Post #: 46

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 4:54:27 PM

missturbation

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Your opinion and you're welcome to it.
If you wish to see things that arent there then be my guest.
Edited to add - again though i would ask you to quote where i have been unfounded, defensive in my answers to others questions. As far as i am concerned i have just replied to people.
As for defending myself well i'm done doing it with you.

if this were the only post that you started out this way i wouldn't have said anything...but it appears to be a pattern...and if i am so off base....why are you so offended?

I'm not offended in the slightest, i just don't see what you want to see in my posts. Yes often my posts are very personal to me or my relationship but whats wrong with that?
I have stated in my opening post they were all things i don't need and i don't really think i've said anything different since.
I'm happy, content, fulfilled, just sometimes on the edge of am i too freaky. Most of the time i don't actually care if i am or not. I like others perspectives of things and thoughts and opinions.
Don't really care for yours those if im honest, you come across the same way across the board, you see what you want to see despite my telling you your perceptions arent true. I just get a little bored of it is all.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Post #: 47

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 4:57:32 PM

missturbation

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I think you're kind of weird.

But it's better to be weird and happy than normal and not.

Thank you lol and yes i wholeheartedly agree.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Post #: 48

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 5:04:55 PM

chellekitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Don't really care for yours those if im honest, you come across the same way across the board, you see what you want to see despite my telling you your perceptions arent true. I just get a little bored of it is all.

then why are you still talking to me when you said you were "done doing it with me"? again...sounds like you have something to prove because actions speak louder than words...if you can't set a boundary and stick to it...i will....i am done discussing your issues, be they good, bad, or indifferent...with you, personally...take care....

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Post #: 49

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 5:16:03 PM

missturbation

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Perhaps you should try to put the reason for you not desiring it into words. I, for one, would be very interested to hear it

OK, here goes.
I'll address each piece of 'small stuff' individually.
Respect - As i thought on this one i came to the conclusion that it depended on what you class as respect. I know Sir respects my opinions when we discuss things. For me though that doesn't necessarily equate to Him respecting me as a person. So it boils down to why don't i need Him to respect me as a person? Honestly, i can't tell you! It's just one of those things i don't need.
Love - For one i have many people who love me, i am loved. I don't feel i lack in this emotion being bestowed upon me. Romantic love, well i think i don't want to be in love, it scares me. I don't want Sir to love me because i think it would change our relationship and i'm not ready and may never be for that degree of change. What Sir and i have is very animal and very raw and we like it that way.
Collar - I love wearing a collar, i have many of my own. I love wearing Sirs play collars when i am with Him but at this point i don't want to be owned, i don't want that level of commitment.
Relationship - Again this is down to my fear it will change our dynamic.
Contact - We are both very busy people and as i stated earlier we do probably have contact every day but i wouldn't worry or pine if we didn't. We both know where each other is if we need each other and i know that it won't be too long before we speak.
Safewords and limits - I don't need them, i trust Sir 100%. He doesn't want them, he trusts me to say if something is majorly wrong and trusts Himself to also spot the signs there is a problem. Of course He is human.

Hope that clears it up a little.

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 5:21:02 PM

missturbation

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then why are you still talking to me when you said you were "done doing it with me"?
Because i'm too polite to ignore someone's questions.

My issues lol, priceless. Is being happy, content and fulfilled having issues now? Maybe you ought to look at your own issues and why you always feel the need to see the worst or things that aren't there in my posts.
Thank you for your input anyhow.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Post #: 51

RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/16/2007 6:41:34 PM

TotalState

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