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Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 3:55:23 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		I'm not and have never been the kind of person who 'sweats the small stuff'.  Just recently though many threads in this forum have me wondering if im alone in what i actually do class as the 'small stuff' !!
 
I know we are all different and all have different need's etc, but i'm beginning to think that if i did a poll of all the different things i don't need, i would be just about the only person who needs none of them.

Respect - i don't feel i need Sir to respect me in any way.
Love - i don't need Sir to love me.
Collar - i don't need to be collared.
Relationship - i don't need to be His partner, g/f, wife etc.
Contact - i don't need contact every day or even every other day for that matter. 
Safewords - i don't need them.
Limits - i don't need them. 

To me these are all little things and i may want some of them but don't need them, and don't worry about them in any way. Well except for now lol when i'm feeling just a little bit too much over the edge of what is normal to class as 'small stuff'.
 
So i guess really i'm just curious to know if others share my 'don't sweat the small stuff' philosophy and if you do what you class as the small stuff?
 
 
 

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What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:03:41 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		While I certainly endeavor to break past my perfectionistic control freak attention to detail ways and not get lost in a lack of perspective- that list there is pretty darn important to me.

IF I choose to get into a long term committed relationship with me based on love, then love respect and relationship are pretty darn important concepts for me.

The others, not so much.  However, how I MEASURE those things may be "sweating small stuff" to some and not a big deal to others.  I've had lots of people say that my partner having pictures of his ex wife up in our apartment is a huge sign of disrespect.  I think they are total aliens with no idea what they are talking about.

As always, you have to find the balance that works for you.

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:09:37 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		While I certainly endeavor to break past my perfectionistic control freak attention to detail ways and not get lost in a lack of perspective- that list there is pretty darn important to me.
I have a feeling it will be to many.
 
As always, you have to find the balance that works for you.
Always trying to
 
Just a little concerned i guess that my need's in this particular 'relationship', i use the term loosely, are a little on the sparse side perhaps.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:13:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The real question to ask is "are you both fulfilled by how this is working right now?"  It doesn't really much matter WHAT your desires/needs are, simply that it's all working for everyone involved.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:17:04 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		It's kind of like the car i want in the garage next door to me, a beautiful bright yellow lamborghini. I want it but i don't need it. I am already fulfilled without it, but having it might just enhance that fulfillment a little more !!

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:21:20 PM   
dollylima


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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Just a little concerned i guess that my need's in this particular 'relationship', i use the term loosely, are a little on the sparse side perhaps.


If you are happy with the relationship and your perspective on what you hold as "small stuff", why the concern? I thought I understood the gist of the thread until you made this comment. Now Im not sure I understand.

People value different things. My values are clearly not aligned with yours, but they don't have to be. Reading that you hold these things as "small" does not compel me to question whteher my "needs" in my relationship are too great. They are just different than yours.

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I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:23:07 PM   
LATEXBABY64


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The real question to ask is "are you both fulfilled by how this is working right now?"  It doesn't really much matter WHAT your desires/needs are, simply that it's all working for everyone involved.


i think this is a big one for most in the lifestyle. because I see all the time people break up over this. Maybe people need to learn what it is they want or need in people just a point of view

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:25:53 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		You are correct in that we will all most likely have different ideas about what is "small stuff".  None of the items you have listed would qualify for me... I consider them all as having varying degrees of importance to me, though I wouldn't say that I "worry" about any of them.  

They do, however, have an influence on me and the decisions I make.  I commented in a journal entry on my old profile saying, "it's doubtful you'll get what you want unless you ask for it, but it is certain you'll never get what you want if you settle for less."  Essentially, I don't worry... I just don't settle, either.

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:26:29 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		If you are happy with the relationship and your perspective on what you hold as "small stuff", why the concern?
 
Good question.
I guess because i just went along thinking that my list of small stuff was normal when i looked at them individually. Then when i looked at them as a list, as certain threads here have made me do, i just thought hmm thats a pretty 'big' list of small stuff.


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to dollylima)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:30:20 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Essentially, I don't worry... I just don't settle, either.
I definately don't feel i have settled, the things i listed just arent important enough to me to be needs. As i stated earlier i would like a few of them and have not ruled them out as possibilities in the future, but they are not deal breakers or anywhere near being.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to TreasureKY)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:38:29 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I definately don't feel i have settled, the things i listed just arent important enough to me to be needs. As i stated earlier i would like a few of them and have not ruled them out as possibilities in the future, but they are not deal breakers or anywhere near being.


Isn't discounting anything that isn't a need, akin to settling?  Who says you have to settle for just having needs met?

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:44:48 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I definately don't feel i have settled, the things i listed just arent important enough to me to be needs. As i stated earlier i would like a few of them and have not ruled them out as possibilities in the future, but they are not deal breakers or anywhere near being.


Isn't discounting anything that isn't a need, akin to settling?  Who says you have to settle for just having needs met?


For me personally i don't think i am settling.
If my needs aren't met then yes i am settling.
If my wants aren't met then no i'm not.
Of course thats just my personal opinion on settling though.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to TreasureKY)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 4:48:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		People regard things differently. The most of the things you list I can not regard as small stuff, because if my relationship doesn't include them I won't be in the relationship. Having a relationship without them would not suit my long-term goals and I am not willing to give those up.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 5:08:25 PM   
DWCdelight


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I don't usually think of myself as "sweating the small stuff" but, as you said, we are all different people and consider things differently.  With that said,

My relationship with Master is certainly no "small stuff" and from day one He has made it a habit of calling me at least once a day.  In the beginning, this surprised me and even aggravated me occasionally.  In fact some times He calls me on my cell phone and some times he calls me on my home phone--and sometimes even at 2 and 3 o'clock on the morning, when I'm asleep and knowing that I have to get up at 6 to go to work.  I think when He calls me on my home phone in the middle of the night He's doing it to see if I'm home!!!  But I've gotten used to it and I'm good with it because I would NEVER cheat on Him and if He wants to check up on me--have at it!!!    It just serves to reinforce to Him that I am completely and totally His. 

But anything and everything to do with me and Him and O/our relationship comes under the heading of NOT SMALL STUFF. 

Other than that, well most nearly everything else IS small stuff.  My job is important as I  have to support myself and my cats.  My daughter and grand-son are important.  They and Master are pretty much my life--and everything else is just small stuff!

My opinion only.  Interesting subject!

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 5:22:48 PM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm genuinely curious...

If all of that is 'small stuff', what is the 'big stuff'?


As to your question, sure...I don't get worked up over small stuff.  I just have completely different views on what is 'small' than you, but I guess you expected that.


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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 5:23:54 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		But anything and everything to do with me and Him and O/our relationship comes under the heading of NOT SMALL STUFF. 

For me the not small stuff in our 'relationship' (loose tongue) are:-
Trust - both ways
Respect - that i respect Him
Servitude - that i serve Him to the best of my ability
Limits - that i place none on Him
Safe words - that i do not require one but would use one if He so wished
Availability - that i am available to Him at all times
Fulfillment - both ways
Happiness - both ways
Communication - both ways
And probably many more things that i can't think of right now.
 
So as you can see there is an element of not small stuff for me too.
 
 

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to DWCdelight)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 5:35:18 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If you don't get them from him, then who do you get them from?
Because the only people I know who are happy in a d/s only relationship with no friendship, love, shared vanilla activites etc are those in an open relationship who do get all those things from their primary partner.

Those of us who are monogamous, living together, do need those things from our primary partner and since our primary partner is our d/s partner, we need it from them.

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 5:42:44 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		If you don't get them from him, then who do you get them from?
Respect - my friends, family, work colleagues etc
Love - ditto
Contact - ditto. I will add that it is very rare i dont hear from Sir every day in some form or another.
Relationship - ditto. Although i am going to add here that Sir and i do do vanilla things like going for a meal, to the art galleries etc etc. We have a relationship of sorts but we well to sum it up as we say 'we have what we have, we dont have what we dont.' We dont analyse this in any way because we like it how it is, quite animal and raw.
 
Because the only people I know who are happy in a d/s only relationship with no friendship, love, shared vanilla activites etc are those in an open relationship who do get all those things from their primary partner.
I personally have no other partner. Sir has more partners but i dont think He would class any as primary in the way you mean.
 
Those of us who are monogamous, living together, do need those things from our primary partner and since our primary partner is our d/s partner, we need it from them.
You may feel that way, i don't. Pretty sure there are others out there however rare in my boat too.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 6:14:18 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Okay so according to you those points are small stuff and absolutely is unimportant to you in terms of a relationship so I guess you would have no problem with the following senario occuring either

Your master  comes to you tomorrow demanding  that you sign over your business to him
and you would jump up  and  down in delight to do that for him since you have no limits he is your master you will do what ever he says,  he than decides to turn your little bar into a strip  joint  that has a spare back room  for clients, and orders you to become the stripper and back room whore to service the clients, this becomes your jobs for the next 2 year in which you earning for services goes directly to him, he fucks which ever woman he choses even in your bed and tells you to get outm which is totally okay to you as you do not require love or respect from him and have no limits.  

After 2 years many of the clients are drifting off to other establishing because  variety is lacking there, so your master decides to toss your hiney out the door with nothing but the clothes on your back telling you that you can go turn tricks instead to survive you are no longer needed and he replaces you with 2 fresh new young faces,   and your in total acceptance of this  fate became you did not want limits, love , respect

also remember that trust cannot exist if respect does not exist they go hand in hand, also fullfillment, happiness, communication cannot truly  exist  with out respect either


< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 10/15/2007 6:17:34 PM >

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RE: Sweating the small stuff !! - 10/15/2007 6:21:51 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Because i trust Sir implicitly i know He would not do any of the things you stated. It has nothing to with whether He respects me or not. To be honest i don't know if he does or not, and whats more i really don't care.
Trust and respect may go hand in hand for you but they don't for me.
Oh and technically i couldn't sign over my business to Him even if i wanted to and He wanted it. Really your post is full of what if's that just won't happen so its inconsequential really.

Edited to add -

also fullfillment, happiness, communication cannot truly  exist  with out respect either

They can't? Oh no i must be faking fullfillment, happiness and good communication then.

< Message edited by missturbation -- 10/15/2007 6:24:09 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 20
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