quote:

I personally don't know any slaves that would fit the description offered up by your prospective master. That doesn't mean they don't exist, and I think Daddysprop247 is along those lines and if she stumbles onto this thread I'm sure she'll be happy to elaborate. But for the most part, every slave I know is a decidely strong, loud, in charge, control-freak, etc. of a woman. I am referring specifically to female slaves because the males I know whom I'd actually consider slaves are quite different. But that's a whole other thread. I don't know any meek timid female slaves, most of the ones I know are successful in their careers and smart and their masters consider these traits positive attributes. Now, I think the real issue might be that he found himself falling in love, as you mentioned, and his behavior changed. This is a HUGE issue in and of itself as there is a great debate amongst Master/slave practitioners over whether it's even possible to maintain an M/s relationship with romantic love. Many believe it's not; many believe it is.

quote:

I actually do think my lack of internal motivation is connected to my sexuality. I get out of bed because Master wants me to and if he did not care, I have a hard time caring as well. I can only be happy when I serve someone else as the center of my world. And I can only accomplish things when I am happy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

All stereotypes have some truth behind them.

But generalities can only be useful when discussing general groups.  As soon as you begin talking about individuals, stereotypes and generalities become useless.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

So, I have heard the steryotype that male subs are often wall street honchos/CEOs/powerful men outside the bedroom and that is why they like to have someone else in control in the bedroom. I have no idea if this is true. I know only two male submissives and they do fit that bill.

I see a lot of men saying that, however there are so few people of either sex which would fall into the description of corporate leader.  Most of the sub males I know are just average people, not the boss, not in charge, and with no obvious reason to proclaim themselves needing a break from the weight of being in charge.  It just seems to be rationalization to me.

I dont know what the steryotype for dominant men is. It seems that a high number of dominant men on this board look like creative types- photographers, musicians etc.

I think you will find many, maybe even most people who post to boards are creative (they like to write), relatively educated people.  But it is safe to say that there are many more people doing this who never write about it.

I have not the slightest clue what the 'norm' for submissive women is. I know one other submissive woman and she is a highly successful headcase. She is finishing her PhD, but she also is anorexic and a cutter and basically sort of crazy. Wait, I know another and she is married to a vanilla guy and has a Master on the side. Weird to me.

Well, I for one am twisted.  I know I have issues and if I did not, I probably wouldn't be masochistic.  I am a cutter who has that in control, I was a bulimic early in my life but that is over and done.. along with disco's.  Most people however, would be shocked to find that out about me.  I look normal, I have no visible scars, I don't act nuts.  If anything people see me AS a dominant.  More often than not they trust me to run things and do it well. 

Obviously there are different sorts of all types of sexual personas, but are there norms?

Most people say that pracitioners of BDSM are more educated and of somewhat higher IQ than the general populace. My vanilla friends see BDSM as a sort of upper middle class escape from monotany.

I am educated with a higher than normal IQ and almost upper middle class after years of bouncing around looking for something that suits me.  BUT, I can tell you I know a lot of people who do this that do not fit that mold, in fact I probably know more who do not.

DominaSmartass said this:

quote:

I personally don't know any slaves that would fit the description offered up by your prospective master. That doesn't mean they don't exist, and I think Daddysprop247 is along those lines and if she stumbles onto this thread I'm sure she'll be happy to elaborate. But for the most part, every slave I know is a decidely strong, loud, in charge, control-freak, etc. of a woman. I am referring specifically to female slaves because the males I know whom I'd actually consider slaves are quite different. But that's a whole other thread. I don't know any meek timid female slaves, most of the ones I know are successful in their careers and smart and their masters consider these traits positive attributes. Now, I think the real issue might be that he found himself falling in love, as you mentioned, and his behavior changed. This is a HUGE issue in and of itself as there is a great debate amongst Master/slave practitioners over whether it's even possible to maintain an M/s relationship with romantic love. Many believe it's not; many believe it is.

As for me, I was chronically unemployed (and employed as a receptionist or something else menial when I had a job) before the Master came to take care of my life. I was depressed and on anti-depressants, which made me listless. I was overweight and very disorganized and without any ambition whatsoever. The Master was somewhat repulsed by this, but fortunately instead of outright giving up on me, he stuck around to fix me. And now I am much happier because i am thin and fit, off meds, not depressed, i have a pretty interesting job with insurance and I will have a secure career path once I go to law school, which is something I never would think do without Master making me apply.

My current direction is a result of a very wonderful man who showed me I can succeed in anything I try.  I just have to want it.  Before he came into my life I had many directions and no destination in mind.  Without him in my life I often think "what next?"  Fear of success is my biggest demon and one I have found can be defeated when I have someone in my corner.  It is much more difficult to do that on my own.  This is probably why I have chosen dominant, nurturing, men in my life.

I also *only* am interested in dominant partners who are interested in romantic relationships. Men who eventually want to settle down and get married and have children and introduce their sub to others as their girlfriend/wife. Whenever I read a profile that describes how a Master is experienced and has collared 20 girls, it really makes me lose interest unless the profile also says he wants a romantic relationship. I only want partners who have no desire to go through 20 women if it can be avoided. Not that I look at profiles lately, but am I so unusual in the D/s world?

I have to agree with you there.  Having had few partners in my life, those I chose were more likely to stick with long term relationships.  When I see men who have had 20+ partners I see a player out for trophies.  Not my type at all.

I had a former Master (very briefly) and he said that he did want to get married someday but that he would never marry a slave- only a someone he interacted with as an equal. That automatically ended the relationship for me.

I actually do think my lack of internal motivation is connected to my sexuality. I get out of bed because Master wants me to and if he did not care, I have a hard time caring as well. I can only be happy when I serve someone else as the center of my world. And I can only accomplish things when I am happy.

How unusual is this? That I only want romantic relationships and that I need Master in order to function otherwise?

I have always assumed that this is a guilt issue more than anything.  Maybe we are afraid to want.  Maybe we are afraid to succeed.  Maybe we fear that if we have what we want we might lose it and so why try?  But when you are with someone, and he can be anyone who is important to us, nilla, bdsm, master, whatever.. if they are important to us, we want to accomplish more.  Because we have taken the "ME ME ME" out of the plan, and inserted "It is for him that I do this", and it becomes doing good for another.  Success, but success FOR someone else.  I don't know.  I have thought alot about this since my breakup.  For him I would have helped build his business, worked long and hard to make his life better.  And now that he is just my boss, I have a sort of apathy about making myself succeed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I dont know what the steryotype for dominant men is. It seems that a high number of dominant men on this board look like creative types- photographers, musicians etc.

quote:

I have not the slightest clue what the 'norm' for submissive women is.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

All stereotypes have some truth behind them.

But generalities can only be useful when discussing general groups.  As soon as you begin talking about individuals, stereotypes and generalities become useless.

If you got a dollar for every time you were right, you'd have some bucks.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Is there truly a DominaSmartass?  I am enchanted!

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

So, I have heard the steryotype that male subs are often wall street honchos/CEOs/powerful men outside the bedroom and that is why they like to have someone else in control in the bedroom. I have no idea if this is true. I know only two male submissives and they do fit that bill.

quote:


I dont know what the steryotype for dominant men is. It seems that a high number of dominant men on this board look like creative types- photographers, musicians etc.

quote:


I have not the slightest clue what the 'norm' for submissive women is. I know one other submissive woman and she is a highly successful headcase. She is finishing her PhD, but she also is anorexic and a cutter and basically sort of crazy. Wait, I know another and she is married to a vanilla guy and has a Master on the side. Weird to me.

quote:


Most people say that pracitioners of BDSM are more educated and of somewhat higher IQ than the general populace. My vanilla friends see BDSM as a sort of upper middle class escape from monotany.

quote:


DominaSmartass said this:

quote:

I personally don't know any slaves that would fit the description offered up by your prospective master. That doesn't mean they don't exist, and I think Daddysprop247 is along those lines and if she stumbles onto this thread I'm sure she'll be happy to elaborate. But for the most part, every slave I know is a decidely strong, loud, in charge, control-freak, etc. of a woman. I am referring specifically to female slaves because the males I know whom I'd actually consider slaves are quite different. But that's a whole other thread. I don't know any meek timid female slaves, most of the ones I know are successful in their careers and smart and their masters consider these traits positive attributes. Now, I think the real issue might be that he found himself falling in love, as you mentioned, and his behavior changed. This is a HUGE issue in and of itself as there is a great debate amongst Master/slave practitioners over whether it's even possible to maintain an M/s relationship with romantic love. Many believe it's not; many believe it is.

As for me, I was chronically unemployed (and employed as a receptionist or something else menial when I had a job) before the Master came to take care of my life. I was depressed and on anti-depressants, which made me listless. I was overweight and very disorganized and without any ambition whatsoever. The Master was somewhat repulsed by this, but fortunately instead of outright giving up on me, he stuck around to fix me. And now I am much happier because i am thin and fit, off meds, not depressed, i have a pretty interesting job with insurance and I will have a secure career path once I go to law school, which is something I never would think do without Master making me apply.

quote:


I also *only* am interested in dominant partners who are interested in romantic relationships. Men who eventually want to settle down and get married and have children and introduce their sub to others as their girlfriend/wife. Whenever I read a profile that describes how a Master is experienced and has collared 20 girls, it really makes me lose interest unless the profile also says he wants a romantic relationship. I only want partners who have no desire to go through 20 women if it can be avoided. Not that I look at profiles lately, but am I so unusual in the D/s world?

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Im kindergarten (or year 1) at school I believed I could get herbies and girl germs from just holding hands with girls. I thought this because it is what I was told by people I knew. I later found out this to be very false. The lifestyle is full of these fake beliefs. Not everything is what it appears.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
If you got a dollar for every time you were right, you'd have some bucks.