RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality types

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality types

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality types

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 8:11:02 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

did not know there was a type is this like blood type a type b type o type ab pos or neg

(in reply to therealboss)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 9:33:56 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

The stereotypes are exactly that: stereotypes.

I was a board member of a Denver support/play party group for about five years. We set ourselves up as the "gateway" group of the front range, a place where new folk would come to get their first expereinces, and find out if BDSM were really something they were interested in or not. The "types" of people who came to our gathers cut across all class, race and religious lines. At any given party, you would meet young professionals, old bikers, kids (all over 18) still in college, couples from the suburbs, and even a pro or two, who were just looking for a social circle to hang out with.

The "wall street submissive" and the "bored dominant housewife" are convinient generalizations. Lazy fiction writers fall back on them, substituting easily relatable cardboard cutouts for the work of creating real characters. Fortunately, the erotica genre is really just coming out of it's "pulp" phase, musch the same way science fiction came out of it's trashy period of the early 1930's. So perhaps in the near future, we'll start seeing more interesting people in our sex stories, rather than these tired old stereotypes.

So far, the only thing I have noticed about people in BDSM is that they are all highly intelligent, and imaginative personality types. (Seems you have to have an active fantasy life in order to find the attractive qualities to an activity that society at large tells you is "weird.")

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 9:43:38 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I wish that were true. I may hang out with the more intelligent people, but trust me when I say I have met or talked to way too many where the words "highly intelligent" would not apply.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber
So far, the only thing I have noticed about people in BDSM is that they are all highly intelligent, and imaginative personality types.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to bipolarber)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 10:41:44 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Missokyst, you are probably right about that. I suppose I should have said, in relation to vanilla social groups, the BDSM crows seems a little more intelligent. Yeah, thinking back, there have been a few dolts who showed up at the parties too.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 11:23:20 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty
So, I have heard the steryotype that male subs are often wall street honchos/CEOs/powerful men outside the bedroom and that is why they like to have someone else in control in the bedroom. I have no idea if this is true. I know only two male submissives and they do fit that bill.

i attribute this to the FemDom scene being such a "buyer's market"... since there are very few women of any orientation that are interested in a man who is not career-minded and assertive, all the subs are or claim to be. In reality, some are, but many aren't.

Personally, i'm about as far from that stereotype as you can get, and a lot closer to your own description. But, if God forbid i ever ended up on the market, i'd blow this profile away, and in its place would be Dave the confident, aggressive computer professional. Grr!

It's all about the marketing.

...dave

< Message edited by petdave -- 10/14/2007 11:28:07 AM >

(in reply to kitttty)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 11:32:30 AM

aldonza1

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Most male subs that approach me can't read very well (my profile clearly states I am not interested in them). I guess CEO's can be Illiterate...

(in reply to petdave)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 7:48:29 PM

kitttty

Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline

testing

(in reply to aldonza1)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 8:21:53 PM

kitttty

Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I'm not sure there is a stereotype for dom men but most of the ones I know are self-employed or in some sort of profession like Lawyer, Doctor, Nurse, etc. Submissive men tend to be IT/computer related professions and accountants, just from the sheer numbers I've met. Then again, I've met plenty of submissive lawyers. I'm sure there is no rule, but as LA already pointed out and I was going to say anyway, stereotypes are usually based on at least a grain of truth somewhere.

One of the submissive men I dommed was an accountant. The Master is hard to categorize. He is a venture capitalist in IT, I guess, but that doesn't fully describe him. He is *extremely* successful though.

quote:

Plus people are more able to go after fulfilling sex lives and relationship when they are doing ok for themselves, not living in poverty.

Ive actually heard a few grad students give up BDSM because they found it too expensive. I know what they mean. Leather and latex do not come cheap. I mean, if you're interest in hardcore enough, you'll find a way, but some never become that invested.

My own theory has been that if you are really stupid and a sadist, you will just commit sexual assault and go to jail because you can't police your fantasies. And if you are masochistic and 'stupid', you might end up pursuing ordinary abusive relationships because you can't formulate what you really need to do. Clearly many people who are in abusive relationships and in jail for sexual assault have no SM related interest, but I do think some do. I also think it takes a grain of motivation to pursue kinky relationships because they require networking beyond your high school or work clique and many many people never do that. Basically, I do not think kink is limited to the intelligent- I think being able to pursue it successfully is strongly helped by being intelligent.

quote:

I have to say, congratulations on what you have acheieved and will be acheiving and obviously your Master is owed a lot of credit.

He is owed even more credit because I didn't go to him and ask to be fixed. If I had had the gumption to get out of bed to go find and ask a Dom to fix my life, that would have been a vast improvement. I met Master first in Jan 2006 and we played once and then I for some reason refused to engage in a D/s relationship (it was new to me then). I continued on a downward spiral of weight gain, unemployment and depression until Master later contacted me and basically made me come meet him. I did not eagerly ask for help and instead presented a blase and lifeless expression when he told me he would fix me. I think when he said so I just looked back at him dazed and confused. I suppose it helped here to have a naturally submissive inclination because I did listen to him without having much conscious motivation to do so. Now he has chosen law school as a career path for me because he says I will thrive in a highly structured environment. Now I will study my LSAT and hope to get in somewhere so I can be on some career path.

I will say that of my previous vanilla boyfriends, one thought my lack of ambition was 'charming' and thought that I should find a man and make him my career (basically be a 50s style housewife) and the other ex couldn't for his life see any intelligence in me. When I told him I wanted to go to law school, he said that I would make myself less attractive to men because I would not be spending time on finding a husband (and aging instead). He has many ties told me that all I want is to have babies and I should just get married. Neither of my exes are considered bad people by society- they are well liked people. I think it shows how easy it is for a woman to end up in relationships with domineering cavemen that will insist on keeping them in subordinate positions because of their insecurities and petty jealousies. I will bet that I am not the only woman who has substituted a vanilla chauvanist or control freak for a genuine Dom.

Master does sometimes lose patience with my distrated state. He does enjoy subjecting me to diabolical and very twisted psychological torture. But I'm better for it, so I comply. I certainly hope he never leaves me, but if he does I appreciate the time he has spent being the boss of me.

quote:

Hopefully I've added some insight, or whatever ;)

I think you have and I appreciate it.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 9:45:14 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

Wow, Missokyst. I have only one thing to add to that scintillating post... despite what Dominasmartass says, not all slave women are control freaks with solid careers. Some of them are 'normal' in their relations at work and with friends--normal being defined fairly loosely, there--and some of them are out-of-control, spiralling downward messes. The slaves that get into effective relationships with a master are usually the ones that have a little bit of skill in organization, at least; this level of play requires some preparation and planning from all parties. But it's a trend, not a certainty.

If you're going to quote me you could at least get what I say right. I never claimed that all slave women are anything. Just that all the ones I know personally tend to fall into a certain category. I know quite a few people but by no means everyone in the entire bdsm world, so I was only speaking in terms of my personal experience (real-life, that is.)

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to DMFParadox)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality... - 10/14/2007 9:55:46 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

Something I find very interesting, Kittty, is that by the time you graduate law school and have a career going, combined with the emotional/psychological health that your Master has caused to flourish within you, you will be seen by outside observers as just another one of those strong, intelligent, self sufficient females who choose to be slaves. Sort of ironic since that's the stereotype that you don't feel fits you now. Maybe it became a stereotype not because these women become slaves but because becoming a slave makes these women who they are.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to kitttty)

Profile

Post #: 30