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DominaSmartass -> RE: Is there truth to steryotypical Dom/sub personality types (10/13/2007 9:07:27 PM)
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ORIGINAL: kitttty
So, I have heard the steryotype that male subs are often wall street honchos/CEOs/powerful men outside the bedroom and that is why they like to have someone else in control in the bedroom. I have no idea if this is true. I know only two male submissives and they do fit that bill.
I know a number of male subs who do fit that to some extent (not really CEOs or anything but pretty successful guys with stressful jobs) but I also know plenty of sub males who are uneducated, working dead end jobs, unemployed...Come to think of it, I know female subs who are at both ends of the spectrum as well. The thing is, I know many more female subs *in real life* who are very successful women in the tradiational sense (education, jobs, social status) but who choose to submit to one man mostly within their personal/sex lives. This is in comparison to female subs like yourself according to how you have described yourself. I probably know of a few, as I'm sure they're out there, but I can't think of anyone specifically who was squandering her life away before a man came and took ownership of her.
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I dont know what the steryotype for dominant men is. It seems that a high number of dominant men on this board look like creative types- photographers, musicians etc.
I'm not sure there is a stereotype for dom men but most of the ones I know are self-employed or in some sort of profession like Lawyer, Doctor, Nurse, etc. Submissive men tend to be IT/computer related professions and accountants, just from the sheer numbers I've met. Then again, I've met plenty of submissive lawyers. I'm sure there is no rule, but as LA already pointed out and I was going to say anyway, stereotypes are usually based on at least a grain of truth somewhere.
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I have not the slightest clue what the 'norm' for submissive women is. I know one other submissive woman and she is a highly successful headcase. She is finishing her PhD, but she also is anorexic and a cutter and basically sort of crazy. Wait, I know another and she is married to a vanilla guy and has a Master on the side. Weird to me.
I would definitely say that the stereotype for sub women is that of the independant and successful career-woman who is also submissive to her lover/husband. And though this is the stereotype, and I have seen a lot of cases like this personally, I'd never go as far as to say it's the norm. Just that it's pretty common. It's hard to talk in terms of norms when we are already so far outside the bell curve of what's normal to begin with.
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Most people say that pracitioners of BDSM are more educated and of somewhat higher IQ than the general populace. My vanilla friends see BDSM as a sort of upper middle class escape from monotany.
I don't know about that one. I've met some pretty idiotic, bottom of the barrel, "help! the gene pool needs some chlorine" folks through bdsm. I've also met some of the best people I know, but still it averages out. I can sort of see how bdsm can be seen by some as an upper middle class escape because upper/upper middle class people tend to be fairly well educated which can lead to open mindedness, liberalism, and willingness to explore different things within a relationship. I'm not saying that these are prerequisites for practicing bdsm, just that it helps. Plus people are more able to go after fulfilling sex lives and relationship when they are doing ok for themselves, not living in poverty.
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DominaSmartass said this:
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I personally don't know any slaves that would fit the description offered up by your prospective master. That doesn't mean they don't exist, and I think Daddysprop247 is along those lines and if she stumbles onto this thread I'm sure she'll be happy to elaborate. But for the most part, every slave I know is a decidely strong, loud, in charge, control-freak, etc. of a woman. I am referring specifically to female slaves because the males I know whom I'd actually consider slaves are quite different. But that's a whole other thread. I don't know any meek timid female slaves, most of the ones I know are successful in their careers and smart and their masters consider these traits positive attributes. Now, I think the real issue might be that he found himself falling in love, as you mentioned, and his behavior changed. This is a HUGE issue in and of itself as there is a great debate amongst Master/slave practitioners over whether it's even possible to maintain an M/s relationship with romantic love. Many believe it's not; many believe it is.
As for me, I was chronically unemployed (and employed as a receptionist or something else menial when I had a job) before the Master came to take care of my life. I was depressed and on anti-depressants, which made me listless. I was overweight and very disorganized and without any ambition whatsoever. The Master was somewhat repulsed by this, but fortunately instead of outright giving up on me, he stuck around to fix me. And now I am much happier because i am thin and fit, off meds, not depressed, i have a pretty interesting job with insurance and I will have a secure career path once I go to law school, which is something I never would think do without Master making me apply.
I have to say, congratulations on what you have acheieved and will be acheiving and obviously your Master is owed a lot of credit. I have met submissive boys (and I say this due to their age more than anything) whose lives were in total shambles. They were looking for someone to come put them back together, help them get into school or a job, and take ownership of them...or so they said. One such situation recently ended VERY badly for a Domme friend of mine who found herself thoroughly taken advantage of (financially and otherwise) by a 24 year old kid who convinced her he wanted to be her slave. I'm not generalizing and I say kudos to people who find a partner to really inspire the best in them but overall, my belief is that we need to come into a relationship, bdsm one or otherwise, as healthy functioning adults. While the idea of finding someone who is broken and building him up into someone I want him - and he wants- to be is appealing, I have seen the reality and it doesn't always turn out pretty. All I can say is that if this is the case for you, obviously you went into it with the best intentions and a pure heart (as did your Master) and you were not looking to take advantage of someone. Unfortunately, that is not what happens 100% of the time.
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I also *only* am interested in dominant partners who are interested in romantic relationships. Men who eventually want to settle down and get married and have children and introduce their sub to others as their girlfriend/wife. Whenever I read a profile that describes how a Master is experienced and has collared 20 girls, it really makes me lose interest unless the profile also says he wants a romantic relationship. I only want partners who have no desire to go through 20 women if it can be avoided. Not that I look at profiles lately, but am I so unusual in the D/s world?
I don't think that's abnormal or asking too much at all. I was always looking for my primary relationship and my D/s one to be one and the same. It may not have turned out that way (only time will tell in my case) but I love what I have and maybe there will be someone else to add in the future but who knows. At the moment he is standing in front of me holding a cockring and a few dozen feet of rope so I'd really better get off the computer, lol!
Hopefully I've added some insight, or whatever ;)
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