Having it all !!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Having it all !!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Having it all !!

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 5:54:33 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

There have been many threads about 'settling' and i'm pretty sure i was in the camp that said i wouldn't settle, i want it all. I haven't changed my mind about this, i really do still want it all, (greedy i know), but i find myself reassessing what having it all means.

I want a fulfilling relationship and everything that goes with that. To fall in love, serve, be loved etc etc. Someone i can see on a regular basis, maybe even move in with eventually (scarey thought for me).
I want a career. For those who don't know me i am in the process of getting my own pub.
I want a good family life. I have one biological um and have kind of adopted another. My parents live in Spain and i want to be able to visit them regularly.

I have a fulfilling relationship. I'm not in love, we are not partners. He uses me when He feels like it, see's me when He wants to.
I have a career. Most of my time and energy at present is being put into getting ready to move, scouting for bands, thinking of ways to improve my business etc etc etc.
I have a reasonable family life. My relationship with my um's is rocky but mostly all good. I haven't seen my parents since christmas.

So as i see it i don't have it all but neither am i settling. I'm happy with my relationship, my career and family life for now. I'm happy having all i can right now.

What does worry me though is what if i can never have all the things i want? What if i can't balance them out? What if i have to settle? Will i always feel happy having all i can for now?

Edited to - apologise as i know im being whiney. Think im just having a floopy day

< Message edited by missturbation -- 10/2/2007 6:02:13 AM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

Post #: 1

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:00:51 AM

Koala

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline

Only you know the answer to that.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 2

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:02:58 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

But i don't know, that's the problem lol

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Koala)

Post #: 3

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:07:59 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

I think that you are doing what most do, you adapt. Is life always bells and whistles, no. but it is always life. Things could alway be better but I am happy more times than not, which is what is important to Me. Hope that helps some.
LordVelvet

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 4

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:09:35 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

But i don't know, that's the problem lol

It's not something you can "know" in advance.

You will know if/when the situation arises.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 5

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:11:20 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

if you see a problem and you see a solution and the solution is feasable, yet you stay in the problem because getting to the solution is uncomfortable...you have no room to complain...cliche time: you made your bed, now lie in it...

clue: if it wasn't a problem, you wouldn't spend this much time and effort talking about it

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 6

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:12:38 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Weird i guess is all. How i could be so sure i was having it all yesterday and today i'm just not sure. Maybe i'm just having a little trouble adapting as you say. Thanks x.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 7

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:14:58 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

if you see a problem and you see a solution and the solution is feasable, yet you stay in the problem because getting to the solution is uncomfortable...you have no room to complain...cliche time: you made your bed, now lie in it...

clue: if it wasn't a problem, you wouldn't spend this much time and effort talking about it

I don't see the solution as being feasible at the moment or anytime soon in the future so yep as you say i need to lie in my bed and adjust.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 8

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:17:20 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

But i don't know, that's the problem lol

It's not something you can "know" in advance.

You will know if/when the situation arises.

Probably so but i just hear myself saying i won't settle and yet i find myself in a place where to have it all i still have to do some settling. It just doesn't seem to quite fit.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 9

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:18:28 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Anytime you make one choice, you can't have the alternative. You're setting up a pub, which means you have to work evenings. You accept this as the cost of having this as your business.

And if you want to be free enough to go visit your parents spontaneous basis, then you can't have responsibilities that prevent you from being spontaneous; such as ums in school, a sole proprietorship, etc.

Having it all doesn't mean everything, it means having the most important things. Just as you can't eat chocolate around the clock because the consequence in weight gain and dental bills is too high. You choose which is your priority.

Decide what you need, and you can work things out. Maybe you need to have Christmas at home with your ums, so you plan to visit your parents in February. You can't have everything at the same time, but you can get enough of what you need at different times.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 10

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:21:48 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

You can't have everything at the same time, but you can get enough of what you need at different times.
Thank you Celeste, thats what i needed to hear i think. Couldn't quite work it our for myself today. Couldn't see the forest for the trees.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 11

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:23:31 AM

caught4u

Posts: 132
Joined: 5/25/2007
Status: offline

It is possible to have it all, just maybe not all at once. What you want now may not be the same as what you want a year or two from now. It seems you have goals and making steps toward them, which is very good. Just keep yourself flexible with those goals and stay open to the wonderful suprises life can throw at you.

_____________________________

"Be Yourself - Everyone Else is Taken"

~owned by Master of Wind~

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 12

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:25:40 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Weird i guess is all. How i could be so sure i was having it all yesterday and today i'm just not sure. Maybe i'm just having a little trouble adapting as you say. Thanks x.

Also let's not foget that you are a woman, and you reserve the right to change your mind, often.

LordVelvet

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 13

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:25:59 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

But i don't know, that's the problem lol

It's not something you can "know" in advance.

You will know if/when the situation arises.

Probably so but i just hear myself saying i won't settle and yet i find myself in a place where to have it all i still have to do some settling. It just doesn't seem to quite fit.

Sounds like a contradiction in terms.

There is no "settling" if you "have it all".

Your discontent suggests to me that at some level you are realizing you don't have it all, and are being tempted to settle for less.

Been there, many many years ago: a good vanilla relationship but not enough room to grow and experiment.

I could have settled, but chose to pursue my dream.

I'll never know if I'd have adapted and been content. But the life I've lived has never dull and I can honestly say I never gave up on myself or my dreams.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 14

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:28:24 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I guess however much i thought i was ready to make compromises in certain areas of my life to fulfill others, i just hadn't realised how hard the reality may be.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to caught4u)

Post #: 15

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:29:17 AM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

I believe you simply can achieve anything you want with effort, you are thinking too much in my opinion. Good luck.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 16

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:34:31 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordVelvet

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Weird i guess is all. How i could be so sure i was having it all yesterday and today i'm just not sure. Maybe i'm just having a little trouble adapting as you say. Thanks x.

Also let's not foget that you are a woman, and you reserve the right to change your mind, often.
LordVelvet

Very true when it comes to which shoes i'm wearing, which dress, where i'm going etc.
Not usually so about my lifes decisions, i'm usually so focussed and sure.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LordVelvet)

Post #: 17

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:36:18 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

But i don't know, that's the problem lol

It's not something you can "know" in advance.

You will know if/when the situation arises.

Probably so but i just hear myself saying i won't settle and yet i find myself in a place where to have it all i still have to do some settling. It just doesn't seem to quite fit.

Maybe you're confusing *settling* with *accepting*.

I can't have it all and haven't ever thought that I could. Some things are within my capabilities to have and some things aren't. I don't think that not getting a *want*, is necessarily *settling* and depends on how realistic the *want* is, often, too.

agirl

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 18

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:37:22 AM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I guess however much i thought i was ready to make compromises in certain areas of my life to fulfill others, i just hadn't realised how hard the reality may be.

Something to keep in mind is that if you settle, you take yourself off the 'market' should someone come along who would offer a better fit.

Having said that, it is good to assess what you want. Some things on a wish list may simply not be possible (think of those who stalk celebrities, covninced that if given the chance the celebrity would fall in love).

Wish lists are good, and a well-constructed wish list becomes a To Do list. But a poorly chosen wish list can lead to a life of frustration and loneliness.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 19

RE: Having it all !! - 10/2/2007 6:37:29 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Sounds like a contradiction in terms.

There is no "settling" if you "have it all".

I'm not so sure it is a contradiction.
With the life choices i have made that have brought me to where i am, i see it as i have it all. All that i can have for my choices, if that makes sense.
I also see it that i have had to compromise in some areas, had to settle to a certain degree.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Having it all !!

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.219