Having it all !!

Having it all !! (Full Version)

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missturbation -> Having it all !! (10/2/2007 5:54:33 AM)
There have been many threads about 'settling' and i'm pretty sure i was in the camp that said i wouldn't settle, i want it all. I haven't changed my mind about this, i really do still want it all, (greedy i know), but i find myself reassessing what having it all means. I want a fulfilling relationship and everything that goes with that. To fall in love, serve, be loved etc etc. Someone i can see on a regular basis, maybe even move in with eventually (scarey thought for me). I want a career. For those who don't know me i am in the process of getting my own pub. I want a good family life. I have one biological um and have kind of adopted another. My parents live in Spain and i want to be able to visit them regularly. I have a fulfilling relationship. I'm not in love, we are not partners. He uses me when He feels like it, see's me when He wants to. I have a career. Most of my time and energy at present is being put into getting ready to move, scouting for bands, thinking of ways to improve my business etc etc etc. I have a reasonable family life. My relationship with my um's is rocky but mostly all good. I haven't seen my parents since christmas. So as i see it i don't have it all but neither am i settling. I'm happy with my relationship, my career and family life for now. I'm happy having all i can right now. What does worry me though is what if i can never have all the things i want? What if i can't balance them out? What if i have to settle? Will i always feel happy having all i can for now? Edited to - apologise as i know im being whiney. Think im just having a floopy day [:D]

Koala -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:00:51 AM)
Only you know the answer to that.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:02:58 AM)
But i don't know, that's the problem lol [:)]

LordVelvet -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:07:59 AM)
I think that you are doing what most do, you adapt. Is life always bells and whistles, no. but it is always life. Things could alway be better but I am happy more times than not, which is what is important to Me. Hope that helps some. LordVelvet

Bobkgin -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:09:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation But i don't know, that's the problem lol [:)] It's not something you can "know" in advance. You will know if/when the situation arises.

chellekitty -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:11:20 AM)
if you see a problem and you see a solution and the solution is feasable, yet you stay in the problem because getting to the solution is uncomfortable...you have no room to complain...cliche time: you made your bed, now lie in it... clue: if it wasn't a problem, you wouldn't spend this much time and effort talking about it

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:12:38 AM)
Weird i guess is all. How i could be so sure i was having it all yesterday and today i'm just not sure. Maybe i'm just having a little trouble adapting as you say. Thanks x.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:14:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty if you see a problem and you see a solution and the solution is feasable, yet you stay in the problem because getting to the solution is uncomfortable...you have no room to complain...cliche time: you made your bed, now lie in it... clue: if it wasn't a problem, you wouldn't spend this much time and effort talking about it I don't see the solution as being feasible at the moment or anytime soon in the future so yep as you say i need to lie in my bed and adjust.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:17:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation But i don't know, that's the problem lol [:)] It's not something you can "know" in advance. You will know if/when the situation arises. Probably so but i just hear myself saying i won't settle and yet i find myself in a place where to have it all i still have to do some settling. It just doesn't seem to quite fit.

Celeste43 -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:18:28 AM)
Anytime you make one choice, you can't have the alternative. You're setting up a pub, which means you have to work evenings. You accept this as the cost of having this as your business. And if you want to be free enough to go visit your parents spontaneous basis, then you can't have responsibilities that prevent you from being spontaneous; such as ums in school, a sole proprietorship, etc. Having it all doesn't mean everything, it means having the most important things. Just as you can't eat chocolate around the clock because the consequence in weight gain and dental bills is too high. You choose which is your priority. Decide what you need, and you can work things out. Maybe you need to have Christmas at home with your ums, so you plan to visit your parents in February. You can't have everything at the same time, but you can get enough of what you need at different times.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:21:48 AM)
You can't have everything at the same time, but you can get enough of what you need at different times. Thank you Celeste, thats what i needed to hear i think. Couldn't quite work it our for myself today. Couldn't see the forest for the trees. [:D]

caught4u -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:23:31 AM)
It is possible to have it all, just maybe not all at once. What you want now may not be the same as what you want a year or two from now. It seems you have goals and making steps toward them, which is very good. Just keep yourself flexible with those goals and stay open to the wonderful suprises life can throw at you.

LordVelvet -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:25:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Weird i guess is all. How i could be so sure i was having it all yesterday and today i'm just not sure. Maybe i'm just having a little trouble adapting as you say. Thanks x. Also let's not foget that you are a woman, and you reserve the right to change your mind, often. [:D] LordVelvet

Bobkgin -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:25:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation But i don't know, that's the problem lol [:)] It's not something you can "know" in advance. You will know if/when the situation arises. Probably so but i just hear myself saying i won't settle and yet i find myself in a place where to have it all i still have to do some settling. It just doesn't seem to quite fit. Sounds like a contradiction in terms. There is no "settling" if you "have it all". Your discontent suggests to me that at some level you are realizing you don't have it all, and are being tempted to settle for less. Been there, many many years ago: a good vanilla relationship but not enough room to grow and experiment. I could have settled, but chose to pursue my dream. I'll never know if I'd have adapted and been content. But the life I've lived has never dull and I can honestly say I never gave up on myself or my dreams.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:28:24 AM)
I guess however much i thought i was ready to make compromises in certain areas of my life to fulfill others, i just hadn't realised how hard the reality may be.

HisCompletely -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:29:17 AM)
I believe you simply can achieve anything you want with effort, you are thinking too much in my opinion. Good luck.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:34:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordVelvet quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation Weird i guess is all. How i could be so sure i was having it all yesterday and today i'm just not sure. Maybe i'm just having a little trouble adapting as you say. Thanks x. Also let's not foget that you are a woman, and you reserve the right to change your mind, often. [:D] LordVelvet Very true when it comes to which shoes i'm wearing, which dress, where i'm going etc. Not usually so about my lifes decisions, i'm usually so focussed and sure.

agirl -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:36:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation But i don't know, that's the problem lol [:)] It's not something you can "know" in advance. You will know if/when the situation arises. Probably so but i just hear myself saying i won't settle and yet i find myself in a place where to have it all i still have to do some settling. It just doesn't seem to quite fit. Maybe you're confusing settling with accepting. I can't have it all and haven't ever thought that I could. Some things are within my capabilities to have and some things aren't. I don't think that not getting a want, is necessarily settling and depends on how realistic the want is, often, too. agirl

Bobkgin -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:37:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation I guess however much i thought i was ready to make compromises in certain areas of my life to fulfill others, i just hadn't realised how hard the reality may be. Something to keep in mind is that if you settle, you take yourself off the 'market' should someone come along who would offer a better fit. Having said that, it is good to assess what you want. Some things on a wish list may simply not be possible (think of those who stalk celebrities, covninced that if given the chance the celebrity would fall in love). Wish lists are good, and a well-constructed wish list becomes a To Do list. But a poorly chosen wish list can lead to a life of frustration and loneliness.

missturbation -> RE: Having it all !! (10/2/2007 6:37:29 AM)
Sounds like a contradiction in terms. There is no "settling" if you "have it all". I'm not so sure it is a contradiction. With the life choices i have made that have brought me to where i am, i see it as i have it all. All that i can have for my choices, if that makes sense. I also see it that i have had to compromise in some areas, had to settle to a certain degree.

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