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I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:02:17 PM

labtecman

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Joined: 8/13/2007
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Why are people that have a disability like myself (wheelchair because of an motorcycle accident 18 years ago) get looked down upon like we don't have any sexual needs. I have had some people see that I am in a wheelchair and be quite rude about it. I don;t know if or how many people here have visual disability such as I do i.e. wheelchair but come on. We are all human.

Post #: 1

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:09:07 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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um...because in every arena there are jackasses? There is always someone who is going to look at you sideways or talk negatively to you for some reason, any reason. Those who do it are doing not only to, and because you are in a wheelchair, but because they can to anyone at anytime for anything.

On those of us who know better is where you need to concentrate your energies.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:10:51 PM

Aileen68

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Mean, ignorant people suck.

(in reply to labtecman)

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RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:10:52 PM

Atea

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline

Sir, i have a statement... for me, sexual needs begin in the mind.
As long as the mind works, there is a need of some sort, if for nothing else but for talking about it, thinking about it, mentally stimulated sexual urges can be quite an experience.... imagination can be a wonderful thing. when i was little, poverty was a very real part of my life, there were many a time, hunger, warmth, safety were sated because i simulated and experienced what i need with my mind.... i can imagine that sexual needs could be met that way also, i still dream i can dance...

Sir, perhaps your post was to vent some fustration and didn't require a response.... if so, please accept my sorrow for intruding on your thoughts.

(in reply to labtecman)

Post #: 4

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:13:39 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I think part of it is because you are an easy visual target for people who choose to deal with their insecurities by judging others as inferior and in some sick and twisted way think making that public knowledge is important.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:16:10 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
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I think it's a lack of education, lab. Disabilities are "out of the norm" and not something the community at large (not speaking of just the BDSM community) understands from personal experience or on a personal level. It is not something most of us live with all day every day, and so of course we do not understand it. A lack of understanding leads to discomfort, and personal discomfort makes people act in ways they would not typically. Add the discomfort and atypical behavior with some mal mixes of personality, and there is a great opportunity for conflagration. I wish you well.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to labtecman)

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RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:18:55 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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slavish...let's run with that thought...how do we educate these people who are sooo uncomfy that they make rude remarks and expressions? We can only educate those willing. It would appear to me, anyway, that the OP's beef isn't about the uneducated but the assinine.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 7

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:24:34 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

People are always going to target those they perceive as being weak, or easy targets. To a not unsubstantial portion of the world, disabilities are always going to equal weaknesses.

Consider it a blessing, in some ways... it gives you a heads up when someone's not really worth your time.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to labtecman)

Post #: 8

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:27:34 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

We are all human. Unfortunately some of us need more practice in humanity than others.

Best I can say is ignore the people who put you down and seek out people who build you up--not just in the lifestyle, but in life.

_____________________________

(in reply to labtecman)

Post #: 9

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:34:35 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Hello Labtec,

My post will seem harsh, unfriendly, and downright intolerant. I apologize in advance for this. Rest assured I'm harsh with everyone, that this is intended to be friendly, and that I have nothing but respect and tolerance for people regardless of how they choose to live their life.

If you are genuinely interested in improving your situation, you need to stop wondering why 'they' don't accept you. You need to start looking at yourself, and asking "what can I do, to improve my lot in life." Disabilities suck. My own mother lost her leg in a motorcycle accident at 18 as well. She never lacked for company or the attentions of men, though. The scars that she was left with were deep physically and emotionally, but you can choose to remain a victim of that event and a victim of the scorn of people about you, or you can grab the situation by the horns, and say "I'm going to make the best of this."

The fact that you have posted this doesn't raise awareness of the needs of disabled people. It tells me that you expect people to come 'down' to your level, because you deserve to be treated the same as everyone. You don't. I don't. Nobody does. We only deserve the emotional (and subsequant sexual) interactions that we are capable of coming -up- to. Relationships aren't, and shouldn't be about "this is what I deserve"; they're about "this is what I bring to the table." I wouldn't engage in a relationship with a woman who didn't bring something of (near) equal value. The last thing I would ever want in this world is a pity fuck. Why settle for one?

If I were in your shoes, I'd spend a great deal of time bettering myself, reading, learning, practicing, and finding ways to become an asset to myself and anyone who chose to be in an emotional relationship with me. I'd also focus my efforts on finding ways to enjoy each day with or without a woman. Trust me, they're not as fantastic as they would have you believe

I wish you the best,

Stephan

< Message edited by Stephann -- 8/31/2007 12:38:44 PM >

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 10

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:40:03 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: labtecman

Why are people that have a disability like myself (wheelchair because of an motorcycle accident 18 years ago) get looked down upon like we don't have any sexual needs. I have had some people see that I am in a wheelchair and be quite rude about it. I don;t know if or how many people here have visual disability such as I do i.e. wheelchair but come on. We are all human.

As several people have been poitning out in another thread: it is a competitive world, and those who mock you simply don't believe you have any competitive edge over your competition.

In a world where people are increasingly hostile towards one another, people are becoming more competitive and less compassionate for others.

While they might throw charity your way to ease their conscience, they are not going to build a life around you.

Only the compassionate, who will see beyond the flesh to find what is in your heart are going to be with you in the end.

I hope that's the kind of person you'd want in your life. It certainly is the kind of person I want in mine.

So count your blessings that these competitive people make it so easy to distinguish them from compassionate people, and keep looking for those who will want you for all that you are.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to labtecman)

Post #: 11

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:44:07 PM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple: um...because in every arena there are jackasses? There is always someone who is going to look at you sideways or talk negatively to you for some reason, any reason. Those who do it are doing not only to, and because you are in a wheelchair, but because they can to anyone at anytime for anything.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Dammit! I love you, even!

I have a few friends who are in wheelchairs for similar reasons to OPs... and they want to play as well. Occasionally I'll get approached by someone wanting to play with me. They'll say they're into X...at which point, I'll say that I'm not into X but my friend (in the chair) is really good at it...

Amazing how quickly they flee. Even though I'm telling them the absolute truth...

Just like anything else in life involving a disability, you either adapt how you do things or you get very patient. The woman you're looking for will be quite worth that patience...

BTW - Labtecman: welcome to the boards. Great first post!

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 12

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 12:45:07 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
As several people have been poitning out in another thread: it is a competitive world, and those who mock you simply don't believe you have any competitive edge over your competition.

Or, they are afraid of the fact that you might edge them out in personality, looks, intelligence, or any other aspect and they have to attack what they see as a weakness.

When someone feels it necessary to attack someoen for no good reason, it is usually beacsue they are finding that persona a chalenge to themselves for some reason. Dont think of it completely as a negative. I kow, that sounds crazy. But, consider the posibility that you scare these people, and there is a reason for it. So, instead of worrying about how you can fit i and be less scary, wonder why it is their egos are so fragile. You need a good self image, and you need to know those without one can only feel better hoping to elevate themselves by stepping on someone else.
Judt dont let them. If they dont accept you, then move on and find someone who does. Dont give them the time of day.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Bobkgin)

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RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 1:36:35 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

As others have said there are idiots everywhere.

I also will echo what Stephann said.

I used to live in a small town where there was a young guy in a wheel chair due to some sort of accident. His mindset was amazing. He never saw himself as handicapped at all. I remember him racing down the middle of mainstreet challenging the little kids in the town to beat him. Quite often you would see him in the local pub with pretty women vying for his attention. He almost always left with a girl in his lap (going for a ride). It was because of his outlook on life. It was never about, "oh poor me". It was more like "I am such a lucky fucker! I could have been dead!"

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to labtecman)

Post #: 14

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 2:50:17 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: labtecman

Why are people that have a disability like myself (wheelchair because of an motorcycle accident 18 years ago) get looked down upon like we don't have any sexual needs. I have had some people see that I am in a wheelchair and be quite rude about it. I don;t know if or how many people here have visual disability such as I do i.e. wheelchair but come on. We are all human.

Because we remind them of their own mortality.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to labtecman)

Post #: 15

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 3:43:48 PM

bignipples2share

Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I'd also focus my efforts on finding ways to enjoy each day with or without a woman. Trust me, they're not as fantastic as they would have you believe

I wish you the best,

Stephan

OH hell yeah we are! Just ask me, I'll tell ya. lol

~Big

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 16

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 4:09:26 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

"looking down on you" is one problem "thinking you don't have any sexual needs" is another. The way your question was posed is ambiguous, do they look down on you because they assume being in a wheelchair you don't have any sexual needs, or do they look down on you for being in a wheelchair and then aside from that, just assume you don't have any sexual needs?

Anyone who looked down on you for being in a wheelchair has tons more problems to face in life then you have. They have so much in life to learn and with that kind of mentality, if they ever have to face life's twists and turns and suffer a tredgedy of any sort, they will probably fall apart. They are scared and weak and only feel stong and secure by looking down on others, sad really, pity them and realize how limited they are.

As for assuming you don't have any sexual needs - well people can assume many things. i have to admit when i see someone in a wheelchair i often wonder what happened to them, and how they can function, if they can function etc. i would never be so rude as to querry the person about it, but people are curious of things they don't understand or have experience with first hand. Children illustrate this better then anyone. Children don't understand social norms and they will point and say - What happened to that person, why are they in a wheelchair, why don't their legs work, etc.... We grow up and still think the same thoughts, we just learn not to express them, or if we do we learn how to do it compassionately, non intrusively and with diplomacy (hopefully) anyway.

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 4:18:03 PM

Durus

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Joined: 7/9/2007
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Maybe I’m naive or I am fortunate to have a good group of friends, but any place I hang out picking on a person in a wheel chair would be a good way to get your ass kicked. I find it hard to imagine that someone can be that much of a jerk.

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Post #: 18

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 4:19:25 PM

TheIslandofO

Posts: 34
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline

Hello, let me say this, as being the master of a poly house, that has three disabled persons living in our house. I can attest to how people treat those who have disabilities both in the lifestyle or in the vanilla world. It makes you want to just not be part of anything. We stopped going to munches many years ago due to how we were treated. So yes some of us do relate very well with your issue. All I can say is fuck em and move forward, you change the world, but not the back end of a jack ass.Good luck, be safe, have fun enjoy Life!!!!Domgmr

(in reply to bignipples2share)

Post #: 19

RE: I got a beef with some people - 8/31/2007 4:27:03 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Durus

Maybe I’m naive or I am fortunate to have a good group of friends, but any place I hang out picking on a person in a wheel chair would be a good way to get your ass kicked. I find it hard to imagine that someone can be that much of a jerk.

Usually yes, right up until the guy in the wheelchair starts being a jerk first.

Then it gets messy all round.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Durus)

Post #: 20

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