I got a beef with some people

I got a beef with some people (Full Version)

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labtecman -> I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:02:17 PM)
Why are people that have a disability like myself (wheelchair because of an motorcycle accident 18 years ago) get looked down upon like we don't have any sexual needs. I have had some people see that I am in a wheelchair and be quite rude about it. I don;t know if or how many people here have visual disability such as I do i.e. wheelchair but come on. We are all human.

earthycouple -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:09:07 PM)
um...because in every arena there are jackasses? There is always someone who is going to look at you sideways or talk negatively to you for some reason, any reason. Those who do it are doing not only to, and because you are in a wheelchair, but because they can to anyone at anytime for anything. On those of us who know better is where you need to concentrate your energies.

Aileen68 -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:10:51 PM)
Mean, ignorant people suck.

Atea -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:10:52 PM)
Sir, i have a statement... for me, sexual needs begin in the mind. As long as the mind works, there is a need of some sort, if for nothing else but for talking about it, thinking about it, mentally stimulated sexual urges can be quite an experience.... imagination can be a wonderful thing. when i was little, poverty was a very real part of my life, there were many a time, hunger, warmth, safety were sated because i simulated and experienced what i need with my mind.... i can imagine that sexual needs could be met that way also, i still dream i can dance... Sir, perhaps your post was to vent some fustration and didn't require a response.... if so, please accept my sorrow for intruding on your thoughts.

toservez -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:13:39 PM)
I think part of it is because you are an easy visual target for people who choose to deal with their insecurities by judging others as inferior and in some sick and twisted way think making that public knowledge is important.

slaveish -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:16:10 PM)
I think it's a lack of education, lab. Disabilities are "out of the norm" and not something the community at large (not speaking of just the BDSM community) understands from personal experience or on a personal level. It is not something most of us live with all day every day, and so of course we do not understand it. A lack of understanding leads to discomfort, and personal discomfort makes people act in ways they would not typically. Add the discomfort and atypical behavior with some mal mixes of personality, and there is a great opportunity for conflagration. I wish you well.

earthycouple -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:18:55 PM)
slavish...let's run with that thought...how do we educate these people who are sooo uncomfy that they make rude remarks and expressions? We can only educate those willing. It would appear to me, anyway, that the OP's beef isn't about the uneducated but the assinine.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:24:34 PM)
People are always going to target those they perceive as being weak, or easy targets. To a not unsubstantial portion of the world, disabilities are always going to equal weaknesses. Consider it a blessing, in some ways... it gives you a heads up when someone's not really worth your time. Best of luck.

celticlord2112 -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:27:34 PM)
We are all human. Unfortunately some of us need more practice in humanity than others. Best I can say is ignore the people who put you down and seek out people who build you up--not just in the lifestyle, but in life.

Stephann -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:34:35 PM)
Hello Labtec, My post will seem harsh, unfriendly, and downright intolerant. I apologize in advance for this. Rest assured I'm harsh with everyone, that this is intended to be friendly, and that I have nothing but respect and tolerance for people regardless of how they choose to live their life. If you are genuinely interested in improving your situation, you need to stop wondering why 'they' don't accept you. You need to start looking at yourself, and asking "what can I do, to improve my lot in life." Disabilities suck. My own mother lost her leg in a motorcycle accident at 18 as well. She never lacked for company or the attentions of men, though. The scars that she was left with were deep physically and emotionally, but you can choose to remain a victim of that event and a victim of the scorn of people about you, or you can grab the situation by the horns, and say "I'm going to make the best of this." The fact that you have posted this doesn't raise awareness of the needs of disabled people. It tells me that you expect people to come 'down' to your level, because you deserve to be treated the same as everyone. You don't. I don't. Nobody does. We only deserve the emotional (and subsequant sexual) interactions that we are capable of coming -up- to. Relationships aren't, and shouldn't be about "this is what I deserve"; they're about "this is what I bring to the table." I wouldn't engage in a relationship with a woman who didn't bring something of (near) equal value. The last thing I would ever want in this world is a pity fuck. Why settle for one? If I were in your shoes, I'd spend a great deal of time bettering myself, reading, learning, practicing, and finding ways to become an asset to myself and anyone who chose to be in an emotional relationship with me. I'd also focus my efforts on finding ways to enjoy each day with or without a woman. Trust me, they're not as fantastic as they would have you believe [:D] I wish you the best, Stephan

Bobkgin -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:40:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: labtecman Why are people that have a disability like myself (wheelchair because of an motorcycle accident 18 years ago) get looked down upon like we don't have any sexual needs. I have had some people see that I am in a wheelchair and be quite rude about it. I don;t know if or how many people here have visual disability such as I do i.e. wheelchair but come on. We are all human. As several people have been poitning out in another thread: it is a competitive world, and those who mock you simply don't believe you have any competitive edge over your competition. In a world where people are increasingly hostile towards one another, people are becoming more competitive and less compassionate for others. While they might throw charity your way to ease their conscience, they are not going to build a life around you. Only the compassionate, who will see beyond the flesh to find what is in your heart are going to be with you in the end. I hope that's the kind of person you'd want in your life. It certainly is the kind of person I want in mine. So count your blessings that these competitive people make it so easy to distinguish them from compassionate people, and keep looking for those who will want you for all that you are. Best of luck.

e01n -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:44:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: earthycouple: um...because in every arena there are jackasses? There is always someone who is going to look at you sideways or talk negatively to you for some reason, any reason. Those who do it are doing not only to, and because you are in a wheelchair, but because they can to anyone at anytime for anything. I couldn't have said it better myself. Dammit! I love you, even! I have a few friends who are in wheelchairs for similar reasons to OPs... and they want to play as well. Occasionally I'll get approached by someone wanting to play with me. They'll say they're into X...at which point, I'll say that I'm not into X but my friend (in the chair) is really good at it... Amazing how quickly they flee. Even though I'm telling them the absolute truth... Just like anything else in life involving a disability, you either adapt how you do things or you get very patient. The woman you're looking for will be quite worth that patience... BTW - Labtecman: welcome to the boards. Great first post!

DiurnalVampire -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 12:45:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bobkgin As several people have been poitning out in another thread: it is a competitive world, and those who mock you simply don't believe you have any competitive edge over your competition. Or, they are afraid of the fact that you might edge them out in personality, looks, intelligence, or any other aspect and they have to attack what they see as a weakness. When someone feels it necessary to attack someoen for no good reason, it is usually beacsue they are finding that persona a chalenge to themselves for some reason. Dont think of it completely as a negative. I kow, that sounds crazy. But, consider the posibility that you scare these people, and there is a reason for it. So, instead of worrying about how you can fit i and be less scary, wonder why it is their egos are so fragile. You need a good self image, and you need to know those without one can only feel better hoping to elevate themselves by stepping on someone else. Judt dont let them. If they dont accept you, then move on and find someone who does. Dont give them the time of day. DV

LaTigresse -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 1:36:35 PM)
As others have said there are idiots everywhere. I also will echo what Stephann said. I used to live in a small town where there was a young guy in a wheel chair due to some sort of accident. His mindset was amazing. He never saw himself as handicapped at all. I remember him racing down the middle of mainstreet challenging the little kids in the town to beat him. Quite often you would see him in the local pub with pretty women vying for his attention. He almost always left with a girl in his lap (going for a ride). It was because of his outlook on life. It was never about, "oh poor me". It was more like "I am such a lucky fucker! I could have been dead!"

LotusSong -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 2:50:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: labtecman Why are people that have a disability like myself (wheelchair because of an motorcycle accident 18 years ago) get looked down upon like we don't have any sexual needs. I have had some people see that I am in a wheelchair and be quite rude about it. I don;t know if or how many people here have visual disability such as I do i.e. wheelchair but come on. We are all human. Because we remind them of their own mortality.

bignipples2share -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 3:43:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann I'd also focus my efforts on finding ways to enjoy each day with or without a woman. Trust me, they're not as fantastic as they would have you believe [:D] I wish you the best, Stephan OH hell yeah we are! Just ask me, I'll tell ya. lol ~Big

velvetears -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 4:09:26 PM)
"looking down on you" is one problem "thinking you don't have any sexual needs" is another. The way your question was posed is ambiguous, do they look down on you because they assume being in a wheelchair you don't have any sexual needs, or do they look down on you for being in a wheelchair and then aside from that, just assume you don't have any sexual needs? Anyone who looked down on you for being in a wheelchair has tons more problems to face in life then you have. They have so much in life to learn and with that kind of mentality, if they ever have to face life's twists and turns and suffer a tredgedy of any sort, they will probably fall apart. They are scared and weak and only feel stong and secure by looking down on others, sad really, pity them and realize how limited they are. As for assuming you don't have any sexual needs - well people can assume many things. i have to admit when i see someone in a wheelchair i often wonder what happened to them, and how they can function, if they can function etc. i would never be so rude as to querry the person about it, but people are curious of things they don't understand or have experience with first hand. Children illustrate this better then anyone. Children don't understand social norms and they will point and say - What happened to that person, why are they in a wheelchair, why don't their legs work, etc.... We grow up and still think the same thoughts, we just learn not to express them, or if we do we learn how to do it compassionately, non intrusively and with diplomacy (hopefully) anyway.

Durus -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 4:18:03 PM)
Maybe I’m naive or I am fortunate to have a good group of friends, but any place I hang out picking on a person in a wheel chair would be a good way to get your ass kicked. I find it hard to imagine that someone can be that much of a jerk.

TheIslandofO -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 4:19:25 PM)
Hello, let me say this, as being the master of a poly house, that has three disabled persons living in our house. I can attest to how people treat those who have disabilities both in the lifestyle or in the vanilla world. It makes you want to just not be part of anything. We stopped going to munches many years ago due to how we were treated. So yes some of us do relate very well with your issue. All I can say is fuck em and move forward, you change the world, but not the back end of a jack ass.Good luck, be safe, have fun enjoy Life!!!!Domgmr

Stephann -> RE: I got a beef with some people (8/31/2007 4:27:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Durus Maybe I’m naive or I am fortunate to have a good group of friends, but any place I hang out picking on a person in a wheel chair would be a good way to get your ass kicked. I find it hard to imagine that someone can be that much of a jerk. Usually yes, right up until the guy in the wheelchair starts being a jerk first. Then it gets messy all round. Stephan

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