Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob.

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob.

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 11:46:50 AM

patwi

Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

     Hello and thanks in advance for answering. :)

    So - as the title says, I'm new to the lifestyle. Still not technically ~in~ it, though I have been doing my best to learn what I can. An odd thought occured to me - if in the future, I should attend a BDSM club or somesuch as my husband's submissive...would I be expected to be submissive to every dom there? I have concerns. *laughs* I have this terrible image of me being approached by some unattractive fellow while my husband is out for a smoke, and not knowing what to do is a random dom would demand my submission.

    So I guess the root of my question is - would my submissiveness make me required to be such for everyone?

Post #: 1

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 11:48:52 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

No.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 2

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 11:49:21 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

Nope

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 3

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 11:50:35 AM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

You may be approached but you (and your husband) have every right to say no thank you. You are only obliged to submit to your partner (depending of course on the agreement you two have).

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 4

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 11:52:31 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

The short answer is no.

A longer answer might be ...

Only if that's what your husband decided it should be. That's between the two of you and not up for discussion or decision by anyone else. He can provide you with what he'd like to you to say/do to someone that may approach you. It's as easy as discussing it with him, making a decision and following through.

Good luck and enjoy yourselves.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 5

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 11:53:06 AM

patwi

Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

That's somewhat of a relief. I just don't know what the protocol is - if there even is one - with these sorts of situations. If I were to look the fellow in the eye and say simply "No." and walk away, I'd hate to be seen as a bad sub, or something. Heehee clearly, I am not ready to veture forth yet.

(in reply to umisprite)

Post #: 6

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:00:38 PM

oriole

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/28/2004
Status: offline

No, that really isn't how it works. Protocols - the etiquette we use - are usually worked out between the Master and slave themselves. No one else is party to them unless you make it that way. There are often a few house rules for a club or dungeon, and you should find out what they are and pay attention to them.

If that unattractive fellow should approach, the best thing to do is to say that any contact requires permission of your Master...or better yet, have your Master bring you in collared. In almost all cases, a collar is a symbol of ownership, and those who know the rules should get the message. If you're the subject of unwanted attention and your Master isn't present, you can inform the authority there - sometimes "House Master", "House Dom", "Dungeon Master", or something similar - and they'll take care of it, usually by ejecting the troublemaker.

Have fun and play safe.

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 7

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:00:42 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi

I have this terrible image of me being approached by some unattractive fellow while my husband is out for a smoke, and not knowing what to do is a random dom would demand my submission.

If the unattractive fellow is politely asking if you would like to scene simply say no, politely. If the unattractive fellow is demanding your submission, tell him to fuck off. If he persists and you start feeling threatened, I find a knee to the balls while yelling your safeword (or the group's safeword) to be very effective at gathering a crowd to ensure all threatening behavior stops.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 8

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:04:57 PM

patwi

Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

Thanks everyone so much for your replies. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure there even -are- any clubs around here. But one of these days, I may just have to find one. Thanks again for your understanding of a noobie's concerns heh.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 9

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:06:33 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

um no not in this or any other lifetime

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 10

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:07:34 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Yes....Whether your husband steps out for a smoke or not should not deter you from blowing me.

_____________________________

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 11

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:07:49 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

You refer to yourself as a submissive...and talk about becoming your husbands submissive....so thats your answer...You are "a" submissive...NOT everyones submissive.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 12

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:10:57 PM

patwi

Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Yes....Whether your husband steps out for a smoke or not should not deter you from blowing me.

*sighs and gets her kneepads*

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 13

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:12:13 PM

patwi

Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

You refer to yourself as a submissive...and talk about becoming your husbands submissive....so thats your answer...You are "a" submissive...NOT everyones submissive.

Yes that is sort of what I was wondering, really. I can picture me being submissive to my husband, but anyone else would probably geta verbal knee to the balls.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 14

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:16:09 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

There is no "required" anything. You choose.

You submit. You do not submit.

For any "dominant" that argues otherwise, I suggest the vigorous application of palm to cheek (your choice whether upper or lower).

_____________________________

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 15

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:16:51 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Most BDSM clubs/events/play parties tend to be very protective over new attendees (especially new subs) and very helpful. Communicating to the Dungeon Master or Host that you are new and unsure of protocol will usually assure you are taken under their wing or someone's wing and shown the ropes (not necessarily literally!)

I've seen over zealous Dominants get out of hand with new members, but their actions were curtailed and quickly.

The knee to someone's groin is probably not a very good idea, but unless your Dominant specifically forbids you against doing so, its definitely ok to tell anyone you aren't comfortable with No Thank You, and when the situation warrants it HELL NO.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 8/26/2007 12:17:48 PM >

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 16

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:21:27 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

The knee to someone's groin is probably not a very good idea, but unless your Dominant specifically forbids you against doing so, its definitely ok to tell anyone you aren't comfortable with No Thank You, and when the situation warrants it HELL NO.

Only if they are getting out of hand!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 17

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:22:08 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

~FR~

When someone approaches me with requests for my submission, I just refer them to Himself.

"Can I play with you?"

"You'll have to speak with Himself regarding that issue."

It takes all the pressure off me and it's never wrong to defer to Master in our relationship.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 18

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:22:54 PM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

ahhh, the musings of an old woman...

Your questions and nervousness brought back very fond memories of my first steps into this world. Many years ago I attended my first munch with the man I had been dating for three years. We were very naturally growing toward a Ds relationship and needed to figure it all out. I was so nervous I took a valium before I went to that munch. They turned out to be the coolest group of people. We were made to feel so welcomed, no one groped or tortured or did any other hideous things to me. Several of these people have turned into lifelong friends.

Our first experience at a BDSM club in NYC was also very positive. We were both a bit nervous, not knowing what to expect. We discussed our concerns and personal rules ahead of time, made a few worse-case-scenario plans and he never left my side. We wandered around observing the action, even played a bit in a dark quiet corner. It was fun!

My suggestion is to spell out your concerns with each other, make a plan and then go have some fun.

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to patwi)

Post #: 19

RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. - 8/26/2007 12:24:15 PM

patwi

Posts: 296
Joined: 6/24/2007
Status: offline

Thanks everyone. :) I do feel (slightly) less intimidated now. I admit it - I have to get over this fear of being submissive that I have. I know intellectually that all doms aren't women hating assholes looking to treat all subs like crap, but that image is a pretty strong and scarey one for us new folks.

Plus, me already being spoken for is a big comfort as well. I do not envy new to the scene subs who must work their way through the throngs of doms to find one suitable.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.141