Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (Full Version)

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patwi -> Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 11:46:50 AM)

     Hello and thanks in advance for answering. :)

    So - as the title says, I'm new to the lifestyle. Still not technically ~in~ it, though I have been doing my best to learn what I can. An odd thought occured to me - if in the future, I should attend a BDSM club or somesuch as my husband's submissive...would I be expected to be submissive to every dom there? I have concerns. *laughs* I have this terrible image of me being approached by some unattractive fellow while my husband is out for a smoke, and not knowing what to do is a random dom would demand my submission.

    So I guess the root of my question is - would my submissiveness make me required to be such for everyone?



MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 11:48:52 AM)

No.


MSS



Aileen68 -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 11:49:21 AM)

Nope



umisprite -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 11:50:35 AM)

You may be approached but you (and your husband) have every right to say no thank you. You are only obliged to submit to your partner (depending of course on the agreement you two have).



feastie -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 11:52:31 AM)

The short answer is no.

A longer answer might be ...

Only if that's what your husband decided it should be.  That's between the two of you and not up for discussion or decision by anyone else.  He can provide you with what he'd like to you to say/do to someone that may approach you.  It's as easy as discussing it with him, making a decision and following through.

Good luck and enjoy yourselves.



patwi -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 11:53:06 AM)

   That's somewhat of a relief. I just don't know what the protocol is - if there even is one - with these sorts of situations. If I were to look the fellow in the eye and say simply "No." and walk away, I'd hate to be seen as a bad sub, or something. Heehee clearly, I am not ready to veture forth yet.



oriole -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:00:38 PM)

No, that really isn't how it works.  Protocols - the etiquette we use - are usually worked out between the Master and slave themselves.  No one else is party to them unless you make it that way.  There are often a few house rules for a club or dungeon, and you should find out what they are and pay attention to them.

If that unattractive fellow should approach, the best thing to do is to say that any contact requires permission of your Master...or better yet, have your Master bring you in collared.  In almost all cases, a collar is a symbol of ownership, and those who know the rules should get the message.  If you're the subject of unwanted attention and your Master isn't present, you can inform the authority there - sometimes "House Master", "House Dom", "Dungeon Master", or something similar - and they'll take care of it, usually by ejecting the troublemaker.

Have fun and play safe.



AquaticSub -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:00:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi

  I have this terrible image of me being approached by some unattractive fellow while my husband is out for a smoke, and not knowing what to do is a random dom would demand my submission.

If the unattractive fellow is politely asking if you would like to scene simply say no, politely. If the unattractive fellow is demanding your submission, tell him to fuck off. If he persists and you start feeling threatened, I find a knee to the balls while yelling your safeword (or the group's safeword) to be very effective at gathering a crowd to ensure all threatening behavior stops. [:D]



patwi -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:04:57 PM)

    Thanks everyone so much for your replies.  To tell you the truth, I'm not sure there even -are- any clubs around here. But one of these days, I may just have to find one. Thanks again for your understanding of a noobie's concerns heh.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:06:33 PM)

um no not in this or any other lifetime



domiguy -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:07:34 PM)

Yes....Whether your husband steps out for a smoke or not should not deter you from blowing me.



breatheasone -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:07:49 PM)

You refer to yourself as a submissive...and talk about becoming your husbands submissive....so thats your answer...You are "a" submissive...NOT everyones submissive. 



patwi -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:10:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Yes....Whether your husband steps out for a smoke or not should not deter you from blowing me.


  *sighs and gets her kneepads*



patwi -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:12:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

You refer to yourself as a submissive...and talk about becoming your husbands submissive....so thats your answer...You are "a" submissive...NOT everyones submissive. 


Yes that is sort of what I was wondering, really. I can picture me being submissive to my husband, but anyone else would probably geta verbal knee to the balls.



celticlord2112 -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:16:09 PM)

There is no "required" anything.  You choose.

You submit.  You do not submit. 

For any "dominant" that argues otherwise, I suggest the vigorous application of palm to cheek (your choice whether upper or lower).



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:16:51 PM)

Most BDSM clubs/events/play parties tend to be very protective over new attendees (especially new subs) and very helpful.  Communicating to the Dungeon Master or Host that you are new and unsure of protocol will usually assure you are taken under their wing or someone's wing and shown the ropes (not necessarily literally!)

I've seen over zealous Dominants get out of hand with new members, but their actions were curtailed and quickly. 

The knee to someone's groin is probably not a very good idea,  but unless your Dominant specifically forbids you against doing so, its definitely ok to tell anyone you aren't comfortable with No Thank You, and when the situation warrants it HELL NO.




AquaticSub -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:21:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

The knee to someone's groin is probably not a very good idea,  but unless your Dominant specifically forbids you against doing so, its definitely ok to tell anyone you aren't comfortable with No Thank You, and when the situation warrants it HELL NO.




Only if they are getting out of hand!



BitaTruble -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:22:08 PM)

~FR~

When someone approaches me with requests for my submission, I just refer them to Himself.

"Can I play with you?"

"You'll have to speak with Himself regarding that issue."

It takes all the pressure off me and it's never wrong to defer to Master in our relationship.

Celeste



umisprite -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:22:54 PM)


ahhh, the musings of an old woman...
 
Your questions and nervousness brought back very fond memories of my first steps into this world. Many years ago I attended my first munch with the man I had been dating for three years. We were very naturally growing toward a Ds relationship and needed to figure it all out. I was so nervous I took a valium before I went to that munch. They turned out to be the coolest group of people. We were made to feel so welcomed, no one groped or tortured or did any other hideous things to me. Several of these people have turned into lifelong friends.
 
Our first experience at a BDSM club in NYC was also very positive. We were both a bit nervous, not knowing what to expect. We discussed our concerns and personal rules ahead of time, made a few worse-case-scenario plans and he never left my side. We wandered around observing the action, even played a bit in a dark quiet corner. It was fun!
 
My suggestion is to spell out your concerns with each other, make a plan and then go have some fun.
 
 



patwi -> RE: Kind of an odd question from an admitted noob. (8/26/2007 12:24:15 PM)

Thanks everyone. :) I do feel (slightly) less intimidated now. I admit it - I have to get over this fear of being submissive that I have. I know intellectually that all doms aren't women hating assholes looking to treat all subs like crap, but that image is a pretty strong and scarey one for us new folks.

Plus, me already being spoken for is a big comfort as well. I do not envy new to the scene subs who must work their way through the throngs of doms to find one suitable.



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