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WhiplashSmile -> RE: Just a vent (7/31/2007 12:21:57 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: goodgirl85
I started to say this in a reply to a post, but decided against hijacking the thread and I really mus vent here.
Why is it that because a Dom is a Dom he thinks he has the right to do whatever it is he wants. Don't all you Domly people out realize how precious a gift submission is? I am so tired of being told to "kneel" just because he claims to be a dom.
Acts such as kneeling only apply to the Dom you have submitted to. It sounds like you are frustrated at dealing with those that claim to be DOM however are expecting you to behave in a submissive manner, without you actually submitted. At least this is what I gather from your words. You have every right to be pissed at Doms expecting you to kneel when you have not submitted.
A subs job is to sumbit to her Doms needs and whims WITHIN a confined set of limits WHICH MAY CHANGE AT ANY GIVEN TIME.
This does not sound like a very stable ideal to grasp for any relationship. Good solid expectations need to be established and followed by both Dom and sub alike. Not something subject to change at a drop of a dime.
It is a subs responsibilty to sit down and say "Hey I tried this but I don't like it so Im putting it as a hard limit" or even "I know I said you could be with others, but I find I am uncomfortable with it" and talk about it rationally and calmly.
This is true provided this was an agreed protocal in the start of the relationship.
A Doms job is protect, guide, and nuture his sub. Upon taken a sub he has taken and acknowledged that he has that responisbilty.
While this is true in many cases, it's not always true for all.
If there comes a point when limits and the such change, or the sub openly admits being uncomfortable with an acitivty she thought she was going to be okay with, such as including others, the Dom must take that into SERIOUS consideration. And then if he is unwilling to compromise the freedom he thinks he has, the two of them TOGETHER should sit down and make a descison about their future together.
This sounds more like a submissive that does not know her what her true limits are actually, perhaps from one that has not had much experience in exploring her limits. Yes, for a problem such as this a decision will need to be reached about something.
A D/s relationship is much like a vanilla one in some aspects. BOTH peoples feelings, minds, and bodies, and whatever else need to be taken into consideration when COMMUNICATING.
If as a sub, I am going to sit down and tell my Dom something, then I do NOT expect to hear "Well, you have no say, because you're only a sub".... I am a person as well, with my own quite intellegent (sometimes, lol) mind.
While you may have a say, don't expect that the Dom while change their mind about what they want. What you are uncomfortable with doing may just mean the End of the relationship or not. It depends upon how important it is to the Dom. There's a reason why Doms are just that, Dom.
Just like I don't like felling that I don't have a say in the ending of a relationship just because I came to expect something, and that suddenly changed and I got WORRIED!....
Relationships end all the time because of expectations not being met, and yes this is a two way street.
*Lets out a deep breath*..... ok Ive vented... I dont know if I even made any sense at all but I am going to go back and read what I wrote. There is no question really. Unless of course its about my mental state... lol
girl
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