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littlebitxxx -> RE: Just a vent (7/31/2007 5:31:38 PM)
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Greetings to all,
In my opinion, submission is not a gift, it is a way of thinking. Dominance also is not a gift, for the same reason. It is a mindset or a headspace one enters when in the presence of the other, whether it be online, on the phone or in person. For those living together, it can be present at all times underlying and connecting their 'nilla life. Entering a life of submission, either part time or full time, requires much communication from both sides. Hard limits are easy to establish, soft limits not quite so easy. Then to throw a monkey wrench in, there are varying levels to each limit. For example, i may be open to serving another Dom or friend (which can be called whoring) but i draw the line at picking up strangers for Master to watch me with. Honest, open communication from the get-go is vital in negotiating just what each other wants from the relationship and what they bring to the table themselves. And that takes time. i read of so many subs that will collar to someone after only a month or so real time conversing. So many collar online without even that. Then they wonder why their relationship goes south quickly?
To put it into another context: look at vanilla couples, and we were probably all part of one at one time or another. How long is the average courtship? 3-6 months, longer? How long is the average engagement? 6 months - 1 year? Most couples live together first just to see if they can...or would if they were smart. During this buildup time to the actual marriage most couples discuss the basics of life, finances, they find out what each other prefers in house style, car, how many children, how they like them raised. They talk about the future with hopes and dreams. It is during this discovery period that they become comfortable with the other and find out if they are compatible. Not only does the love build, so does the trust and respect for each other, knowing they won't get hurt later. If the wife is approached by another man commanding her to obey him, what would she say? Also, do wives not expect their husbands to be human or are they supposed to be Manly Men who know everything and can do no wrong?
In the bdsm world, why are the same considerations not taken when 'interviewing' with a prospective Dom or sub? We all go down the fetish checklist and figure that if each has checked off a certain number of the same likes and dislikes then poof! we must be compatible. Why do we not talk about the future with hopes and dreams? Why do we not have the same discovery period that would prove if we were comfortable with each other? So why do some subs expect their Masters to be the Domly Dom that can do no wrong? They are human too. And any sub worth their salt wouldn't automatically kneel just because some other Dom said so.
i am soon on my way to meet for the first time a man that i hope will become my new Master. We met in December last year as friends and have deepened that friendship since. We have spent the time discovering each other within and without the lifestyle. Through our discussions we have found we are highly compatible in all ways. He is a man first, a human man with foibles just like i have. i am coming to him as a woman first. Any M/s relationship we have after that will be strengthened by our mutual caring, trust and respect as people first. And that's the beauty of this life choice....it can be whatever two people want it to be...but it has to be both that make the decisions.
Whew! think i got my own vent going there.
Love and light,
sage
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