RE: The TRUTH? (Full Version)

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PairOfDimes -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 6:11:26 PM)

D/s in particular? Yeah, the benevolent teaching thing was actually what drew me. But I was already relatively good at getting my way, I already had multiple sex partners, and I already had the people who agreed to let me hurt them--I was drawn to polyamory and SM, respectively, for the latter two.



mstrjx -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 6:17:45 PM)

The kink is what drew me.  But I was glad to find what I did afterwards.

I quickly saw how 'intense' experiences and relationships could be, and I didn't want to give that up for the mundane (vanilla) world again.  I haven't regretted it, that's certain.

It wasn't in any way to be able to 'take advantage' of another.  Just to share intensity in the varying ways that D-types and s-types do.

Jeff



CuriousLord -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 6:31:32 PM)

I can't say anything really 'drew' me to D/s.. it's just who I was.  I was rather sure I was alone in my sick fetish, though- not until I was twenty was I aware BDSM existed.  Not to sound arrogant, but I did come from a rather upper-class family.  Such things as BDSM and fetishes weren't exactly frowned upon so much as entirely ignored- no one cared about this sort of lifestyle enough to even mention it, so I didn't know it existed until I decided to seek out others that might have relationships similar to my own.

This said, I don't consider myself part of BDSM.  Sadomaschism, one of the two pillars, is something I carry little interest in.  The dressing-up-in-leather bit is also something I have no concern for.  I'm not interested in getting together for BDSM parties, and I'm not the slightest bit interested in taking a sex partner I haven't learned of well.  Actually, the D/s (moreso M/s) aspect of BDSM is the bit that holds personal interest, outside of, as my alias suggests, my insatiable curiousity.



sublimelysensual -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 6:58:02 PM)

    For me it was kind of a mixed bag. I was about 28 when I discovered the "lifestyle", and had been wearing slave bells and re-reading the Beauty series for about ten years prior, having no idea the books were anything even loosely based on any type of real concepts. I was talking with a friend who usually talked about her "boyfriend" and she slipped and said Master *laughs*. I probably drove her nuts with questions, but that's what helped me realize where I belonged.
 
    The draw for me is more in the dynamic..I love to serve. I could happily serve without any SM interaction, though there are aspects of that I love as well..luckily I can have my cake and eat it too. I love the feeling of security from being at One's feet; the contented sigh and look of total relaxation on One's face as i massage His feet; the liberation of doing something that takes me completely out of my comfort zone; the trust of letting Someone use my body as a target for whatever tool He wishes to use; a hand lovingly stroking my hair for service well-performed. -smiles- Okay, so I just love it period...
 
-a



BDsbabygirl -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 7:44:02 PM)

Hmmm...good question...
 
For as long as I can remember, I was into the kink part, experimenting with blindfolds, hairbrushes, etc from the time I had my first sex partner, at 13. And even before then, I was doing odd things; thinks like putting my fingers thru fire and pushing needles into the epidermis of my skin and putting clothespins on myself.
 
I didn't discover the actual meaning behind BDSM until just a few months ago. Until then, Dommes had always fascinated me; I liked the idea of ordering a man around, degrading him, and making him do what I wanted done, how I wanted it done, usually sexually. In fact, when my partners and I played (not as in our kind of "play"ed, tho) around with it, I was always the Dominant figure and my boyfriends would get excited by it, too. However, it had nothing to do - in any manner, shape, or form - with what they wanted, an important aspect of BDSM. Other than wanting to make them hot, I didn't give a dang about what they wanted, it was all about me and me only.
 
Then, I met my Dom. We started out as friends and he'd tell me stories about being a Dom (we were that comfy with each other) and I was fascinated, if put off by the idea of being a sub (me, being less than someone else and being told what to do? pu-leez!); that's part of what made me resist his advances at first, I didn't want to be ordered around because, really, I despise being told what to do in real life. Then things turned romantic, in a vanilla kind of way. How we made the switch I don't exactly recall but he says he squeezed my nipples to see my reaction and I started panting so he knew he'd hit upon something there. Slowly, he's brought out the submissive side of my nature. It was always there, in that I've always been a people-pleaser - even bending over backwards to be whatever I thought my boyfriends wanted and losing jobs for my failure to be firm with others when I needed to be - and terrible when it came to decision-making in that I'd take so long to do it, constantly rethinking myself. Still, I think I'm in this solely due to my great love for him; when I'm in love, I want to do any and everything for my man and that's the case now. Were we to break up, I wouldn't go looking for another Dom.
 



Joseff -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 7:51:36 PM)

My reaction to my first encounter with BDSM related material, (pictures in a magazine) was profound, and not immediately positive. I could describe it best as revulsion, mixed with irresistable attraction. After a few years of denial, what I like to refer to as my "White Knight" period, I finally realised it was what was missing in my life. I can't say anything 'drew' me to it, it just was.
Joseff



NefertariReborn -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 7:52:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord


This said, I don't consider myself part of BDSM.  Sadomaschism, one of the two pillars, is something I carry little interest in.  The dressing-up-in-leather bit is also something I have no concern for.  I'm not interested in getting together for BDSM parties, and I'm not the slightest bit interested in taking a sex partner I haven't learned of well.  Actually, the D/s (moreso M/s) aspect of BDSM is the bit that holds personal interest, outside of, as my alias suggests, my insatiable curiousity.


That's My take as well.  But to what drew Me - I found a BDSM magazine while being a nosey parker in My neighbours bathroom cupboards at 14. (I just liked reading in the bathroom didn't matter whose house it was.) Femdom pic, maleslave on a leash got unknown juices running.  I don't think I'd given sex or sexuality much thought before that.  Anyway very conservative family and regular teenage life suppressed the initial spark. 

This was rekindled in My senior yeat at college in Minnesota.  I was introduced to the gay leather community in Minneapolis by friends.  Woahhhh I was blown away.  Good thing about them was that they weren't only accepting of gays.  There was a myriad of kinks going on at the club.  Met a Dom/Switch, subbed for a while, wasn't a good sub but liked the sub sex; We switched, he mentored Me and I came into My own. 

Tried after graduation to be vanilla again with little success and then just finally gave into the dark side and fully embraced D/s.  I'm not a true sadist.  Nor do I have the patience for shibari and intricate rope tying techniques *snore* but the power exchange hooked Me and never let go.  And so here I stand perv to the max (in My eyes) and living happier. 



BDsbabygirl -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 8:29:11 PM)

...though I would be excited at the idea of being a Domme to a sub, male or female (maybe one of each?) ... not that I'd actually do it; don't think I have it in me to be that observant about someone - yes I know, I have to be that now to be a good sub, but that's from a different angle, an angle I feel comfortable with - nor that talented/creative to be able to plan out a whole scene...nor do I think I have the other characteristics a good Dom must have, characteristics my Big Daddy has in spades.  *giggles and blows him a kiss, he's at work now*
 
But 'tis all a moot point, anyway; I am sub to my Big Daddy's Dom and that's how it's gonna stay. He said he sees that I could switch if I wanted, but I don't think we're gonna go down that path; I certainly don't want to, it would feel too much like cheating to me, even if I had his approval and/or go ahead...though the idea of having a cute li'l nonsexual service slave does do something to me...*ponders that thought*...



Archer -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:01:39 PM)

Well lets see the hot fetish/porn images always had a draw for me even though they made me feel "bad/ guilty", Combined with a love of the smell and feel of leather (which I started working with as a teenager, fast forward a decade or so of multiple relationships where I tried to make the relationship "equal" that didn't work. I had already started to figure out that equal just wasn't gonna work for me. Started to work leather again about that same time and figured those kinky whips and chains folks might make good customers. Started to go chat with them online to get information on what went into good kink leather toys. Found the environment that reinforced that non equal partnerships can work.



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:04:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Well lets see the hot fetish/porn images always had a draw for me even though they made me feel "bad/ guilty", Combined with a love of the smell and feel of leather (which I started working with as a teenager, fast forward a decade or so of multiple relationships where I tried to make the relationship "equal" that didn't work. I had already started to figure out that equal just wasn't gonna work for me. Started to work leather again about that same time and figured those kinky whips and chains folks might make good customers. Started to go chat with them online to get information on what went into good kink leather toys. Found the environment that reinforced that non equal partnerships can work.

That's interesting to see that you already felt a connection to the smell of leather as a teen.  I remember the smell of leather too, I'm not sure if it was a sexual thing but it was like that piece of wood you put in your underware drawer and I know how it feels today when I open up my compact toy bag and take a whiff.



Satyr6406 -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:30:12 PM)

I have to echo: "Nothing drew me." I did realize, at some point that if I was going to continue to insist upon being the ultimate authority in my relationships that I would have to find ladies that felt, as I did, that a man "driving the bus" was the "natural order of things".
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael



catize -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:34:58 PM)

What drew me was a longing which I denied for a long time.  And I admit that in the beginning I was all about hot kinky sex.  What has kept me is what I have learned about the entire spectrum of submission and the joy I find in it (along with the hot kinky sex! )



SexyRed -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:37:52 PM)

As a young girl I just knew I had feelings when I would watch movies or see images of women in captivity or being spanked, etc. I always wanted to be tied up, played with, looked at,  but did not totally get why.  I did not feel weird, I just wondered.

During puberty, I read alot and a teacher gave me the Story of O which then connected my earlier "feelings" to my sexual feelings.

From then on, I never looked back.



alivingdoll -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:38:42 PM)

It was an older man I was 19 and thought I knew it all he  drew me into this kicking and screaming .I fought it cause I felt it was wrong lol.I was very drawn to him like a moth to an open flame ,something about him being able to reach so deep in my brain and pull out my thoughts desires and dreams scared the hell out of me . At first I doubt I even liked him I remember thinking what  an a-hole .He grew on me like a mold until I was blissfully infected lol.
     What he did do and i'll be forever grateful was teach me about living without putting false expectations or judgement with myself and others opening my mind and limiting life's barriers .I then learned I could adapt in this sexual world and find my own source's of gratification, pleasure , validation and honor .He boosted my confidence even when i'd color outside the lines teaching me perfect is never attainable .He used to say I may have uncovered the submission within you, but it was already there, you had the  train I was just the  conductor chooochoo .  ~~~~Doll~~~



catize -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 10:44:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Well lets see the hot fetish/porn images always had a draw for me even though they made me feel "bad/ guilty", Combined with a love of the smell and feel of leather (which I started working with as a teenager, fast forward a decade or so of multiple relationships where I tried to make the relationship "equal" that didn't work. I had already started to figure out that equal just wasn't gonna work for me. Started to work leather again about that same time and figured those kinky whips and chains folks might make good customers. Started to go chat with them online to get information on what went into good kink leather toys. Found the environment that reinforced that non equal partnerships can work.

Recently at work I picked up a textbook on styles of relationships.  The study indicated that equall relationships are the hardest to maintain.  (the tome is probably out of print but I will look for it again to at least provide the authoirs and title)



slaveofKaos -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 11:09:32 PM)

Well I saw porn that played out my deepest fantasies, then I realized there was a whole lifestyle where people actually lived like this and I was in heaven. I always wanted this kind of relationship (minus the kink because i thought of the sexual aspect as something completly seperate) a complete power exchange I could hardly believe it. I was hooked after that and did everything I could to find out as much as I could.
I found the sexual first and the mental/power exchange second and then they melted in to one thing that was the greatest.



MasterMagnus321 -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 11:16:47 PM)

  For a long time, I didn't know if people actually had the ability for deep, intrinsic change or not; I wondered if true, elemental change actually was possible, or if the best we could ever do was pretend, and become expert at that... then, I decided to commit 100% of my energies and efforts to the experiment, and I did affect (read "create," or "cause to come about") serious, permanent change in my psyche.  The process is so dear to me because it is the highest function of the human animal: the ability to contemplate the nature of our own existence, and to existentially choose and create our own realities... what freedom, what power, what responsibility!  That process, and the intensity of interpersonal relations in the lifestyle, are what attract me to it, and keep me wanting to turn others on to the thrill of committed, consistent structure- its predictability and dependability are wonderful frameworks on which to construct rewarding and cherished life experiences... and often it is even better when you don't know what is coming next, other than "wow, SOMETHING is gonna give!"



SusanofO -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/27/2007 11:35:37 PM)

Sidenote: Gotta say, LaTigresse, that I LOVE our new pic! You look great!
(Sorry, didn't mean to "hi-jack" the thread).

- Susan



LotusSong -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/28/2007 8:59:48 AM)

Now, I'll answer my own question.
 
I've always been health care/medically oriented and thus fascinated by the human body.  I stumbled into this concept in a room called Truth or Dare on Prodigy.  I took it from there.  The first book I read was John Warren's "The Loving Dominant".  I was fascinated by the manipulation of the mind and body of another person.  In the back of the book were local organizations for BDSM.  I tracked down our local one and joined.  I attended the Monday  evening meetings religiously and Learned everything I could.  Then I started finding others that shared what they knew.
 
It was the mechanics of it all that I enjoy.  Doing things well, watching the amazement of the slave/submissive, the trust and comfort it gives. To me it's always been the end result for the other person.l,  If done well, then I'm happy as a clam :)  It never had anything to do with sex for me.  It was "playing with the human as a musical instrument".  (If an orgasm should happen, oh well!)



charlotte12 -> RE: The TRUTH? (7/28/2007 11:08:53 AM)

Thoughts of punishment, stories of women in captivity turned me on before i even knew that that's what was happening. I had absolutely no idea that there was a lifestyle like this out there and i could not articulate what it was i wanted which freaked out my first partner. I mean if you're completely vanilla would you be freaked out by this girl who keeps saying she has fantasies of rape? I shudder to remember my feeble attempts to explain something i didn't even understand. I did not know how to explain the difference or that there even was a difference between real and play rape so of course i thought i would never be able to get what i desired. When i was at college i typed "rape as a fantasy" into google and found a bdsm site. I was shocked! At first the idea of submitting rather than being taken did not appeal to me but once my mind got out of it's own way i found that it was the submission i craved as well i had just never put my naturally submissive tendencies together with my other fantasies before. Then the first time i was ever put in cuffs i felt as though my whole body breathed an enormous sigh of relief and i think i started crying because it felt so...right. I knew i was "home" and it has been one big discovery from there.

It's funny because the play rape scene is not even a big fantasy for me anymore. I think it was my mind's way of saying i wanted to be taken and used without having to accept any responsibility. Since i had no idea there were sadists and Masters out there and that it was ok to actually ask to be beaten or used as a toy i fixated on a situation where i would not be asking.

Ps. for me it is firmly rooted in the D/s dynamic with kink being secondary. I am finding i am open to more and more kinks that i never thought i was before but it is the power exchange that really draws me.



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