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ORIGINAL: Rover

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
I may be wrong about this, because Ross can be a bit difficult to comprehend, but it was my understanding from what he wrote that he doesn't know who the people were which complained so that's probably not an option for him.

Celeste

And if that's the case, there could be no expectation that the people he's complaining about should have, or could have, contacted him.  He may not even know with any degree of certainty that anyone complained about him at all.  Or if they did, that it was not simply a private conversation that we have all had about someone we met who did not leave a favorable impression.  And someone violated the privacy of that conversation to tell Ross, who then runs to a public bulletin board to make his complaint public.
 
For crying out loud, no wonder there's so much friggin drama out there.  And the fact that people encourage this sort of behavior... well... you get what you ask for.  More people need to grow thicker skins, and evolve private lives (rather than living them so publicly via computer).
 
John

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ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

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ORIGINAL: Phin

Personaly I would perfer someone to come to me,

I very strongly disagree with you. When I'm playing at a party I want everybody to keep their distance (gossip doesn't bug me that much). With one exception: the Dungeon Monitors of the party. A lot of players do dangerous stuff, and the last thing you want is unknown people from the audience to approach you. When you see something that annoys you, please inform a DM or staff member and let THEM handle it from there. They know if what's going on is or is not allowed at their club, they should be able to judge if something is (too) dangerous or annoying, and they should have the social skills to intervene - if necessary - in a polite and safe way.

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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

Ross, you don't know what they said or how they said it. What you have is someone else telling you that someone said something about you. Yet they can't/won't even tell you who the person was? It couldn't have been that big of a deal or they'd have been able to tell you who it was or they'd have come to you right away in an attempt to fix things. We've all had the experience of being exasperated by someone (for a legitimate or illegitimate reason) and have made comments. I personally have turned to my husband at our local drug store and said of the checker that I didn't know anyone could move that slowly! I know the person behind us overheard me. Did I say anything to the checker when I got to the front of the line? No. It wasn't THAT big of a deal. If it had been a big deal, I'd have not only said something to the checker, but would have asked for the manager. I can't imagine that the person behind me told the checker that I'd been talking about him. What point would it have served?

I think perhaps you're being overly sensitive. If it had been that much of a problem for them, they'd have told you and for sure would have told the hosts (which you've already said they did not.) Don't worry about it. My personal feeling is that unless your friend was willing to tell you who the person was so you could work things out, they should have kept what they were told to themselves. You may want to watch what you tell this person in the future as you may find something you think is being said only to them gets passed on. Yes, I know we expect to be able to tell friends things that bother us about others, but since this person won't tell you who supposedly said this negative thing I suspect it was a personal conversation and possibly even told in confidence. That means they shared something with you they shouldn't have. While this may make you think you can trust them more, because they like you so much they told you about it even though the other person probably thought it would go no further, in reality it means they're not overly trustworthy. When you have a problem with what someone tells you about a friend, you tell them you're not interested in discussing the topic because the person in question is dear to you and you'll not hear anything bad said about them. You don't listen, then run to tell the other person as if it were grade school all over again.

Also, keep in mind that not everyone has to like you or be happy with you. Unless they are your friends, their opinion shouldn't matter. You know you were acting within the bounds of polite society and BDSM society. That should be enough for you.

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ORIGINAL: lonlyrossInNeed

i was active in a few difrent cities over the last sevral years and this is the first time i have ever had this problem

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: lonlyrossInNeed

i was active in a few difrent cities over the last sevral years and this is the first time i have ever had this problem

You've never had people speak poorly of your behavior? Ross, if you really want to get to the bottom of this and have something positive come from it, you should probably start by being honest with yourself.

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ORIGINAL: Guilty1974

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ORIGINAL: Phin

Personaly I would perfer someone to come to me,

I very strongly disagree with you. When I'm playing at a party I want everybody to keep their distance (gossip doesn't bug me that much). With one exception: the Dungeon Monitors of the party. A lot of players do dangerous stuff, and the last thing you want is unknown people from the audience to approach you. When you see something that annoys you, please inform a DM or staff member and let THEM handle it from there. They know if what's going on is or is not allowed at their club, they should be able to judge if something is (too) dangerous or annoying, and they should have the social skills to intervene - if necessary - in a polite and safe way.

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ORIGINAL: TankII7871

At a party if people start to get too close I just pull out a sword and light it on fire.  That tends to make people stay well away from me.  As for gossip to me its simple if your not in my bed at the end of the night or at the foot of the Bed i don't care what anyone at a party says i know the rules and i respect them.

Eric