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If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or say... - 7/23/2007 2:52:42 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I am not sure if this is in the right spot so the mods may move it but i am asking this to Dommes Doms  Swicte subs and slaves
if you where at a BDSM even lifestyle party or any of the above and someone had complaned twice about somthing you where doing that was anoying or they would say somthing to soemone els about you how would you feel
i had a exsperiance over the weekend and i just found out today that some ppl where complanning about  me at a weekend event but they would go to someone els to complane and they would say somthing twice about me well would you tell the one you have the problem with directly or would you tell someone els
my problem and where i am getting pist is that this is the first time where i think the others where not so friends how could someone exspect someone to do somthing difrent if they are not aware of what is going on that they are doing is wrong ?
i hope everyone who reads this kinda understand what i mean i know my words and my typing is hard to make out and that i dont put the right words together someitmes but hoping you all understand what i mean and please do give feedback thank you
 
ross.g

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 2:57:48 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		was the conversation about you gossip or to a moderator of your group? If it was to a moderator was it warrented? Gossip is never warrented.

Personaly I would perfer someone to come to me, "Hey, you were doing xxxxx, it is annoying, please stop" but there are a lot of people out there that do not work that way. accept that you will get talked about and move on. If you know who the parties are that were talking about you do not associate yourself with them, they were never worthy of your friendship anyway.

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:01:14 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i think each club or org has its own set of rules or edicate.. If your new there suppose to have a mentor or someone show you the ins and outs of things and those that take offense for some reason.. thats shows lack of training most of the time. in the past if it was sub that was not fallowing the rules said people went to the dom or domme. they made the corrections. if it was a individual i just think they  where told politely

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 7/23/2007 3:03:03 PM >

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:01:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd be amused, maybe finally just go up and say "OK my ears have been burning, who has a present for me?"

If they aren't complaining to a DM or someone with authority,then it's just immature gossip and should be laughed away.

If they are complaining to someone with authority, presumably they know what's up and will assess what's going on independently and communicate with you.

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:11:31 PM   
Lewcifer


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline 		I encounter this quite a lot... and what I'll do is post a scalding general message on our club's forum once the event is over.  The message is typically something to the effect of "I hear someone has some problems with activities that took place last night, but doesn't have the common sense or isn't bright enough to approach Me about them.  It takes an incredibly stupid person to think a problem can be solved by gossip rather than direct communication."

But then again, I have a low tolerance for people who lack common sense... and I'm not afraid to alienate those same people.  In fact, they do Me a favor if they become offended and don't speak to Me again.


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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:17:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah I'm sure that helps the problem- nothing like passive aggressive forum flaming to make the bdsm world a happier place.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:22:03 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Especially when I am a dungeon master at an event and 100 or so people at play ...A bunch of nosy's always running me down mouthing their fellow kinkers over very Minor details of tos.No matter where you go there are aggravating busy body's,my two cents..bounty

< Message edited by BOUNTYHUNTER -- 7/23/2007 3:23:08 PM >

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:26:47 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you know what it is so funny its like the days when i played in the rock clubs people would cause fuss cause someone said something run to the bouncer it was like what ever
miss the day of a good ole fashion ball room blitz lol sigh

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:36:19 PM   
goddessAVA


Posts: 221
Joined: 11/2/2006
Status: offline 		this may sound harsh but just toughen up-who cares what they think?  You can ALWAYS adapt and overcome any situation-god the world of bdsm can be awesome or stupid.   If you are comfortable with what you are doing do not worry about it, if you feel better standing up for yourself, as we all do from time to time, just go confront the person in a reasonable way, express yourself calmly and walk away.  Remember plenty of people drink hatorade and you will always be looked down upon by someone-take the high road, they are just surviving the only way they can, try to understand and move on.

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cleaning out America's assholes one at a time

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:45:53 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		they where not complaning to the ones who run the weekend camping retreat they where going and complaning about me to a friend off mine wich i dont talk to anymore becouse she just did not see anything i was saying to her and would not tell me who it was that was saying these things she just sayd that there where atleast half of the ppl at the even saying somthing or another about me
this was for WS WoodsStocks  weekend reatreat
for example um during one of the workshops when we where leaning how to build our own floggers threw kits that we bought and payed for the class
i needed a little extra atention with the help becouse i couldnt see the turks knot from 10 feet away so would ask every now and then if the ones teaching could come and look and see if i got it right i still have to get the turks not finished on the end of the flogger handle i have one done and i dont remmber it
my friend sayd that some sayd i should by the dvd that shows how to do it but if i payed for the class and they where saposed to teach then why would i by the dvd for 40 bucks showing how if i payed for the class that is just an example of one thing that some thout i was a bit to needy then when all i wanted to do was try and explain that i have trouble learning things and even in school i had a 1 on 1 to help me someo  Domme had the rudeness to say oh im sorry i  did not bring my viline as in she was being rude if you know what i mean by that saying that she sayd
and when i asked in a IM the couple who run the retreat and everything they sayd that no one complaned to them but then agen when i asked if you thout it was wright that they didnt tell me they had a problem all he could do was say well its not there responsability to tell me that they have a problem with me

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To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to goddessAVA)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:45:53 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		there is a sort of universal ettiquite when there is any level of protocol involved...if a submissive is collared, it is to go to Dominant involved, if the Dominant is there...the rest of the time, its just plain good sense to go directly to the person that you have a problem with, if there is a problem that you don't think can be addressed by you alone you ask someone with a general authority at the event...and as mentioned by one or two people on these boards they are organizational masochists...they can, on some levels, expect to have to mediate if there is a major problem...like if UberLordGobeldyGook is swatting people with his flogger as they walk by, its better if someone with the authority to kick him out address the issue...but if its two rational realistic adults...there shouldn't be an issue in discussing the behavior they find impropper or annoying...and if the sub has been instructed to direct any problems to their Dom, they will tell you...i don't know about anybody else but i have made some major social faux pas and i just had to be told that in this situation its a no-no...no major drama...but Carlos Mencia made a good point in his latest comedy special...we, as a society, love drama...and if we don't have a common "enemy" we will make trouble amongst ourselves...
end rant/rambling
chelle

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 3:54:48 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I would ignore it.  There's enough drama in communities as it is. 
 
John

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(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 4:11:09 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		thank you for the replies on this one everyone :) thank you

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 6:47:28 PM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'd be amused, maybe finally just go up and say "OK my ears have been burning, who has a present for me?"


~tickled~

I've got to remember this one.

Ross, if these guys / gals can't bring something to your attention themselves, and if the DM didn't bother to say anything to you, scrap it. It does need to be addressed, however, with the people involved, and done in a calm way, moderated by an uninterested party if necessary. Left unchecked, you're marked as a pushover or these people roll, unchecked, over everybody else and make events generally unpleasant for all.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 7:28:14 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		i thank everyone who as posted on this post for all you coments they have realy helped me alot
 
ross.g

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to slaveish)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 7:31:55 PM   
GODtoAllWomen


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline 		All genuine Dominants cheat on their slaves. I would view a Dominant who did not cheat on his slave as a sissy.

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 7:32:19 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Were they complaining about run on sentences?

Seriously, throw your shoulders back, show some class and ignore it.  Petty gossips will be petty and gossip, fuck em.  The best way to handle that is to rise above it and ignore it.  If it becomes official, deal with it, till then, who cares.

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 7:41:21 PM   
lonlyrossInNeed


Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		that is exactly what i am doing right now i am starting to feel so so much better since i have all of you on here helping me out right now

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 7:43:30 PM   
southernstyle


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline 		Amen Bounty! You don't have to be at an event for something like that to happen.  I've found that offices are probably the worst place!

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: If you are at a BDSM Event and someone was doing or... - 7/23/2007 7:44:21 PM   
NControlofU


Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		From my experience, if someone has an issue or concern about some safety matter or some protocol matter, the person(s) with the concerns should take them to the Host/Hostess of the event and let them inform you and/or deal with you about the issue of concern.  Theres no need for a direct confrontation between participants that could cause a disruption of the event for the other participants.

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)
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