Long Distance D/s Relationships

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Long Distance D/s Relationships

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Long Distance D/s Relationships

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 1:38:49 PM

Oddogs

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/16/2007
Status: offline

I have recently met this Dom on line but he is 200 miles away from me. Can anyone help me to understand the pros/cons of such a long distance relationship?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 1:42:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

(in reply to Oddogs)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 1:53:38 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

You need to ask yourself some very pertinent questions. The answers that you give yourself should provide a roadmap to the future.

What are your goals for the relationship? How often do you need to be physically in touch with your partner? Can one or the other of you make plans to be permanently (if that's what you desire) to be with the other? How ideal is this person in your eyes, and you in theirs?

To wit, I'd never been in an LDR, until now. There are 700 miles between us. To be specific, she contacted me here in March. We've been physically together 4 times for weekends and once for 9 days (if I'm counting the weekends correctly). We'll be together once more for a weekend (if not twice) before I move to be with her somewhere between 46 and 60 days from today (7/16). I would say we figured out long ago that this was very much a 'real thing'.

We haggled out wants, needs and dealbreakers from the getgo. We went into this with our eyes as wide open as possible. It's paying off.

The cons? Well, there's the 700 miles. We would like to be together daily, but we 'settle' for webcam chat daily. Sometimes we don't even necessarily chat, but if one of us looks at the computer, we see the other.

I would say the one con that we've discovered is saying 'goodbye' each time. Fortunately, there won't be too many more of those.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Oddogs)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 2:07:15 PM

Sirandpet10

Posts: 84
Joined: 7/4/2007
Status: offline

Hello Oddogs.

I'll tell you my story.

My Master and I live over 2,000 miles away. We also met online three years ago. We met under different circumstances than you, however because three years ago, neither of us were "out" of the BDSM closet, so to speak. We had a fairly vanilla relationship over the phone and internet. Well, I wouldn't really call it a relationship, at the time we were both happy with being more than friends and less than a couple. It lasted a little less than a month. We lost contact and didn't speak for a little over two years.

One day, he phoned me out of nowhere. We've been inseperable (over the phone, lol) ever since. We also both ended up exploring our BDSM side with each other and we've experimented in countless ways over the phone and in person when he makes the 2,000 mile plane trip to come and visit me. He's moving here in the next couple months. A happy ending, of course. :)

Now, to your questions. Simple answer: GO FOR IT!
200 miles is nothing, especially if you've got a connection. I say, explore each other over the internet, over the phone, and eventually, plan a trip. And of course, stay safe.

I wish you the best of luck in the future, you'll have to let me know what happens.

Twink--

_____________________________

Sir and pet----
------------------------------------------------------
"Your needs dovetail perfectly with each other: the one for total control, the other for absolute submission."

(in reply to Oddogs)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 2:16:08 PM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

From my own personal experience...it never worked out. It wasnt enough, not fulfilling. For others, it works out fine.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to Sirandpet10)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 2:47:48 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oddogs

I have recently met this Dom on line but he is 200 miles away from me. Can anyone help me to understand the pros/cons of such a long distance relationship?

It works for a lot of people. However, 200 mi. is only 3-4 hrs, depending on the route, so it shouldn't be too hard to meet and spend some time together. Hope it works out for you.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Oddogs)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 4:48:24 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

We were 500 miles apart for 10 months. It was hell being apart when all we wanted was to be together. You can do it for awhile but if a real relationship grows then long distance can never be enough.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to proudsub)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 4:54:55 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Oddogs)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/16/2007 5:21:53 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lighthearted

I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part.

It seems that many equate the distance physically apart as being a huge measure of consideration in dealing with Long Distance. As much as I do agree that the closer you are.. the easier it is to make the effort to be together. Being physically closer doesn't equate that two individuals will be emotional closer or closer in any way beyond physically. Many relationships sleep side by side every night and are further apart than relationships that physically across an ocean.

It seems to me that when we begin a relationship, physical has a significant weight to the positive feelings we gain from a relationship. However, from my experience of years within a relationship with Alandra... I have found that the physical closeness as important as it is, holds less and less weight. I have found over the course of time, it's the shared closeness of the emotions and thoughts that truly binded a relationship.

Kyra and I have been dealing with an incredible distance of over 3000 miles and across a national border. It has been my constant focus to slowly but surely focusing on the closeness of our emotions and thoughts that have allowed us to reach over 2 years as a relationsip. It is my belief that it will be my continued focus on this that will allow us to maintain and grow our relationship in the future. It's my focus because, even if she slept in my bed each night. It is still would be the shared closeness of our thoughts and feelings that will keep us together and not our physical location.

When I miss my girls... I look deeper into what I miss... and it's the sharing of thoughts and feelings. It is so easy to just spend time together... but it takes alot of effort to share thoughts and feelings. But, sharing thougths and feelings also take time as well regardless if one is physical together or not. If the effort to share is not done... being physical close will have little value.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lighthearted)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 12:55:48 AM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: lighthearted

I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part.

It seems that many equate the distance physically apart as being a huge measure of consideration in dealing with Long Distance. As much as I do agree that the closer you are.. the easier it is to make the effort to be together. Being physically closer doesn't equate that two individuals will be emotional closer or closer in any way beyond physically. Many relationships sleep side by side every night and are further apart than relationships that physically across an ocean.

It seems to me that when we begin a relationship, physical has a significant weight to the positive feelings we gain from a relationship. However, from my experience of years within a relationship with Alandra... I have found that the physical closeness as important as it is, holds less and less weight. I have found over the course of time, it's the shared closeness of the emotions and thoughts that truly binded a relationship.

Kyra and I have been dealing with an incredible distance of over 3000 miles and across a national border. It has been my constant focus to slowly but surely focusing on the closeness of our emotions and thoughts that have allowed us to reach over 2 years as a relationsip. It is my belief that it will be my continued focus on this that will allow us to maintain and grow our relationship in the future. It's my focus because, even if she slept in my bed each night. It is still would be the shared closeness of our thoughts and feelings that will keep us together and not our physical location.

When I miss my girls... I look deeper into what I miss... and it's the sharing of thoughts and feelings. It is so easy to just spend time together... but it takes alot of effort to share thoughts and feelings. But, sharing thougths and feelings also take time as well regardless if one is physical together or not. If the effort to share is not done... being physical close will have little value.

Beautifully stated KoM, but for me, sometimes I just long so much for the physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness. I'm hoping the next 2 months fly by.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 1:50:16 AM

hana20

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline

for 1,5 year i was 250 miles far away from my master but when i wasmising him i always though that it would not last long and that in some month we will be together!

(in reply to greeneyes1962)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 2:43:03 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

Master and i were 1800 miles apart when we first started talking. Thank God we had the same cell phone company because we talked on the phone several times a day, text messaged, emailed and IMed all the time.

i recently joined Him and we still talk on the phone several times a day while He's at work

(in reply to Oddogs)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 3:12:01 AM

SlND3R3LLA

Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

My Master lived almot 4 hrs away when we met on here. He came to me a couple of weeks later, I then moved here shortly afterward...sort of a happily everafter situation. I have also had LDR's that were horrible and only left me hurt and alone.

It depends on how trustworthy both parties are, how honest, and how much they really want the relationship. I do think they are a bit harder, but if the commitment is there, they can work out fine.

Just be careful and cautious, like you would in any other real life or internet situation.

~sin

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to liljoy)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 4:02:02 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962
Beautifully stated KoM, but for me, sometimes I just long so much for the physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness. I'm hoping the next 2 months fly by.

I think it is also dependent on how you perceive and express love. One of the primary ways that he perceives love is through verbal affirmations. One of the primary ways that I perceive love is through physical touch. The distance challenges me in a different way because I have to rely on other perceptions of love that do not communicate it as much as a physical touch would. With a simple carress on my cheek I would perceive more love than an hour of verbal affirmations.

Knowing this helps me deal with it in a constructive way, but it can be hard as hell.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to greeneyes1962)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 6:24:01 AM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

After a period of time, you meet someone in your area.   That is what I have learned through my life.
When I was in the military, I was engaged, but it lasted a year.
I moved on.   So did he.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 1:09:31 PM

greeneyes1962

Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962
Beautifully stated KoM, but for me, sometimes I just long so much for the physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness. I'm hoping the next 2 months fly by.

I think it is also dependent on how you perceive and express love. One of the primary ways that he perceives love is through verbal affirmations. One of the primary ways that I perceive love is through physical touch. The distance challenges me in a different way because I have to rely on other perceptions of love that do not communicate it as much as a physical touch would. With a simple carress on my cheek I would perceive more love than an hour of verbal affirmations.

Knowing this helps me deal with it in a constructive way, but it can be hard as hell.

Knight's Kyra

I know he loves me, he is free with telling me so, and his behaviors back that up. However
I emotionally equate physical time spent together as a sign of love, and I very much need
that. The past 2 years have been difficult for me, being cross country from him, but that
is soon to end.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 1:34:08 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I think it depends on what you need most.
Physical play/presence or someone that you are mentally/emotionally in tune with.
You are the only one who can decide what your needs are.
I would like both but I know which one I would chose if I had to chose..
The relationship will grow or not. All anyone can do is give things time to develop.
I think the fear is investing a lot of time and work into something that has no chance.
But then we don't aways know which reationships have a chance and which don't until we try them on for size.
Good luck for the future for I beieve once you have decided that you are ready for a relationship it's just about luck that you find the right person.
But then what do I know lol.

(in reply to greeneyes1962)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 1:40:16 PM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

I was lucky that we lived only a few miles away when I first met my Sir. So we had already built a very strong relationship by the time the Army sent him away. It was hard, but we made it work. I would say that keeping the D/s dynamic alive during that year apart was the hardest for me, the love and closeness was always there.

ghita~

_____________________________

I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

(in reply to lateralist1)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 2:02:06 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: lighthearted

I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part.

It seems that many equate the distance physically apart as being a huge measure of consideration in dealing with Long Distance. As much as I do agree that the closer you are.. the easier it is to make the effort to be together. Being physically closer doesn't equate that two individuals will be emotional closer or closer in any way beyond physically. Many relationships sleep side by side every night and are further apart than relationships that physically across an ocean.

It seems to me that when we begin a relationship, physical has a significant weight to the positive feelings we gain from a relationship. However, from my experience of years within a relationship with Alandra... I have found that the physical closeness as important as it is, holds less and less weight. I have found over the course of time, it's the shared closeness of the emotions and thoughts that truly binded a relationship.

Kyra and I have been dealing with an incredible distance of over 3000 miles and across a national border. It has been my constant focus to slowly but surely focusing on the closeness of our emotions and thoughts that have allowed us to reach over 2 years as a relationsip. It is my belief that it will be my continued focus on this that will allow us to maintain and grow our relationship in the future. It's my focus because, even if she slept in my bed each night. It is still would be the shared closeness of our thoughts and feelings that will keep us together and not our physical location.

When I miss my girls... I look deeper into what I miss... and it's the sharing of thoughts and feelings. It is so easy to just spend time together... but it takes alot of effort to share thoughts and feelings. But, sharing thougths and feelings also take time as well regardless if one is physical together or not. If the effort to share is not done... being physical close will have little value.

KoM,
Very well said and while I agree with your point completely, don't you feel that still leaves the empty, aching need for physical closeness with your partner(s) (when both people do indeed put forth the effort to share thoughts, feelings, dreams, oddities, etc..and are successful in doing so)?

I am separated by 3,000 miles from Michael and the distance seems to get harder and harder each time we part..

This leads me to another question I have been wondering about regarding your household that I ask with the utmost respect:
When Kyra is away and it is just you and Alandra is it any easier for the two of you to handle than it is for Kyra since the two of you have each other to be with in a physical sense?
When you are missing Kyra but are with Alandra, do you tell Alandra that you are thinking of Kyra?
I truly ask this out of sincerity and mean no disrespect at all. It's just a difficult question to word correctly..

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 4:47:08 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
This leads me to another question I have been wondering about regarding your household that I ask with the utmost respect:
When Kyra is away and it is just you and Alandra is it any easier for the two of you to handle than it is for Kyra since the two of you have each other to be with in a physical sense?
When you are missing Kyra but are with Alandra, do you tell Alandra that you are thinking of Kyra?
I truly ask this out of sincerity and mean no disrespect at all. It's just a difficult question to word correctly..

obviously, i'm not KoM, but i can answer from my experience....Sir is long distance(ish) from me, as is my other partner. i live with my husband.

its not easy to handle missing either Sir or chris. and no, its not the same when i'm with wolf...he isnt either of the others. i love them equally, but each one is his own individual self, and they arent interchangable.

yes, i tell the one i'm with what i'm thinking about if asked....wolf doesnt ask often because of the house rule of never asking a question you're not sure you wish an answer to. Sir asks, and i am honest with him

kitten, who is tired...

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 20