Long Distance D/s Relationships

Long Distance D/s Relationships (Full Version)

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Oddogs -> Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 1:38:49 PM)
I have recently met this Dom on line but he is 200 miles away from me. Can anyone help me to understand the pros/cons of such a long distance relationship?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 1:42:37 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_688989/mpage_3/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#689642 LDRs and you http://www.collarchat.com/m_555442/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#555476 How do you cope? http://www.collarchat.com/m_399208/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#399230 Long distance relationships...how do you all make them work and overcome the obstacles that arise? http://www.collarchat.com/m_358232/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#358330 When the Master is away http://www.collarchat.com/m_243191/mpage_2/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#243396 Online or Distance relationships http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#207957 Long Distance Relationships http://www.collarchat.com/m_214831/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#214831 Long distance d/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_210165/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#210165 Pleasing my master long distance http://www.collarchat.com/m_131170/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#131170 In Between Visits http://www.collarchat.com/m_124826/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#124826 LDR and sickness or death http://www.collarchat.com/m_89834/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#89834 Long distance punishment ideas http://www.collarchat.com/m_22973/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#22973 Long Distance Relationship (2) http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#5502 Long Distance Relationships (2) http://www.collarchat.com/m_3521/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#3521 Long Distance http://www.collarchat.com/m_272610/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#272610 LDR D/s ideas http://www.collarchat.com/m_108560/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#108560 Long Distance Relationships????

mstrjx -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 1:53:38 PM)
You need to ask yourself some very pertinent questions. The answers that you give yourself should provide a roadmap to the future. What are your goals for the relationship? How often do you need to be physically in touch with your partner? Can one or the other of you make plans to be permanently (if that's what you desire) to be with the other? How ideal is this person in your eyes, and you in theirs? To wit, I'd never been in an LDR, until now. There are 700 miles between us. To be specific, she contacted me here in March. We've been physically together 4 times for weekends and once for 9 days (if I'm counting the weekends correctly). We'll be together once more for a weekend (if not twice) before I move to be with her somewhere between 46 and 60 days from today (7/16). I would say we figured out long ago that this was very much a 'real thing'. We haggled out wants, needs and dealbreakers from the getgo. We went into this with our eyes as wide open as possible. It's paying off. The cons? Well, there's the 700 miles. We would like to be together daily, but we 'settle' for webcam chat daily. Sometimes we don't even necessarily chat, but if one of us looks at the computer, we see the other. I would say the one con that we've discovered is saying 'goodbye' each time. Fortunately, there won't be too many more of those. Jeff

Sirandpet10 -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 2:07:15 PM)
Hello Oddogs. I'll tell you my story. My Master and I live over 2,000 miles away. We also met online three years ago. We met under different circumstances than you, however because three years ago, neither of us were "out" of the BDSM closet, so to speak. We had a fairly vanilla relationship over the phone and internet. Well, I wouldn't really call it a relationship, at the time we were both happy with being more than friends and less than a couple. It lasted a little less than a month. We lost contact and didn't speak for a little over two years. One day, he phoned me out of nowhere. We've been inseperable (over the phone, lol) ever since. We also both ended up exploring our BDSM side with each other and we've experimented in countless ways over the phone and in person when he makes the 2,000 mile plane trip to come and visit me. He's moving here in the next couple months. A happy ending, of course. :) Now, to your questions. Simple answer: GO FOR IT! 200 miles is nothing, especially if you've got a connection. I say, explore each other over the internet, over the phone, and eventually, plan a trip. And of course, stay safe. I wish you the best of luck in the future, you'll have to let me know what happens. Twink--

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 2:16:08 PM)
From my own personal experience...it never worked out. It wasnt enough, not fulfilling. For others, it works out fine.

proudsub -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 2:47:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Oddogs I have recently met this Dom on line but he is 200 miles away from me. Can anyone help me to understand the pros/cons of such a long distance relationship? It works for a lot of people. However, 200 mi. is only 3-4 hrs, depending on the route, so it shouldn't be too hard to meet and spend some time together. Hope it works out for you.

Littlepita -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 4:48:24 PM)
We were 500 miles apart for 10 months. It was hell being apart when all we wanted was to be together. You can do it for awhile but if a real relationship grows then long distance can never be enough.

lighthearted -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 4:54:55 PM)
I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part.

KnightofMists -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/16/2007 5:21:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part. It seems that many equate the distance physically apart as being a huge measure of consideration in dealing with Long Distance. As much as I do agree that the closer you are.. the easier it is to make the effort to be together. Being physically closer doesn't equate that two individuals will be emotional closer or closer in any way beyond physically. Many relationships sleep side by side every night and are further apart than relationships that physically across an ocean. It seems to me that when we begin a relationship, physical has a significant weight to the positive feelings we gain from a relationship. However, from my experience of years within a relationship with Alandra... I have found that the physical closeness as important as it is, holds less and less weight. I have found over the course of time, it's the shared closeness of the emotions and thoughts that truly binded a relationship. Kyra and I have been dealing with an incredible distance of over 3000 miles and across a national border. It has been my constant focus to slowly but surely focusing on the closeness of our emotions and thoughts that have allowed us to reach over 2 years as a relationsip. It is my belief that it will be my continued focus on this that will allow us to maintain and grow our relationship in the future. It's my focus because, even if she slept in my bed each night. It is still would be the shared closeness of our thoughts and feelings that will keep us together and not our physical location. When I miss my girls... I look deeper into what I miss... and it's the sharing of thoughts and feelings. It is so easy to just spend time together... but it takes alot of effort to share thoughts and feelings. But, sharing thougths and feelings also take time as well regardless if one is physical together or not. If the effort to share is not done... being physical close will have little value.

greeneyes1962 -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 12:55:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part. It seems that many equate the distance physically apart as being a huge measure of consideration in dealing with Long Distance. As much as I do agree that the closer you are.. the easier it is to make the effort to be together. Being physically closer doesn't equate that two individuals will be emotional closer or closer in any way beyond physically. Many relationships sleep side by side every night and are further apart than relationships that physically across an ocean. It seems to me that when we begin a relationship, physical has a significant weight to the positive feelings we gain from a relationship. However, from my experience of years within a relationship with Alandra... I have found that the physical closeness as important as it is, holds less and less weight. I have found over the course of time, it's the shared closeness of the emotions and thoughts that truly binded a relationship. Kyra and I have been dealing with an incredible distance of over 3000 miles and across a national border. It has been my constant focus to slowly but surely focusing on the closeness of our emotions and thoughts that have allowed us to reach over 2 years as a relationsip. It is my belief that it will be my continued focus on this that will allow us to maintain and grow our relationship in the future. It's my focus because, even if she slept in my bed each night. It is still would be the shared closeness of our thoughts and feelings that will keep us together and not our physical location. When I miss my girls... I look deeper into what I miss... and it's the sharing of thoughts and feelings. It is so easy to just spend time together... but it takes alot of effort to share thoughts and feelings. But, sharing thougths and feelings also take time as well regardless if one is physical together or not. If the effort to share is not done... being physical close will have little value. Beautifully stated KoM, but for me, sometimes I just long so much for the physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness. I'm hoping the next 2 months fly by. [:)]

hana20 -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 1:50:16 AM)
for 1,5 year i was 250 miles far away from my master but when i wasmising him i always though that it would not last long and that in some month we will be together!

liljoy -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 2:43:03 AM)
Master and i were 1800 miles apart when we first started talking. Thank God we had the same cell phone company because we talked on the phone several times a day, text messaged, emailed and IMed all the time. i recently joined Him and we still talk on the phone several times a day while He's at work

SlND3R3LLA -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 3:12:01 AM)
My Master lived almot 4 hrs away when we met on here. He came to me a couple of weeks later, I then moved here shortly afterward...sort of a happily everafter situation. I have also had LDR's that were horrible and only left me hurt and alone. It depends on how trustworthy both parties are, how honest, and how much they really want the relationship. I do think they are a bit harder, but if the commitment is there, they can work out fine. Just be careful and cautious, like you would in any other real life or internet situation. ~sin

kyraofMists -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 4:02:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962 Beautifully stated KoM, but for me, sometimes I just long so much for the physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness. I'm hoping the next 2 months fly by. [:)] I think it is also dependent on how you perceive and express love. One of the primary ways that he perceives love is through verbal affirmations. One of the primary ways that I perceive love is through physical touch. The distance challenges me in a different way because I have to rely on other perceptions of love that do not communicate it as much as a physical touch would. With a simple carress on my cheek I would perceive more love than an hour of verbal affirmations. Knowing this helps me deal with it in a constructive way, but it can be hard as hell. Knight's Kyra

MissSCD -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 6:24:01 AM)
After a period of time, you meet someone in your area. That is what I have learned through my life. When I was in the military, I was engaged, but it lasted a year. I moved on. So did he. Regards, MissSCD

greeneyes1962 -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 1:09:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists quote: ORIGINAL: greeneyes1962 Beautifully stated KoM, but for me, sometimes I just long so much for the physical closeness as well as the emotional closeness. I'm hoping the next 2 months fly by. [:)] I think it is also dependent on how you perceive and express love. One of the primary ways that he perceives love is through verbal affirmations. One of the primary ways that I perceive love is through physical touch. The distance challenges me in a different way because I have to rely on other perceptions of love that do not communicate it as much as a physical touch would. With a simple carress on my cheek I would perceive more love than an hour of verbal affirmations. Knowing this helps me deal with it in a constructive way, but it can be hard as hell. Knight's Kyra I know he loves me, he is free with telling me so, and his behaviors back that up. However I emotionally equate physical time spent together as a sign of love, and I very much need that. The past 2 years have been difficult for me, being cross country from him, but that is soon to end.

lateralist1 -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 1:34:08 PM)
I think it depends on what you need most. Physical play/presence or someone that you are mentally/emotionally in tune with. You are the only one who can decide what your needs are. I would like both but I know which one I would chose if I had to chose.. The relationship will grow or not. All anyone can do is give things time to develop. I think the fear is investing a lot of time and work into something that has no chance. But then we don't aways know which reationships have a chance and which don't until we try them on for size. Good luck for the future for I beieve once you have decided that you are ready for a relationship it's just about luck that you find the right person. But then what do I know lol.

GhitaAmati -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 1:40:16 PM)
I was lucky that we lived only a few miles away when I first met my Sir. So we had already built a very strong relationship by the time the Army sent him away. It was hard, but we made it work. I would say that keeping the D/s dynamic alive during that year apart was the hardest for me, the love and closeness was always there. ghita~

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 2:02:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: lighthearted I don't really view 200 miles as long distance, inconvenient, perhaps, but not necessarily long distance. and, it still allows you the possibility of meeting in the middle without too much hassle on either person's part. It seems that many equate the distance physically apart as being a huge measure of consideration in dealing with Long Distance. As much as I do agree that the closer you are.. the easier it is to make the effort to be together. Being physically closer doesn't equate that two individuals will be emotional closer or closer in any way beyond physically. Many relationships sleep side by side every night and are further apart than relationships that physically across an ocean. It seems to me that when we begin a relationship, physical has a significant weight to the positive feelings we gain from a relationship. However, from my experience of years within a relationship with Alandra... I have found that the physical closeness as important as it is, holds less and less weight. I have found over the course of time, it's the shared closeness of the emotions and thoughts that truly binded a relationship. Kyra and I have been dealing with an incredible distance of over 3000 miles and across a national border. It has been my constant focus to slowly but surely focusing on the closeness of our emotions and thoughts that have allowed us to reach over 2 years as a relationsip. It is my belief that it will be my continued focus on this that will allow us to maintain and grow our relationship in the future. It's my focus because, even if she slept in my bed each night. It is still would be the shared closeness of our thoughts and feelings that will keep us together and not our physical location. When I miss my girls... I look deeper into what I miss... and it's the sharing of thoughts and feelings. It is so easy to just spend time together... but it takes alot of effort to share thoughts and feelings. But, sharing thougths and feelings also take time as well regardless if one is physical together or not. If the effort to share is not done... being physical close will have little value. KoM, Very well said and while I agree with your point completely, don't you feel that still leaves the empty, aching need for physical closeness with your partner(s) (when both people do indeed put forth the effort to share thoughts, feelings, dreams, oddities, etc..and are successful in doing so)? I am separated by 3,000 miles from Michael and the distance seems to get harder and harder each time we part.. This leads me to another question I have been wondering about regarding your household that I ask with the utmost respect: When Kyra is away and it is just you and Alandra is it any easier for the two of you to handle than it is for Kyra since the two of you have each other to be with in a physical sense? When you are missing Kyra but are with Alandra, do you tell Alandra that you are thinking of Kyra? I truly ask this out of sincerity and mean no disrespect at all. It's just a difficult question to word correctly..

adoracat -> RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships (7/17/2007 4:47:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch This leads me to another question I have been wondering about regarding your household that I ask with the utmost respect: When Kyra is away and it is just you and Alandra is it any easier for the two of you to handle than it is for Kyra since the two of you have each other to be with in a physical sense? When you are missing Kyra but are with Alandra, do you tell Alandra that you are thinking of Kyra? I truly ask this out of sincerity and mean no disrespect at all. It's just a difficult question to word correctly.. obviously, i'm not KoM, but i can answer from my experience....Sir is long distance(ish) from me, as is my other partner. i live with my husband. its not easy to handle missing either Sir or chris. and no, its not the same when i'm with wolf...he isnt either of the others. i love them equally, but each one is his own individual self, and they arent interchangable. yes, i tell the one i'm with what i'm thinking about if asked....wolf doesnt ask often because of the house rule of never asking a question you're not sure you wish an answer to. Sir asks, and i am honest with him kitten, who is tired...

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