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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 6:36:46 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
When Kyra is away and it is just you and Alandra is it any easier for the two of you to handle than it is for Kyra since the two of you have each other to be with in a physical sense?
When you are missing Kyra but are with Alandra, do you tell Alandra that you are thinking of Kyra?
I truly ask this out of sincerity and mean no disrespect at all. It's just a difficult question to word correctly..

He has given me permission to share my perspective our of family and I did not find your questions disrespectful at all.

The three of us are very much in a relationship with each other. The main relationship is the one that exists between all three of us and then we each have individual relationships with each other. When he and Alandra are together they are both missing me, thinking and talking about me. It is the same when just he and I are together and we are missing Alandra. The best times that we have are when all three of us are together.

For the past year because of his job it has been a long distance relationship for all three of us. He and Alandra have only been able to spend a few days a month together and they have not been together much more than the three of us have been together. In a way we have all been denied the physical for the last year.

His focus is very much on the mental and emotional aspects of our relationship and that makes it easier for him to deal with the lack of physical closeness. Because I am more orientated towards physical closeness it has been harder for me to deal with. I have learned to start focusing on the mental and emotional aspects more and that has made the distance easier to handle.

His mindset is what makes it easier; having Alandra close at hand does not make it easier. He still has to deal with me not being there just like I have to deal with him not being there. When he wants me, wants to touch me, having Alandra will not satisfy that want.

Knight's Kyra

*By the way, you are right around the corner from me.

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 7:50:39 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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(Fast reply)

Master and i were diagonally opposite from each other in Australia, which is at least 5000km (over 3000 miles). W/we talked by computer, used web cams, lots of phone calls and had visits of gradually increasing length at decreasing intervals, with at least 1 visit each way. After about a year, Master decided to move to be with me as that suited O/our needs best at the time, 3 years later He and i have moved together to be back in His home state. While W/we flew over for short visits, the moves each way W/we drove together towing a trailer of treasures. That's a lot of driving ... lots of photos too and many wonderful memories just in the moves! And it's a test of a relationship to spend over a week in a car together!

Right now My Domme side is in serious discussion with a potential fem sub who might eventually join O/our household. She lives about 420km (260 miles) away. She is driving up for her first visit here in 2 days time YAY (so I won't be on the boards so much next week!). I don't really think of this as an LDR because it's only just over 4 hours drive to get here. However, W/we are talking on IM, and on the phone, just as in a longer distance relationship.

So what are the pros and cons? Pros for Me is that I find I get to know the person at a much deeper level through talking and writing than I would face to face, at least, I achieve that more quickly. I can delve into their minds much more, and explore their hearts desires ... that's often easier to do from distance than it is face to face. My girl and I feel W/we already know each other well on a mental level and it's now just being sure that the physical chemistry is there between the 3 of U/us. In fact, it's not even the sexual chemistry that is needing to be tested, it's more the "everyday household chemistry" that W/we are interested in exploring. I know I can be friends with any number of people, can play with some and care for them quite deeply, but that doesn't mean I want to live 24/7 with them. Ex-hubby 1 fits into that category, I still love him in many ways, but I'd hate to live with him again! So this is why W/we have arranged this visit only about 1 month after meeting through collarme. W/we don't want to get too emotionally committed to working towards a 24/7 potential future if the everyday things aren't going to work for U/us, but no matter what, there is enough mental connection to definitely stay friends. I would advise not leaving it too long before there is a face to face meeting for those reasons, with all due safety precautions of course. With My sub, the first evening will be devoted to just chatting, making a meal together and all 3 of U/us getting to know each other. Gradually over the following week I hope to introduce her to some bdsm play, some domestic training ... and if it feels right, some intimate service too. But it will be as the vibes feel right, as and when W/we are comfortable to do such things. I want this to be a very positive experience as her only other bdsm experience was very negative.

Cons are definitely the goodbyes, very, very hard. The first time I said goodbye to Master (though W/we were the other way around at the time), I cried. I just cried more each subsequent time! I hate goodbyes and I miss them terribly, though after a week or so W/we were generally able to settle into a less desperate mode and just talk again! I don't think I could contemplate getting stuck in an LDR longterm with no prospect of moving to be with each other. That would drive Me nuts! However there are lots of ways to feel closer to someone, keep an item of their clothing with their scent, make yourself a rainy day envelope or box containing special little keepsakes, words they've written to you etc which can comfort you when you feel alone. A previous Dom I was very attached to had me take an old pack of cards, remove the King of Hearts, and paste His pic on the back and carry it in my purse. i loved that!

Good luck if you should decide to pursue this relationship!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 8:38:51 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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MJ lives 3 hours away, we make it work. We put the effort into it, we talk almost every day, we email, text IM, and see eachother when we can. Like all things, if you want it to work, you put effort into it. MJ an I have discussed seeing eachother more often, right now, things are buisy at work for Him and He has races comeing up, back to back weekends, so me being down there, would not be copasetic, so I stay up here, BUT, He is coming up next weekend, the weekend of the 28th , right before my 27th b-day, so I do get alone time with Him as an early b-day present. I can't wait. We also make every effort to be 'there' for eachother, emotionally since we can't be there phsycailly. Last night, I was frusturated and batteling a few deamons on my own, and I text Him that I needed to be cuddled with. I could almost feel His arms around me from 3hrs away while we talked.

I have had a few long term relationships that were ldr and they worked out, we broke up for different reasons, distance not among them.

YUO have to decide if you want it and if you can handle the ups and downs.

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"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 8:48:59 PM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
When Kyra is away and it is just you and Alandra is it any easier for the two of you to handle than it is for Kyra since the two of you have each other to be with in a physical sense?
When you are missing Kyra but are with Alandra, do you tell Alandra that you are thinking of Kyra?
I truly ask this out of sincerity and mean no disrespect at all. It's just a difficult question to word correctly..

He has given me permission to share my perspective our of family and I did not find your questions disrespectful at all.

The three of us are very much in a relationship with each other. The main relationship is the one that exists between all three of us and then we each have individual relationships with each other. When he and Alandra are together they are both missing me, thinking and talking about me. It is the same when just he and I are together and we are missing Alandra. The best times that we have are when all three of us are together.

For the past year because of his job it has been a long distance relationship for all three of us. He and Alandra have only been able to spend a few days a month together and they have not been together much more than the three of us have been together. In a way we have all been denied the physical for the last year.

His focus is very much on the mental and emotional aspects of our relationship and that makes it easier for him to deal with the lack of physical closeness. Because I am more orientated towards physical closeness it has been harder for me to deal with. I have learned to start focusing on the mental and emotional aspects more and that has made the distance easier to handle.

His mindset is what makes it easier; having Alandra close at hand does not make it easier. He still has to deal with me not being there just like I have to deal with him not being there. When he wants me, wants to touch me, having Alandra will not satisfy that want.

Knight's Kyra

*By the way, you are right around the corner from me.

Thank you for answering so openly Kyra. I just realized when I opened your email on the other side that we live in the same town! I sent you an email back on the other side.
Regards,
-BSB

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 9:14:27 PM

caught4u

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Joined: 5/25/2007
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Master and i are over 6 thousand miles apart, with an ocean between us. Yet i am closer to Him than anyone else in my life. i may be crazy, but i am sure we will find a way to be together in real life. Sometimes the people closest to you physically are the farthest away in heart. Distance is relative.

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/17/2007 9:18:41 PM

frostiiblue

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Joined: 2/11/2006
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I never post or reply just read...but I can relate to your situation....my master lives in another state....but I feel like he is only a drive away(he's not)....and I have been his collared slave for 5yrs. now....long distance can work.....wishing you all the best.....be well....

frostii

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/19/2007 7:01:35 PM

PrincessEllie

Posts: 287
Joined: 11/30/2006
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I'm going to give you my experience of LDRs, and it's pretty much the downside of it all.

I tried to have a purely intelctual relationship with a Dom back in my early teens. He lived over 200 miles away and we never met each other. It got to the point that after I even spoke with him over aim or email I would have two days of excitement and then a weeklong subdrop period. I was depressed and suicidal because I loved my Dom and I was never able to see him. I cut myself and contemplated suicide often.

and I will never ever ever do a LRD again.

But to make you less scared, my boyfriend/Dom was not a very good Dom, at least not back then. He ignored me a lot, never called, and we rarely talked. I became more obsessed as he became more distant. I finally reached the point where I was so fucked up mentally that I drove him away. But it was all his fault.

I don't see why it wouldn't work out if you had a good caring Dom.

_____________________________

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up
Or hold me down
And bite me baby, bite me!

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/19/2007 8:14:16 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
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We were 150 miles apart for 2 years. Traffic depending, a 3 -5 hour drive. Long Island is a pain to get on or off of.

We saw each other about once a month in good weather, closer to once every two months in bad. One winter we had snow predicted every time we thought to meet.

We talked on the phone, we chatted, we sent emails. But we both need a lot of contact. If we were more the types that don't want tons of contact, it would have been harder.

No guarantees either way, any more than if he lived down the street.

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/20/2007 6:48:25 AM

BrutalMasterOne

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Joined: 4/8/2007
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It can be very hard to find someone who fits you correctly. Statistically you are looking for the needle in the hay stack. Think of it this way, if in "normal" relationships the failure rate is high, imagine what it will be in what we do and/or want.

Distances today are just that distance. Planes, cars and trains make distance shorter and smaller. I myself have had relationships that were "long distance" that ended with the slave coming to me. They have lasted a very long time too. So often you need to take what you can find and just go with it. There is not a single set of rules that will work.

Perhaps there is one rule? Know what you want and go forth and seek it. In my own case I seek "slaves" and "masochists" and those who understand that this Master never is satisfied and seeks and looks continually and enjoys the ultimate variety that the world gives us. Long distance shortly can become short distance, keep that in mind.

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/20/2007 11:04:44 AM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Oddogs

I have recently met this Dom on line but he is 200 miles away from me. Can anyone help me to understand the pros/cons of such a long distance relationship?

Distance is a perception. If you want to make it work then you won't let something like distance be a factor. I don't personally see 200 miles as long distance. If anything I think distance gives both the ability to spend time talking and discussing things that local doesn't. Which can be a pro. The cons of course are constantly having to say goodbye at the end of a visit and not having them there for you to interact with physically whenever you wish.

I've had both long distance (3000 miles) and local relationships. There were times when I felt more "distance" in the local relationship than I ever did in the one where 3000 miles separated us. Regardless of which it is communication is the key.

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: Long Distance D/s Relationships - 7/20/2007 10:13:21 PM

ClubMix

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One of the scariest thoughts, to me, about long-distance relationships is the fact that when you have no interaction with someone`s life outside of them (such as meeting the friends, family, etc), you only get to see what they want you to see. Person could be married with seventeen children and a donkey fetish farm and you`d never be the wiser, as long as they have a quiet office.

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