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Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 10:47:26 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Master went away for the last nearly 2 weeks. He had left me with a few things to do to fill my time. Typing part of his manuscript and sewing a huge tear in his night shirt. I did the typing no problem, but the night shirt well.. its old and the fabric wasnt takeing the stitches any more and wouldnt exept a patch becuase the fabric riped so easy it just came right off. Well Master got home today and called me as soon as he did so I would know. He didnt say anything about the typing but he asked if I could drop off his night shirt. I felt so bad telling him I couldnt fix it for him. The things is he was fine about it, told me he sorta thought he may need to get a new one. But I felt so bad and I still feel so bad. Like I failed at something he needed me to do. Even though he wasnt upset with me I am, even though I know I did everything I could to save it, I still feel like I failed him and it feels so bad!!!!
I dont know how to just let go say I did my best and there was nothing more I could have done and be ok with it.. I just dont know how!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 10:49:45 AM   
Shantra


Posts: 41
Joined: 3/29/2007
Status: offline 		smiles softly.. understand... did your Master give you permission to beat yourself up over it?

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 10:53:22 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		You only fail what you do not try, and you tried, so you succeeded, even if the outcome was not what you wanted. Don't be so hard on yourself, your master wasn't hard on you, so take a page from his book, relax, calm down and let it go.
 
{{hugs}}

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Shantra)
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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 10:54:25 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		*confused look*

If your Master says he does not blame you and expected he might need to get a new night shirt; would it not be in your best interest to believe him, despite how you feel about it?

Are you not only human?

Hope you feel better soon.

Sincerely,

k

_____________________________

Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 10:54:30 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		ok, here's what Ma'am has said in similar situations

just wondering, have you finally gotten all you'll ever need from your Master?  is it your time to think for him? perhaps you feel he is no longer able to judge your action... CONGRATULATIONS!!! seriously, if he has not acted as if he were disappointed in you, or if he's decided not to punish you...

GET OVER IT!!!  it's not your place to punish yourself so stop beating yourself up

go in love and peace,

oren

edited to add: there weren't all these wise people saying everything i had to say when i started this


< Message edited by darchChylde -- 6/24/2007 10:55:52 AM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 10:59:13 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		you have got to get over that magic, it will get old very quickly.

besides when you throw a pity party for yourself, you get to be the star of the show, the center of attention and nothing shouts its all about me louder then that icky gooey stuff.

get out of the house and volunteer and a children's hospital a couple of times a week, you might be surprised at how dying children who have every reason to feel like failures and have pity party's, dont do that...and wont allow the adults around them to do that either...why? because they know its not good for healing, and getting stronger...and when you have spent the day sharing with them and their real problems, you will feel amazing, filled with new perspective and admiration, you will also connect to what is really important in the the grand scheme of things.....and then on the way home stop off at Macy's and get you Dom a new nightshirt.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Shantra)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:01:27 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		You did the best you could, right?  Well, there you go.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:02:36 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		It was the shirt that failed your Master and failed to allow itself to be repaired!  You did your best and you can't always achieve a task no matter how hard you try, you yourself are not in control of the frabic.   What counts is that you tried and did you best, you did not fail.   

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:06:45 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

you have got to get over that magic, it will get old very quickly.

besides when you throw a pity party for yourself, you get to be the star of the show, the center of attention and nothing shouts its all about me louder then that icky gooey stuff.

get out of the house and volunteer and a children's hospital a couple of times a week, you might be surprised at how dying children who have every reason to feel like failures and have pity party's, dont do that...and wont allow the adults around them to do that either...why? because they know its not good for healing, and getting stronger...and when you have spent the day sharing with them and their real problems, you will feel amazing, filled with new perspective and admiration, you will also connect to what is really important in the the grand scheme of things.....and then on the way home stop off at Macy's and get you Dom a new nightshirt.




*agrees with the tough-love Hawaiian*
 
Look at your perspective, ms, and as others have said, if HE's okay with it, follow his lead.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:09:53 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah, that's how I view it too.  I don't think it's necessary to go volunteer at a children's hospital just to cure yourself of your self-pity.  I won't go THAT far.  But if your dom says it's OK, that means it's OK.  End of story.  You don't have the authority to determine whether you suceeded or failed.  Only he does.

quote:

ORIGINAL: charmdpetKeira

If your Master says he does not blame you and expected he might need to get a new night shirt; would it not be in your best interest to believe him, despite how you feel about it?

(in reply to charmdpetKeira)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:12:28 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Not to hijack but this is something I've never understood.  Why do submissives feel badly if they can't do something?  LOL!  What I mean is...if you've really tried your best and you simply cannot do the task, I don't understand why you'd feel badly.  It was either something that simply can't be done or something that you simply cannot do.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:18:21 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Because they live to serve, bandit.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:26:47 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		true LAM!

bandit, everything we do has pay offs, and often the feeling bad payoff means we (i say we, because all of us are guilty of this at times) :

dont have to do anything well
are not expected to change things
get to play old records about how worthless we are
get to be comfy in our comfort zone
get to recieve (and often demand) sympathy from those around us
get to reinforce what we have heard about our selves growning up
never have to reach for the brass rings, never take risks, and never know how trully, amazing and powerful we are.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:29:26 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		You should feel happy for Master.  Now he gets to buy a brand new nightshirt! 

Geez, take off the sackcloth and ashes.  Clothing wears out.  Life goes on. 

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:29:33 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I understand what you're saying amy, but I meant if you REALLY did your best.  I can't see that being a failure.  If one wants to feel badly because the task wasn't done, well, I even understand that.  But not because one failed.  How can you fail if you do your best?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 11:52:59 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, you'll just have to accept that many service-oriented subs feel that way, even if you don't.  If they're told to do something and can't do it, they feel as though they have failed, even if they've tried their best.  If you're someone who derives fulfillment from pleasing others, and you cannot please someone as requested, you are left unfulfilled.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 12:01:42 PM   
maledave7


Posts: 142
Joined: 8/4/2006
Status: offline 		I feel that you would have failed your Master if you did nothing to try to fix the shirt. You said that he thought maybe that he needed a new shirt. That he was fine with the fact that you could not fix the hole.
I have at times sewed up my own shirts and pants. Sometimes I could not fix the hole and I go out buy a new one.
If it would make you feel better, you could ask him if you could go out and buy him a new one.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 12:03:56 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		I understand how frustrating and dissapointing it can be to not be able to do the things we would like to do for our Doms. I am not going to sit here and tell you how you SHOULD feel, or tell you to get over it. Yes, it is something you are going to have to work out, and get past, but I understand that someone just saying "get over it" itsnt going to do that for you.

I would suggest though, trying to sit down calmly with him, explain to him that while you understand that he isnt upset with you for not being able to fix his shirt, you still feel like you let him down and ask him if there isnt maybe something else you could do for him to make it up to him? And see what he says.

ghita amati

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 12:18:07 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		Maybe the sense of failure stems from a sense of having lost control of the situation. The damned shirt wouldn't comply with her wishes, no matter how hard she tried to bend it to her will. Think about it - when given a task, unless the Dom totally micromanages the doing of the task, then the sub/slave still has at least some measure of control over it.
 
So is it failure to do as she was told, or failure because the shirt won? I'd say the latter - so let go of it Magik. If your Dom told you to stop the world from turning, then I have no doubt at all you'd give it your best shot, but seriously, are you going to win that one either?


_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 12:40:05 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		as one of the people that said"get over it" i would like to respond to you.

when i said you need to get over it, i was not saying presto-changeo and poof, you can move on.

i recognize that this is a mountain, and this is  an obstacle for her and her relationship. this mountain can do no good, nothing good comes of beating your self up and feeling bad about anything... ever.

but it can do harm, and i have see n the harm it can do.

one it will begin to wear on the nerves of her owner who is not going to be pleased by sulking and worthlessness.

two it will ebb away at her self esteem and the problem will magnify

three it will feel to her owner as though there is a bottomless well that he needs to fill and that will exhaust him

and four it allows her to not try her best, and not make clear decisions (ie:buy him a new shirt) and that will be more work for the owner then not having a slave at all.... 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 20
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