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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 1:40:35 AM

becca333

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I think there's things you can know intellectually, but still not accept emotionally. You know you can't fix an old shirt (and men keep clothes until they disintegrate in tatters), but emotionally you still want to be perfect. And all the other things happening at the same time just added stress, and it all came out as that stupid nightshirt being the problem.

As soon as you're with him it all disappears. You'll be fine. And there's nothing wrong with looking here for support when you're feeling down.

And use that nightshirt as a cleaning rag!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

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Post #: 41

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 1:57:36 AM

wwwkevinww

Posts: 276
Joined: 7/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

as one of the people that said"get over it" i would like to respond to you.

when i said you need to get over it, i was not saying presto-changeo and poof, you can move on.

i recognize that this is a mountain, and this is an obstacle for her and her relationship. this mountain can do no good, nothing good comes of beating your self up and feeling bad about anything... ever.

but it can do harm, and i have see n the harm it can do.

one it will begin to wear on the nerves of her owner who is not going to be pleased by sulking and worthlessness.

two it will ebb away at her self esteem and the problem will magnify

three it will feel to her owner as though there is a bottomless well that he needs to fill and that will exhaust him

and four it allows her to not try her best, and not make clear decisions (ie:buy him a new shirt) and that will be more work for the owner then not having a slave at all....

I agree with everything your saying here, and with the gist of what most people are saying. I also agree that a pity party isn't the way to go......

It is something the op will have to get over though on her own, its her own issue and she can decide to make mountains out of moe hills if she wants to.....

Its not like this is the only problem one can experience in life, and even when and if you get over this one, there is always something else.....

this is called "the mountain range" effect in pragmatism, which is a western philosophy with the main precept to look at things in a positive light....choose to be happy for happiness sake.....even if you're depressed and things seem bleak, for the most part things generally improve and you will feel better eventually.....
find the good in a bad situation.....have a horrible boss and hate your job, find solace in the fact that even in this situation you have the option of quitting, and this actually gives you a reason to find a new one......or that even with a horrible boss and not enjoying your job, the actual work you do at the job is still top quality, etc...

in regards to your situation, I think you should not be talking to us about it, but sharing this with your master.......I'd hope he would follow along what we are saying......but also I think its more important in an intimate relationship to be able to share your feelings regarding a situation like this, its more important to be able to talk about this and explain your feelings, sort of a cartharsis, so that its easier to grow and have real intimacy and love.....

A site I have mentioned a little to others and is in my profile I'll mention here is called takeninhand.com, and I think its an interesting site, with some interesting articles.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

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Post #: 42

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 1:58:44 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

awwwwwwwwww lol.... I have to laugh because I laugh when I see truth or when I see someone else happy. I am so glad that the dam broke and you were able to talk about how you have been feeling. I know that feeling or joy and am just glad that you were able to get it out.

It's hard when your dominant isn't around. I know that feeling and it is awful! You feel lost in ways. But... it's all good now and you are going to get everything all sorted out. I hope you have a great time! I'll be thinking of you and your Master and wishing you both well!

Yeah when Master is gone for to long I feel off balance!!!

thank you for the well wishes

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 43

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 2:01:49 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

I think there's things you can know intellectually, but still not accept emotionally. You know you can't fix an old shirt (and men keep clothes until they disintegrate in tatters), but emotionally you still want to be perfect. And all the other things happening at the same time just added stress, and it all came out as that stupid nightshirt being the problem.

As soon as you're with him it all disappears. You'll be fine. And there's nothing wrong with looking here for support when you're feeling down.

And use that nightshirt as a cleaning rag!

best idea all night!!!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to becca333)

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Post #: 44

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 7:34:24 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

Master went away for the last nearly 2 weeks. He had left me with a few things to do to fill my time. Typing part of his manuscript and sewing a huge tear in his night shirt. I did the typing no problem, but the night shirt well.. its old and the fabric wasnt takeing the stitches any more and wouldnt exept a patch becuase the fabric riped so easy it just came right off. Well Master got home today and called me as soon as he did so I would know. He didnt say anything about the typing but he asked if I could drop off his night shirt. I felt so bad telling him I couldnt fix it for him. The things is he was fine about it, told me he sorta thought he may need to get a new one. But I felt so bad and I still feel so bad. Like I failed at something he needed me to do. Even though he wasnt upset with me I am, even though I know I did everything I could to save it, I still feel like I failed him and it feels so bad!!!!
I dont know how to just let go say I did my best and there was nothing more I could have done and be ok with it.. I just dont know how!

Magik's slave

So... in the end your saying that your Expectations to fix the shirt is more important that your Master's decision that the shirt was not fixable.

I say this because you are holding on to the emotions and feelings of failing to fix the shirt... instead of falling your Master's decision and leave the shirt in the trash.

So.. which you do you think is the proper path to follow?

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

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Post #: 45

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 9:12:53 AM

Lockit

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Whoa... I find it amazing what some can read into a posting and what they seem to miss. All while pointing a finger of fault and seemingly without much understanding of the person. {shakes head and walks off}

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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Post #: 46

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 10:07:52 AM

wwwkevinww

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Joined: 7/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Whoa... I find it amazing what some can read into a posting and what they seem to miss. All while pointing a finger of fault and seemingly without much understanding of the person. {shakes head and walks off}

its a psychological issue in many respects. if you think of a mind map where anything that is possible you can think, or your mental state at any given time can be mapped out, basically thought patterns. There are a variety of reasons to be thinking anything, and often words of others can often control your thoughts, you have to think about what they are saying to understand it...

try not to think about an apple, even though I just mentioned it......

people beat themselves up and get depressed often because it is a way of getting attention, at least temporarily.....they'll realize they should of payed more attention to me when I'm not here anymore....

showing someone attention or positive reinforcement to a negative action like beating yourself up for something even though you did your best reinforces this beating yourself up, its a mire that I can see the op is already out of.....

I am missing how you can pass judgement on anyone who directed the op correctly on how to handle it in my opinion....I can only think you are ignorant to the psychological issues at hand....or you think there wasn't enough info and we were jumping to conclusions?

regardless, I think this is a done issue.....and using it as a rag obviously is a good idea that I didn't think about, makes me think about all the various clothes i have tossed I could of used for rags....hmm....

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 47

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 10:15:27 AM

wwwkevinww

Posts: 276
Joined: 7/15/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

So... in the end your saying that your Expectations to fix the shirt is more important that your Master's decision that the shirt was not fixable.

I say this because you are holding on to the emotions and feelings of failing to fix the shirt... instead of falling your Master's decision and leave the shirt in the trash.

So.. which you do you think is the proper path to follow?

Obviously they are two different people. Its not surprising that she would be stuck in her own thoughts and not be in the mental state of her master's.....at least she was....if you read her last comment I think you would realize your a day late and a dollar short, she sounded like the issue was over.....

I think this comment prompted the other comment that followed yours....

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 10:16:51 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Whoa... I find it amazing what some can read into a posting and what they seem to miss. All while pointing a finger of fault and seemingly without much understanding of the person. {shakes head and walks off}

what i am hearing is that you are bothered by anothers persons truth which is not candy coated.

am i hearing you right?

i was one of the toughest love speakers on this thread, and i assure you i was not about placing blame it was about helping the OP see that she was investing her energy in a place where it would not bennifit her.

as my sensei would say, "there aint no chees down that tube"

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 49

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 10:22:50 AM

Lockit

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Kevin, I am not going to argue with you. I did not encourage any bad behavior. What I did was understand where her issues were coming from and address THOSE psychological aspects of the situation. Tell ya what... why don't we ask her Master how he would have wanted the situation dealt with and go from there? After all... that's what matters most.

I won't coddle someone when I feel they need correction. But before any correction... it might be wise for the person being corrected to understand why they are being corrected and it might be up to someone else to correct them. I just gave a bit of compassion and understanding.

(in reply to wwwkevinww)

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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 10:26:35 AM

Lockit

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crouchingtigeress, I wasn't responding to anything that you said. It was after the matter was resolved and in the hands of her Master that I was commenting on.

(in reply to Lockit)

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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 10:42:19 AM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

crouchingtigeress, I wasn't responding to anything that you said. It was after the matter was resolved and in the hands of her Master that I was commenting on.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to Lockit)

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Post #: 52

RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 11:06:07 AM

Domspaintoy

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Joined: 2/25/2007
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i understand what you are saying, but as my Master would and has said before now, 'its my job to beat you slave, not yours so forget it, it is not a problem'.

Its difficult to forget something when you really want to do something for your Master and do it well, you put a lot of time and effort into the task, He knows you tried, its time to move onto the next task he gives you.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 1:29:46 PM

MagiksSlave

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Joined: 9/11/2006
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OY VEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really am wondering if anyone read my follow up posts at all!!!

And Knight, how bout not turning your nose down at how Master and I do things. We are two indavidual people and my Master wants me to have my own emotion he has never and will never expect my emotions to match his. he has always incuraged me to feel what I am feeling and has never invalideted my emotions by telling me "well if Im not upset about it you shouldnt be." and as I said in my other responses here, it wasnt all about the shirt, it was just comeing out in that way because it was the straw the broke the cammels back.

Magik's very frustrated slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Domspaintoy)

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Post #: 54