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RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 12:52:41 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		i understand.  i like be given duties that challenge me but, i've found that it's very easy for me to set myself up for feelings of failure when i place unrealistically high expectations on what i can do.  i'm very detail-oriented and i do hold myself and my work to very high standard.  It's easy for me, in my eagerness to please, to end up putting so much pressure on myself to reach a standard that is impossible to meet, that i end up feeling like a failure. 
 
i've learned that it's important for me to maintain a healthy self-esteem by being realistic about what is and isn't possible for me to do and to accept challenges, with the understanding that, after giving it my best effort, if it doesn't come out as successfully as i wanted, that i know it wasn't due to a lack of effort on my part.  That, i can live with, although i still look to see if there was something i could have done differently.  Learning from a "failure" helps me to look at it (and myself) more positively.  i can learn more from my "failures" than from my successes.
____________
slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"..and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
-- F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 12:55:02 PM   
diz


Posts: 1076
Joined: 9/6/2006
Status: offline 		i think your failure to let yourself get past this is obviously something you find difficult in general and something you need to talk to your Master about and discover the deep rootedness of it all for your own good.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 1:23:37 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		What's wrong with a night shirt with a hole in it?
Old clothes are lovely.
The fabric is much softer through many washes.
I'd wear it until it actually fell apart.
I'd also tell you to buy another now and wash it every time you washed until it was as soft as the old one.
You could use the old one as a pattern and make him a new one if you were really good at sewing.
You could also suggest his favourite activity just to show how much you love him.
Has telling us about it made you feel better?
Do you understand now that it's not really important in the big scheme of things?
However it is obviously important to you. So do something else for your Master.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 1:58:53 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well I am sure nothing I say will help you come to terms with your guilt, so I wont even try..But...you can take old night shirt get whatever good material you can from it and make him a wee pillow from it.And then go out and purchase a new one of similar material and design....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 2:16:46 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Well this thread has shown me that I'm not a service oriented sub.
This isn't anything I would have ever given a second thought about
especially if he said it was ok.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 4:25:00 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		((sighs)) OK Im not haveing a pitty party, in fact I had no time all day to think about it as i was bussy with my sisters high school graduation. I dont know why people desided to pounce, and tell me to go to childrens hospitals and such, I dont really know how telling me others have worse problems then me makes my problems any better for me, it is only invalidateing and makeing me feel worse, like telling me im not intilted to my feelings!!! I simply came here to vent about it cuz I was upset that I couldnt do this silly little thing for my Master, but as whiplash said and thank you Sir is that the shirt failed Master not me LOL that made me smile. Honestly if Master had not asked for his shirt the secent he got home it wouldnt bother me at all really in fact it didnt bother me so much when I finally tossed the thing cross the room cuz it wouldnt exept the patch I was trying to put on it. But the fact that he called and ask for the shirt first thing made me feel bad because if it was so importent he needed it the day he arrived home when he was to tired to even think straight made me feel bad, obviously the shirt is importent to him or he wouldnt have asked me to fix it in the first place aspecially since his mother had sewed it for him and that didnt take eather and it tore again that same night, aparently this night shirt holds some importents to him and that is what made me feel so bad!

Also Im a profectionist and yes I agree I am a tad harsh on myself.

To those of you that said it was up to Master if I failed or not Ill simply say this, Master is in controll of a lot of things most of my life in fact but he is not in conrtoll of my emotions or how I feel about things, he has never wanted to controll this in fact I dont have the controll over it so I couldnt give it to him even if I wanted to!!!

Honeslty this emotion is a little stronger then normal because of some other emotional stress one of the things beeing not beeing able to see or even really talk to Master the last two weeks and that is enough to make me a total mess, but also that my little sister is graduating today and that is a ball of sad and happy emotions for me and it just shows me how much closer I am to haveing my little sister go away to college, she is one of my best friends and her going away is very hard for me, so there where many other things that made this little thing hit a little harder.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/24/2007 4:33:20 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 5:48:55 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Funny in that he ripped a pair of shorts last week. I go to mend them and discover they didn't tear at the seam, the fabric was just gone. No wonder they were his favorite pair, they were softer than my 400 count sheets! I wandered off to the outlet shop in town and picked him up a pair on sale for $10. Not the same but at least he isn't down one pair. And he had the same response, "I didn't think they could be fixed". Then why not warn me first?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:14:14 PM   
goodgirl85


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		At least you had the ability to attempt to fix the shirt. I never learned how to sew. Probably never will. The shirt was obviously old. The only thing I would have done differently was gone out and buy him a new one, and show him how non fixable the old one was. But that's me.

I would have felt bad right away because of the fact that I couldn't even sew.  But you didn't try just once to repair the shirt... you even tried to patch it and it just didnt take. I had this old nightgown when i was younger... right up til the time I was 16. It was a bugs bunny christmas nigtgown. I wore it all time... not just around the holidays. I actually cried when it got to the point that I just had to throw it away. But see thats the thing... clothes get old... even the most successful lawyers have to go out and purchase new suits from time to time--not just they want to but because they have to.

Don't feel bad. Especially do the fact the your Master doesn;t see the need for you to. If he did I am sure he would have made that clear.

girl

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:21:08 PM   
frazzle40


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Cant see why so upset, you did everyhing you could.              havent read all replies to post, but you could get out sewing machine and make Him a new one.    Not for all, but a night shirt isnt that complicated.          If is a disaster, again you tried and will prob give you both a laugh, depending on how it fits!!

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:23:53 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah LOL I thought about going and buying him a new one.... However, I used my last $6 to buy my sisters lunch!! Yeah Im broke Im a student whith a part time job and at the moment have no money because my parents needed to raid my meager bank account for far more importent things. Master knows Im broke and I think he may have actually gotten angry if I had gone out and spent money to get him a new night shirt. He knows I would rather give and give and give and never have anything for myself, that is a major reason Im broke at the moment. Something I have always needed to learn and Master has been working on is actually treating myself half as well as I treat others!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:26:32 PM   
goodgirl85


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		O and I agree on the whole making a pillow or such from the material. If the shirt is the important to him, for whatever the reason, I am sure he would appreciate the thought and effort that you will put into.

And yes, the whole going to a children's hosptial to see how this isn't really a big deal really is like someone that they don'c have the right to feel the way they do. Sometimes I get so aggravated about something small that I cry and get upset. I know some people out there are dealing with bigger problems than how you feel about not being able to completely finish a project that your Master asked you to do. But what's small to some people is HUGE to another and vice versa....

Me personally I give tremondous credit to all those who work with and volunteer for sick children. I for one don't have the heart for it... and thats not saying I am heartless... but it would break my heart to see children who are so full of life (and it is true that children are some of the best copers out there when it comes to being seriously sick) have that lifeness and all of the potential taken out of them.

O and I hope you are everything is a bit better for you. Don't worry, you won't lose your sister, she'll still be best friend. Just think of all those late night phone calls the two of you will share where you listen for hours about the wonders and disasters of college life and romances and parties.

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:38:29 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks goodgirl.

Its really hard to think about her moveing farther away then down the hall, I mean we even shared a room for 10 years untill my parents added 2 rooms onto the house and even then she only moved down the hall from me!!! We have always been very close and I remember how hard it was when my older brother moved out for good. The 4 of us (my older brother and 2 younger sisters) have always been extremely close. And it has been very hard as we have grown up and gone more and more onto makeing our own lives.

As for volenteering with sick children, well I spent enough time in a childrens hospital as a pacient!!!! I dont volenteer but for the last year I have been working on my own charity and help/support web sight, with my older brothers help. I have also adopted a child through the christians childrens fund, I guess thats another reason that comment hit me so hard, these people dont know me or what I have been through or what I know or have seen... I know and I have seen!!!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:48:48 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Magik,

As I read all the responses, I took myself back to when I was serving and tried to remember something like your situation and how I felt.  The one thing that stands out in my mind the most is that you had your heart set on pleasing your Master with these two things he wanted from you.  You put a lot of energy into fixing that shirt and I know that because of your discription of it not holding the patch.  He was away and you put all of yourself into these projects, loving him and serving him while he was away.  Add the emotions of him being away and the other stressers in life and you have one who needs to do these things from a deep and emotional place.  That wasn't just a shirt and something your Master wanted you to do.  That was your love.  It didn't work out and that was a frustration coming from a deep place within you.

Am I anywhere close?  I am just going on what I felt and trying to understand how you might feel.  Sometimes with me, the frustrations can add up to some pretty negative outcomes since I have no control over a lot of my life because of my son.  Somehow I internalize everything as if I didn't do something I should have or feel that I should be able to better handle something, when it is simply the situation being negative... maybe hormones... lonely... broke... under pressure and then one more thing goes wrong... a thing very important to me.  Cry me a river... lol

I think that shirt represented a lot more than a request or order from your Master and simple nightshirt that needed mending.

I do hope you feel better soon.  Maybe some good time with your Master, where no stress is allowed and lots of laughter would help.  A time out from the world of stressers and gaining emotional balance and rest.  Sounds like you are just simply overwhelmed and could use a mini vacation even if it is in the bathtub, with candles and a good book.  Then again... hehe... maybe a spanking is in order! lol  Whatever it is that you get a great emotional release from, might be just the trick!  Good luck!

Lockit

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/24/2007 7:20:09 PM >

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 6:52:33 PM   
frazzle40


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline 		Love and happiness arent buyable commodities.      Its the little things that count, being there with a kiss and cuddle, staying calm while a rant because of traffic, picking up that microscopic spider because He doesnt like them (ok none of Them will admit to it), but we do it.   
If we've done our best, what more is there?

< Message edited by frazzle40 -- 6/24/2007 6:53:39 PM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 7:14:11 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Hello Magik,

As I read all the responses, I took myself back to when I was serving and tried to remember something like your situation and how I felt.  The one thing that stands out in my mind the most is that you had your heart set on pleasing your Master with these two things he wanted from you.  You put a lot of energy into fixing that shit and I know that because of your discription of it not holding the patch.  He was away and you put all of yourself into these projects, loving him and serving him while he was away.  Add the emotions of him being away and the other stressers in life and you have one who needs to do these things from a deep and emotional place.  That wasn't just a shirt and something your Master wanted you to do.  That was your love.  It didn't work out and that was a frustration coming from a deep place within you.

Am I anywhere close?  I am just going on what I felt and trying to understand how you might feel.  Sometimes with me, the frustrations can add up to some pretty negative outcomes since I have no control over a lot of my life because of my son.  Somehow I internalize everything as if I didn't do something I should have or feel that I should be able to better handle something, when it is simply the situation being negative... maybe hormones... lonely... broke... under pressure and then one more thing goes wrong... a thing very important to me.  Cry me a river... lol

I think that shirt represented a lot more than a request or order from your Master and simple nightshirt that needed mending.

I do hope you feel better soon.  Maybe some good time with your Master, where no stress is allowed and lots of laughter would help.  A time out from the world of stressers and gaining emotional balance and rest.  Sounds like you are just simply overwhelmed and could use a mini vacation even if it is in the bathtub, with candles and a good book.  Then again... hehe... maybe a spanking is in order! lol  Whatever it is that you get a great emotional release from, might be just the trick!  Good luck!

Lockit


You most deffinetly hit the nail on the head with this post, you gave words to my feelings that I just wasnt able to do myself. Thank you for that. And yes I think I need a break or mini vacation, Im hopeing to see Master Tomarow!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 7:26:26 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hello again... lol Yikes... I left the r out of shirt! omg... lol 

Magik, it sounds like you may have an end to the pains of the last couple of weeks... tomorrow.  I'm sure it will be a big relief for both of you actually.  Have fun!  You will get your legs under yourself again and balance and that normal cheery Magik that is normally on the boards will be back! lol You will do fine!

I might add... it was refreshing to see the need to love and serve your Master in your heart and post!  Brought back some good memories for me and reminded me I need to thank Dakota for his loving service!  Thank You!
Lockit

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 7:45:56 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		((nods at Lockit)) I dont think even Master knows how much I have missed him while he was gone.(sure I missed searving him but I missed HIM more then I can say) He was so busy while away and then he lost his phone charger so I didnt even get to talk to him on the phone in those 2 weeks!!! It was terrable!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/24/2007 8:08:24 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		lol I know how that goes... {shakes head and  hopes I never have to go there again, but I know I will!}

Your Master will know how much you missed him... lol... I doubt he will miss the little girl all over him!  Just let him in the door before you're in his lap! lol  He most likely missed you just as much as you missed him, with not being able to talk and having so much to do himself.  It will be a relief for both of you.  I smile thinking about it... and am jealous! lol  I miss Dakota! lol

Have lots of fun!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 1:26:25 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

lol I know how that goes... {shakes head and  hopes I never have to go there again, but I know I will!}

Your Master will know how much you missed him... lol... I doubt he will miss the little girl all over him!  Just let him in the door before you're in his lap! lol  He most likely missed you just as much as you missed him, with not being able to talk and having so much to do himself.  It will be a relief for both of you.  I smile thinking about it... and am jealous! lol  I miss Dakota! lol

Have lots of fun!


LOL your right, I have a feeling he will understand how much I missed him when he cant pry his way out of cuddling!!! Though I am feeling a bit better me and Master had one of our conversations (the normal nightly 2 hour call) and besides the fact it felt good to have the stability of our rutine back I just totaly purged my feelings on the phone, knowing Master is always there for me when I need him made me feel so much better. He just told me to tell him what was wrong and the dam broke the tears came and we had a nice talk. Though I still cant wait to see him!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Feeling like a failure - 6/25/2007 1:36:31 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		awwwwwwwwww lol.... I have to laugh because I laugh when I see truth or when I see someone else happy.  I am so glad that the dam broke and you were able to talk about how you have been feeling.  I know that feeling or joy and am just glad that you were able to get it out.

It's hard when your dominant isn't around.  I know that feeling and it is awful!  You feel lost in ways.  But... it's all good now and you are going to get everything all sorted out.  I hope you have a great time!  I'll be thinking of you and your Master and wishing you both well!

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 40
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