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RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 7:49:28 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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quote:

Ever let a great potential partner slip through your fingers and then you found yourself regretting it for a very long time, if not forever?

god no, that would be a ridiculous waste of energy and other precious resources, like time and tears.

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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 21

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 7:55:41 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I have no regrets about letting anyone slip through my fingers - it is the submissives who drop the ball. I start talking to them, having weeded out the frauds and wankers, I give them the opportunity to meet, or even to play, and they take fright. For this reason, I am now reluctant to give new submissives a chance, as only the more experienced submissives seem to follow through. Faced with the opportunity to turn dreams into reality, so many bolt and run, only to come crawling back when it is too late saying "give me another chance." But the place they were seeking is already filled. I would rather make a mistake than live with regrets. A mistake can be learned from. A regret is something you take to your deathbed. But that's me, and we're not all built the same.
:))
LH

< Message edited by LadyHeart -- 6/18/2007 7:57:48 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 8:45:49 PM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

I suppose I've been either extraordinarily lucky or supremely naive; I've either not lost any potentially great partner or I'm not aware that they were a great potential.

So far, anyway.

At any rate, I find it hard to have regrets. Every moment and happening of my life has brought me to be who I am right now, and as I happen to like me, it's all good.

That's not to say that it's been all rainbows and butterflies... far from it. There have been devastating events in my life and less than admirable people who have brought out the very worst in me. But in the end I always grow, and when I heal, the scars seem to be in just the right place and I'm better off. All in all, I can't complain.

It appears to me from many stories of posters here that I've read, that there's a great preponderance of those who might claim that their greatest successes have been with potential partners they initially rejected and then later decided to give a chance.

Sounds like a much more adaptive approach than investing in regrets. I hope the Original Poster give's your advice some thought.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 23

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 8:51:11 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
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no. i have regrets but this is not one of them. i am a believer in Karma and 'if it is supposed to happen, it will'.

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Post #: 24

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 8:51:25 PM

charlotte12

Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
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I have very few regrets in my life. I've found that things tend to work out in the end if i focus less on regrets but on learning whatever lesson i can from whatever it is that happened.

(my only regret is that i didn't have the courage to walk the streets of London by myself to see the Lion King. the very next day i walked right by the theatre and it would have been so easy to find. LOL. so sad)

~charlotte

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 25

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 9:26:43 PM

Alexedra

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/4/2007
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I believe that if you are truly interested in another person as a human being and a friend, then you can continue to build connections and improve your ability to communicate with others whether or not you are "on the market" or "off the market." The only basis for a lasting relationship of any kind is friendship, and recently, after giving much consideration to the standards I am seeking in a submissive, I have decided that I will only pursue a relationship with a submissive who is willing to put friendship before sexual interaction or a relationship, although it might mean my search will be a very long one.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 26

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/18/2007 9:39:50 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
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I held on too much to my last relationship with feelings of insecurity and jealousy. Three weeks after we broke up, he started dating another sub and married her 2 years ago.

Whether in vanilla or lifestyle relationships, I have seen couples who lived or married each other for years, only to break up while others knew from the first moment, they fell in love with each other. I am reminded that someone once told me, "when you fall in love, it hits you in the ass", no pun intended. I have no regrets because the past is gone, today is the present and who knows what tomorrow might bring.

(in reply to Alexedra)

Post #: 27

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/19/2007 9:16:59 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

Yes and No...... I knew Rob was going to be the man I wanted to spend my life with when I met him (corny yes, I know but true) and 17 years later (today actually) we are stronger now than ever.... but we both love linearly and there have been others in our life and in my life that I have truly loved.

One in particular I still love, I think I always will, it was a combination of external and internal issues that caused the space inbetween. What has helped me not dwell on the 'what if's and not beat myself in thinking I was not good enough or there was something about me that just wasn't 'enough' Is the quote " Never treat someone as a priority if they veiw you as an option" being made to feel like an option is never fun. But I would not change knowing them for anything, good pain and bad pain aside our lives were enriched by the meeting.

denika

(in reply to corsetgirl)

Post #: 28

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/19/2007 9:26:36 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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I have had ones I thought I would regret it not working, now I am very happy they didn't. I feel there is always a reason for things, and now that I am with M, I know what they were.

It doesn't do any good to let regret steal your energy, nor your happiness. Just find something/someone else you want, and don't repeat the past.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 29

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/19/2007 9:37:58 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I let my fourth sub slide away from me because she was tired of cleaning my bathroom and watching me flog and fuck the other three. Heavens to Betsy, what was wrong with her?

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Post #: 30

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/19/2007 9:38:00 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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I haven't regretted any of them. Even the ones that later I thought "Why on earth did I even scene once with that person" over time becomes a learning experience.

In general if someone still isn't with me, I consider that the "forever" wasn't meant to be and move on to the next person(s).

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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 31

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/19/2007 9:40:38 AM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

I'm not sure my experiences can really speak to the original question, but here goes anyway.

Most recently, I had an experience with someone who I thought was a very promising sub male. Emailing was going quite well I thought. Then something happened, I honestly do not know what, but days went by without a response to my email. So I wrote again asking whether he wanted to continue, his response was, "You have not been totally honest with me??" And yes, his response included the two question marks, which suggested to me that he was not entirely certain. I asked him what he meant by that, in an attempt to clear up whatever the misunderstanding was, and he never responded. So, it's like I said on another thread...sometimes people let their imaginations run wild instead of just getting clarification.

So, in a way, I resent being accused of dishonesty and not having an opportunity even to know what I was being accused of. And I am sorry that someone who seemed so promising turned out to be less so...because of a misunderstanding...whatever it was. Regret? I supposed a bit of it is there, but not because of anything I did or failed to do...Just that the situation was regrettable.

MNN

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(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 32

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/19/2007 11:40:43 PM

Texy

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

To the Op,

I've always believed in more than ONE soul mate or life mate. So no, I've never regreted loss of a potential, just a weed out for reasons that are more than likely unknown to me.

Maybe it's just the rose colored glasses! ;-)

gayle

(in reply to MistressNoName)

Post #: 33

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 12:13:36 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Ever let a great potential partner slip through your fingers and then you found yourself regretting it for a very long time, if not forever?

Let's see... yes, this has happened to me. I think it's all part of the "Game of Life", I do have my regrets at times when I take a moment out to reflect upon the past. The intensity of these regrets fades in time. I find comfort in knowing I my own choices and my decisions according to what I felt was best at the time though.

I've let things slip through my fingers and it was for some reason at the time. I can't honestly say, I would be any better or worse off if I had not let somebody slip through my finger though.  That's playing some big what if Fantasy in my mind. Perhaps I'm better off having let that one get away. It's tempting to place the ones that get away high on a strange pedestal, even more so when we compare them in our mind to the Not so great one we got involved with, It's really not a fair and honest comparison.   It's not being fair and honest to oneself, the choices made, and not fair to idealize the ones that got away. Nor really fair to compare the one you were with to the ones that slipped between your fingers.

Sooner or later another one will come along, and if it feels right.. you might go for it and let somebody else slip through your fingers again. What is important is that one can make a choice or decision. We all have to let something slip through our fingers at some time. Be it relationships, jobs, careers.. or Hell even in making a decision in weekend activities. Hell, there were things I turned down doing with people and did something else, only to later regret it.   We can't be in two places at one time. Think the same thing applies to relationships.

Partners may come and go, the one person you can always count on being there for you, is simply you. At times you need to be your own best friend, instead of your worse enemy beating yourself up over what you precieve as mistakes. Making a decision is never really a mistake, it's simply choosing a path when you come to fork in the middle of the road. The bitch is do you honestly know where each path truely leads to...

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 34

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 12:36:15 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

I have regretted spending so much time on a losing cause. Only happens if I have not listened to my instincts and gut reactions right at the start. For some reason once I put some effort in, I have a tendency to work hard to make it function when there are times when it just was not meant to be.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 6/20/2007 12:37:23 AM >

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Post #: 35

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 7:59:29 AM

Alighierisquest

Posts: 58
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

That is a very moving story AquaticSub. Most people give up after a few months but you held onto that little spark for three years. It's an inspiring tale.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 36

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 8:10:54 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I don't regret anyone slipping through my fingers. What I regret is staying with the wrong person in the hopes he would change and letting it hurt me.

I believe there are men who regret letting me go, one in particular keeps telling me that for over 10 years, but too late. C'est la vie.

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Post #: 37

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 8:13:30 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed
I don't regret anyone slipping through my fingers. What I regret is staying with the wrong person in the hopes he would change and letting it hurt me.

I heard that! Oh, to have that wasted time back to have to spend with Master

.........luci

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Post #: 38

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 8:23:33 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

(quick reply)

I do not dwell on what could have been very much. I see all experiences as a means to learn something about myself and others. I try to carry that through into existing and future relationships to make those stronger and more in line with my own needs. So, I think regret is the wrong word to use in those instances. I have, however, learned that there are qualities I like I did not think I would, there are methods of communication that I did not think would be effective that are, that people are worth taking a second notice of even if upon first glance they do not seem like much and that patience is definitely a virtue.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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Post #: 39

RE: Slipping through your fingers - 6/20/2007 8:30:36 AM

goodgirl85

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

This actually (kind of ) recently happened to me. A dom contacted me thru CM and we started talking on yahoo, and thru emails, then finally phone. After a bit he decided that we weren't compatiable. He never said goodbye. And I called him on this after reading the email in which he claimed we were not for each other. I didn't hear anything from him and a about a week later my phone rang early in the morning and it was him, saying goodbye. He felt bad (he claims it is because of the pink shirt he was wearing that day), and realized I was right, and that he owed me a little more than a semi hurtful email. After all, I did pour some of my most secret secrets out to him.

I then decided to take a risk. I noticed he came online and I talked to him. It turns that he thought we weren't "right" for each other because I am ultimately looking for something long term, my Mr. Forever. He is not looking for that. He made the arguement that I would get hurt. I made the arguement that while waiting to find Mr. Forever, I refuse to sit around and twiddle my thumbs away. That I was entitled to some fun. We met that afternoon. We now have a great arrangement.

If I had just accepted his goodbye, I wouldn't have experienced the things -however small- I have experienced with him. Maybe I would have eventually with someone else, but I believe in fate. And I was obviously meant to learn things from him.

Everything happens for a reason. And for someone to slip through someone's fingers.... well the same goes for relationships ending... its both people's fault -- IN MOST CIRCUMSTANCES-- this is true. This wonderful search of Mr. or Ms. Forever is filled with Mr and Ms. Right Nows. In fact it will be a Mr. Right Now that ends up to be Mr. Forever.

Every person I have turned away was because it didn't feel right. Or the chemistry just wasn't there.

I say if you try as best as you can to get a Dom/me to consider you and she doesnt then His/Her loss right? We all find our mates in the end, and it makes all the hurting we have done over all those Right Now relationships seems trival. One day at a time, one relationship at a time.

Just my thoughts and ideas.

girl

(in reply to MellowSir)

Post #: 40

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