Slipping through your fingers

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littlesarbonn -> Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 2:27:52 PM)
Ever let a great potential partner slip through your fingers and then you found yourself regretting it for a very long time, if not forever? This thought came to me not because anything bad happened to me, but because I started to realize how hard it is to convince a dominant woman that I'm sincere, or for more generalities, that any particular submissive is sincere. Many of us find ourselves put through some really high placed hoops to show that we're not just wannabes. What hits me as interesting is that a number of times I realized that if I was sincerely seeking out a person (and was just reading her profile or her words about what obstacles she places in the way), there are times that no matter how sincere I was, I probably still wouldn't be able to fulfill whatever her desires are. I remember reading a few profiles where I said to myself, there's not a person alive that could fulfill that requirement. So, the question is actually out there for both dominants and submissives. For the dominants, have you ever let someone slip through your fingers for whatever reason only to discover later that this was exactly the person you should have pursued, but now it's too late? I know of a recent case of two dominants who were both pursuing the same submissive, but he was interested in one of them more than the other, but she never really responded of being interested so he went with the other. It was through word of mouth that the submissive heard that the dominant he had hoped to pursue is quite bitter about the fact that he never gave her a chance when she was completely evasive when he actually tried. For submissives, did you ever break off a pursuit of someone you were interested in but then decided against him or her and then realized it was a mistake later on down the line? I'm sure there are lots of stories of dodged bullets (having passed on someone who turned out to be a total reject) but that's for another thread.

Phin -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 2:30:19 PM)
the woman that introduced me to the lifestyle has only played with me once. I wish i had the oppertunity to play with her more

slaverosebeauty -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 2:49:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn Ever let a great potential partner slip through your fingers and then you found yourself regretting it for a very long time, if not forever? I don't have ANY regrets. I would have done things differently at times possibly, not likely, but to regret, nope. Things happen for a reason, even if we don't yet understadn that reason. quote: For submissives, did you ever break off a pursuit of someone you were interested in but then decided against him or her and then realized it was a mistake later on down the line? I have changed my mind a few times, yet, I learned from those experiences and I have grown. I have wanted to see a few men, and stopped persuing them for whatever reasons, I dont' see it as a mistake, I see it as a path that I did not go down or persue for whatever reason. Right now in my curretn relationship, with MJ; if you would have told me 2years ago or even 6 months ago that I would be with Him and dream of Him or desire to make myself better for Him, I would have said you were out of your mind, and now, I am happy, we work on our relationship all the time, we are great friends and are seeing where this path takes us. I decided a logn tiem ago, to let the Universe, Destiny and The Fates do their job, I can only make the decisions that I can with the experiences I have at that moment when a choice comes, they have to put the choices before me.

AquaticSub -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 2:54:29 PM)
I knew I wanted Valyraen very quickly. Almost the day I met him. It took three years for us to get together. To pursue him after meeting him would have been impossible. He had just gotten out of a bad relationship and I knew the time wasn't right. By the time I was ready to make a move, he was dating someone else. When they broke up, he was so jaded that he told me I was too immature for him to date. It annoyed me but I moved on. He wasn't interested, whatever, I'd put my energies where they would appreciated! I started dating someone else and we got informally engaged (or whatever it means when a man says "I would propose but I don't want to get married until you graduate and I don't think you should have to wait more than a year between getting engaged and the wedding. I've already got the ring picked out though, so hurry up and graduate!"). Later, while at a friend's party we were sitting around, drinking a few beers. With the lowered tolerance, it came out that we did have an attraction to each other. He was single but I was engaged, so the evening ended with him walking me to my dorm and us heading back to our empty beds, agreeing that we (at the moment) despised our morality. I considered breaking up with my intended because I thought I would rather have Valyraen. As it turns out, my intended decided I lacked self-confidence and, among other things, his love. So he left. I did the whole sobbing thing but I also decided to go talk to Valyraen. At the time I didn't really know why, but I just did. Later that night I was in his lap and later on, he was in my bed. Now, over a year and a half later his brother is dropping hints about wanting to be an uncle and his mom wants me to graduate and us to build a house across from theirs. The moral of my story is that things will happen the way they are supposed to. We don't think we would have been right for each other at any of the other times we could have gotten together but something was in the way. Valyraen wouldn't have wanted me if I was the type of girl to leave a serious commitment just because something shiny came along. I think that if people are really meant for each other, something will happen and they will find a way into each other's arms. This post has the Valyraen pawstamp of approval

Stephann -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 3:07:57 PM)
Yep. I think most of us do. Keep in mind, though, that hindsight is 20/20, and many people are in love with being 'in love.' The best thing about the one that got away, is that it never stuck around to prove you wrong. Fate may bring her back, or she may throw someone better at you. Pining for what you feel you've lost will keep you from enjoying the life you already have and the possibilities to come. A. Landers

dawna -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 3:14:55 PM)
I learned long ago to trust my gut. A few times I've felt a longing or a concern that if had just hung in there a bit longer, things might have felt right, and a concern that I might be giving up the "best thing ever" because I wasn't willing to try hard enough, to wade through enough doubts, etc. That said, when I've trusted my gut and followed what it told me, I've learned later why red flags were flying in the first place. So, no, I've never regretted in that regard. I've more felt fortunate to have run the gamut and ended up where I am today. No regrets. dawna

dawntreader -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:13:01 PM)
No regrets...just sadness that some relationships that feel extremely right don't work out ~

leatherette -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:19:14 PM)
That is an inspiring story AquaticSub. Thank you and Valyraen for sharing such beauty.

subinside -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:23:54 PM)
i have regrets of the One i lost because i was involved with another that ended up not deserving my devotion. But the One i lost respects me for my resolve and my determination to make it work, and had it worked, i wouldn't have held that regret.

mstrjx -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:28:58 PM)
This happened to me one time, and I regretted it for a very long time. There was a submissive woman that was part of a couple that I noticed when I first entered the Lifestyle. As fortune would have it, my first submissive partner knew this couple and introduced me and we became pretty good friends. The four of us played at each other's homes, the other couple invited my partner and I to join an invitation-only couples group, and we stayed friends for a number of years. I felt fortunate just to be close to her in this way, as I'm not the type of person to come between a couple, nor do I go behind a partner's back. It should be said that my partner and I, although living together for a number of years, knew that we would not be 'forever'. This was known from the beginning, but the convenience of it all led our relationship to persist. Eventually, some 3 or 4 years later, the other couple inexplicably broke up. My partner and I were supposed to have breakfast with the other woman one Saturday morning, but my partner begged off. I went alone, and without saying anything untoward (not my style at ALL) was informed by this woman that if I were available she would certainly be interested in me. The timing was so wrong. Some months later my partner ended up moving, but by that time the other woman had (moved) as well, to be with another man. I never knew what happened to her, and although I went on to have other relationships, none of my partners for many years were anything like the woman I let get away. Jeff

littlesarbonn -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:29:42 PM)
I guess I should chime in on my own thread, now that I think about it. For some reason, I seem to run into this really bizarre cycle where a woman (or women) will present to me the possibility of a relationship I've always wanted, and then someone out of the blue will jump in, take ownership over me, take me off the market, and then run off after she's destroyed any chance for me ever to take advantage of that opportunity that was right there in front of me. This has actually happened to me three times in my bdsm lifestyle.

AquaticSub -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:31:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I guess I should chime in on my own thread, now that I think about it. For some reason, I seem to run into this really bizarre cycle where a woman (or women) will present to me the possibility of a relationship I've always wanted, and then someone out of the blue will jump in, take ownership over me, take me off the market, and then run off after she's destroyed any chance for me ever to take advantage of that opportunity that was right there in front of me. This has actually happened to me three times in my bdsm lifestyle. Why did you let someone else take ownership of you if there was a woman presenting you with the relationship you've always wanted?

littlesarbonn -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:46:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn I guess I should chime in on my own thread, now that I think about it. For some reason, I seem to run into this really bizarre cycle where a woman (or women) will present to me the possibility of a relationship I've always wanted, and then someone out of the blue will jump in, take ownership over me, take me off the market, and then run off after she's destroyed any chance for me ever to take advantage of that opportunity that was right there in front of me. This has actually happened to me three times in my bdsm lifestyle. Why did you let someone else take ownership of you if there was a woman presenting you with the relationship you've always wanted? Fear and the irrational belief that the opportunity may never present itself to me again. The last time it happened, the woman who took ownership was so dead set on owning me that I may have actually signed the contract with her just to get her to stop pursuing me. [:)] Yeah, I know, that one goes up there on the altar of "what the hell was he thinking?"

Stephann -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 4:59:36 PM)
Just a thought... Submissive doesn't mean doormat. Don't sign a thing, don't agree to a thing, until you know you really want it. Granted some people are very convincing; how do you think used cars get sold? Stephan

littlesarbonn -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 5:07:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Just a thought... Submissive doesn't mean doormat. Don't sign a thing, don't agree to a thing, until you know you really want it. Granted some people are very convincing; how do you think used cars get sold? Stephan Yeah, I'm with you there. I've learned a lot since then.

gypsygrl -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 5:54:52 PM)
quote: the woman who took ownership was so dead set on owning me that I may have actually signed the contract with her just to get her to stop pursuing me I've actually done something like this a couple times--responded to the persistance and not anything about the person persisting--and boy was it a mistake that I paid for (and am still paying for) dearly. Its happened twice, and both times have been bad. The one thing I tend to regret in my relationship history is staying in problematic situations way too long hoping they'll improve and working my butt off in that direction despite contrary gut feelings. I've never really regretted the ones I let slip away. I'm trying to think if I've even let any slip away in the fashion you describe. Generally, initial attraction fades and energy drops and things kind of just fade.

losttreasure -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 6:29:54 PM)
I suppose I've been either extraordinarily lucky or supremely naive; I've either not lost any potentially great partner or I'm not aware that they were a great potential. So far, anyway. [;)] At any rate, I find it hard to have regrets. Every moment and happening of my life has brought me to be who I am right now, and as I happen to like me, it's all good. That's not to say that it's been all rainbows and butterflies... far from it. There have been devastating events in my life and less than admirable people who have brought out the very worst in me. But in the end I always grow, and when I heal, the scars seem to be in just the right place and I'm better off. All in all, I can't complain. It appears to me from many stories of posters here that I've read, that there's a great preponderance of those who might claim that their greatest successes have been with potential partners they initially rejected and then later decided to give a chance.

KnightofMists -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 7:03:12 PM)
Nope.. none slipped through my fingers that I wanted... I have Alandra and I have Kyra!!! There is none that fit like they do! Actually... I would say that I made the mistake the other way around... I took one girl in.. the frankly.. I should of let slip through. I made some basic mistakes ... but.. it was a good learning experience just that same... and I am better because of it.

HypnoticDan -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 7:25:44 PM)
In the words of the Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you get what you need."

MellowSir -> RE: Slipping through your fingers (6/18/2007 7:44:35 PM)
Yes, before I learned what I know now, and had any idea of the "lifestyle", a person who wished to learn to become a sub left me for a more experienced dom. This after she had just previously asked me to be the dom. A betrayal of trust, which has definitely made me more wary....luckily I learned the "potential " of anyone is always subject to outside influences, not just those of her/his partner....

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