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RE: should subs be given these - 6/14/2007 4:59:36 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		In my own opinion, largely depending on the sub will determine if some or all is needed.
For myself, I don't believe I would want to micromanage a sub. Simply because I'd want a sub how had the intelligence not be be micromanged. Depending on his baic personality will determine if I believe he needs some structure and stability or a more rigid stucture.
I firmly believe that kindness is to be given. It makes for a happier sub and he will be more inclined to give back kindness and respect without being forced from him. Patience has to be used on both sides to promote a healthy relationship between myself and my sub. One of the more important things I do keep in mind is the fact that a sub is also human and that is how I will approach my Dom/sub relationship.
Each sub is different thus some or all may or may not be utilized. That largely depends on the particular sub and Dom and what is determined between the two.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 6/14/2007 5:04:54 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: should subs be given these - 6/14/2007 6:37:02 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If those various things appeal to both the sub and dom/me, then yes. If they don't, then no. If some appeal to one and not the other, then talk it over.

I don't need micromanagement but I would be willing to accept it sometimes if my partner enjoyed it. For me it's negotiable.

Affection and affirmation are essential to me, had I talked to a man who didn't share this approach then we wouldn't have been compatible no matter how many other things we both enjoyed.

As with everything else, it depends on the people involved.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: should subs be given these - 6/14/2007 6:43:02 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience


Each sub is unique and some would cringe at being given some or all of those things and some would crave some or all of those things.  What's important is to find a partner who matches what you want out of a D/s, M/s, Top/bottom partnership/relationship. 

Out of curiosity - are those qualities important for you to have in a relationship? 

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: should subs be given these - 6/14/2007 11:05:36 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience


Your question is a huge generalization which doesn't take into account the individual needs of the individual submissives or the evolution of the submissive and/or relationship at hand.

For me, I needed micromanagement in some areas and not in others at the beginning.  Add to that, what some would call micromanagement, others would not, and so on.  It really is too general a statement for me to answer.

Structure - Yes, to a certain degree.  Some need more or less than others.

Stability - I needed this badly

Kindness - At times.   Not always.  If I've screwed up I don't expect (or want) him to be kind about it.  And being human, I have been known to screw up.

Patience - With some things, not with others.  It really depends on the situation.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: should subs be given these - 6/14/2007 11:36:48 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: drawntothedark
Okay...........but at the end of the day......come on. I'm sure to some degree you would give out the last 3. I mean even my puppy gets those 3.

Hence, why some people have loving affectionate dogs and others do not.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 1:21:35 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience


Dynamic and circumstance.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 7:50:27 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience


It might help if you described more of what your talking about in your OP.

It depends on the set up that you and a partner have but if it's something that you seek and feel as though you need yes.

I know that those are things that I myself need.  The structure especially, knowing that there are set rules and consequences if I break one of them...yes by all means that one setup alone is a huge benefit.

Again it just depends on what one or both feel that they need. 

(in reply to inyousodeep)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 11:29:51 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management,

no - extreme hard limit

quote:

structure,

not interested

quote:

stability, kindness and patience

these 3 including trust, committment, love and friendship is all i need ...and is what i receive from Daddy and my secondary Dom

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 6/15/2007 11:36:43 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 12:09:33 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience


To varying degrees at various times, I have had all of these, some of these or none of these.  I have no idea whether they *should* be given..........I've never looked at it quite that way, to be honest.

agirl







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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 1:57:09 PM   
eveningtwilight


Posts: 48
Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline 		Yes to all but the first.

Although some may want to be micromanaged, I believe micro-managing someone can eventually lead to a break down of their identity and in time crush their self confidence. Managing ones own self leads to personal growth and self confidence as they see their own efforts bring success and joy. Take that away and in time they may forget how to do things without being told, and may begin to question everything they do.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 2:32:48 PM   
greeneyes1962


Posts: 117
Joined: 9/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inyousodeep

micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience


I don't need micro-management or structure, I'm a fully functioning adult. I do need stability, kindness and patience, among other things.

(in reply to inyousodeep)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 2:46:00 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		All except the micro-management for me. Nothing would get done around here if that happened.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: should subs be given these - 6/15/2007 3:22:00 PM   
salilus


Posts: 201
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline 		All of those things occur in our relationship. I appreciate all of them.

I'm sure it depends on the relationship.
There is no D/s For Dummies handbook out there, honestly.

Someone else above said that they don't need micro management because they're a functioning adult. I'm also a functioning adult and micromanaging me pleases my owner and I enjoy it as well. So... it's truly an opinion. Some submissive people don't even like or want kindness from their owners.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: should subs be given these - 6/16/2007 3:49:06 PM   
HerLittleMaid


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		Guidance,  discipline, credit where due, consistancy, care, love.

(in reply to inyousodeep)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: should subs be given these - 6/16/2007 4:22:51 PM   
TankII7871


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		OK ill try this again ST post messed up.

A sub/slave is like a rose garden all roses Ned something the trick is to find out what then to do it  if you do this you will have a beautiful garden.  If not you will have a lot of weeds  some roses need more attention than others some need their thorns trimmed some just need to be left alone and allowed to grow.  Life is like a garden you get what you want if your willing to put your time and heart into it.

Just a Country Boy with a little learnin

(in reply to HerLittleMaid)
Profile   Post #: 35
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