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CreativeDominant -> RE: should subs be given these (6/14/2007 4:45:07 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: inyousodeep
micro management, structure, stability, kindness and patience
I can only answer you from my perspective and what I think...
Micromanagement...for some, yes it is necessary. I do not care to do it so I would not want a submissive that needs it.
Structure...Depends on what you mean by structure. If you have a submissive whose life is wildly chaotic and wants more organization, less frenzy, etc. then yes, she does need structure. To a certain extent, I believe that structure of some sort is always needed in a D/s dynamic and I believe D/s is an ongoing process
Stability...I think a submissive should be able to look to their dominant for stability yes. It is usually seen in his/her control. If you are referring to the relationship and whether or not she should be left up in the air as she is never sure whether or not the dominant will pull the rug out at any minute, then it is MOO that a submissive has a right to know where they stand...within reason. An insecure submissive who needs constant reassurance has no right to expect the dominant to constantly provide that.
Kindness...this is a broad term in D/s. What you may see as cruel today as the submissive, 10 days or 10 weeks or 10 months from now, you may see as having been a kindness in what it has led to. Asking for kindness from the dominant can mean many things to many submissives. If you know that a dominant who treats you arrogantly and with little concern for your feelings is going to make you feel bad, then don't choose him or her. If the behavior becomes evident after the relationship has begun, then communicate to the dominant that you are concerned about their behavior and ask why it has come about. We teach people how they can treat us...we can and do even teach people that it is O.K. to be inconsiderate towards us. If it continues, then you have a choice to walk.
Patience...the degree of patience a person has may be immense by some people's definitions and short by others. Again though...is the amount of patience you are asking for reasonable?
I know a submissive who loves to ask questions. [:D] She will take something I tell her and turn it around and ask questions about it from every angle. I like to discuss things so usually, it is not a problem. But...I have also told her that at a certain point, the almost-microscopic analysis of the statement and the answers that follow can begin to feel like I am being tested. Is it that I am unclear? Sometimes...sure. Is it that the question asked was complex and each answer DOES lead to another question? Sometimes...sure. Is it that her desire to examine everything from every angle sometimes to her not seeing the forest for the trees? Most definitely. At a certain point, all that can be said about something...or that needs to be...has been.
Self-assessment and honest analysis comes into play for the dominant AND the submissive. If your dominant has shown you/told you/asked you to do something a certain way 10 times and you do it wrong the 11th time, how much patience do you expect? Until you get it right, whatever it is? 100 times? 200 times? 300 times? Never? It depends on what the action is but you have to be honest with yourself about what you are asking for as compared to what you think you are getting.
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