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Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:13:01 PM   
preciousneko


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline 		Within the three days I have been on collarme.com I have recieved numerous emails from Doms who state out front that they want sex...I thought BDSM was supposed to be based on more than just sex...Yes sex does come into play, but there is so much more to this lifestyle than just sex... I seek more than just meaningless sex...I am not some piece of meat to screw...I do have a heart and feelings too...I may be a sub but that doesn't mean I joined this site to have people email me wanting only a sex toy.... Why is that Ppeople think that BDSM is just about the sex...BDSM is supposed to be like anyother relationshipp it goes two ways...Both in the relationship have to give in order to recieve the benifits of the relationship...Which means there has to be a trust and understanding in the relationship...A sub is not just a piece of meat to be bought and sold and screwed and abused...If I wanted that I would have stayed with my ex who darn near killed me...But no I wanted more, I wanted love, and I wanted someone who I could trust....Trust is a big big big part of the BDSM lifestyle if a sub can't trust her/his Dom/Mes then there is a big problem in that relationship...Ok I guess I am rambeling so I will post this....

With regards,
neko
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:19:03 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		If you'll notice to the left side, there is a button that shows CM's new users. Some people stalk the new profiles. Just ignore and delete...sometimes block if you see a need.
 
Don't be discouraged by a few HNG's.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:24:37 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Ok so they wanted to have sex with you. Is that all they wanted?
Take what you like, leave the rest. If you aren't interested in fast or meaningless sex, thank the gods that  you were warned early, and delete and move on. Or block, delete, and move on. Or write back with "no thank you, I'm looking for something else." delete and move on. Choose your action.

But no amount of complaining here is going to change that while BDSM isn't ALL about sex, it's mostly about sex for some people.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:26:49 PM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		For some BDSM means exactly sex, nothing more. For some BDSM is all about finding  a victim to abuse, or finding an abuser. These types tend to find themselves marginalized in communities such as this, but they are out their ready to get what they want from those who happen along.

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 4
As a HNG myself... - 5/6/2007 12:27:29 PM   
MasterMischief


Posts: 98
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline 		Or a few thousand HNGs. I believe a lot of guys think D/s is just the dominant ordering the subbie around. So it appeals as an easy way to get what they want. We all want something so I have some sympathy for them despite their ignorance and inconsideration. I would simply tell them you are looking for more than just sex and wish them luck.

_____________________________

This space was not taken hostage by iranians.

Het-flexible

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:31:09 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		hey now, i resent your comments

i'm a sub as well, and i have a heart and feelings too, but it doesn't mean that sometimes i don't want to have meaningless sex and treated as just some piece of meat to screw!

and with that said, just know, that there's a mirad of people running around this site; each with different wants and needs, and unless you make it perfectly clear in your profile what you seek, then expect some e-mails that don't pertain to your specific desires in general because there are plenty of us running around whose needs and desires that they do meet...

in other words, no harm, no foul.

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:39:22 PM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

hey now, i resent your comments

i'm a sub as well, and i have a heart and feelings too, but it doesn't mean that sometimes i don't want to have meaningless sex and treated as just some piece of meat to screw!

and with that said, just know, that there's a mirad of people running around this site; each with different wants and needs, and unless you make it perfectly clear in your profile what you seek, then expect some e-mails that don't pertain to your specific desires in general because there are plenty of us running around whose needs and desires that they do meet...

in other words, no harm, no foul.




and even if you do make it perfectly clear in your profile, expect that you will get some e-mails that don't pertain to your specific desires.  You are in an unprotected public forum.  Any Tom with a Hairy Dick can become a member....Use your powers of discernment and weed out those that do spitefully try to use you.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:41:56 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		A hint from Emily Post: (use in a figurative fashion and you'll be just fine.)

When a gentleman approaches you in an inappropriate manner, simply take a step back, offer your hand in greeting and politely say no thank you.

Emily's suggestions have worked well for me over the years. Online, the translation is:
hit reply. Say, no thank you. hit send. Move on.

It's pretty simple.

juliet

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:46:10 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		true, that's because many don't read profiles; they're too busy looking at the pictures, so perhaps if the op took down her picture, that pretty much looks like she's naked and freshly fucked, it might help her personally, a little more!

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 12:57:05 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello preciousneko. Just as you would not blindly jump into things a lot of good doms are like that. They don't send E-mails looking for carnal right after 'hello preciousneko'.

The smart ones know about those who reside in Jerk City and wait a little for the 'carpetbombing' to stop. I imagine you eventually will be getting nicer and nicer E-mails from those who really want to get to know you. Other nice doms are simply not looking for anyone at this time contrary to jerks who have to multiply cyberhits (carpetbomb) just to get laid once in a while. Hope this helped. RL.

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 1:08:32 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Just a thought presiousneko, your profile states you think bdsm is about more then just sex, then you tell others not to email you if they are just looking for sex - voila!  Some people just LOVE a challenge.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 1:40:19 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		i agree 100% with you on this. A lot of Doms who wrote me, before i met my Dom, only wanted to play and than have sex. Or just to have sex and not try to build anything out of it.

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 1:59:14 PM   
MstrStoney


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings ,
 
 It would seem to me that there is only one thing you can do at this point . Well maybe two lol. 1 delet what you do not want to read ,or 2  Stay with in the nilla life . Just my opinoin not to be disrespectfull.
 
 
MstrStoney

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 3:11:08 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrStoney

Greetings ,
 
 It would seem to me that there is only one thing you can do at this point . Well maybe two lol. 1 delet what you do not want to read ,or 2  Stay with in the nilla life . Just my opinoin not to be disrespectfull.
 
 
MstrStoney


Wow, nothing like chasing us off Stoney............. 



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to MstrStoney)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 3:13:41 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with the others.  Some people are scanning the site for sex.  Others are scanning the site for financial tributes.  It is just a matter of learning how to weed those out.
Don't let some bad ones get in the way of the good ones.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 3:50:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: preciousneko

Within the three days I have been on collarme.com I have recieved numerous emails from Doms who state out front that they want sex...I thought BDSM was supposed to be based on more than just sex...Yes sex does come into play, but there is so much more to this lifestyle than just sex... I seek more than just meaningless sex...I am not some piece of meat to screw...I do have a heart and feelings too...I may be a sub but that doesn't mean I joined this site to have people email me wanting only a sex toy.... Why is that Ppeople think that BDSM is just about the sex...BDSM is supposed to be like anyother relationshipp it goes two ways...Both in the relationship have to give in order to recieve the benifits of the relationship...Which means there has to be a trust and understanding in the relationship...A sub is not just a piece of meat to be bought and sold and screwed and abused...If I wanted that I would have stayed with my ex who darn near killed me...But no I wanted more, I wanted love, and I wanted someone who I could trust....Trust is a big big big part of the BDSM lifestyle if a sub can't trust her/his Dom/Mes then there is a big problem in that relationship...Ok I guess I am rambeling so I will post this....

With regards,
neko


BDSM doesn't have to be about the sex.

They want it to be, you don't. Neither of you are wrong. Just unsuited for each other.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 5/6/2007 3:51:29 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 4:27:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The problem is actually that you had a false and unrealistic expectation.  What exactly made you think that most people on here want a relationship and go for that more than they go for sex? 

You had a false expectation- you were quickly shown that your expectation was false.

Now what do you do?  You make a thread about it and suggest that everyone ELSE sucks because you had a false and unrealistic expectation.

BDSM is about whatever you want- for plenty it's about relationships, for plenty it's about hot sex.  Stop suggesting it all SHOULD be one thing and open your eyes to what it IS- you won't be so upset and disappointed next time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 4:44:44 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		*sighs* a good hard fucking right now sounds good to me!

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 5:05:17 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: preciousneko

Within the three days I have been on collarme.com I have recieved numerous emails from Doms who state out front that they want sex...I thought BDSM was supposed to be based on more than just sex...Yes sex does come into play, but there is so much more to this lifestyle than just sex... I seek more than just meaningless sex...I am not some piece of meat to screw...I do have a heart and feelings too...I may be a sub but that doesn't mean I joined this site to have people email me wanting only a sex toy.... Why is that Ppeople think that BDSM is just about the sex...BDSM is supposed to be like anyother relationshipp it goes two ways...Both in the relationship have to give in order to recieve the benifits of the relationship...Which means there has to be a trust and understanding in the relationship...A sub is not just a piece of meat to be bought and sold and screwed and abused...If I wanted that I would have stayed with my ex who darn near killed me...But no I wanted more, I wanted love, and I wanted someone who I could trust....Trust is a big big big part of the BDSM lifestyle if a sub can't trust her/his Dom/Mes then there is a big problem in that relationship...Ok I guess I am rambeling so I will post this....

With regards,
neko


Well...I've decided to allow that I am just a piece of meat to screw...(and I'm okay with that).

It comes with time.

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Sad to say - 5/6/2007 5:44:32 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I completely understand the frustration.  After a while, you'll learn to weed out the types that are getting on your nerves right now.  If it makes you feel any better, it happens on the other side of the coin, too.  There are plenty of men who claim to be submissive, only because they are after the kinky sex.  There really are people here who are more lifestyle rather than hit and quit focused, but you have to look for them.

(in reply to preciousneko)
Profile   Post #: 20
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