Sad to say (Full Version)

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preciousneko -> Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:13:01 PM)

Within the three days I have been on collarme.com I have recieved numerous emails from Doms who state out front that they want sex...I thought BDSM was supposed to be based on more than just sex...Yes sex does come into play, but there is so much more to this lifestyle than just sex... I seek more than just meaningless sex...I am not some piece of meat to screw...I do have a heart and feelings too...I may be a sub but that doesn't mean I joined this site to have people email me wanting only a sex toy.... Why is that Ppeople think that BDSM is just about the sex...BDSM is supposed to be like anyother relationshipp it goes two ways...Both in the relationship have to give in order to recieve the benifits of the relationship...Which means there has to be a trust and understanding in the relationship...A sub is not just a piece of meat to be bought and sold and screwed and abused...If I wanted that I would have stayed with my ex who darn near killed me...But no I wanted more, I wanted love, and I wanted someone who I could trust....Trust is a big big big part of the BDSM lifestyle if a sub can't trust her/his Dom/Mes then there is a big problem in that relationship...Ok I guess I am rambeling so I will post this....

With regards,
neko



spanklette -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:19:03 PM)

If you'll notice to the left side, there is a button that shows CM's new users. Some people stalk the new profiles. Just ignore and delete...sometimes block if you see a need.
 
Don't be discouraged by a few HNG's. [:)]



Elorin -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:24:37 PM)

Ok so they wanted to have sex with you. Is that all they wanted?
Take what you like, leave the rest. If you aren't interested in fast or meaningless sex, thank the gods that  you were warned early, and delete and move on. Or block, delete, and move on. Or write back with "no thank you, I'm looking for something else." delete and move on. Choose your action.

But no amount of complaining here is going to change that while BDSM isn't ALL about sex, it's mostly about sex for some people.

~E



ICGsteve -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:26:49 PM)

For some BDSM means exactly sex, nothing more. For some BDSM is all about finding  a victim to abuse, or finding an abuser. These types tend to find themselves marginalized in communities such as this, but they are out their ready to get what they want from those who happen along.



MasterMischief -> As a HNG myself... (5/6/2007 12:27:29 PM)

Or a few thousand HNGs. I believe a lot of guys think D/s is just the dominant ordering the subbie around. So it appeals as an easy way to get what they want. We all want something so I have some sympathy for them despite their ignorance and inconsideration. I would simply tell them you are looking for more than just sex and wish them luck.



daddysliloneds -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:31:09 PM)

hey now, i resent your comments[;)]

i'm a sub as well, and i have a heart and feelings too, but it doesn't mean that sometimes i don't want to have meaningless sex and treated as just some piece of meat to screw! [:)]

and with that said, just know, that there's a mirad of people running around this site; each with different wants and needs, and unless you make it perfectly clear in your profile what you seek, then expect some e-mails that don't pertain to your specific desires in general because there are plenty of us running around whose needs and desires that they do meet...

in other words, no harm, no foul.



BBBTBW -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:39:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

hey now, i resent your comments[;)]

i'm a sub as well, and i have a heart and feelings too, but it doesn't mean that sometimes i don't want to have meaningless sex and treated as just some piece of meat to screw! [:)]

and with that said, just know, that there's a mirad of people running around this site; each with different wants and needs, and unless you make it perfectly clear in your profile what you seek, then expect some e-mails that don't pertain to your specific desires in general because there are plenty of us running around whose needs and desires that they do meet...

in other words, no harm, no foul.




and even if you do make it perfectly clear in your profile, expect that you will get some e-mails that don't pertain to your specific desires.  You are in an unprotected public forum.  Any Tom with a Hairy Dick can become a member....Use your powers of discernment and weed out those that do spitefully try to use you.



julietsierra -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:41:56 PM)

A hint from Emily Post: (use in a figurative fashion and you'll be just fine.)

When a gentleman approaches you in an inappropriate manner, simply take a step back, offer your hand in greeting and politely say no thank you.

Emily's suggestions have worked well for me over the years. Online, the translation is:
hit reply. Say, no thank you. hit send. Move on.

It's pretty simple.

juliet



daddysliloneds -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:46:10 PM)

true, that's because many don't read profiles; they're too busy looking at the pictures, so perhaps if the op took down her picture, that pretty much looks like she's naked and freshly fucked, it might help her personally, a little more!



robertolapiedra -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 12:57:05 PM)

Hello preciousneko. Just as you would not blindly jump into things a lot of good doms are like that. They don't send E-mails looking for carnal right after 'hello preciousneko'.

The smart ones know about those who reside in Jerk City and wait a little for the 'carpetbombing' to stop. I imagine you eventually will be getting nicer and nicer E-mails from those who really want to get to know you. Other nice doms are simply not looking for anyone at this time contrary to jerks who have to multiply cyberhits (carpetbomb) just to get laid once in a while. Hope this helped. RL.



velvetears -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 1:08:32 PM)

Just a thought presiousneko, your profile states you think bdsm is about more then just sex, then you tell others not to email you if they are just looking for sex - voila!  Some people just LOVE a challenge.



grlneedstolearn -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 1:40:19 PM)

i agree 100% with you on this. A lot of Doms who wrote me, before i met my Dom, only wanted to play and than have sex. Or just to have sex and not try to build anything out of it.



MstrStoney -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 1:59:14 PM)

Greetings ,
 
 It would seem to me that there is only one thing you can do at this point . Well maybe two lol. 1 delet what you do not want to read ,or 2  Stay with in the nilla life . Just my opinoin not to be disrespectfull.
 
 
MstrStoney



Quivver -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 3:11:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrStoney

Greetings ,
 
 It would seem to me that there is only one thing you can do at this point . Well maybe two lol. 1 delet what you do not want to read ,or 2  Stay with in the nilla life . Just my opinoin not to be disrespectfull.
 
 
MstrStoney


Wow, nothing like chasing us off Stoney............. 




MissSCD -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 3:13:41 PM)

I agree with the others.  Some people are scanning the site for sex.  Others are scanning the site for financial tributes.  It is just a matter of learning how to weed those out.
Don't let some bad ones get in the way of the good ones.

Regards, MissSCD



AquaticSub -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 3:50:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preciousneko

Within the three days I have been on collarme.com I have recieved numerous emails from Doms who state out front that they want sex...I thought BDSM was supposed to be based on more than just sex...Yes sex does come into play, but there is so much more to this lifestyle than just sex... I seek more than just meaningless sex...I am not some piece of meat to screw...I do have a heart and feelings too...I may be a sub but that doesn't mean I joined this site to have people email me wanting only a sex toy.... Why is that Ppeople think that BDSM is just about the sex...BDSM is supposed to be like anyother relationshipp it goes two ways...Both in the relationship have to give in order to recieve the benifits of the relationship...Which means there has to be a trust and understanding in the relationship...A sub is not just a piece of meat to be bought and sold and screwed and abused...If I wanted that I would have stayed with my ex who darn near killed me...But no I wanted more, I wanted love, and I wanted someone who I could trust....Trust is a big big big part of the BDSM lifestyle if a sub can't trust her/his Dom/Mes then there is a big problem in that relationship...Ok I guess I am rambeling so I will post this....

With regards,
neko


BDSM doesn't have to be about the sex.

They want it to be, you don't. Neither of you are wrong. Just unsuited for each other.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 4:27:02 PM)

The problem is actually that you had a false and unrealistic expectation.  What exactly made you think that most people on here want a relationship and go for that more than they go for sex? 

You had a false expectation- you were quickly shown that your expectation was false.

Now what do you do?  You make a thread about it and suggest that everyone ELSE sucks because you had a false and unrealistic expectation.

BDSM is about whatever you want- for plenty it's about relationships, for plenty it's about hot sex.  Stop suggesting it all SHOULD be one thing and open your eyes to what it IS- you won't be so upset and disappointed next time.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 4:44:44 PM)

*sighs* a good hard fucking right now sounds good to me!



Griswold -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 5:05:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preciousneko

Within the three days I have been on collarme.com I have recieved numerous emails from Doms who state out front that they want sex...I thought BDSM was supposed to be based on more than just sex...Yes sex does come into play, but there is so much more to this lifestyle than just sex... I seek more than just meaningless sex...I am not some piece of meat to screw...I do have a heart and feelings too...I may be a sub but that doesn't mean I joined this site to have people email me wanting only a sex toy.... Why is that Ppeople think that BDSM is just about the sex...BDSM is supposed to be like anyother relationshipp it goes two ways...Both in the relationship have to give in order to recieve the benifits of the relationship...Which means there has to be a trust and understanding in the relationship...A sub is not just a piece of meat to be bought and sold and screwed and abused...If I wanted that I would have stayed with my ex who darn near killed me...But no I wanted more, I wanted love, and I wanted someone who I could trust....Trust is a big big big part of the BDSM lifestyle if a sub can't trust her/his Dom/Mes then there is a big problem in that relationship...Ok I guess I am rambeling so I will post this....

With regards,
neko


Well...I've decided to allow that I am just a piece of meat to screw...(and I'm okay with that).

It comes with time.



LadyPact -> RE: Sad to say (5/6/2007 5:44:32 PM)

I completely understand the frustration.  After a while, you'll learn to weed out the types that are getting on your nerves right now.  If it makes you feel any better, it happens on the other side of the coin, too.  There are plenty of men who claim to be submissive, only because they are after the kinky sex.  There really are people here who are more lifestyle rather than hit and quit focused, but you have to look for them.



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