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Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 12:30:50 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		A post on another thread makes me want to ask... What cleaning & serving types of service do You as Dominants/Masters provide, and how you feel about doing these tasks? Is there a difference when you attend a public function than in the privacy of your home life? Does your participation change in the presence of submissive types that are not "yours"? Does your feeling about your participation change if the submissive present is "yours"? For those who identify as subs or slaves, how do you feel about Dominants/Masters performing serving & cleaning tasks? Is there a difference when you attend a public function than in the privacy of your home life? Do you feel as strongly about a Dominant/Master who is present but not "yours"? What if  "your" Dominant is present? i do not believe there are any right or wrong answers. i am clear on how i feel, i am just curious to see how others live and think.
Thank You~*
Master's dorei
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 12:41:46 AM   
acquiesce93


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		quote]ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

What cleaning & serving types of service do You as Dominants/Masters provide, and how you feel about doing these tasks? Is there a difference when you attend a public function than in the privacy of your home life? Does your participation change in the presence of submissive types that are not "yours"?
[/quote]

I really don't think I fully understand the questions. But as far as personal service habits, I like to be the one to clean up after a scene. I don't consider this a service as much as I like to be sort of the all-controlling "man behind the curtain" type.   At parties at my home both play parties and vanilla cocktail/dinner parties, my sub and I both cater to guests. I don't consider this servitude, I consider it ensuring that my friends have a good time and my house stays somewhat in order.  ;>

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 1:00:15 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I will provide anything from general house work to gardening to monitoring the phone when it is within my own home. I often have had a service submissive when I have other Mistress friends round, so that he/she can wait on us all.
I have also had private house parties where I have had a service submissive come and do the food preparation and then serve the food and drinks for the evening.
When I am at a club I will get a service submissive to carry my things, the tail of my dress if it is long and to attend my things if I am playing with someone. I may send him/her round to attend to other Mistresses but I draw the line at them having to buy other people drinks.
A good service submissive is hard to find and so when I get one I am fairly protective! I will not have him used by others in a way that I did not agree to have him used.
Using someone else’s ss can be great fun, so long as you have communicated well with his Mistress about her limits, desires, and the level he has been trained up to.

(in reply to acquiesce93)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 1:37:14 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		For me this does not change be it in public or private.  I'm a sort of hands on person that like to do things besides stand around and tell other people what to do.  Meaning I will assign or give myself a task to do.  It all depends upon who is in charge of a public function.   I can fit into a middle management level or just take hold of a task to do and do it.   If somebody needs help or is having a problem, I will take time to offer guidence, advice or my hand.   The idea is to simply get the job done.   Getting the job done often requires my own hand in it, then I'm on it.  There are times when this is simply not practical, where all the clean up is in others hands.   This is such a general question, and it all depends upon the situation and people involved. 

I myself do not have a problem with cleaning or serving tasks.   Perhaps this sounds a bit old school, but I was raised in a manner that one should wait on your company or guests.  In terms of who does it, me or a submissive?  It's varies, at times doing a bit of tag team, or one or the other one of us carried the load.   All depends upon the situation and what was going on at the time.  I don't have a problem getting my hands dirty, in serving company or cleaning up afterwards.   For small clean ups, it's best to leave it to one person, two people trying to do the same thing just does not work.

Again this is all situational in my book.   There are times that I've had to be in charge of something where I was not able to perform cleanup or service tasks.   Again, all depends upon how many people are involved and what needed to get done.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 4/25/2007 1:39:42 AM >

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 1:57:02 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Hi dorei,
My master does the lion's share of the household work simply because he is at home all day and I work full time outside the home. With the 1.5 hour commute I have to make, he would never get to spend any time with me if he set me to doing chores when I came home each day. It doesn't mean that some days he doesn't do exactly that, but we have to do a balancing act or else the entire relationship would end up being based on him watching me washing dishes and doing laundry. Although neither of us feel this is quite the way it ought to be, at the moment we haven't thought of any alternative besides living as pigs (LOL).
Outside the home I would do all of the serving and cleaning, so this question never really comes up among other people.

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 4:46:52 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		I think I'm having a hard time equating a dominant performing tasks that he chooses to perform as "service" to another, especially in private.    Some may enjoy cooking or cleaning, so if they choose to do so, they are indulging in something they enjoy...no more...no less.  As in the case with nakedgirlscout, that to me, shows an ability to compromise for the well being of the relationship, and his submissive.  He is not "serving her" so much as he is choosing the lesser of evils in my mind, either perform the tasks himself...or as the girlscout stated, live like pigs, or, spend all his time watching his lady burn out by trying to do it all in addition to her long hours away from home.
As a submissive, and a general "hostess " type,  i admit that it's sometimes hard to be able to relax and enjoy a dominant doing things for me, just because i am used to being the "doer" once again though if it pleases him to do so why fight it.
  In public, at the few dungeons/play parties I've visited, I've never really noticed a dominant doing anything that could be considered "service" activities, there just seemed to always be an abundance of willing submissives to happily serve, clean up...etc.

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 5:04:18 AM   
MellowSir


Posts: 260
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		I clean my own place lol. Problem with the world today is that respect isn't shown women as it once was. Look around and how many men do you see getting the door for the woman? Nowadays guys are just as likely to let the door close in the woman's face before they hold it lol, more's the pity.....it's not serving, it's showing some class.

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 5:19:57 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I think I'm having a hard time equating a dominant performing tasks that he chooses to perform as "service" to another, especially in private.    Some may enjoy cooking or cleaning, so if they choose to do so, they are indulging in something they enjoy...no more...no less.  As in the case with nakedgirlscout, that to me, shows an ability to compromise for the well being of the relationship, and his submissive.  He is not "serving her" so much as he is choosing the lesser of evils in my mind, either perform the tasks himself...or as the girlscout stated, live like pigs, or, spend all his time watching his lady burn out by trying to do it all in addition to her long hours away from home.


Absolutely.My last TPE wasn't live in and one repeated winge I got from her when she came round was that yet again her Master hadn't left her much to do in the way of chores. I don't like living in a pigstye, whilst I might not get up and tidy things away immediatly it doesn't take much clutter before it starts to bug Me.... If My girl is elsewhere or busy doing something else I have told her to do... I'll do it, I am not serving, I'm sorting My enviroment the way *I* want it

If I know My girl is going to be here, MAYBE I'll leave a chore or two, maybe I won't. If I don't then it is because it frees up the time to do other things. she is MINE and it is upto Me to organise things in order to make the most of her.

Serving is also a state of mind. To use one example I've put forward in the past....

Person A is laying back relaxed in the bath, Person B is at the side of the bath, washing person A..... which is the Dominant?

Truth is, from just what is there, you can't tell who the Dominant is. Is person A the Dominant, relaxing and being pampered by their loving submissive OR is Person B the Dominant, rewarding His good girl or simply taking enjoyment of her hot wet body, cleaning her, teasing her maybe bringing her right to the edge and denying her permission to go over till later when she has pleased Him sufficiently to earn that pleasure and release of cumming.

The Dominance is in the why behind the action, not the action itself.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 6:15:01 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		Something I wanted to make clarification in my last post.  In terms of public events, these were non BDSM related events.  Since I have not been part of the public BDSM scene itself. 

I have been to private BDSM parties/gatherings, and a few of these parties were a mixed crowd of deviant outcasts...  you know with BDSMers, Lesbians and Gays all in the mix.  Now talk about strange parties.  One dear friend on mine (Leather Godess) used to throw some really off the wall theme parties.

I myself would throw parties, a cross section of musicians, BDSMers, Goths, Dead Heads, and the whole nine yards.  Never threw just a BDSM party though. 

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 6:52:29 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you to each of you who responded. i appreciate the time each of you took to explain how you came to your conclusions.

It is enlightening for me to see this, as the bulk of my experiences were in a certain area, where the same people attended the same events and groups. One part of the events were hosted by a group that is very M/s oriented, and the slaves did all the service and cleaning work, though the Doms did the heavy lifting of setting up "play stations" if they were needed.

The idea that Doms/Masters should not perform that kind of work permeated almost every function. There certainly were Doms/Masters who enjoyed cooking (especially barbecuing), or detailing their own car, or landscaping, but i have not run into Ones who had a preference for doing housework, laundry, or grocery shopping.

When the M/s group i mentioned had just started i was amazed at the amount of work being "assigned" to subs, while Masters waited out front with drinks until the venue was ready.

i remember one particular event where slaves worked all day to prepare for the event, the Masters showed up in the evening to attend, and after hours of "entertaining" throughout the event, it was still only the slaves who were expected to break it down and clean up... another 3+ hours of work. (The facility had to be vacated by midnight.) The Masters excused themselves at the end of the event, and left... waiting for the slaves at a nearby location, having drinks & cigars. i am not throwing stones at this event, as it was a predetermined arrangement. i mention it only to show the degree to which some were willing to take these roles. i am pretty sure this dynamic influenced many other events.

If five out of a dozen "Doms" will not lift a finger to help serve nor clean at (or after) an event, it has a tendancy to affect most of the other "Doms".

i have a new question... would it affect You, or (if you are sub/slave) your Dom/Master?

Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 4/25/2007 7:05:31 AM >

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 7:21:13 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei
i have a new question... would it affect You, or (if you are sub/slave) your Dom/Master?


At an event if I am talking, even if she is also talking I am likely to send her to fetch the drinks. If she is busy with something I have set her to do or she is in the middle of a discussion and I am not.... I'll get off My ass and go.

In the situation you outlined, the main effect would be that I would likely be talking with the other Doms. However if I saw My girl (Or quite likely any of the subs) struggling with something I'd be excussing Myself and lending a hand. If I wasn't talking then in all likelyhood I'd be pitching in.

The one thing I'd not be likely to do is move to another location to wait for My girl.

Would it effect Me if some muppet dimdom thought Me helping was 'unDomly'?.... does laughing at such a dimdom count as being effected?


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 7:29:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most subs/slaves don't really have a penchant for doing those things either.

We need to execute this myth that service/helping others = submission.  It doesn't. 

A lot of subs might be service oriented, but plenty are not, and plenty of doms and vanillas LOVE doing nice things for others and LOVE making their house nice and doing work.  That doesn't make them submissive.

Ds isn't an ACT, it's an orientation. 

Personally, other than picking up some cups and plates at a party, unless I've specifically volunteered or been asked by the host to help out, I won't do more.  It's their house, I don't know how they want things cleaned, and as a guest I'm supposed to relax and enjoy what they provide. 

As a host myself, it's my job to make sure all my guests are happy and accommodated to a reasonable extent- this has nothing to do with dominance or submission, just being a good host.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 7:52:28 AM   
childofpain


Posts: 44
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline 		I hesitate to articulate in fear that I might deviate to the truest course of rectitude regaurding the subject under discussion.

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 8:01:18 AM   
briarrose


Posts: 27
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline 		100% agree with this.

My Sir cleans his house before I get there and I do likewise.  I don't think he is any less a  dominant because  he does housework and cooks.

It works for us to take a pretty much equal approach to chores and such because frankly, neither one of us likes them.

He also has been known to get me a drink if he is getting up to get himself one and I always ask if he would like one when I get up to get one.  He is also wont to open doors for me and generally show consideration, which to me, makes him a good man beyond even being a dom.

--b

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Most subs/slaves don't really have a penchant for doing those things either.

We need to execute this myth that service/helping others = submission.  It doesn't. 

A lot of subs might be service oriented, but plenty are not, and plenty of doms and vanillas LOVE doing nice things for others and LOVE making their house nice and doing work.  That doesn't make them submissive.

Ds isn't an ACT, it's an orientation. 

Personally, other than picking up some cups and plates at a party, unless I've specifically volunteered or been asked by the host to help out, I won't do more.  It's their house, I don't know how they want things cleaned, and as a guest I'm supposed to relax and enjoy what they provide. 

As a host myself, it's my job to make sure all my guests are happy and accommodated to a reasonable extent- this has nothing to do with dominance or submission, just being a good host.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 8:24:34 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		When I am at a public event I notice the Dominants who are just as busy getting things prepared or cleaned up afterwards as the submissives are. At private events I notice the same thing.

I do not see Dominants who take care of the "service" parts of living as being less than Dominant. I see them as practical people who live in the real world. Since I'm not living with a Dominant I can't say that I have experience with that but I'm sure that if someone were to want a 24/7 live-in situation I would be carefully observing what they did in public venues when there was an obvious need. If I were living with someone I would need to know that they would be more interested in making the relationship work than using me as a free housekeeper/cook. I *am* a service submissive so I like to provide those things, but in a relationship, time for the relationship needs to come first IMO. Sometimes that only happens when the Dominant is willing to pitch in and help get things done.

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 8:29:47 AM   
sunfleur


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MellowSir

I clean my own place lol. Problem with the world today is that respect isn't shown women as it once was. Look around and how many men do you see getting the door for the woman? Nowadays guys are just as likely to let the door close in the woman's face before they hold it lol, more's the pity.....it's not serving, it's showing some class.


here here!    generally speaking, i find that strangers tend to hold the door open for me more often than people i know personally.  why is that?  hmm.

as a sub, i do not in any way look down at a Dom/me who does their share of house work, or assists in a public place such as a friends home.   thats simple manners.  of course, i adore serving, so i'm always at the ready to lend a hand or perform an entire service if that's whats asked of me.  in cases of my simply not being able to perform the task properly (i'm not Rambo here, i have weak hands and arthritis in my back, cut me some slack lol)  then i enjoy offering positive feed back when some one else's muscle joins in.   sure.. go ahead.. wonder how i do that. let your imagination run wild.   grin.

sunny

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 8:40:14 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

For those who identify as subs or slaves, how do you feel about Dominants/Masters performing serving & cleaning tasks? Is there a difference when you attend a public function than in the privacy of your home life? Do you feel as strongly about a Dominant/Master who is present but not "yours"? What if  "your" Dominant is present? i do not believe there are any right or wrong answers. i am clear on how i feel, i am just curious to see how others live and think.
Thank You~*
Master's dorei


I'm not quite sure what you mean. Valyraen does not provide any cleaning service to another person as an act of submission. Once we randomly cleaned up a friend's dorm room when they weren't there. Our motive wasn't all that nice - it was sort of an atypical prank. We were waiting on the freaked out phone call of "OH GOD!!! SOMEONE CAME IN AND CLEANED AND I DON'T KNOW WHO!!!" Amusing to say the least.

Around the house, yes he does help out. His chores are taking out the garbage on garbage day, washing whatever goes in the sink and whatever the dishwasher hasn't gotten clean after a couple of tries, take care of his degus, and to put away his vampire books after every RPG session. That and kill bugs.  Anything else he does is because I've been swamped with school and asked him to run a load of laundry, run the dishwater, whatever. In my eyes, that doesn't make him less dominant. It just makes him reasonable about the fact that we both want me to graduate more then we want to play full-time housewife.

I can't say I've ever attended a public function were cleaning was really involved. Maybe wiping down the playmate, but generally it's "whoever hosts, cleans". I really wouldn't care who was present when the dishes need to be washed or tash needs to be taken out. If someone is going to look down on him because he helps me out keeping house then they will be relieved of the burden of being in our house. Which means less dishes for us to watch.

Hope I understood the question correctly - it's the middle of finals and I'm quite exhausted.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 8:51:09 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei


If five out of a dozen "Doms" will not lift a finger to help serve nor clean at (or after) an event, it has a tendancy to affect most of the other "Doms".

i have a new question... would it affect You, or (if you are sub/slave) your Dom/Master?

Master's dorei


It would probably depend on the situation. If it was something we knew ahead of time that I would be working and he would lounging around (as part of the protocal of the evening) then there wouldn't be a problem. However if we arrived, and someone put me to work without warning while he was ushered off to smoke cigars, one of two would happen. Either he would say that if they expected me to work without warning, they had better help or return his Kitten to him (this would probably depend on how rudely it was handled), or we would quietly agree that we didn't like the situation but would tolerate it for the night. Either way, we would not be attending that sort of event again. I do not mind helping in the slightest but I do appreciate being told ahead of time that it will be a "subs work, doms shoot the breeze" style event.

However, I must confess I have a hard time imagining this. Perhaps it that I am Southern and most of the people in the lifestyle who I've interacted with are Southern. Every play party I've attended was thrown by either a male dominant or a male dom/fem sub couple who took care of everything. Even when I've stayed much later then the other guests to let my mind clear up or just chit-chat, I've never been asked to clean anything. Heck, I've never even seen the start of clean-up.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 9:09:21 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
However, I must confess I have a hard time imagining this. Perhaps it that I am Southern and most of the people in the lifestyle who I've interacted with are Southern. Every play party I've attended was thrown by either a male dominant or a male dom/fem sub couple who took care of everything. Even when I've stayed much later then the other guests to let my mind clear up or just chit-chat, I've never been asked to clean anything. Heck, I've never even seen the start of clean-up.


This got me in major trouble with a couple I was owned by for a short time in NY.  They celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving and entertained a couple they were friends with and I was there as well.  It was quite enjoyable overall, lasted all day into the early evening.

I was majorly chastised the next day for not cleaning up after everyone had eaten.  This shocked me as I was always taught that you only clean when guests are around if you want to signal that it's getting very late and time for people to go home, but otherwise it's very rude to start putting your attention to cleaning their mess while they are still there.  And they had given no specific instructions during the day to suggest I should be doing anything other than what I was.

But you know, when you're the slave in that situation, and you've been told you've done badly, that's all that matters.  They broke it off shortly thereafter.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Doms cleaning & serving - 4/25/2007 9:22:18 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
However if we arrived, and someone put me to work without warning while he was ushered off to smoke cigars,


The situation would stop RIGHT THERE. Nobody is in a position to 'put My girl to work' except Me. They can ask her, in which case she'd check if it was OK with Me or they could ask Me in which case I would decide dependent on what it was she was being asked to do.

Asking MIGHT get Me to agree, just trying to railroad Me or Mine into a situation and My agreement is MUCH less likely. If that causes whoever it is a problem, so be it.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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