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does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:03:21 AM   
kate


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		maybe it is my youth talking.... but i can't understand why i keep getting disapointed.... it just feels like everyone is the same in the long run.... and everybody is looking for the same things i am....and nobody is finding it.... i guess my question is...does the disapointment go away...or do you just learn to live with it?

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:11:04 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I think there will always be disappointments, but the occasional success will make it all seem worth it.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:13:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think for the ones that make it work, they settle (as in align) their expectations with reality, they recognize the personal patterns which poison their efforts and avoid those traps in the future.

Ask yourself why you keep attracting the same types of people to you.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:21:53 AM   
ErusUxor


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline 		My husband/Master were just talking about this type of thing last night.

Many of us repeat the same pattern and expect different results. It won't happen

Yes, it can "get better" but you have to value yourself enough to really take a look at what makes you happy and not just allow yourself to float in the muddy river of other peoples expectations.

You have to stand up for what you desire (what ever that happens to be) and not back down from the morals/hopes/dreams that you hold dear just because someone fitting them isn't immediately present.

High expectations for yourself and your life and the people in it are ok....just make sure they are honest as well as realistic.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:23:12 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		yeah kate it does.......... there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Patience and the never ending search for the needle in a haystack.  Gets easier when you learn how to weed through people faster.  

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:28:01 AM   
MasterNdorei


Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Becoming a sub/slave, Dom/Master is not a destination. It is a journey.

Have fun. Play safe. Remember, this is not a race.

Master's dorei

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:33:07 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		You learn that fulfillment is not given to you by another. You are looking in the wrong place. Love arises in the only place you have ever felt it -- within your very own heart.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 8:50:08 AM   
kate


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		i am just let down so often.... everything i attempt i fail at eventually...no matter how well it is going, it always falls through.... i guess i am just at the point o giving up

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 9:08:20 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Kate,

You are 21, what the heck do you expect?  Girls your age pick assholes and until they get to about 26 they don't start to learn how to pick better men.  Perhaps you are getting ready to learn the difference.

WE choose both consciously and unconsciously the people we allow to meet us.  If you sit in the corner at a club for example, you are only going to meet the sort of men who can walk across the club and hit on you.  Think back at the places and ways you have met the men in your life.  There will be patterns, find those and examine them.  Ask your girlfriends about what your patterns are, others can often see them easier than we can.

Learning to pick better partners is a skill.  The more you hone it and examine it, the better you will get at it.  You are less than half my age and I am only now really looking at who I allow into my life and why.  You have plenty of time to get it right and asking questions is the way to start.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 9:11:13 AM   
selfbnd411


Posts: 598
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Well what are you looking for?  Maybe that's the place to start--your profile says you're not looking for anything! 

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 9:19:22 AM   
kate


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		why does it take so long to learn these things? why can't people just do what they say they will do?.... if people would just not make false promises everyone would be so much......gah! life would just suck a little less.....i am so frustrated!

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 9:22:15 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kate
why does it take so long to learn these things? why can't people just do what they say they will do?.... if people would just not make false promises everyone would be so much......gah! life would just suck a little less.....i am so frustrated!

Why can't you hone your judgement skills so that you know how to spot the clues that someone isn't trustworthy and do not put trust into someones promises prematurely, at least so it doesn't happen as often?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 9:30:37 AM   
sunfleur


Posts: 75
Joined: 11/13/2005
Status: offline
Many of us repeat the same pattern and expect different results. It won't happen


i agree... as much as i'd like to take credit for this quote.. i heard it somewhere on TV...

"if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always had."
if you seek something different, do something different to find it.

sunfleur

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 9:40:02 AM   
imthatacheyouhav


Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Kate,

You are 21, what the heck do you expect?  Girls your age pick assholes and until they get to about 26 they don't start to learn how to pick better men.  Perhaps you are getting ready to learn the difference.

WE choose both consciously and unconsciously the people we allow to meet us.  If you sit in the corner at a club for example, you are only going to meet the sort of men who can walk across the club and hit on you.  Think back at the places and ways you have met the men in your life.  There will be patterns, find those and examine them.  Ask your girlfriends about what your patterns are, others can often see them easier than we can.

Learning to pick better partners is a skill.  The more you hone it and examine it, the better you will get at it.  You are less than half my age and I am only now really looking at who I allow into my life and why.  You have plenty of time to get it right and asking questions is the way to start.


What He said......

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 10:23:27 AM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		Dear, i'm 42 and I still feel that way at times. It's just something i've learned to deal with over the years. But yes, it does get better...but you need to look to yourself first. I've always believed unless your happy with yourself, you can never truely be happy with another.

Your still young. Look at how you've done things in the past and try something new.  If all you've been doing in the past hasn't worked so far, it's time for a change. Your not gonna get an oak tree from a pecan.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 10:47:19 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunfleur


Many of us repeat the same pattern and expect different results. It won't happen


i agree... as much as i'd like to take credit for this quote.. i heard it somewhere on TV...

"if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always had."
if you seek something different, do something different to find it.

sunfleur


*Laughs*  I've had this as My signature line since I signed up.  Thought about changing it once or twice, but it's still the same.
 


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 10:52:57 AM   
Owned1


Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline 		Partially it is your youth, however that will not change until you truly know yourself and what it is you need.  Note I said need not want.  Something I have always said specifically to the BDSM world and sub/slave/bottoms is until you truly know yourself inside and out you can never give of yourself.

If you are continually being disappointed then look inwards and see what it is you are doing to permit this to happen.  We are all in control of our own destiny.

All that philisophical stuff being said, generally life sucks and we all have disappointments and let downs.  However if we let the bad times rule us that is all we will have. 

Enjoy the ups and learn from the downs.

And remember life is a journey not a destination.

Owned

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 10:53:23 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		be the the change you wish to see in the world.



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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 10:57:36 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

does it get better?
Does 'it' get better? No.

What should get better is you. Your choices get better. You know yourself better. You have experiences to draw upon, making your decisions better. Or you don't, and instead you pout and wallow in self pity; looking for sympathy instead of methods of self improvement.

If you don't get better then 'it' never gets better.

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RE: does it get better? - 4/24/2007 11:06:14 AM   
Dastardly


Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		Only thing I can add is exactly what everyone else has said, identify your pattern

I was talking to a friend and said 'why is it that I always attract nutters?' and she replied 'Nuh huh, what is it in YOU that finds nutters attractive?' - in other words, it's not them, it's me. And apologies if anyone objects to the nutter word, I'm english .

Great book for changing habits - refering back to everyone's comments that if you do the same thing you get the same result - Bill O'Hanlon 'Do One Thing Different' - great for getting you into the habit of identifying patterns and then changing them.

Good luck x


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'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
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