RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance?

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 10:22:15 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

My experience and observations in general are that men enjoy the "chase" more than anything. They often want what they don't or can't have and become dissatisfied quickly when they have obtained it. I'm sure not all men are like this and probably some women are too but I don't think it's unique to D/s.

I think the word ‘chase’ is a good one. I see a lot of this in the clubs and certainly not from just the single Doms. Many a time I see a sub sitting quietly whilst her dominant roams the floor looking for fresh meat and whilst I appreciate that those tend to be polygamous relationships (at least on his part) I often wonder just how insecure the sub must be feeling.

My feeling on what you have stated here is that if one was going to hang out at a vanilla club with vanilla men and women, very few of them will have been together a long long time. Perhaps there is something to be said of comparing those who frequent D/s clubs often and their vanilla counterparts? I can imagine that many people that are D/s couples never go to such places as they are monogamous and do not play with others.... just a thought.

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 6:18:47 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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In June my Lord and alandra will have been together for 21 years and married 17 of those.

The three of us are relatively new as a family (2 years this coming Monday), but we are committed for a lifetime. And there is quite a bit of evidence (21 years of it) to suggest that he takes committment very seriously... *g*

Knight's kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 6:20:34 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout
I agree with this part of what Michael said. I know a great many long-term and committed male dom/ fem sub couples, but almost without exception when they've found what they were looking for they dropped completely out of the public scene, including any online forums. From what they said to me, they found it so shallow and lying that it began to have less and less in common with their actual lives. None of these couples I know lost the D/S dynamic and nobody "switched sides". They are completely invisible to anyone looking for role models.

Which is why I'm really grateful for couples like Archer/Elegant and so many more who are so public about their relationship and active in the scene community.

I will second that... they were such a pleasure to meet and watch them interact and I really enjoy reading their thoughts on the boards.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 6:35:21 PM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

We've lasted four years so far if that helps.

Do the subs become dominant, or was that side merely supressed?
Yes it does because I find that length of time fairly unusual.
I have talked to a lot of fem subs real time who have said that the Dom seems to grow bored after so long and the domination seems to dwindle to virtually nothing.
In turn I know a fair amount of male doms that seem to give a fem sub there full attention for a short time before looking around behind the subs back for someone fresh. I think I have noticed this too much for it to be a coincidence. They seem to follow this continual pattern and I have my suspicions as to why that is.
I think the ones that do stay together (like yourself and your Dom) are very sure of what they are looking for but I believe it is pretty unique.

Another thing I have noticed a lot of is a fem sub who stays with a long term dominant seems for some reason to become dominant too.

Do they become dominant or merely repress that side. The reason I ask is beacuse I can see that happening to myself in a LTR. Having always been a top previously, and now wanting to explore my desires as a sub, I can still see myself reverting to old habits.

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 7:07:21 PM

aurora31

Posts: 266
Joined: 8/18/2005
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My Sir and his alpha have been together nearly 6 yrs now. Like kyra I am just a baby ( new born one at that ) in the dynamic only 3 months here. But I hope I will be here for the rest of my life no matter how long or short it may be.

aurora

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 10:19:34 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
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I dont know anyone, with a bdsm relationship past 10 yrs.
I do know, that around every decade, i get a compulsion, to radically change my life to suit how i feel. Changing partners has occured at each 're-shake'.
Ive yet to discover if being within a D/s relationship changes that trend. Being closer to collecting a pension might clip my wings a little though.
little1

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 10:27:34 PM

Skye7

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Joined: 2/20/2006
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Our relationship is on its 11th year of which we have lived together almost 9 years.

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/25/2007 10:32:53 PM

ErusUxor

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/22/2007
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Three years and now also married....still going strong. Already been through (and still are)raising kids, the death of a my Mother, the death of a dearly loved ex -mother in law, a personal cancer scare, the ridicule of "the community", and the serious displeasure and discomfort of the family over our age differece....and still No forcast of any storms we can't weather together ... I'm thinking, after the last year or two, the next twenty should be a gentle breeze...

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When they said "penny for your thoughts" ...I had to try and figure out how to make change.

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RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/26/2007 7:39:27 PM

sabis

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/29/2005
From: Midwest, USA
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7 years as a couple, about to hit 3 as husband and wife. Still doing just fine, still walking the path together, still keenly aware of how much more there is to explore and learn and share together.

In His service,

~sabis
Owned by Cumulus

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