Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Doms and fem subs going the distance?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Doms and fem subs going the distance? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 4:30:06 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Im a people watcher by nature! Yeah a real voyeur if you like
I think you can learn a lot from observing what is going on around you.
One thing that interests me is the long term relationships in the things we do.
This is what I have noticed and I am not talking about on screen cyber play but the real McCoy.

Swithces seem to be the highest in holding together a long term relationship and by that I mean more than 5 years.
Fem Dommes and male subs also seem to go the distance. I know a fair few Mistresses that are married to their sub and that includes myself for 17 years.
Dominant men and submissive women seem few and far between after the five year period.

Please note that this is only my observation and nothing more. I would love to hear from fem subs with male doms that have lasted for 5 years or more.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 4:31:56 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		We've lasted four years so far if that helps.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 4:46:10 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

We've lasted four years so far if that helps.


Yes it does because I find that length of time fairly unusual.
I have talked to a lot of fem subs real time who have said that the Dom seems to grow bored after so long and the domination seems to dwindle to virtually nothing.
In turn I know a fair amount of male doms that seem to give a fem sub there full attention for a short time before looking around behind the subs back for someone fresh. I think I have noticed this too much for it to be a coincidence. They seem to follow this continual pattern and I have my suspicions as to why that is.
I think the ones that do stay together (like yourself and your Dom) are very sure of what they are looking for but I believe it is pretty unique.

Another thing I have noticed a lot of is a fem sub who stays with a long term dominant seems for some reason to become dominant too.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:06:34 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

In turn I know a fair amount of male doms that seem to give a fem sub there full attention for a short time before looking around behind the subs back for someone fresh. I think I have noticed this too much for it to be a coincidence. They seem to follow this continual pattern and I have my suspicions as to why that is.
I think the ones that do stay together (like yourself and your Dom) are very sure of what they are looking for but I believe it is pretty unique.

Another thing I have noticed a lot of is a fem sub who stays with a long term dominant seems for some reason to become dominant to


do you want to elaborate?


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:07:09 AM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		To help with your polling (I’ve been wondering this same thing, so thank you for posting it ) we’re switch-switch and been together almost 3 years. And I’ve known him for about 5 years.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:09:59 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

quote:

In turn I know a fair amount of male doms that seem to give a fem sub there full attention for a short time before looking around behind the subs back for someone fresh. I think I have noticed this too much for it to be a coincidence. They seem to follow this continual pattern and I have my suspicions as to why that is.
I think the ones that do stay together (like yourself and your Dom) are very sure of what they are looking for but I believe it is pretty unique.

Another thing I have noticed a lot of is a fem sub who stays with a long term dominant seems for some reason to become dominant to


do you want to elaborate?



I will but not yet!

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:13:47 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I don't switch and My three longest TPE relationships have been four and a half year, five and a half year and just short of a decade..... so far, when they work the duration seems to be improving so check back with Me in twenty or so years to see if the current one is running true to that form 

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:18:53 AM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		I was in a relationship with my previous Master for 5 years.  About 2 years of that 5 was long distance.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:43:57 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Its really nice to hear success stories and on this occasion I would be happy to be proved wrong but even those people that do go the distance must notice that this seems to be fairly uncommon amongst male dominants and fem subs?

(in reply to sillygirl09)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 5:46:00 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Master Archer has owned me for almost 9 years.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 6:01:01 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
Its really nice to hear success stories and on this occasion I would be happy to be proved wrong but even those people that do go the distance must notice that this seems to be fairly uncommon amongst male dominants and fem subs?


It is becomming less common for ANY style of relationship to go the distance. Relationships seem to be taking on more of a disposable edge to them in society. It isn't just D/s, far too many people simply don't have the will to work at overcoming problems as they used to and are more likely to walk away and look elsewhere.

Guess I'm just old fashioned in that respect, hence I've been lucky in having three longer term primary relationships (And one secondary that lasted just over 5 years) of a decent length over the last 26 years. If I can see no chance then I will release the girl, but if it is salvagable at all then I am always prepaired to work at it.... I have good taste and the girls that catch My interest seriously are worth that effort.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 6:20:21 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
Its really nice to hear success stories and on this occasion I would be happy to be proved wrong but even those people that do go the distance must notice that this seems to be fairly uncommon amongst male dominants and fem subs?


It is becomming less common for ANY style of relationship to go the distance. Relationships seem to be taking on more of a disposable edge to them in society. It isn't just D/s, far too many people simply don't have the will to work at overcoming problems as they used to and are more likely to walk away and look elsewhere.

Guess I'm just old fashioned in that respect, hence I've been lucky in having three longer term primary relationships (And one secondary that lasted just over 5 years) of a decent length over the last 26 years. If I can see no chance then I will release the girl, but if it is salvagable at all then I am always prepaired to work at it.... I have good taste and the girls that catch My interest seriously are worth that effort.



and obviously good D/s skills too!
I don't believe it is anything to do with luck. It's down to you and it being natural.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 6:42:27 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
and obviously good D/s skills too!
I don't believe it is anything to do with luck. It's down to you and it being natural.


I think it takes luck to find that right spark as well as skill at recognising it and getting the best from it. It isn't a common spark that I sought and have found again.

If you are going to the London Munch on Friday I hope you'll wander over and say Hi :)


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 6:45:04 AM   
Asraii


Posts: 91
Status: offline 		Both of my relationships were around 7 years apiece; the first ended with his death, the second by mutual agreement.
 
I don't think they are few and far between; I just think that some are so comfortable in their relationships that they don't feel the need to scream it at everyone.

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 6:47:07 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		In my experience, people who are in committed relationships, especially if they are not overly poly tend to drop out of the scene so they are underrepresented.  Same goes for singles people who are that way.  So that right there skews what we "see"

I think you are right about switches and I think that is because if you can switch you more than likely have a more well developed ego.  I say that and I don't switch so I am not beating my chest, just an observation.

I tend to be mostly monogamous and prefer long term relationships with one woman.  When I meet them, I tend to drop out of the scene.  So far my longest relationship was a vanilla one with unconscious D/s overtones and that was my last vanilla one before entering the scene and that lasted well over six years.  Today, I am fairly sure it would either have been vastly shorter or I would still be with her, not quite sure which as she was a very good woman.

My last relationship was almost four years and ended only because she wanted children and I didn't although it did have other issues but we were working on them.

After I graduate college, my plan has been to find my last woman.  My skills as a decent human have come a long way and I am a different person than the man who met my ex and my skills as a dominant have matured a bit as well. I may sing a different tune next week though. 

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 6:47:30 AM   
MasterGremlin


Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		 
My Master and I will have been married for 8 years June 12th, and living together for 9.

Cordially,
minxy

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 7:02:52 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		I have been in two relationships that each lasted over 11 years. The reasons for the eventual breakups were not related to our dynamics.

In my experience I have known more couples of the male Dom/female sub variety that have made it long term. It has also been in my experience that I have known the fewest female Domme/male sub couples who have successfully managed longevity.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MariaB)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 7:12:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I look at it comparing to the vanilla experience.  Say most vanillas start dating at about age 16- when do most vanillas get married and committed to a long term relationship?  A decade later?

How long have most of the people around here been in the scene?  I think it will take almost a decade for most of them to really settle and get into the long term mode.

I think previous life experience helps, but not as much as one might think- it really is relearning how to ride a bike in a lot of ways IMO.  And with the numbers of youngsters getting into the scene (which will only increase and IMO become just like the vanilla curve over time), they won't even have that life experience to push them along yet.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 7:23:10 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		We been together four years as a 24/7 living together couple, getting married during out third year. I don't think we are by any means unique, rare, or 'special'. I think Mike has identified one issue. We aren't 'poly', it is not necessary to bring another into our dynamic but we do on occasion interact with another individual or couple. We enjoy socializing and attending things like Folsom, but having a home dungeon space makes it easy to be 'home-bodies'. We don't go to as many clubs as we used to not because we've been together for so long, but because unless I want to use equipment I don't have yet, I can play in my 'home version' and 'crash' by walking a few feet instead of driving 30 miles. At least in our area and with our group there is a fairly large representation of people in committed relationships lasting years. Unintended, the party we hosted at our house was all 'couples'; some same sex, but still 'couples'; some committed long term - some committed for the evening.

Switching always opens the door to more opportunities. If there is reincarnation I'm hoping to come back as a bi-sexual switch. Most likely I'll be dead by 25 - but what a party!

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Doms and fem subs going the distance? - 4/24/2007 7:23:52 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		All right, back from taking the younger one to the orthodontist. I know of two M/s marriages that are both over the 20 year mark. One of the subs refers to herself as a dominant slave since she hasn't ever felt submissive to anyone else. But she doesn't top anyone. Myself I think that having someone to spend all her submissive feelings on is why she's never felt any sub vibes with anyone else. But that's neither here nor there.

I know of another couple together for under ten years.

I think that what makes the difference for them is what makes the difference between any marriage work or not. The ability to respect each other, to be aware how fragile people and relationships are, to check in with each other frequently and not take each other for granted. And this isn't just the same groveling at his feet and thanking him for having chosen her. It needs to be present in both people.

The other risk in maledom/femsub couples is what happens if she gets a better job or he loses his. When the power and the money in a relationship are both in one person's hands you don't think about it because it's been like that from day one. But suddenly when the money is the sub's, the power seems to transfer too unless you are both very self aware. And to be honest, men who have just lost jobs become angry and depressed which is not a time when you can be self aware and have intelligent discussions about power.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Doms and fem subs going the distance? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094