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RE: part time Masters - 4/22/2007 6:39:38 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unsung

LadyPact I thought your thoughts where well expressed.  My situation is not similiar as my Top is not my Master, and more descriptive of what LA explained, however your explanation probably is closer to reality that rubyleu is near (I assume *disclaimer for assuming though).  Thank you. :)


Thank you, unsung.  As always, I appreciate the compliment.

(in reply to unsung)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: part time Masters - 4/22/2007 7:05:25 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

What i mean by part time Master, is One who cannot be with his slave more than once or twice a month. Its physically part time, mailny because of long distance.
Thank you all for your answers.


That doesn't make sense to me. For almost six months Valyraen and I were long distence and only saw each other twice a moth. Once we went six weeks because things kept happening. I never stopped belonging to him and I never stopped obeying his orders. I would never have considered him part time any more then I would have considered a long distence boyfriend a part time boyfriend.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 4/22/2007 7:06:09 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: part time Masters - 4/22/2007 7:12:49 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		We were LDR for two years. What we found was that due to UMs and changing schedules, there could be no strict protocols or rituals. Mainly we worked on keeping the lines of communication going. Because giving me an order of skirt and heels on a day I was escorting a school hiking trip just didn't work.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: part time Masters - 4/22/2007 7:12:54 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Do part-time doms get fewer fringe benefits?


Yeah they also dont qualify for regular benifits like health care and on demand blow jobs... they also cant be part of the union unless they Dom at least 40 hours a week.


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 3:48:35 AM   
rubyleu


Posts: 63
Status: offline 		dear juliet
in response to yr question, what i mean is almost what you described.. when one is used to seeing her Master often, regularly, and then changes occur in the relationship. Changes like family obligations, and heavy work schedules. what does a sub/slave do in their weak moments, how do they handle it? judging by the replies, i see that most are strong minded about it, and i admire that. it brings me strenght as well. its getting used to change i guess. how do you adapt to a change in the relationship? great replies everyone, thank you.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 7:07:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu
dear juliet
in response to yr question, what i mean is almost what you described.. when one is used to seeing her Master often, regularly, and then changes occur in the relationship. Changes like family obligations, and heavy work schedules. what does a sub/slave do in their weak moments, how do they handle it? judging by the replies, i see that most are strong minded about it, and i admire that. it brings me strenght as well. its getting used to change i guess. how do you adapt to a change in the relationship? great replies everyone, thank you.

Ahh hopefully with preparation.

In your weak moments, you can either barricade yourself into a comfy bed with some good movies (a perfectly legitimate thing to do sometimes) or you can remind yourself of why you made the commitment in the first place, touch that place inside you which makes the commitment real and resonating, and look to the future and know that it won't always be like this.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 8:31:13 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		My last year and a half with my ex was long distance.  I read her to sleep, we went to the same movies at the same time in different cities, we went for walks and talked on the phone about what we saw.  It was hard but we made it work.

I am embarking on a LD relationship once again but without the foundation of having lived together as well as a distance 10 times greater.  SO, I hope that those who have made this work can post their thoughts, ideas, and suggestions here for all to read.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 8:52:27 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

What i mean by part time Master, is One who cannot be with his slave more than once or twice a month. Its physically part time, mailny because of long distance.
Thank you all for your answers.


My Daddy are not what I would consider living in a 24-7 situation. We are not "part time" either. He is always my Daddy, he is always my dom, and he can exert control over me no matter where he is.  As time goes on he exerts more control over my life, a natural progression, but that does not mean when he is not actively domming me that he is not my dom.. He simply is.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 9:44:35 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

I am curious to know from submissives or slaves who are owned by part time Masters, how they handle it, how do they make up for it. Part time to me is meeting about once or twice a month real time or even less.


Part time doms are better known as "tops." You turn it on for a weekend or a night and then you turn it off and go about your life. It's a role.

Being a dominant is who I am with every breath of my being. It does not turn on or off and it doesn't take a vacation.

Being a dominant is what I am. Being a top is something I do.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 10:25:29 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		What simplistic bullshit!   

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 5:55:38 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

I am curious to know from submissives or slaves who are owned by part time Masters, how they handle it, how do they make up for it. Part time to me is meeting about once or twice a month real time or even less.


Part time doms are better known as "tops." You turn it on for a weekend or a night and then you turn it off and go about your life. It's a role.

Being a dominant is who I am with every breath of my being. It does not turn on or off and it doesn't take a vacation.

Being a dominant is what I am. Being a top is something I do.


Well, aren't you special! And I suppose that you just KNOW that my Master (specifically, since you included all dominants in your description) "turns it off" just because we don't live together...

How enlightened of you.

But here's my question...

Just because you can assume that your view is correct, just how are you proving that?

I can tell you that my Master is my Master, no matter where he is, what he does or who he does it with. Fishing with his buddies does not make him less dominant or less my Master. Working at his given profession does not make him less dominant or less my Master.

Just what is it that differentiates your "every breath of your being" from someone else's every breath of his being" just because during the week he has other responsibilities? Do you strut into the grocery store, pump gas or other every day life activities in "Dom Mode?" Do you demand everyone call you "Sir" or "Ma'am?" Just what IS it exactly that differentiates you, on a daily "every breath of your being" moment from someone who is able to see his submissive (due to her silly constraints such as employment, familial, community obligations as much as his) on the weekends? What is the indication of a "top" to you verses a dominant or Master? Just how do you TELL? Do you come with a set of instructions or some silly stuff like that?

Because honey, you don't know my Master. You have NO concept of what he is and is not capable of. But I'll give you a little clue. One of the things that obviously makes him a "top" verses a "dominant" in your little world is that he by no means feels the need to put other dominants down in order to build himself up - especially by demeaning the relationships others have and the choices they've made in their lives. To me, THAT is one of the hallmarks of a dominant..Someone who has respect for others in and out of this life... 

So, I guess I'll take my "top" and call him Master, because in terms of dominance...this isn't a role we act out. It's life - his life and my life, and just because you can't see how someone might make the choices we've made in no way makes our relationship or my dominant somehow less than you and yours.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/23/2007 5:58:12 PM >

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 5:59:52 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Do part-time doms get fewer fringe benefits?
Less vacation time and no sick days lol

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 6:13:49 PM   
unsung


Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline 		MistressMelissa, I have to disagree with your statement regarding 'turn it on for a weekend or a night and then turn it off and go about your life.  I know a number of people in the leather community that refer to themselves as tops as opposed to Masters or Dom's per sa.  They are 'on' fulltime all the time.  They are dominant there is little doubt in this.  However there are some that choose not to engage in the lifestyle to the point of expectation; like myself.  Hence a Dom whom has also requested me to refer to him as my top if I wish but not my Master (as he feels this is an earned role through time and not something to spit out because one can), has agreed to engage in play with me because I want this and he feels there is a part of the D.s dynamic in which can be learnt and he can teach, and of which I agree.  However, because we are not always 'on' does not make him less of a Dom than any other, actually one of the few in the area that I feel truely can be trusted (but that is another thing). 

People wether apart or near, fullfill their roles as and how the environment allows, and for many this includes being apart for periods of time.  The distance does not make them less of what they are, nor does it extinguish what they are if not in physical presence.  Take 'God' for instance, there are many followers and very few if any that have actually physically been in touch with this man, spirit, whatever,  but enough said I am sure the picture is painted on my views on this.....

< Message edited by unsung -- 4/23/2007 6:16:24 PM >

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 6:17:06 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

dear juliet
in response to yr question, what i mean is almost what you described.. when one is used to seeing her Master often, regularly, and then changes occur in the relationship. Changes like family obligations, and heavy work schedules. what does a sub/slave do in their weak moments, how do they handle it? judging by the replies, i see that most are strong minded about it, and i admire that. it brings me strenght as well. its getting used to change i guess. how do you adapt to a change in the relationship? great replies everyone, thank you.


rubyleu:

The very FIRST thing I'd suggest is that if you consider yourself to be owned by that man in your life, then quit rationalizing it as "part time" unless it's YOUR emotions and committment that are indeed "part time." (Not an attack, just a different mind set)

Then:

Associate with friends who know your relationship and are supportive.

Develop your sense of independence. It IS possible to conduct yourself with a sense of strong independence and still submit to your Master.

View what you're doing as being supportive of his other responsibilities.

Recognize that it's precisely his committment to his responsibilities that you appreciate in him - even if it's difficult to wait.

Work on yourself...take a course, learn something new, etc. If you need to, rationalize this as something you're doing for him. Otherwise, just be honest with yourself and become a better you.

Read a good book.

Join a bowling league

Buy a hitachi!! (unless of course you have the same restrictions I do to contend with)

Talk online but keep it light so that you don't get carried away with one of those online relationship things that can cause so many problems.

Become more culturally aware. Go to the symphony, the opera, a play. LEARN

Say affirmations every day to remind yourself of who you are and who you  belong to.

Cook (but don't overeat)

Dance (sometimes with tears and sometimes without - depending on the mood)

Talk to him daily at the same time so that you always have something to look forward to. (better yet. twice a day if possible - once in the morning, once in the evening.) Don't make the conversation all weepy about how much you miss each other. Catch up on your day, share a laugh. BE NORMAL.

Recognize this is probably temporary and get on with the business of living well - he'd want it that way.

And if all that fails, as someone already said, hide yourself away in your bedroom and just get through the evening.

And never ever fall into the trap of thinking that you just "can't" do this... You can, you will and you'll be stronger for it.

Submission isn't submission when it's all fun and games..sometimes it's damn hard.

(and here's one that's almost too much for me to share, but when all else fails, it's what works for me...every single time)

I remind myself that the greatest submissive ever had doubts about being able to submit, and in a garden one night, prayed that he not have to go through what he knew he'd face in the morning. If he could have his doubts and still suffer and die on a cross for all of humanity, then can't you wait for a month?

juliet



(in reply to rubyleu)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 7:51:01 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

I am curious to know from submissives or slaves who are owned by part time Masters, how they handle it, how do they make up for it. Part time to me is meeting about once or twice a month real time or even less.


Part time doms are better known as "tops." You turn it on for a weekend or a night and then you turn it off and go about your life. It's a role.

Being a dominant is who I am with every breath of my being. It does not turn on or off and it doesn't take a vacation.

Being a dominant is what I am. Being a top is something I do.


Well, aren't you special! And I suppose that you just KNOW that my Master (specifically, since you included all dominants in your description) "turns it off" just because we don't live together...

How enlightened of you.

But here's my question...

Just because you can assume that your view is correct, just how are you proving that?

I can tell you that my Master is my Master, no matter where he is, what he does or who he does it with. Fishing with his buddies does not make him less dominant or less my Master. Working at his given profession does not make him less dominant or less my Master.

Just what is it that differentiates your "every breath of your being" from someone else's every breath of his being" just because during the week he has other responsibilities? Do you strut into the grocery store, pump gas or other every day life activities in "Dom Mode?" Do you demand everyone call you "Sir" or "Ma'am?" Just what IS it exactly that differentiates you, on a daily "every breath of your being" moment from someone who is able to see his submissive (due to her silly constraints such as employment, familial, community obligations as much as his) on the weekends? What is the indication of a "top" to you verses a dominant or Master? Just how do you TELL? Do you come with a set of instructions or some silly stuff like that?

Because honey, you don't know my Master. You have NO concept of what he is and is not capable of. But I'll give you a little clue. One of the things that obviously makes him a "top" verses a "dominant" in your little world is that he by no means feels the need to put other dominants down in order to build himself up - especially by demeaning the relationships others have and the choices they've made in their lives. To me, THAT is one of the hallmarks of a dominant..Someone who has respect for others in and out of this life... 

So, I guess I'll take my "top" and call him Master, because in terms of dominance...this isn't a role we act out. It's life - his life and my life, and just because you can't see how someone might make the choices we've made in no way makes our relationship or my dominant somehow less than you and yours.

juliet


WOW who pissed in your chireos this morning... I dont want to speak for MM but I dont think she was talking to you about you or even mentioning you or your Master.. What about what she said made you feel like you where beeing personaly attacked?? please share because I dont see it.. she was just saying how it is for HER she wasnt putting down anyone els or saying anything bad about any one els she was just saying how she feels in her own Domanance and there was nothing wrong with that. you need to take a chill pill.


Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 8:23:44 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

I dont want to speak for MM but I dont think she was talking to you about you or even mentioning you or your Master.. What about what she said made you feel like you where beeing personaly attacked??


Yes  you do. Otherwise, you wouldn't.

Again, equating those who can spend less time with their submissive than she might as a "top" who is simply role playing is where it became personal for me. If that's an issue for you, then that's an issue for you.

I'm sure she's a big girl who can hold up her end of things quite nicely. Afterall, she's relegated all those who can't see their submissives on a 24/7 basis to simply role play. She can manage on her own, I'm quite sure. thank you.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/23/2007 8:31:33 PM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 8:45:20 PM   
astarri


Posts: 265
Joined: 4/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlackWomanSubNJ

I don't think there's any such thing as a part time Dom.  Either he's your Dom or he's not.  The varience is in the amount of time you have to spend together.  If he's your Dom then everything you do, even when you're not with him is in furtherence of your submission.  But, if you need someone who has more time to give you, then that's what you should do. 

i so agree with you  

(in reply to BlackWomanSubNJ)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 9:05:00 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

I am curious to know from submissives or slaves who are owned by part time Masters, how they handle it, how do they make up for it. Part time to me is meeting about once or twice a month real time or even less.


Part time doms are better known as "tops." You turn it on for a weekend or a night and then you turn it off and go about your life. It's a role.

Being a dominant is who I am with every breath of my being. It does not turn on or off and it doesn't take a vacation.

Being a dominant is what I am. Being a top is something I do.


Well, aren't you special! And I suppose that you just KNOW that my Master (specifically, since you included all dominants in your description) "turns it off" just because we don't live together...

How enlightened of you.

But here's my question...

Just because you can assume that your view is correct, just how are you proving that?

I can tell you that my Master is my Master, no matter where he is, what he does or who he does it with. Fishing with his buddies does not make him less dominant or less my Master. Working at his given profession does not make him less dominant or less my Master.

Just what is it that differentiates your "every breath of your being" from someone else's every breath of his being" just because during the week he has other responsibilities? Do you strut into the grocery store, pump gas or other every day life activities in "Dom Mode?" Do you demand everyone call you "Sir" or "Ma'am?" Just what IS it exactly that differentiates you, on a daily "every breath of your being" moment from someone who is able to see his submissive (due to her silly constraints such as employment, familial, community obligations as much as his) on the weekends? What is the indication of a "top" to you verses a dominant or Master? Just how do you TELL? Do you come with a set of instructions or some silly stuff like that?

Because honey, you don't know my Master. You have NO concept of what he is and is not capable of. But I'll give you a little clue. One of the things that obviously makes him a "top" verses a "dominant" in your little world is that he by no means feels the need to put other dominants down in order to build himself up - especially by demeaning the relationships others have and the choices they've made in their lives. To me, THAT is one of the hallmarks of a dominant..Someone who has respect for others in and out of this life... 

So, I guess I'll take my "top" and call him Master, because in terms of dominance...this isn't a role we act out. It's life - his life and my life, and just because you can't see how someone might make the choices we've made in no way makes our relationship or my dominant somehow less than you and yours.

juliet


Greetings juliet,

The original thread stated "Part time Master" what else would a part time Master be but a top. Being a Master/Dominant is part of your personality, your nature, it's not something that is turned on and off.

"I can tell you that my Master is my Master, no matter where he is, what he does or who he does it with."

As you have just stated, this thread does not apply to your situation.This thread was about a "part time master"  and yet you have chosen to make this personal for some reason. I suggest you reread the original thread.

I really don't care how you live your life. If your happy, so be it. But words have meanings and unless we can someday agree what the terms mean, we can not have an intelligent conversation. If someone is only a "Master" once or twice a month as stated in the original thread, then they are a top. I have met some very skilled tops, masters at what they do. But if the mastery turns on and off at the club door or with the weekend, Their a top. Since no one here can agree as to what the terms of this lifestyle mean, I am left to my own definitions.

Also for the record and since you asked; I am not your honey. I am a dominant everywhere I go and no I don't demand anyone call me ma'am, they just do it all on their own. Being a dominant means I am in control of myself at all times and thus have an effect on what happens around me. Just as I chosen not to be offended by your post. Actually, it amuses me. I can also make choices that will effect how others treat me, serve me and in general make my life more enjoyable.


< Message edited by MistressMelissa -- 4/23/2007 9:06:08 PM >

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to julietsierra)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 9:09:47 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Your post came AFTER rubyleu's in which she further described her relationship and why she was asking about what to do. Perhaps you should go back and read it. My second post to her came after that and was distinctly different from the first.

And actually, I didn't ask...but thanks for sharing your views. You know...by my definition and all...honey seemed to work...just as top did for you.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 4/23/2007 9:12:05 PM >

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: part time Masters - 4/23/2007 9:12:12 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

What simplistic bullshit!   


I like my life simple. Since "simple" is part of your name I would have thought you might appreciate simplicity. I have taken great strides to simplify my life. As for the bullshit...well it makes great fertilizer and we'll have to wait an see what grows.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 40
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