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The Importance of Appearance - 4/21/2007 11:23:51 PM   
MasterLebeaux


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		This is something that relates to Doms/Dommes and subs, equally.

How much do you put into the value of appearances/first impressions?

I know that when I intend to go out to meet a potential sub or maybe a fellow Dom/Domme, I want to look My best. I know that if I do, I have a sense of self-confidence, a feeling of empowerment and, generally speaking, a sense of well being.

Also, if I see that a submissive has gone all-out to look her best, I am eager to see how the rest of our encounter will go.

Any other thoughts?
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/21/2007 11:40:46 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		actually I would rather see them at their worst.  

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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/21/2007 11:56:34 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		Im not overly concerned with looks.  By the time I meet someone I'm already pretty much drawn or attracted to them for various reasons.  However, appearance is important.  If someone looks raggy or dirty, or unkempt, it's a turn off.   So far, I've never met someone who didn't take some level of pride in their appearance.  I always go out of my way to look nice when meeting someone, not only for the first time, but for subsequent visits as well.  Otherwise, Im kind of plain at home or just out running errands and whatnot. 

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/21/2007 11:57:42 PM   
maiden1971


Posts: 12
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		Appearances are very important.  Most would agree in that they have read or actually spoken to many who want a partner that can 'fit' in their social circles - someone who hold themselves to a higher set of standards than the average.  When you agree to meet, even at a 'casual' restaurant, you expect that other person to have those same set standards that they expect from you.  Just as I am sure Doms don't want to see a potential sub with Tammy Fae Baker make-up and high 80's hair - at least not the first time, I would not want to see a potential Dom sporting a mullet and dingy tee-shirt.  I hate to say it, but initially it is similar to applying for a job interview.  First impressions are lasting - on both sides - and although everyone usually 'cleans up nicely', you usually only get one chance to confirm what has been previously discussed and anticipated.  If you hit it off, you both have plenty of time to show that 'relaxed' side; but the initial goal is to make sure you have the time to do so.

(in reply to MasterLebeaux)
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 12:06:59 AM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I generally am a fan of "cleaned up but casual". I'm a down-home country girl, and I want to know that the person I'm dealing with is down to earth. I want to see someone who appears as though he can clean up well enough to go out for dinner, but also be comfortable getting his hands dirty tossing hay bales or manure. A man who tries TOO hard comes across as a "pretty boy" type, which is a turn off to me.

Because that's the kind of person I seek, that is also how *I* dress. I'm not going to curl my hair and wear my good dress for a first date to a casual restaurant...I want him to see me as I am in my everyday life.

Most of us (especially girls) look way different when we are really "gussied" up and I want him to see the "everyday" me as opposed to the "glamour-shots" me.

I want to be clean and well presented but not fancy. I usually wear my dressier jeans (this is texas, jeans are not necessarily considered casual here...I've seen them in 4 star restaurants.) If we're doing something outdoorsy I'll wear a *nice* tshirt.  If it's indoors, I'll wear a pull over top of some type.

I DON'T do dresses, skirts, heels, etc for first dates. That's not a part of who I am and I don't want to give the impression of false advertising. That's only something I do on special occasions, and if he is the kind of dominant who requires dressy clothes on a daily basis, then he needs to know up front that I'm not that type of girl.


_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 1:22:25 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings masterlebeaux,

i am who i am. i rarely put on appearances for people. i will dress nicely because i love doing that when i can, which is rare, and i will of course behave with courtesy, but i don't really believe in doing/saying/wearing things that are out of the scope of normal for me...just because i prefer to let people see me as i am. i don't want someone to see me in a particular state and think that's how i am all or most of the time.

annabelle.


_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to MasterLebeaux)
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 1:30:36 AM   
xxKyu


Posts: 9
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline
Personally, I try to impress - I wouldn't go as far as drastically altering my appearance, but maybe a little extra care would be taken before meeting a Dom/me. I want to look presentable, and yet similar to the way I look on a day-to-day basis. The first meeting is basically, as someone else has said in a different thread, the template for the rest of the relationship. I don't want to set the bar of standard too high, to something I can't live up to.
In a Master/Mistress, I'd wish for Them to make an effort, too.. Looking as though They're straight off the street just isn't a good look to me.

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 2:26:22 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		It always makes a good impression on me when a sub is well-groomed and practices good hygiene.  Other than that, I am not overly concerned with physical appearance. 
 
One thing that does not make a good impression is when the person has not been honest about their appearance.  On a few occasions, subs have ended up being much shorter than what they indicated online.  One told me he was 6'1", but was shorter than me at 5'8".   A few others claimed to be 5'10" or 5'11", but were shorter than me.  I really don't mind a man being a little shorter than me, but I don't like it when people lie or have a totally inaccurate self-perception. 
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to MasterLebeaux)
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 2:39:15 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

actually I would rather see them at their worst.  


Interesting comment.

When I see him in person, I always give him my best, which means presenting myself to look my best for him.  He wants it that way and I couldn't imagine doing otherwise.

However, because we do not live together, my cam is on me whenever I am home, and he taps into it at random to see me, watch me, visit with me, whatever.  I am often woken out of a late night sleep to chat with him or entertain him and let me tell ya, there's nothing I can do at 3am with bed head and no make up, but simply smile and be happy to see him. :)

Over the years it did become impractical to come home from work and doll myself up just to study, etc.  And all last summer when my Dad was so sick and I was coming and going at all hours, the last thing I thought of was make up and the last thing Master wanted me to worry about was having my hair done. 

So I love that he has seen me both at my best and my worst, and everything in between. There is less facade that way, it seems.  Life is going to happen. I'm going to get the flu, get stressed, and deal with life issues.  The reality is that I'm not going to look my wonderful self all the time (hee hee), but when it's realistic to, I do present him my best.

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 3:06:47 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		A similar comment here.  With all of the modern technological advances available, there really isn't a reason to wait to meet in person to see what someone looks like.  Webcam is a wonderful little way to see who's on the other side of the screen.  Personally, that's why I posted a real pic of Myself rather than another image.  I want people to know what I look like prior to contacting Me, so there won't be any surprise.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 3:22:54 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		The key is dressing appropriately. If I met someone casually for the first time and she was dressed like she was going to church, I would wonder a bit. I would dress casual, too. I'm a Dom (pounding chest) not a frigging pimp.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 3:37:08 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Yeah, I keep things within the range of normal, anything from salvation army chic to jeans and a sweater casual to job interview professional.  I couldn't sustain a high glamour look if someone held a gun to my head so there's not a whole lot of chance of me going there and I probably wouldn't do my bag lady thing for a first meet.

Most of the time, I run what I'm planning on wearing by them if they haven't said what they wanted me to wear.


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 4:27:44 AM   
Dastardly


Posts: 58
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		I LIKE when people dress to impress me, I like knowing that they have thought about what I would like to see them wearing, thought about the impact of their appearance on me. The last woman I played with flew up to see me and got off the plane wearing a suit because she knew I love seeing women in suits. If she had gotten off the plane wearing jeans I would still have been glad to see her but the knowledge that she'd tried to please me before she's even arrived started the weekend on the right note.

As long as people are smart and clean then that's ok - it's about self respect in the long run. If you can't be bothered to put a modicum of effort into your appearance then you're not the type of person I will be interested in.


_____________________________

'Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed'
Nick Cave

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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 4:42:39 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		I don't dress to impress for a first meeting, I almost never wear make up, I don't dress up on purpose.
I do make sure I'm freshly showered, using deodorant, freshly brushed teeth and hair, and reasonably tidy clothes.

I don't do sweat pants and sweatshirts for first meetings, nor do I wear fetish wear or cocktail dresses and evening wear. I figure a first meeting is a chance for someone to see me as I am. If they can handle that, they can see me as I can be on occasion...later, on one of those occasions. But for me to dress up extra special would be false advertising, as 95% of the time I'm a no makeup, no perfume, no hosiery kinda gal.

~E

(in reply to Dastardly)
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 5:05:54 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		I put a decent amount of value in the first impression- but I always reserve a huge chunk of space in my thinking to be open to changing my mind. I have met a few people in real life at work and school and clubs and such that I just simply HATED for no apparent reason based on random first impressions and then once I got to know them better I found to be really nice people that I really enjoyed being around even if I didn't have a lot of initial stuff in common with them. But that generally wasn't about appearances- generally it was about really random stuff.

For me... its quite hard to dress up as I would "normally" appear everyday. This is because I have a lot of different looks corresponding to different moods. I have a lot of hippy clothes, goth-ish clothes, punk clothes, casual clothes, expensive snobby type of clothes etc. And I mix and match these at will. In reflection what I usually end up doing is wearing an outfit that is my favorite at the time. Additionally how I do my make up, or lack thereof changes with mood and clothes too. Same thing with my hair. The standard though is that I am dressed in clean, tidy clothes that fit the occasion. I stear away from any type of fetish wear and make sure I am groomed nicely- bathed, brushed etc.

I think that my varied style has a lot to do with my varied interests and spontaneous personality. And if I have met someone I've tried to make an effort to let them know this about me, and hopefully its one of many things that attracted them to me to begin with.



_____________________________

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to MasterLebeaux)
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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 6:13:20 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I just read the thread on Femdom appearance and so wanted to reply but my reply would not actually fit that thread so I am glad yours is a bit more generic.

Overall physical appearance is important to me but not so much commercial beauty but as in good health. Healthy people are more attractive. I am not talking about issues the person has no control over, serious ailments that some of our regulars deal with. I am talking about things within all of our control. Healthy eating, good physical activity, no drug use, no drinking problem, good personal hygiene, and for me, not smoking. All of these things affect aspects of a persons appearance and physical abilities.

I certainly don't need to see a 5'4" 110, perfect hair, makeup, latest in stylish clothes, etc walk thru the door. I don't fit most of that myself. I am not thin, I have never been, except for a few miserable years and as a child before puberty, even close to thin. But I am very physically active and take good care of myself.

When I meet someone how I dress and present myself depends on the time, and where, we are meeting. I have met people for lunch or dinner during the work week. Obviously they are going to see me as I am for work. I have met people on a Saturday for lunch, a different mode of dress and more time to get ready....which means less chance of ink smudges. Once to go antique shopping, yet another mode.

I just know that anyone I should be interested in is going to present themself in a manner I do find attractive. Clean, healthy, moderately well groomed and dressed in what suits their personality and the situation. Unless it is a rather formal event to see someone that has worked too hard to look perfect would cause me to do my best to put them at ease and relax. I would appreciate all their effort most certainly but would also want them to realize it was not all necessary either. I am comfortable in the most casual or formal of situations so whatever the event calls for I am up for it.

As a side note I need to mention this. I adore feminine women but one of the sexiest straight (unfortunately) young woman I know, never wears makeup, usually has her hair in some haphazard pony tail and almost always dressed in some old jeans and tshirt. I don't know if she even owns anything similar to a dress, but when she smiles at you.......oh my. My point is that for me it really isn't the makeup or clothes but the person that will stir me. I just want them to be themself. Sooner or later I would find who/what that is and I would rather it be sooner.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/22/2007 6:15:12 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 6:35:07 AM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLebeaux

This is something that relates to Doms/Dommes and subs, equally.

How much do you put into the value of appearances/first impressions?

I know that when I intend to go out to meet a potential sub or maybe a fellow Dom/Domme, I want to look My best. I know that if I do, I have a sense of self-confidence, a feeling of empowerment and, generally speaking, a sense of well being.

Also, if I see that a submissive has gone all-out to look her best, I am eager to see how the rest of our encounter will go.

Any other thoughts?


LOL Hate to be the cynical one here, but appearance doesnt matter. Go to any local or national event and take stock of the people there in blue jeans, dirty clothes or a ragged appearance. If anything, I have found that by taking the time to look good, have freshly pressed clothes and shined shoes as well as a positive attitude and appearance only makes it so they go out of their way not to talk to you. I guess its hard for people to talk to you when you take pride in yourself and your appearance and they realize that they havent themselves. I never go anywhere without looking my best at all times as you never know who you may meet, but within this lifestyle it simply doesnt matter.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

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RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 6:38:38 AM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline 		I personally feel as I sub, that I should always look as clean and smart as possible, after all I want to impress the Domme I am to meet. I feel there is no excuse for not being clean anyway, I would presume if you could not make the effort when meeting me first time, what the hell will they look like afterwards. Looks we can do little about, but making an effort in personal appearance does matter, if only for your own self respect.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 6:58:26 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am going to add another statement because I can see how what I wrote might not be understood.

Anyone that would be dirty, wear dirty clothes, etc.......unless in the middle of physical activity or labour......would not be the person for me. Example: It is Sunday morning and I am probably at my most relaxed and yet I am clean and wearing clean clothing. My teeth will be brushed after my coffee and my hair will be combed. I would have no problem meeting someone I was interested in to go for a hike as I am right now or with them in similar state of appearance. If they showed up dirty and smelling of last nights bar visit, not for me. Similarly if they showed up in hair, makeup and clothing inappropriate for hiking, I would also think, probably not for me. They would be more worried about ruining their manicure than having fun.

If I were to meet someone for breakfast I would naturally do as I would do if I were going into town to buy feed or grocery shop, put on the jeans that don't have holes in revealing places and a nicer shirt, put a little more effort into the hair and a bit of warpaint (makeup) and off I would go. It's all in what is appropriate for the occasion.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Unrepentant1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Importance of Appearance - 4/22/2007 10:05:10 AM   
tulinwl


Posts: 37
Joined: 3/4/2007
Status: offline 		I'll admit it - I can be vain. I am very tall and I love to wear clothing that is attractive. I do it 95% for me, because it makes me feel good to wear skirts and hose and heels, but I also like the attention it brings me from both men and women. (**ducking and hiding**)

_____________________________



tulinwl


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