RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/20/2007 8:01:08 PM

newlytaken07

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/20/2007
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Thankyou A/all for your responses and help ... i have been able to take something useful from each and every post :)

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/20/2007 8:07:27 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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This may not be possible for you, given the situation, I do not know. However, if it is possible either now or in the future you might consider moving into a different house/apartment of his choosing or at least mostly his choosing with some input from you. This is a hard thing even for vanilla couples when one person moves into the other's space. I have heard that things generally work out better when 2 people merge into a new home that didn't belong to either beforehand.

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“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/21/2007 3:45:33 AM

AquaticSub

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When Valyraen first moved in with me, I owned the house - still do, or rather my parents did and do - and I was the only one with an income. It stayed this way for several months until he found a job. Still, he was very clearly the dominant partner. There were a few frustrations of "I know you are the dominant, but if you are staying home all day with nothing to do, could you please do some laundry while I'm in class?"

. Real life happens.

Try doing little things that make you feel submissive. I began sitting at his feet when possible, though that has kinda fallen by the wayside. Bring him snacks, offer massages, etc. That may help get you both back in the mindset. Hope it helps a bit - I'm kinda braindead at the moment!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/21/2007 4:36:50 AM

LeatherBentOne

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Joined: 9/27/2005
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Try not to pressure him by demanding his attention right now. He probably needs to make a personal adjustment to the new status of your relationship and he also needs time to think of what direction the relationship needs to flow. Now is the time for you to be patient!

Ive been in his situation and it takes time to get one's bearings. By taking the reins and putting it on yourself just takes more power away from him, so try not to be pushy. Sure you have needs, but so does he. He has responsibilities also. I'm sure he's aware of them and they nag at him now that it'stime to put the rubber to the road. Try to remember that he controls the pace of the relationship and where it's headed. Let him do his share of the work by just being patient with him and realising that your relationship need not be based on a time schedule.

My suggestion is to sit back and wait, patiently. He doesn't need added pressure right now and when he is ready to move forward, he will. Submission cannot be forced upon you, no more than dominance can be forced on him. It only causes resentment in the end because the timing is off when both of you aren't ready. Don't worry, if their is a solid foundation there, time will play into your best interests. After all, it's not like either of you will run away tomorrow.

Be secure in your submission and realise that he has chosen you to be with him, and vice versa. Give the magic time to return by just being there and being content to allow him to set the pace as he needs to. Don't try to pressure him by being too needy but give him his space to make necessary mental adjustments. Be aware that there is more to his responsibilities than you might imagine and that instant gratification may not be all he has on his mind right now. He may be spending this time to think about and plan what is best for both of your futures.

Congrats and good luck,
LBO

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/21/2007 4:55:06 AM

Squeakers

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KnightofMists, you said what I was thinking when I read the OP. I can relate completely to everything you stated.
I

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/21/2007 9:11:47 AM

bliss1

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Joined: 3/14/2007
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For the short while I had an online that went to r/l, some of the rituals I used to keep the mindset there were.
Even on days I worked (and he didn't) he was served coffee in bed - by me on my knees.
When fixing dinner - he was served first.
I asked for permission to take a bath, use the pc, and even get into bed.

All small things that can help one make the adjustment.

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Witch before, during, and after my coffee.

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/21/2007 11:57:40 AM

newlytaken07

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LBO .... Thankyou for reminding me to be patient. This particularly struck home:

"By taking the reins and putting it on yourself just takes more power away from him, so try not to be pushy."

Ironically, things appear to be getting better ....

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RE: from long distance to 24/7 .... problems adjusting - 4/21/2007 1:09:58 PM

CreativeDominant

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My response is a bit of everyone else's.

Give up the hold on the reins a bit. It is difficult for him to take them when they are in your hands.

He does need to remember that he is the dominant. It is time for him to sit down and figure out where his responsibility lies and what he is going to do about that.

It may be that you need to figure out a way to start over on a neutral ground...one that is not yours, not his...but the two of yours.

Embrace those things that you need to do that come with everyday life and find a way to fit them into your D/s so that they become part of that rather than the D/s being sublimated by "life". Too easy to let happen.

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