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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/19/2007 7:08:06 PM

Sinergy

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I agree with the point that everybody needs some time to relax.

But the point of the thread is a person asking for advice about how they could get everything they need done to please their Dominant.

My first question would be "what are you doing with your time?"

The response would probably be somewhat inarticulate because most people dont think about how they are spending their time, they are simply "busy."

So I would ask for a schedule that looked something like this, which would be a day in the life of Sinergy
0500 Alarm went off
0518 Stopped hitting the snooze alarm and got out of bed.
0536 Got out of the shower and got dressed.
0549 Finished making tea and went to dispatch.
0555 Arrived at dispatch
0628 Got my job at dispatch and started driving to it.
0657 Walked onto the docks after finishing my tea and eating breakfast in my car.
0710 to 1115 Worked my first 4 hour shift, went to lunch.
1300 to 1615 Worked my second 4 hour shift.
1643 Got home, took a shower, made more tea
1738 to 1840 Posted on CM until dinner was prepared
1840 to 1951 Watched a couple of episodes of South Park
2003 Drove to go dancing
2159 Got home from dancing, took off my clothes and went to bed.

The interesting thing about this when I started doing it was that I started viewing my life in terms of what things I could get rid of as the mindless time wasters they are and focus on what was important.

On the other hand, it also made me appreciate the value of lines like follows...

1903 to 2054 Did absolutely nothing except pondering my existence.

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/19/2007 7:13:29 PM

selfbnd411

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I would say that whatever needs to be done to accomodate schoolwork must be done--even if it means cutting back on hours at work or on expectations for the chorse that can be accomplished. Do you want a slice of pie now (a good, well trained sub) or do you want the whole pie later? (a good, well trained sub with a good job and a degree)

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/19/2007 8:30:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Plus it's worth the master taking over chores in the short term while the slave is in school so that in the long term the slave can make beaucoup money at a regular job and they can hire it out to someone else completely.

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/19/2007 11:36:26 PM

smcontrol

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Charlie my hats off to you... How anyone can work full time, get is masters, and even sleep is doing pretty good in my opinion. I have to agree with juliaocania's math and I'm pretty sure that by the time I post this you may in fact have died of exhaustion. It's also pretty cool that you even want to try.

One other thought, though you didn't say it was a desire for you or a fetish or whatever vocabulary word works, but ever notice that the entire housework situation is a major part of many of the F/m bonds and rarely mentioned in the M/f versions of U/us?

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"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills."

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/20/2007 12:04:05 AM

MasterGremlin

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From time to time I've had to put my foot down with time management issues. Here is my solution:

I provide a schedule for a period of time (week, month, day whatever, but a daily schedule works best for me and mine). After that schedule has been done (ie at the end of the day since I do them daily) they give me back the schedule with a report of what's been done and not done and why. On the things not done I review the why's and decide if it's BS or legitimate.

Usually the peer pressure of everyone working towards a common goal makes everyone (including me) get all the stuff done that needs to get done. We don't have "busy work" to fill a schedule, so everything has a purpose. Punishments are not sexy spankings or things of that nature, they are sucky things like not being able to play when everyoneelse is having sex or getting the really bad chores so there is no false negatives (people being lazy to get extra floggings). Part of the skill set of a dominant is the ability to know and understand your subs body language. You should be able to know whether they are lying to get out of punishment or hiding the truth of why they did something, not that you'd know this in the beginning but you will learn it over time.

I think you hear more about the F/m household chores thing vs M/f version because the F/m is more non-traditional (vs vanilla). No one talks about the day that you went to work, worked and came home, but when you crash your car on the way to work everyone mentions it (it's out of the normal routine).

MG

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/20/2007 4:44:18 AM

Celeste43

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It isn't laziness, for first thing. It's down time to rest and relax and switch gears. And it's essential. It's more essential than whether or not the bathroom got cleaned that day. Because without it you will start to resent her and resentment is the death knell for the relationship. Plan it in, plan for it first thing when you get home.

As far as someone who prefers you flunk rather than not scrub the kitchen, are they going to pay the difference in pay scales for the rest of your life? Education takes precedence.

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/20/2007 8:22:44 AM

MaamJay

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Well I'm a bit surprised that so few people have challenged the notion that "now She's got more Domme, She stops doing any chores"! Being Domme and doing or not doing housework don't go together. Neither does being Domme and being lazy, and, sorry, to Me, SHE'S the one who sounds lazy. What does She do for work? Is She studying for Her Master's degree or is She going one better and doing Her PhD? No? Even if She was working and studying as much as he is ... then why aren't they sharing the chores? It sounds to Me like She has become caught up in some fantasy idea of what a Domme does/doesn't do and what a sub/slave should or shouldn't do. However, this isn't fantasy, it's REAL LIFE and in real life, all sorts of obstacles get in the way. People get very busy and overstressed and tired and it's just not feasible to load them up and not expect them to break. my sub side is VERY blessed with Master, for He more than does His share of chores around here - He feeds and cleans up after the 2 dogs and a cat even though they were originally my pets, He does all the vacuuming and mopping and dusts all the high stuff because He can't bear to see me teetering on a footstool LOL! He also does all the garbage, and W/we do the shopping together. He brings it in, i put it away. Whilst i do most of the cooking, He is in control of the BBQ, and when He sees i am especially tired, He will insist on cooking dinner, or if W/we're both stuffed ... W/we buy out! i usually do the laundry but He's more than capable of working the machine and often helps me peg out the stuff, especially when it's windy and i'm in danger of taking off with the clothes hoist. i usually do the dishes, but He sometimes helps or sometimes i will come home to find they've magically got clean while i was away. Similarly though, if i notice the cat's done a huge poo in her litter tray, i clean it up, i don't call Him to come and do it. Essentially W/we help each other, W/we are 24/7 life partners and for U/us, O/our sanity and relationship is far more important than any "rules". Does that make Him any less Dommly? No way! It actually enhances my submission as i know i am in hands that i can trust, that i have given my power to One who uses it wisely for the good of U/us both. If Master wasn't like this then i truly don't believe W/we'd have got through the last 6 months during which i went through a difficult break-up necessitating a move across country (5000km) with all the attendant packing, organising, travelling and unpacking which has been physically and emotionally exhausting. Even with His help, i still have the occasional meltdown ... had one this morning actually ... because i am being eaten up with worry about money (work isn't proving to be as easy to find here as W/we'd been led to believe. However, got some good news later today so am feeling much more positive again!). He's worrying too but W/we're dealing with it differently and that led to some misunderstandings which had to be sorted out. W/we put aside the chores, lay down on the bed and talked for 2 hours. It was wonderful, just what W/we needed. OK, the house won't be quite as pristine as W/we'd intended when His sister comes down for the weekend tomorrow ... but does that really matter? No, she's here for U/us, not to inspect the window sills for dust! (And she'd better not look on the tops of doors either LOL!)

OK, just in case some are confused as I started out as Domme and ended up as sub in that paragraph, well I am both simultaneously and sometimes both sides fight for control of the keyboard LOL! At the moment, i only have Master in my life, but My Domme side is very much forefront (because of all the organising that's had to be done and that's My Dominant side's forte) and I am continuing My search for a slave. There is one, maybe, in the offing, though much more investigation re suitability needs to be done. Yes, I have said that My slave will be doing some chores. I am not in the market for one who only wants to be a bedroom slave, or a play slave, I expect a good all-rounder! However ... does this mean all the chores i currently do for Master I will pass on to My slave? Not likely! Master wouldn't permit it for one thing. And does it mean Master will magically have no chores to do, leaving them all for me and Mine? No. He wouldn't want that to happen. What it will mean is that He and i will both have a bit less to do as My slave will pick up some things. For example, I will still be the main cook ... but hey, now I can leave the washing up to someone else! And slave had better like gardening ... neither Master nor I are particularly strong in that department! I will be expecting My slave to work and contribute financially to the household ... so it's only fair that the household chores are shared.

Sorry, didn't mean to rant, I guess this one just touched a nerve. Not saying that the OP may not be lazy sometimes (aren't we all?) or that he is the perfect sub/slave. However, he'll never get to approach perfect if he's totally worn out. Worse still, he may end up feeling used and not in a good way. Take a step back both of Y/you, think about short and long term goals (I agree with the poster who said that a bit of give and take now will mean he will be better qualified and a better earner later on!) and prioritise what HAS to be done and what can go on the back burner. And don't be afraid to share the load ... Your slave will love You all the more for it!

Hope it can all work out!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: So we'd like some advice - 4/20/2007 3:07:58 PM

daddysliloneds

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Plethora22

My Mistress and I have recently made a transition from a more vanilla relationship to a more D/s style one. This wasn't a sudden drastic thing, but we recently eliminated a number of "vanilla" practices in our relationship... just as an example until a few months ago we shared our household chores more or less equally, now I am responsible for all of them and am punished when they are not completed in a timely manner.

The problem is, I work a full time job and am also in college pursuing my Master's degree. Most of the time, I am able to get the chores done in a timely manner and everyone is happy... some of the time, I am seriously not able. She and I have discussed the situation some, and the ultimate problem here isn't that she doesn't understand my lack of time or anything like that, but that she really has no way of figuring out when I am positively tapped from school and work, and when I am just being lazy (which is known to happen from time to time).

We have decided that, as appealing as it sometimes sounds to me, it would be a bad move to just assume I am always being lazy and punishing me accordingly, because that would most likely result in my prioritizing chores ahead of schoolwork, which is nothing either of us wants to happen. However, though it hasn't happened yet, I can see myself slacking off hardcore and just blaming it on a lack of time.

Thus we just thought we would throw the topic out there, and see if anyone has experience with this sort of situation, and if there is any kind of a practical solution that anyone can come up with.

-Charlie

the suggestions for a journal/log/diary/etc. of what you're doing with your time is a bone-head suggestion; why? it takes more time that could be spent doing more productive things, like study, rest, sleep.

my advice, go back to sharing the house-hold chores, or better yet, everyone is responsible for cleaning up after themselves; even better than both of these suggestions, your domme could hire a maid since her life/career appears to be, in her eyes, seemingly more important than yours, as well as your work/education/etc. , or at least that's the way it seems to me.

considering all things, perhaps applying d/s dynamics more to thought processes, rituals, etc., in your interactions, would be better than trying to apply them to adding more to your plate than you already have...

a reasonable/rational person could see that what she's currently expecting from you is next to, if not, impossible...

and i've yet to understand why anyone would go out setting such unrealistic or impossible measures of control, unless of course, they have no control over the 'rational' side of their brain, are totally clueless, or are just being lazy themselves.

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