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SusanofO -> RE: New Paradigm Relating / Domination (4/16/2007 2:25:23 PM)
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cloudboy: What a good topic. I think it can never hurt to see where people are actually doing and enacting whatever philosophy they say they use, and to take a fresh look to see if they really are doing it, no matter what their "philosophy" might be.
And yes, IMO, much of this philopsophy, on the surface, or even altogether, seems to fly in the face of especially the "My way or the highway" school of Dominance. Let's take a look - it does bring up some intriguing questions, IMO.
I have no real-life experience yet as a Domme, but will answer based on my thoughts anyway, of what I believe so far.
Responding authentically in the present moment: This ingredient intrigued me as far as being able to be able to gauge a sub's or slave's reactions to varying circumstances, combined with the notion of helping a submissive or slave to "grow". Falling back onto the notion that "We just always do it the way we've done it" (no matter what the situation is, or the fact every day is new, or one may require a new solution) because "I am the Dominant" may be technically correct. It could also be detrimental to a relationship, and possibly lazy as well. Depends.
Honoring Individual Autonomy - I'd consider this important. If someone wants a robot, they should get a robot, or a rubber doll (they're available). Also, part of the notion of honorable Dominance, IMO seems to be a commitment to a sub/slave's growth and welfare. In matters less consequential, I can see where a Dominant's preferences take precedence (and possibly almost automatically, but do hate to generalize). However - the deeper the issue, and the more life-altering the consequences (for either party actually), how can a committment to a sub/slave's welfare really be claimed by a Dominant, without taking their ability to self-determine to a degree, into consideration in a deeper way?
And without honoring their uniqueness and ability to self-determine things like classes to enroll in if they are in school, or what job to take, for example? I guess I view a Dominant's role here more as a Mentor, then (and realizing there are some instances where a submssive truly knows what is best for themselves to do, and may not even need advice).
Equality - This seeems to conflict most with D/s and yet, if one doesn't consider one's partner as equal, again I wonder how one can claim to have their welfare truly at heart. Maybe the final decision rests w/a Do/Domme, but the welfare of a sub/slave needs to be taken as an equal consideration, IMO, or else there how can they trust that the Dominant truly does have their supposed "best interests" at heart? I am going to think more on this, because it deserves more reflection and something about it is bugging me.
Honesty - Well yes, there is "total honesty", and then there is discretion being the better part of valor, and knowing when to keep one's mouth shut, and also, just plain not being mean (especially w/no higher purpose in mind).
I love it when I see or watch someone who is "committed to total honesty", who seems to think even a "white lie" to spare someone's feelings is somehow "wrong" or truly "damaging" runs up against a person who may have more old-fashioned notions of etiquette or manners. It can truly be the stuff of which great situation comedies can be made! [:D][;)] Nuff said, but am going to think, more on this, too.
I'd add that a "brutally honest" Dominant might not exactly be drawing out the trust they claim to want their sub/slave to feel, by intimidating them. Not always, IMO, a worthy or smart goal (unless both people are into the idea, as a "kink").
Self-responsibility - This is what Dominants are supposed to do, aren't they - be able to take this idea pretty seriously, and apply it to themeselves? How can they be trusted to guide a submissive or a slave, if they can't, much less "steer" a relationship?
As for a sub/slave, I remember a Dominant here once saying he could not believe the number of submissives on tippie-toes, waiting for Daddy to "remake and mold them. His insinuation was not flattering, as he was looking to interact w/an adult who could make decisions and function as one, regardless of the fact his word was the "final word". I guess the level of what anyone considers okay here is maybe a matter of preference, but I definitely saw his point.
Good topic! So much food for thought!
- Susan
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