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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 5:12:28 PM

Halley

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

I want to tell all of you that have replied, thank you. I am new here and I am new to having a 24/7 real time sub. I have done a lot of playing, but it's not the same thing or even close.
Those of you who did comment have done much for my confidence.

(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 5:20:49 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I was speaking in regards to a lifestyle group/setting. I've alsways been addressed as Ma'am :)

Yes, in that context, I'll agree with the original.

To the OP, glad you found some help in the answers to your questions.

(in reply to LotusSong)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 8:02:27 PM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?
What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home?
I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this.

I like strong, loving, opinionated, sensitive, empathetic women. But If I’m stuck around some cold witch…my first inclination is to douse her with water and watch her melt.

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 4/13/2007 8:14:29 PM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

(in reply to Halley)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 8:14:14 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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I've never gotten the custome thing. I think it's a visual crutch to help people keep things in mind, feeling more immersed. If you don't feel it's benificial, then no need.

Sadism/masochism's a big part of BDSM. Props and uniforms can be, too. I can perectly understand not adopting these parts.

You can be who you want to be. Whether or not it's BDSM is a different matter, but not one I'd dwell on. Just find someone who makes you happy in this regard.

(in reply to Halley)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 8:22:29 PM

MasterofDiscipli

Posts: 18
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?
What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home?
I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this.

I think the costumes are fine for those that like them - but clothes do not make the dominant - attitude does. I don't dress like a Dom - I don't particularly like the 'look'.

As to being kind? Whyever not! I have dearly loved each and every submissive I have dominated - to me, a caring relationship is vital. Dominating another person can be strict without being harsh or sadistic.

Cheers,

M

(in reply to Halley)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 8:44:13 PM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
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1) Leadership--not dominance, which is a sexual orientation, but the suite of virtues that lets one individual direct the efforts of others--doesn't require harshness, yelling, ass-kicking, whatever. Go read Tony Dungy's new book. I saw it as a MarineOfficer--the Marines I followed with a willing heart were like fathers to sons or teachers to students. When I was a young, new, junior NCO I crushed my subordinates--my last unit, as Major, I don't think in over a year I raised my voice, and I know I gave out 100x more (sincere) praise than reprimand. The best leaders I know overlfow with agape love for their juniors.

2) Dominance doesn't require any yelling, histronics, cruelty, etc. No doubt there are people for whom that is their kink, but that's it: it's some people's kink, not a foundatin for a sexual orientation.

3) You can be a loving a sadist. When I am slapping the shit out of my girl, crushing her tits and cunt to help me come, calling her filthy names and making her abase an humiliate herself, it's with and engenders love.

Some of us have a D/s sexuality construction of a contemptuous, aloof, cruel and detached "D." Fucking A for them--that's legit. But that's just one iteration.

(in reply to MasterofDiscipli)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 9:24:11 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
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Halley:

Have you ever heard of Domestic Discipline or Domestic Servitude? This is where the HOH-Head of the House is in charge. Everything runs as the HOH wants it to run.
It is a lighter side of BDSM. It is still under the SSC-Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but without the costume.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to Halley)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 11:04:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Halley:

Have you ever heard of Domestic Discipline or Domestic Servitude? This is where the HOH-Head of the House is in charge. Everything runs as the HOH wants it to run.
It is a lighter side of BDSM. It is still under the SSC-Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but without the costume.

Regards, MissSCD

I've always seen it as people who like spanking and some kinky stuff who need to couch it in idealized old fashioned gender stereotypes to make it ok.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MissSCD)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/14/2007 2:11:48 AM

justinedoll

Posts: 50
Joined: 8/10/2006
From: uk, poland, germany
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I am only into kind person. if someone have no time to answer, is rude dont have respect to others i just cant find simmilar language. All meetings and relationships started from normal and nice contact. I know some dom people need to think a sub is wortheless and nothing and treat him/her as nothing, but i am happy not all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/14/2007 7:05:09 AM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Halley:

Have you ever heard of Domestic Discipline or Domestic Servitude? This is where the HOH-Head of the House is in charge. Everything runs as the HOH wants it to run.
It is a lighter side of BDSM. It is still under the SSC-Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but without the costume.

Regards, MissSCD

I've always seen it as people who like spanking and some kinky stuff who need to couch it in idealized old fashioned gender stereotypes to make it ok.

You could just as easily say people who like to wear leather but out chaps, masks and corsets are people who like some knky stuf who need an alter-ego and re-couching of their social construction to make it ok. DD isn't any less authentic or "real" than any other kink.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: The kind Domme? - 4/14/2007 7:39:59 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant? What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home?

Are not all dominant women kind? After all, we are all human, and all experience human emotions. I so often find the light easier to appreciate when there is an opposite element to contrast against it. As for perpetual benevolence and warmth, it's as unrealistic to me as perpetual darkness. It's a wonderful idea, but one with many pitfalls—for human or beast. Be certain those who serve you have the disposition to appreciate your doctrine and not take advantage of it.

< Message edited by amayos -- 4/14/2007 7:41:48 AM >

(in reply to Halley)

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