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The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:19:38 PM

Halley

Posts: 51
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?
What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home?
I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this.

Post #: 1

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:21:01 PM

minnetar

Posts: 1272
Joined: 4/11/2007
Status: offline

As a Master doesn't need to be a sadist i see nothing wrong with a Mistress being kind.

minnetar

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 2

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:23:56 PM

TigressFL

Posts: 239
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

Absolutely you can and the costume does not a dominant make though many would not agree I am sure lol

Tigress~FL

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 3

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:24:22 PM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley
""Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? ""

""Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?""

......I am kind and loving and Dominant.

The people I hold close around me adore me, that animals love me and look to me for comfort and love, and my friends are protective - all of this is encompassing my Dominance - not regardless of it :)

< Message edited by Samwhiplash -- 4/13/2007 2:25:09 PM >

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 4

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:26:50 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I hope I am this kind of dominant.

I try to lead by love and with realistic but enforced rules and rituals. I check in on everyone's well-being and in turn they seem to sincerely care about me.

That isn't just how I lead in Ds either. It is how I am as a teacher too or a group leader or a storyteller/DM.

I don't have to be this way but I choose to be this way because I find the peace, love, and harmony to be more fulfilling for me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 5

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:26:55 PM

BeatMeDaily

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant?

absolutely. It's the love that makes the bdsm better.

_____________________________

It takes all kinds of critters to make Uncle Ben's fritters.

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 6

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:28:34 PM

MercilessMarcy

Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

I prefer to be cheerful and kind. I prefer that I am served because I am adored. I prefer to spank because it turns him on and gives him what he needs, not out of anger or punishment.

(in reply to Samwhiplash)

Post #: 7

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:46:28 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?
What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home?
I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this.

I've observed that what the guys PAY for is a female doing the impersonation of what men think a strong woman is and they measure strength against what they know as strength in the male world.

I am myself. What you say about the "something that comes off you" is true. I have NEVER met a male that didn't realize I was a strong (dominant) personality. I'm not loud, mouthy, aggressive or demanding yet men seem to "do for me" because they respect me for me. My biggest "net" is my smile and sense of humor. I also know how to listen. It doesn't matter what I wear. I present myself with FEMALE strength and that is scary enough to the males :)

I always say that if you have to TELL someone you are a dominant.. you aren't..

I am amazed at how the femsubs think the Dommes are just hell on wheels with their boys.. with the assumptions that we constantly deny them orgasms or humiliate them. I know that a male will play the game in the begining..but those activities get old reeeeeeeal fast. If we were all about that all the time we'd be going through subs one after another.

Just be YOU. That's all anyone can be anyhow :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 4/13/2007 2:47:56 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 8

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 2:50:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_856653/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#857014
too nice

http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969
Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829
Can a dom be a gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760
what makes a 'real' dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760
dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630
Does gentle master mean weak?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733
Too polite?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 9

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:00:00 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

A Loving Dominant? Wow, someone should write a book about that.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:11:53 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

All of these traits are traits of a peaceful human being. They have nothing to do with role and everything to do with individual personality...so anyone can have these traits, even Dominants.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 11

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:13:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
A Loving Dominant? Wow, someone should write a book about that.

ROFL Best answer EVAR to this question!!!!!

You would think that would settle the debate for once and for all, yes?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 12

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:31:41 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Halley

Can you be kind and loving and be Dominant? Can the people around you adore you, your animals be loyal and loving to a fault, all wanting to take care of you, and you still be dominant?
What if you really love peace and harmony but you use your dominance to enforce this. What if your goal is never to have to strike another human? What if this has only ever been done to ensure the harmony of the home?
I feel after much soul searching that I may not be a Domme. I merely demand the control of my family to be in my hands. I do not wear costumes, I have always felt that being alpha was something that comes off you, much as a scent would.
I would love to hear any thoughts on this.

Of course you can. I was once told I couldn't be a true dom because I had a caring heart. But I never believed that. If a person wants peace between themself and their sub or slave...then you have to care somewhere.

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 13

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:51:25 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
A Loving Dominant? Wow, someone should write a book about that.

ROFL Best answer EVAR to this question!!!!!

You would think that would settle the debate for once and for all, yes?

I don’t think people ever want to stop debating. If we all read the book then Im sure that many people would wish to debate it!
Sorry but I’ve not been here long enough to see the same old topic going round and round and round! But if and when I see that happen and I feel I already have the t-shirt then I will just move on and leave it to those that have not yet debated the subject.

Some good things have been said on this thread so far. I personally feel that to be a good dominant you need to have that combination of kind and fair, strict and firm, loving and nurturing, praising but expectful, calm but demanding and sometimes cruel attributes about you. The whole thing is interlinked.
Im told I smile a lot but my smile is sometimes perhaps a little formidable for I can do many a cruel thing when I smile! I also laugh a lot. I never raise my voice, I don’t need to and I never walk around looking sour or severe because neither of those things would be the true me.

The subs that pay for a Mistress, do so because they need a quick fix. Of course the Mistress is more often than not, expected to dress up and play her part for the one or two hours that the client is paying her fees. When I have worked as a professional Mistress I am very different than I would be with ‘my’ submissive.

I dress up a lot because I go out a lot to places where they expect you to dress up. I have to admit that the club environment with lots of Mistresses all dressed up in there finery and waiting for some victim (oops I mean sub) to fall into their honey trap is somewhat hedonistic and as an exhibitionist I enjoy that side of things.
On a one to one basis I am just as comfortable to dominate someone in my jeans and a t-shirt.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:54:01 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

*reflects on muh name*

Beats me.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 15

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:54:27 PM

Stranger1

Posts: 219
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

Kindness is a strength-never doubt that.

The ability to showing loving structure and a resolute determination in the face of adversity IS what Dominance is about. I view other kinds as "role playing"-and not a terribly good sort.

(in reply to Halley)

Post #: 16

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 3:56:39 PM

DawnFire

Posts: 78
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Kindness is good. You seem perfectly dominant to me.

(in reply to Stranger1)

Post #: 17

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 4:03:00 PM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Relationships between people are about sharing the intimacy of an open and loving heart. The most satisfying relationships are TWO WAY. D/s is a dance of polarization which always starts from a place of balance and equality. Both control and surrender exist within both partners. The dance is when they be themselves, with open hearts, at their natural "set point" on the continuum between control and surrender. The TWO way relationship is based upon sharing the love which exists in your own heart -- the only place you can ever feel it, and its true source. A ONE way relationship involves a narcissistic dominant or a co-dependent submissive. Both together is a ZERO WAY relationship, since both are trying to take from the other what neither has to share.

Follow the bliss of love which arises in your own heart, and only expands with sharing. Like a story that only grows with the telling, it can neither be taken or given, but only shared.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 18

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 4:11:31 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Timing is everything, isn't it?

Answers...... yes, yes, yes, and ummmm.... yes.

Where did people ever get the concept that all Domme's are mean, vicious, cruel people to anyone and everyone they encounter in life? I have no intention of treating people at the grocery store the same way as I treat My boy during a scene. I'm not just mean spirited person who behaves badly toward others. In general, I treat people with kindness and respect until a situation warrents otherwise (chuckle).

Oh, and on the comment from LotusSong...... The part about if you have to tell people you are a Dominant, then you aren't..... I can't say that's perfectly true. For a while now, there have been some people at My job that have "suspected" My private life for some time. So, while we were sitting together earlier this week, one person dropped a hint, and I came out and told them. Could be looked at as confirming, could be looked at as telling, as one person in the room had no clue. The reason I'm relating that point here is, after the news was out, one of the first comments/questions was..... "Sweet little you?". This just goes to show that yes, a Domme is a person.... Not just a Domme.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 19

RE: The kind Domme? - 4/13/2007 4:25:51 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Oh, and on the comment from LotusSong...... The part about if you have to tell people you are a Dominant, then you aren't..... I can't say that's perfectly true. For a while now, there have been some people at My job that have "suspected" My private life for some time. So, while we were sitting together earlier this week, one person dropped a hint, and I came out and told them. Could be looked at as confirming, could be looked at as telling, as one person in the room had no clue. The reason I'm relating that point here is, after the news was out, one of the first comments/questions was..... "Sweet little you?". This just goes to show that yes, a Domme is a person.... Not just a Domme.

I was speaking in regards to a lifestyle group/setting. I've alsways been addressed as Ma'am :)

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 4/13/2007 4:27:53 PM >

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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