Honor among D’s (Full Version)

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FukinTroll -> Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 2:04:11 PM)

 
From time to time we get posts about sub/slave thieves, Dom’s trying to dominate a Domme, and so on and so forth. I look at the nearly 500k members of CM and the roughly 250 posters on the forums and have to wonder how many are just kinky tops looking for a place to poke their winkies and such.
 
It seems to me the regular posters of this site are seeking something more tangible and put themselves out here giving and receiving, growing and helping others grow. Recently we had a thread where a Domme was essentially attacked by a Dom and now it is escalating into something ugly. I can comfortably pencil “Dominating a Domme” in my list of hard limits.
 
I have made great friends with Domme’s on this site and would not ever risk that for anything. As most of you know I am an equal opportunity perv that supports all roles and sex’s regardless of what side of the kneel they are on and will lend my aid in any capacity to any who ask.
 Now if we look at the kinky top kinky bottom thing and say those are folks that are looking for kinky sex and not a committed D/s dynamic can we apply the term Dom/Domme as a person who seeks a more structured and permanent dynamic to D/s? With this logic in mind do have Dom/Domme’s who cherish honor and have respect for each other and would not consider teaching the “other” their sub side or try to lure another’s slave away?



LadyIce -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 2:09:24 PM)

I see arguing between Domina's and Domina's and Dom's and Dom's and submissive's and
submissive's on these boards.
So it really does not matter, arguing and disrespect is arguing and disrespect no matter what
the titles are.



Wildfleurs -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 2:17:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

 
From time to time we get posts about sub/slave thieves, Dom’s trying to dominate a Domme, and so on and so forth. I look at the nearly 500k members of CM and the roughly 250 posters on the forums and have to wonder how many are just kinky tops looking for a place to poke their winkies and such.


Honestly, who knows and who cares?
 
quote:


It seems to me the regular posters of this site are seeking something more tangible and put themselves out here giving and receiving, growing and helping others grow.


I think thats what at least they say.

quote:


Recently we had a thread where a Domme was essentially attacked by a Dom and now it is escalating into something ugly. I can comfortably pencil “Dominating a Domme” in my list of hard limits.
 
I have made great friends with Domme’s on this site and would not ever risk that for anything. As most of you know I am an equal opportunity perv that supports all roles and sex’s regardless of what side of the kneel they are on and will lend my aid in any capacity to any who ask.


Good.

quote:


 Now if we look at the kinky top kinky bottom thing and say those are folks that are looking for kinky sex and not a committed D/s dynamic can we apply the term Dom/Domme as a person who seeks a more structured and permanent dynamic to D/s?


No.  I don't think people who are dominants and submissives are looking for anything more permenant or committed than people who are like power neutral situations.  I don't believe top/bottom = looking for kinky sex at all.  And quite frankly looking at the actual longevity or the actual numbers of people in long term relationships on this board doesn't remotely lead me to believe that dominants seek (or successfully have) a permenant ds dynamic.  I think there is sometimes a difference between what is said and actually done.

quote:


With this logic in mind do have Dom/Domme’s who cherish honor and have respect for each other and would not consider teaching the “other” their sub side or try to lure another’s slave away?


Somehow the structure of the question is a bit off so I could be reading it wrong - if you are aking whether dominants try to poach, sure they do.  Hell I've seen sub's successfully poach.

I've heard to much of the blah blah blah's about honor, I'd rather look at how someone leads their life rather than hear more (many times) empty platitudes about honor, and the lifestyle, and such. 

C~

P.S. - I apologize if this sounds a bit cranky, I just get a little tired of the overly romanticized and idealized lens that dominance/submission is looked at sometimes.  People are people, and make mistakes and do unethical and/or stupid things.  And so sometimes I get a little tired of the threads about what people "in the lifestyle" should be doing or how they should be conducting themselves.



hereyesruponyou -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 2:35:24 PM)

Can you rephrase the question part of your post Troll? It just completely confused me.....



OedipusRexIt -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 2:51:55 PM)

I believe I understand the OP's premise, but I think the generalizations are a bit strained in favor of your own preference.

"In other words" (as the Decider says) you're defining a distinction without a difference.


...on second thought, Dubya could never string that much alliteration together.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 2:53:36 PM)

I just know that I totally ditto you Wild and think you are totally awesome.

- a chick who goes for the hot quick fuck AND the long term relationship



crouchingtigress -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 3:06:00 PM)

can some one please help me understand trolls post?



wfsubseeking1 -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 3:27:40 PM)

i am confused as well <hoping for a clarification>
seeking



Padriag -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 3:31:14 PM)

You seem to suppose that a particular group can be assume to have a sense of integrity or behave "honorably."  This is a perilous and unlikely assumption.  I'll explain why.

First, before you can determine if anyone's behavior is honorable, you must have a code of honor that is commonly accepted.  Given that this "community" can't even agree on what a Dom/Top/Master/Dominant is... I'm not going to speculate on the odds of such a code spontaneously appearing AND being accepted.

For such a code of honor to emerge and be accept, you would have to have a common need for it.  All codes of honor are in actuallity codes of behavior, just as forms of etiquette are.  The most common such need, is the need to avoid unpleasant consequences.  Historically this was most often violence.  Sitting here online, what real consequence is there to virtually anything any of us might do?  Virtually none.  Lacking those consequences, there is little need to develop codes of behavior, restraint of behavior.  Without that need, people will generally do as they please.  That some act with restraint is evidence of the the internal consequences (i.e. guilt) they feel at their own actions.

We have no real "community", only the thinnest illusion of it.  There is little actual need to avoid consequences, and so I doubt any code of honor is going to emerge.  To assume that "doms" or "masters" or any other group is inherently "honorable" is folly, there are no such guarantees.

Whether we could create such a code, or create the need for it, is another question.  To answer that, you must first answer the question of, can we create an actual community.



Quivver -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 3:34:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll
Now if we look at the kinky top kinky bottom thing and say those are folks that are looking for kinky sex and not a committed D/s dynamic can we apply the term Dom/Domme as a person who seeks a more structured and permanent dynamic to D/s? With this logic in mind do have Dom/Domme’s who cherish honor and have respect for each other and would not consider teaching the “other” their sub side or try to lure another’s slave away?


I think I get what your aiming at ... and of course I can only answer for myself. 
I dont think the ~term~ or ~lable~ really applies to them for the simple reason
all they really are seeking is the kinky sex, from those I've stumbled over the structure
is not an interest of theirs.  The rest of that question I have to leave to those better qualified to answer it. . 



WiseCracknSadist -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 3:35:31 PM)

To me Doms and subs are just people. So I treat them as such. As a Dom I do not show a higher level of respect to another Dom I treat them as equals. On the flip side I treat subs as equals because they're not mine so I have no right to demand anything. Respect me and get it in turn.

However there are those who think they rule the world and we all should ask for each breath we take. Thus they think no matter who you are or what your standings are that you should bow to their greatness. We call these people dilluted. Then again there are those who love to be treated that way. So it's another case of the varying degrees of personalities.

Personally I'm a believer in the golden rule. Treat others as you want to be treated. Atleast until you have agreed upon the terms of your relationship.



MissDiscipline -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 4:12:42 PM)

After having identified who I am addressing , I am civil and speak to the fellow dom/me as an equal
..... And promose not to steal their unchapparoned subs..



SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 4:33:08 PM)

quote:

With this logic in mind do have Dom/Domme’s who cherish honor and have respect for each other and would not consider teaching the “other” their sub side or try to lure another’s slave away?


Quick reply...it is not whether a certain subset of people are assumed honorable as a whole simply because of a title they are referred to. Instead it is more to the point of whether an individual is honorable. Being Dominant or submissive does not have anything to do with it. The labels we apply to ourselves (or others) within the lifestyle are simply a way of determining which side of the whip they stand on. It is the person themselves that are honorable; label applications have no automatic assumption in whether they are or are not. Am I repeating myself redundantly here?

Perhaps I'm not truly understanding the question SlurpyTroll is trying to convey...or perhaps my brain is too befuddled by personal stress at the moment to comprehend it fully. Either way that's my 5 cents on the matter as I am understanding it.



OedipusRexIt -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 4:34:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

We have no real "community", only the thinnest illusion of it.  There is little actual need to avoid consequences, and so I doubt any code of honor is going to emerge.  To assume that "doms" or "masters" or any other group is inherently "honorable" is folly, there are no such guarantees.




I don't follow the theory of the evolution of a code, however I believe this sentiment to be accurate.

Generalizations are inadvisable.  Deal with people as individuals. 



ADom442 -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 5:17:10 PM)

FukinTroll wrote: "
... Now if we look at the kinky top kinky bottom thing and say those are folks that are looking for kinky sex and not a committed D/s dynamic can we apply the term Dom/Domme as a person who seeks a more structured and permanent dynamic to D/s? With this logic in mind do have Dom/Domme’s who cherish honor and have respect for each other and would not consider teaching the “other” their sub side or try to lure another’s slave away? "

crouchingtigress asked:
"can some one please help me understand trolls post?"

wfsubseeking1 added:
"i am confused as well <hoping for a clarification> "

FukinTroll, if I get this wrong I apologize; I'm only trying to help the ladies.

I believe the following expresses the same sentiment with slightly different words:

Let's discount the people who label themselves as kinky tops or bottoms from the discussion that will follow.  If we do this, then the following questions apply only to people who want a structured and permanent D/s relationship.  Here are the questions:  Do Dom/mes who cherish honor and have respect for one another refrain from trying to help the other get in touch with their submissive side?  Do they also agree that they will not try to lure the other's submissive away?

Charles, who might not have understood FuckinTroll either. 





ADom442 -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 5:37:01 PM)

My answers to the questions:

I choose my friends carefully.  My Domme friends and I have unspoken agreements that neither of us will try to help the other get in touch with their "inner submissive."  If either of us did, we'd be breaking the other's trust and the friendship would end. 

Stealing one another's submissives?  Same agreement.  I wouldn't do anything like that to them, and I have confidence in their sense of honor.  I can't imagine any of them trying to do that to me.

Charles



Twicehappy2x -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 5:41:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ADom442

I believe the following expresses the same sentiment with slightly different words:

Let's discount the people who label themselves as kinky tops or bottoms from the discussion that will follow.  If we do this, then the following questions apply only to people who want a structured and permanent D/s relationship.  Here are the questions:  Do Dom/mes who cherish honor and have respect for one another refrain from trying to help the other get in touch with their submissive side?  Do they also agree that they will not try to lure the other's submissive away?

Charles, who might not have understood FuckinTroll either. 


Charles, knowing Troll i would hazard to say you are correct here.
 
I've followed though not posted to the thread he speaks of that brought this question to his mind.
 
In the course of this thread a Dom sharply corrected a Domme like she was an errant schoolgirl. Having read the entire thread i can honestly say the Dom involved was out of line. On all the boards here except one i find that no one person, Dom/Domme or Lord High Mighty Master of the Universe has the right to correct in that particular manner any other poster.
 
Granted if a sub/slave is owned then their owners have the right to correct them if that is part of their arrangement. The one exception is the Gorean board where as i understand the Gorean free may correct any slave.
 
This particular thread was on the Gorean board but did not involve a slave but a non Gorean Domme, one who is highly respected and much beloved on these boards.
 
Since the thread on the Gorean board was one asking why those here who are not Gorean are not it is to be expected that a lot of non Goreans would post. Yet this Dom corrected this Domme like he was speaking to a Gorean slave girl.
 
I think Loki's (aka Troll) general question is whether or not we should respect each other period, and he is right, no matter what hat we wear, we should unless given a reason not to.
 
 In reference to Dominants who try to take/play with owned subs sneakily are just plain dishonest, the type who cheats in any relationship. Show an owner the same respect you would a married individual, a collar is considered by many to be the same as or a greater commitment than a wedding ring.



LadyIce -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 5:44:53 PM)

I agree with Padriag here, many members here want to make up definitions to suit
their tastes and they often state that.
Submissive's loudly proclaim what they want, what they will not do, etc.
It is amusing to read the majority of the posts on here.
There is something here for everyone and everyone can be who or what they want to
be, in fact, they can create their own rules.
Things will remain the way they are around here, which makes this a fun place to be.
But there will always be arguing, especially between those of a Dominant nature.



hawkwolf7 -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 6:26:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x


Granted if a sub/slave is owned then their owners have the right to correct them if that is part of their arrangement. The one exception is the Gorean board where as i understand the Gorean free may correct any slave.

This particular thread was on the Gorean board but did not involve a slave but a non Gorean Domme, one who is highly respected and much beloved on these boards.

Since the thread on the Gorean board was one asking why those here who are not Gorean are not it is to be expected that a lot of non Goreans would post. Yet this Dom corrected this Domme like he was speaking to a Gorean slave girl.



Hmmm...

I have done my share of lurking in Gorean chat rooms, and I have seen a couple of situations where a Fem Dom/me has been treated in a way that I thought was inappropriate. But, the critical point here is the "I thought" words.

There is apparently a subset of Gorean males who believe that all women are inferior to males, regardless of their titles, history, or experience. And this viewpoint can be justified by Norman's books, which is the basis for their values system. The critical point here is that Right, Wrong, or Indifferent, as I see the world, it doesn't match their value system. To attempt to apply my values to their behavior is equivalent to measuring someone's weight with a yardstick.

I am of the opinion that any Non Gorean on a Gorean forum should expect that most of the "locals" will treat them according to their own value system... not theirs... not mine. And it is simply a fact that respect, and who deserves it, is a sub-cultural value. Different cultures have different rules.

I think the best anyone can do is to pick the sub-culture that best matches their personal values.

HawkWolf



LadyIce -> RE: Honor among D’s (4/10/2007 6:36:32 PM)

I agree and I enjoy lurking and reading gorean posts.
I have been wondering why non goreans frequently post and almost appear to be trying
to change the goreans in their own forums.
I am not sure what they are trying to accomplish by doing that.
Maybe we will eventually find that out also.



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