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screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 4:25:51 PM

KnightofMists

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Ok.. I am not big Rocky fan.. but I watch the latest move. I was rather struck by the scene of Rock with his boy outside of the restaurant. The lesson being conveyed in that scene was very powerful. The message of take the hits of life but still going forward and with that determination one will succeed.

When I listen and watch people I am generally discouraged by the inability of individuals to take the hits and keep going. You see time and time again people folding their cards. They quit their dreams and passions. It seems so many only want the roses without the thorns. They want that silver spoon but don't make the effort to dig the silver from the ground to make that spoon in the first place.

However, sometimes we see people that inspire us. We see individuals that hits from life that you would think would drop yourself to the ground, but yet these individuals keep going. So... in the lifestyle.. what have you seen that inspires you. moves you forward both in this lifestyle and life in general.

For me... My two girls inspire me. and for different reasons.

As anyone that reads the board consistently would know.. alandra had abuse in her childhood. But I am amazed how she moved herself beyond those experiences. Even as we come to triggers of the past... she faces them and works past them. a line she seems to like " if it doesn't break you.. it makes you stronger"

Also as anyone that reads the boards consistently would know... kyra leaves a fair distance from me. I am always amazed and her dedication and devotion to this relationship. She in alot of ways walks by herself in dealing with the seperatiion.. as I have alandra close at hand for myself. She walks this path carrying all the issues and abuses of her own past relationships. She has grown and moved forward. She like alandra.. Inspire me to try harder and be the best me I can be. Leave nothing behind as I push forward.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 5:11:22 PM

crouchingtigress

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Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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i am always amazed at folks who move through massive religious dogma to live this life, or any other life, when every, belief system, freind and thier whole family tells them is wrong and they could burn in hell for living it.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 6:23:37 PM

dawntreader

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Thankyou, i am one of those :-)

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 3

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 6:26:44 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

However, sometimes we see people that inspire us. We see individuals that hits from life that you would think would drop yourself to the ground, but yet these individuals keep going. So... in the lifestyle.. what have you seen that inspires you. moves you forward both in this lifestyle and life in general.

i am honored to have an individual like that in my life~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 6:31:10 PM

puella

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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You are a very lucky man, KnightofMists.

Maybe the answer is just simply that not everyone is strong, for what ever reasons, and different things can break different people. What might seem stupid or superfluous to some can be the one thing that wiggles its way in and crumbles the soul of another.

< Message edited by puella -- 4/7/2007 6:32:23 PM >

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 6:57:57 PM

CandleInTheWind

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Joined: 10/20/2006
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Knight of Mists,
A truer set of words hav never been expressed. Each of us has our own burden to carry, cross to bear, however you choose to say it. I have been thankful that in the past i have had friends to remind me that I wasa capable woman first....when torturous things have happened i was reminded and rereminded that if i didnt take care of me noone could...it is what is within ourselves that the strength of spirit is.

I know the day that i was able to bench press that 10lb bar bell after my double mastectomy it was a day that showed strength, but my inner strength was fully shown the day I could look in the mirror naked and accept who i was scars and all. Thank you Sir, for reminding us how thankful we all should be for the small things for those of us of religious beliefs it is a very appropriate time of the year...

And so with the coming of the daffodils and crocus each day I give a smile to the heavens above for the "burdens" I have been given so that I could grow as a person and strengthen myself spiritually.

red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 6

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 7:14:02 PM

opensoul

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Joined: 11/24/2006
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Khightof Mists Thank you for reminding all of us that we have people around who have taken the hard hits and still keep alive hope for a new day.
My life was not an easy one but I have friends who have had it harder than most and I treasure them soo much for they live life to the fullest and show us that you can make it if you just try and believe.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 7

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 7:47:18 PM

akisha

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Joined: 6/25/2005
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I firmly believe we have two choices in life. Conquer or be conquered.

We can let the bad things in life break us and leave us crying in the corner blaming the bad things as for why we have not succeeded in life or we can accept that shit happens, deal with it and move on.

I'm not one to bitch and whine about my shitty child hood, the abuse from the time I was 5, the rape I went through in highschool, because really it has no bearing on my life now. Yes, there are triggers that I have to deal with, but I do, and I inform anyone I'm with that certain activities could bring on wierd reactions. That's life.

2 years ago almost exactly (April 24th 2005) I was homeless and penniless. Today I have a great job and I just bought a really nice Trailblazer. I'm doing better now, making 1/3 the money, then I was when I was married and he made 3 times what I make now.

I could have cried poor poor me and blamed my ex husband for ruining my life but you know what. He screwed me up for about 4 weeks, that's it. I'm happier and better off now. Plus the marriage made me accept that I just can't do a "normal" marriage lol

People need to take responsibility for their lives. Bad shit happens, it's a fact of life. No matter how good you are or how safe you try and be the odds are against you. How you deal with it is what matters. Good people die, nice people get hurt, and bad people seem to succeed. We have to make the decisions we feel we can live with and concentrate on doing the best we can with what we have.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to opensoul)

Post #: 8

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 8:08:47 PM

Kana

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Well said, KoM, I agree with you in so many ways. The tendency to avoid adversity is deeply rooted in so many people I know. The shame is that it is through the facing of obstacles and the learning to reach through the pain and fear and continue striving is where true growth occurs for me. In my eyes the true measure of character is the ability to continue to hope and dream despite the disappointments and disillusionment that can come through life, sometimes childhood trauma, but also just for the realization that the ideals that I believed in as a child might be incompatible with the realities of adult life. I think everyone has a cross to carry; it is the human condition.

Sadly, some people crumble under the weight, and fall by the wayside. It is not that they are not inspirational, for sometimes the struggle itself is the victory, even if we falter in the end. The triumph is less in the outcome, than in finding the courage to continue to persevere another day. When I was young I saw courage as doing great deeds, changing the world, now that I am older I see instead the steadfast strength that is involved in continuing to rise every day and go about the simple business of doing life, raising kids, showing up for work, watching parents age and die.

In the lifestyle, I admire the courage that it takes to serve. I think it takes people of depth to willingly give themselves to another and to trust, truly trust. To go past the comfort zone and walk with another into your own personal darkness and fears, to let go and go beyond what you thought were your limits is more than most people can face. To do so in the face of standard societal expectations and dogmatic beliefs shows strength that I find admirable. To risk all so that one can fly free unshackled of the chains of fear is a wonderful thing to watch and help facilitate.

Edited to separate paragraphs, damn formatting issues and it looked so good in word too...chuckles

< Message edited by Kana -- 4/7/2007 8:23:38 PM >

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 9

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 8:17:54 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Life is about "our stuff". We can't get rid of it...but we can choose how we react to it. It's as simple...and as complicated...as that.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 10

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 8:27:02 PM

puella

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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I think we can still be productive to society even if we are broken, stuff or no stuff.

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 8:31:25 PM

WhiplashSmile

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Joined: 6/8/2004
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Wow, what an excellent post. We can become prisoners of our own past pain, as if we are chained to door we are trying to break on through to get to the other side. Even if we break the door down, we may find ourselves laying there on the floor trying to fight with the chains. To be strong enough to push forward regardless of everything that has happened in our own past.

It's wonderful to find inspiration and strength from seeing or knowing how a submissive in your life has grown. There are many submissives that come forward about how they have grown from a Dom/me. However, us Dom types do find inspiration from the submissives as well. To see how well the deal with challenges, have over come or deal with their past.

Recently, I was very touched at the deepest level by Girl. The darkness of her own past, and the things she does to help others now that are lost in the same troubled darkness she once was.

I myself can become rather guarded at moments without realization, I myself found recent strength to share this. So yes, as a Dom it is truely awesome to discover the joy and inspiration from a wonderul submissive.

What does not kill you, will only server to make one stronger or weaker.

Sir has choosen to hold and embrace the whole rose including the thorns, dispite whatever pain comes from it.

Love, Life, Pain and whatever else comes from it.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 4/7/2007 8:37:07 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 8:50:29 PM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
People need to take responsibility for their lives. Bad shit happens, it's a fact of life. No matter how good you are or how safe you try and be the odds are against you. How you deal with it is what matters. Good people die, nice people get hurt, and bad people seem to succeed. We have to make the decisions we feel we can live with and concentrate on doing the best we can with what we have.

Very, very true words. To give some idea of where I'm coming from, this last year brought me 5 deaths in my family, the death of a close friend, my own heatlh problems, taking on my mom's finances after Dad died, and a divorce process that turned rather cruel. There were days when I just couldn't get out of bed. The conclusion I came to is exactly as you wrote in the above quote. The key is, what are we going to do with what we get? I am fortunate to have very loving people in my life and a Master who encourages my strength. It's amazing sometimes, that in the midst of all the crap going on, I am happy! Because when I look beyond the troubles, life is very, very good.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 13

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/7/2007 10:03:37 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Seeing the pain I cause in my partners eyes when I get angry at him and irrational with him is what motivates me to be a better person. He's the only one I've ever known who made me feel blessed and as if I needed to prove I deserved him and show my gratitude.

Of course we both admitted we'd completely forgotten to get eachother chocolate bunnies for tomorrow, but we'll just have to cuddle with the bunnies we already have.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 14

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/8/2007 11:01:49 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Seeing the pain I cause in my partners eyes when I get angry at him and irrational with him is what motivates me to be a better person. He's the only one I've ever known who made me feel blessed and as if I needed to prove I deserved him and show my gratitude.

There is so many times in my past years with alandra and the short years with kyra that I have been disappointed in myself. My own choices of behavior has caused hurt to them that was never desired or wanted. Many submissives talk of the pain and hurt that is felt when a submissive disappoints their Dominant, but few speak of it the other way around. I can't speak for others, but as a Dominant, I feel deep regrets for some of the pains I have caused. I attempt to move past them, and usually do, but seldom do I forget them.

In a thread that Padriag started on Rituals, I made mention of the foot ritual in my post. What I didn't reflect on was the intense and even overwhelming feelings I had in going through the ritual. As I gently washed and dryed the feet of both alandra and kyra I was filled with tears. I was both humbled and blessed for their love but also moved to be a better person that they deserve. Sometimes as person I forget how much they have given to me. It was during the foot ritual that I truly felt and appreciated the value of their devotion and commitment to me like I never felt before. The difficult part was realizing that even as I washed their feet and feel what I feel, I would still make choices in the future that will cause them to hurt and still they will love me. It is what it is and I am blessed because of it.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 4/8/2007 11:02:23 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/8/2007 11:14:19 AM

TemptingNviceSub

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Although I feel I have lead a charmed life, in so far as I have never experienced the trauma that so many have,.I am always aware of this fact and am truly grateful..When I see the strength that many exhibit when faced with life altering experiences, I find myself humbled and in awe of them, and I continue to count my many blessings..Tempting

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/8/2007 12:09:01 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

Maybe the answer is just simply that not everyone is strong, for what ever reasons, and different things can break different people. What might seem stupid or superfluous to some can be the one thing that wiggles its way in and crumbles the soul of another.

this is likely the sad truth of it.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 17

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/8/2007 12:30:23 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
The difficult part was realizing that even as I washed their feet and feel what I feel, I would still make choices in the future that will cause them to hurt and still they will love me. It is what it is and I am blessed because of it.

This was touching. My Master has also made errors from time to time, which caused me pain. But for all that he gives me...wow, those errors are nothing, no matter how great or small their size. Life is beautiful with him in it. I love him for his imperfections as much as for his greatness. I love him through the mistakes. I love him through the suffering. And I trust that what he does is always with the best of intentions. I suspect your girls feel quite similarly. Love, devotion and gratitude remain consistent through the peaks and valleys.

And a day does not go by when I do not know he loves and appreciates me, despite all my imperfections as well. And that feeds right into the love, devotion and gratitude I give back to him.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/8/2007 1:43:30 PM

LaTigresse

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Oh KoM thank you for this thread. It had touched me in ways I am just not sure how to explain. Your post about washing kyra's and alandra's feet, your feelings and thoughts....wow. You really do inspire me, thank you.

As far as people in my life that I find amazing and inspirational. There have been so many. My grandmother and great aunt were two of the first, the woman I grew up next door to, all three amazing strong women that overcame huge adversity each in their own ways. Several of the women I have worked for taught me so much and inspired me to be more than I had ever imagined.

Even a man (yes a man!) that I dated many years ago. Though he was a deeply flawed person in many ways, he inspired me to reclaim myself when I had forgotten who I even was.

Two women I have loved taught me so much about myself and certainly inspired me each in their own unique way. Even in their inability to fight thru their own pain and struggles. As puella mentioned, some people do not have the strength to push thru. While I am frustrated beyond measure as what I perceived as being a weakness before, I learned a great deal from them. They inspired me to be more empathetic and less judgemental.

Last but not least, my adult children. They have overcome more than I can imagine and are amazing people. They have never allowed themselves to use their adversities as an excuse. I have so much respect for both of them.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

RE: screw the thorn send me the roses - 4/8/2007 2:40:12 PM

WhiplashSmile

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Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: puella
...What might seem stupid or superfluous to some can be the one thing that wiggles its way in and crumbles the soul of another.

Wow, this is very true. For many Dom/mes their own words and actions can have a very deep impact upon a submissive. At times we can be blind to our words or actions to the point that a sub/slave is feeling like nails are being driven in their own coffin.

There are times when a sub/slave is struggling to do their best to please their Dom/me, however they having a difficult time with pushing forward or growing. This process may test a Dom/mes patience and level of understanding. Where the Dom/me must find great strength to endure, be consistent, and persistent without mindlessly lashing out at their submissive.

Just like some people come home and kick their dogs after a bad day at work, Dom/mes risk taking things out on a submissive. Words can carry for more pain and damage to a soul than 1000 flogger lashings to the body. I find one of the biggest challanges for me at times, has been in being patient. That some times screw fall out places for no good reason, and that it takes time and work to build a solid D/s relationship.

Perhaps there are those in this lifestyle whos D/s relationship is more akin to a 24/7 scene play. For me the D/s dynamics between scene play and 24/7 lifestyle are rather different. The intensity and level of controls are different. There are things I would never do or say outside of scene play. From following the threads for as long as I have now, it appears that many Dom/mes face the challenge of making a distinction between Scene play and 24/7 relationship aspects.

If two people can maintain or wish to maintain scene play for 24/7 more power to them, however these types of relationships fall more under the umbrella of true use and abuse. I am certain there are those that crave to be abused and used 24/7 as well those that want to use and abuse 24/7. I just know for me personally my headspace can't be there at that level 24/7 without turning into a truely sadistic and cruel person.

Maintaining a balance between scene play dyanamics and 24/7 relationship dynamics I can see as a big challenge for some people.

These are just a few of my own thoughts on all this....

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 4/8/2007 2:44:21 PM >

(in reply to puella)

Post #: 20

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