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Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 8:28:44 AM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

An item of curiosity for those with more varied experience than my own...

i view a fair amount of BDSM porn (okay, more than fair). And one thing i've noticed is that more Female Dominants than not tend to keep up almost a running monologue during a scene- what they're doing, what they're going to do next, how does the bottom feel, sometimes verbal abuse, etc. Male-dominated scenes, by comparison, usually have little to no speaking on the part of the Dom. In my personal life, i find that i go more or less non-verbal during a scene when bottoming, and am surprised by how much my wife has to say, and how difficult it can be to respond.

So, i was just curious if those who have scened with both genders, or been to a lot of public events, see the same thing in non-staged context... does the natural disparity in "chattiness" between the genders manifest itself so clearly when one or the other is in control? Dominants (of either gender)- do You engage in extensive communication during a scene, use words to help set the mood, etc., or do you prefer to let all the communication take place on the physical level? Submissives of either gender, do you feel a need to communicate verbally, or do you find it difficult/impossible?

Cheers,

...dave

Post #: 1

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 8:44:36 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

I prefer dialog in scenes.
It adds to the heat of the situation for me.
I also find I constantly am in communication with my top as to how I'm feeling about the current stimulus.
They often have checked on me and asked me how I was doing with things as well.
I think good communication & sexy mind fuck communication are pluses for me.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 2

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 8:51:16 AM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

I have seen my fair share of scenes, however, I have only noted the difference between people not genders. It might have been one way or the other, but generally I haven't tried to categorize them.

As for me...scening is one of the only places where I like to be talked "at"...don't expect a response, there may not be one forthcoming. That also depends on the intensity of the scene, but if I'm distracted by having to answer questions it drives me nuts.

My Daddy doesn't talk so much during scenes, but that suits me just fine. During the especially intense ones He will check on me and make me answer but normally He's pretty in tune and doesn't need to.

I suppose, it's all about preference, but I've never noticed a gender disparity...mostly because I wasn't looking for one.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 3

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 8:51:55 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petdave

An item of curiosity for those with more varied experience than my own...

i view a fair amount of BDSM porn (okay, more than fair). And one thing i've noticed is that more Female Dominants than not tend to keep up almost a running monologue during a scene- what they're doing, what they're going to do next, how does the bottom feel, sometimes verbal abuse, etc. Male-dominated scenes, by comparison, usually have little to no speaking on the part of the Dom. In my personal life, i find that i go more or less non-verbal during a scene when bottoming, and am surprised by how much my wife has to say, and how difficult it can be to respond.

So, i was just curious if those who have scened with both genders, or been to a lot of public events, see the same thing in non-staged context... does the natural disparity in "chattiness" between the genders manifest itself so clearly when one or the other is in control? Dominants (of either gender)- do You engage in extensive communication during a scene, use words to help set the mood, etc., or do you prefer to let all the communication take place on the physical level? Submissives of either gender, do you feel a need to communicate verbally, or do you find it difficult/impossible?

Cheers,

...dave

If we are doing a BDSM scene my owner generally doesn't talk at all, but I don't even notice it I feel extremely connected to him (to me subspace is like burrowing farther inside of him) and similarly my owner feels connected to me and whats going on with me.

If he's using me sexually (and usually BDSM is present during that) in private he is a little bit more chatty, as I am, but for the most part our chattiness is dirty talk - about fantasies, things we've already done, etc.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

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(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 4

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 8:53:38 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

It depends on the headspace and what is happening within the play. There is generally some level of verbal communication, even if it is just me telling him he is an asshole and then him laughing. I can get very playful in play and can make quite a few smart ass remarks. Once I got him to laugh so hard he had to stop playing and just bend over and laugh. When he got done and wiped the tears out of his eyes, he resumed what he was doing and eventually had me screaming instead of laughing.

Other times there is not much more than an occasional "how are you doing?" and all I need to do is respond with a thumbs up if I am okay.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 5

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 8:56:53 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I tend to talk a good bit because I think I'm good at it for setting a mood. Not in all parts of a scene, but often. Plus, we are comfortable with each other and that makes conversation flow more naturally even in the middle of a scene.

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(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 6

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:03:28 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Hi,
I don't like talking during a scene in which I'm the dominant. I like it to be silent. Love on the other hand, can't stop talking. He loves to hear his own voice during a scene. His great goal is to have me gagged. I think it comes down to personal taste.
Sun & Moon

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 7

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:06:43 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

This doesn't have anything to do with lifestyle and everything to do with simple, fundamental differences in how men and women communitcate and use language. Read Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. Women, on average, just use more verbal words.

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 8

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:08:53 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

I don't like to be chatty during a scene but just enought to keep my fingers on the pulse sorta of speaking..Staying on top of the situation...AS always just my way of doing things..bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 9

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:10:11 AM

NakedGirlScout

Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline

My daddy doesn't speak at all during a scene, which can get awkward when he wants me to change position and starts tugging at me and I don't know what he wants. Sometimes I get spooked because it feels like a stranger is with me if I'm not in direct eye contact. Most often I will say something to hear his voice if I'm getting that feeling so I can feel more secure.

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 10

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:13:34 AM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

I love it when sometimes during play I am told in no uncertain terms what is about to happen to me, or exactly what is thought of me. It does depend on the scenario and what kind of mood he is in. When he does get vocal his has a masterful use of words that just brings the heat up all the more.

If it happened everytime I'm sure it wouldnt have the same effect but because he only does it every now & then it just sparks something between the two of us that is totally electric

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:14:17 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

I always talk when doing a scene with a sub I give the orders.

Diane

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 12

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:17:53 AM

fadeddreams

Posts: 17
Joined: 3/16/2007
Status: offline

When i make that slide into subspace, i don't need or want to be spoken too. i prefer a nice prearranged set of touches...to let me know what is expected...and what my Dominant is going to be doing...

i don't talk at all during a session...because i stop thinking...and focus purely on doing...

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)

Post #: 13

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:20:15 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I like to talk. I like to provide sensation. I don't care to do both things concurrently. In other words, *either* I'm lecturing or I'm hitting, not, typically, both at once. So, in scenes where sensation is key, I don't talk a lot--if I'm just manipulating the bottom's flesh, and not her or his emotions, what do I have to say? Speaking distracts me from what I'm doing, so I have less opportunity to enjoy the SM play, and it also decreases the attention that bottoms can give to the sensations they are receiving. But if emotional elements are important--especially in degradation scenes--I talk, because talking is how you deliver the desired state--emotional pain, or powerlessness, or whatever.

Now, my (male) partner likes to combine talk and sensation. I'm not sure why he likes this, but it's something we have had to deal with when we have co-topped. Sometimes it's a useful habit--if we're playing with a bottom who wants concurrent tactile and aural stimulation, he'll happily keep up a narrative while I take care of sensations and pain.

Monica

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 14

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:22:06 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have played with two different dominants. My former dominant liked to bark orders at me and was very uncommunicative outside of that. My Daddy is very verbal and encourages dialogue with me. My former dominant did not like me to talk at all.

_____________________________

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(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 15

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:25:50 AM

optimisticdrmr

Posts: 17
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline

My personal preference is to not speak nor be spoken to unless absolutely necessary. I enjoy the intensity of the sounds of what is happening to me as much as the feelings. It helps me find that place within myself where I can absorb more of what he is doing to me. He, on the other hand, doesn't like for me to have that much quiet. He's always seeking feedback from me, pushing me for verbal responses. I've been on the edge of flight and been yanked back to answer a question more times than I care to count! Heck, he even asks me questions while I'm gagged! :D

_____________________________

"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself."
- Galileo

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Post #: 16

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:31:34 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

I am a Female Dominant, and yes, I do love to keep up a running monologue during the scene. I really don't like the sub to say much of anything, except to answer questions that I ask.

In scenes I have observed at play parties, I have seen some male Dominants carry on a running monologue during the scene. One did a delightful cupping scene while verbally tormenting his submissive the whole time. It was at a private home and they were only a few feet away, so I heard it all. On the other hand, I have seen female Dominants who did not utter a word during the entire scene. In general, though, it seems that more female Dominants than male like to talk througout the scene.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 17

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:34:09 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I'd be extreamly annoyed and cross if I was about to hit space and my partner yanked me back by expecting me to talk.

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Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

(in reply to optimisticdrmr)

Post #: 18

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 9:35:55 AM

MistressMaamNH

Posts: 211
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline

I talk very little during a scene. I prefer the whisper of breath, or the soft moan to be what I hear. Allow the sound of the leather brushing against skin or the falls of a flogger to be the sounds to spark anticipation.

MMNH

_____________________________

Let Me lay you softly, down onto the thorns...

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 19

RE: Talking during a scene? Male vs. Female Dominants? - 4/1/2007 10:02:31 AM

Hissltviolet

Posts: 44
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: optimisticdrmr

My personal preference is to not speak nor be spoken to unless absolutely necessary. I enjoy the intensity of the sounds of what is happening to me as much as the feelings. It helps me find that place within myself where I can absorb more of what he is doing to me. He, on the other hand, doesn't like for me to have that much quiet. He's always seeking feedback from me, pushing me for verbal responses. I've been on the edge of flight and been yanked back to answer a question more times than I care to count! Heck, he even asks me questions while I'm gagged! :D

...<smiles>...this is exactly what this girl is struggling with in her relationship with her Master...i am so very glad that i bumped into this thread...i have begun to 'sense' a tension developing between M/s and have determined it might be time to open this up to conversation...but...don't really know what to say...since i haven't really known what the 'struggle' might be about...until reading all the above...suddenely i am able to identify some 'things'...
...<blushes>...i am kind of new at 'r/t'...being in my first honest to goodness flesh and blood relationship with a Master...everything is so 'different'...so intense...but so wonderful and beautiful...and...the k'hlor at my throat is eternal...so...the girl must learn...she has been using CM threads as 'insite' for a couple of years...and wants to thank the whole community for what she has learned here and hopes to continue to learn...

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(in reply to optimisticdrmr)

Post #: 20

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