RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall

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RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/2/2007 4:03:35 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smartiepants
What i dont get is when in a place full of open minded people in this lifestyle, they looked at me like i was a freak of nature. this really made me think ......

To me, being open minded is not the same thing as everyone has to like what it is that I do, like me or want to watch me do it. I think someone demonstrates open mindedness when they don't like a choice I make and accept my right to make that choice and are open to hearing me and why I like it. Being receptive to my ideas and my opinions demonstrates open mindedness. There are some activities that people do that just squick me out, but I accept other's right to do it, but that doesn't mean I am going to sit and watch it.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to smartiepants)

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Post #: 41

RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/5/2007 8:04:58 PM

PonyGroom

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Kinky people are just as closed minded as anyone else.

Just because a person is open about the things THEY are into, doesn't at all mean they are open about things that OTHERS are into.

True that. We have an acronym for it: YKINMK Your Kink Is Not My Kink

While I am thinking in terms of cliche, I can't omit "Kinky is that stuff OTHER people do".

There is a great divide:

Some people come to kink out of curiousity and stay because something turned them on. They tend to be open minded.

Others come to kink because they have a major fetish and were well motivated to explore it. They found out not only were there others who had a similar "thang", but there were so many different "thang"s out there that they could hardly list them all. They did not get equipped with patience, tolerance, or gain any qualities of a saint just because they had that epiphany.

Tim, too sleepy to write but doing it anyway

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 42

RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/5/2007 8:10:58 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: smartiepants
They must me open minded. Why else would they be in this lifestlye full of perversion and such.. just for a fun time ??

If its not being open minded, then what is it called??

Kinky.

Kinky people are just as closed minded as anyone else.

If you need proof, just read some of the off-topic discussions.

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a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 43

RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/5/2007 8:13:17 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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I was 18 when I became involved with a man who was very sadistic, and very controlling; two aspects that I found to be very appealing. The first time my parents saw me with bruises, I thought that they were going to completly freak, I had visions of my father getting his shotgun and going after him. It took about a year for my parents to finally understand that my relationship was not a bad thing for me; that in fact it was very good.

Over the years, I have maintained the policy that I don't hide who I am or what I like from anyone; even strangers. They either accept, or they don't. I realize that for those who love you, this is a bit harder because their worry brings loads of guilt with it. The best you can do is what you are attempting right now. You have to show them that this is what you want, that there is nothing wrong with it, and that it makes you happy and content.

It takes time, understanding and patience. Eventually, they will either accept, understand and accept, or neither.

( I did not read the rest of the replies here...sorry if I repeated something that someone already said )

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Post #: 44

RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/6/2007 1:06:43 AM

Calandra

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Joined: 11/22/2004
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There are some really great responses on this thread... I would add one thought (not sure if anyone else posted it since I didn't have time to read the entire thing)

No matter how you handle it, let them know that you are happy to answer any questions they may have. Be prepared to educate them carefully about this lifestyle if it is important that they understand you. There is so much misinformation out there, people think they are informed when they aren't. Be an ambassador of the lifestyle by how you conduct yourself, and people will be more accepting as time goes on.

(in reply to Inhibitor)

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Post #: 45

RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/6/2007 6:32:08 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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I'm not sure why you felt it necessary to tell them in such bald terms. Basically my family and friends have met him and see him as a calm, respectful person who obviously loves and protects me. They see that I'm a happier person with him and that's what they judge.

The only person I'm out to is my therapist because keeping secrets is not beneficial to the therapy process.

(in reply to Amaros)

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Post #: 46

RE: skeletons, closets, and a big brick wall - 4/6/2007 7:43:53 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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I too wonder why you chose to come out to them completely. That is not to say you are wrong...just that there are some things about what we do / have done in our lives that others just don't need to know or even have a right to know.

You can be honest and tell people everything about you...yeah, I was arrested for drunk driving 10 years ago OR I got caught having an affair with the minister's wife (or for a slightly more kinky slant...with the minister AND his wife

) OR whatever...and hopefully, they will understand and realize that one incident does not define your life. In my opinion, you have to look at the lifetime of behavior and what the person is and has been overall and not judge them by the "aberration". Sadly, most people cannot do this. Even sadder, most people cannot do this when the person they love is telling them that they like allllllllllllll kinds of wild and wicked and wonderful things...which the "normal" person cannot get...in a relationship that many "normal" people just cannot accept.

Luckily for you...at least they listened. They did not agree but they gave you a chance to be heard. Sometimes, that is all we can ask or hope for and be grateful to get.

(in reply to Celeste43)

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Post #: 47