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Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:11:27 PM   
riskrewarded


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I'm always suprised to see so many profiles that seek "real doms" or claim that they are the best example of "real dominance".  Now I know the net is full of fakers in all aspects but I always take this to mean that the person thinks that thier taste in a BDSM relationship should define everyones taste or experience.

It reminds me of someone who says all good wine is red wine or all abstract art is crap.  It's fine to have your own taste and be self realized about it but to think you have the corner or BDSM for everyone is a bit silly and unrealisitic the way I see things.

Anyone else have any thoughts?
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:19:57 PM   
Padriag


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I thought "Real Doms" was a new sideline of Real Doll (TM)

Seriously, most of the time when someone uses the term "real" to refer to someone else they mean "fulfills my personal expectations."  When "real" is used to refer to the self its intended to convey genuineness, veracity and sometimes superiority... course truth and advertising don't always go together, so as as always it is still "buyer beware."

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:28:45 PM   
onestandingstill


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Real Dom's are like Unicorns.
They are Mythical things of beauty, strength and splendor that every one wants to touch, talks about, and looks for but you never see with your own eyes except in pictures others try to pass off as real views.
They indeed are fantasy creatures just like real subs/slaves are..
We all just need to accept what's real to us may not be real to any one else.

(in reply to riskrewarded)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:31:07 PM   
missturbation


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I thought "Real Doms" was a new sideline of Real Doll (TM)

Oooooo put me down for one of those.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:34:33 PM   
OrlandoDave


Posts: 19
Joined: 8/27/2005
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I have recently come back to collarme after being away for some time. I am finding many, many more profiles now that are obviously fake. Obviously fake. Profiles that contain web sites, etc. Anyway, although this is the best place I have found outside of “real life” to narrow down the field of possible “mates, playmates, etc.,” it is full of people that are completely insincere about the lifestyle. This, like all websites, for some is nothing more than a place to either a) get laid or b) play out some fantasy without the slightest intention of taking things further than keys on their keyboard.
It is my guess that when someone is looking for a “real dom,” they are looking for someone that isn’t here for cheap thrills. Someone who really is, or at least close to, what they claim to be.

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:48:44 PM   
MasterNdorei


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Joined: 10/8/2005
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There are some things to watch for in evaluating one's domliness. Anyone with half a brain can talk the talk online. This is what i looked for...

If you want to find out what's really going on with them take a look at the nonBDSM parts of their lives. Someone who isn't dominating their own life with any success if not going to be able to dominate yours any better.

Are they in a dominant position at work? Do they dominate others in a different environment, such as being a leader in a volunteer activity, or coaching a sports team, etc? People who are comfortable with their own dominance usually manifest this in activities that have nothing to do with BDSM.

How are their relationships with their children? Their exes? Their family members? Their co workers? If they have managed other relationships in their lives, there is a good chance they will be able to manage one with you.

How do they take care of themselves? Are they clean and presentable in their picture? When was the last time they went to the dentist? Do they have a retirement plan? What kind of exercise do they engage in? All of these questions will give you some idea as to what they can manage in their own lives. Are they making excuses for things? Or do have they already mastered this much of life for themselves?

How do they care for their belongings? Is their vehicle well maintained? Do they have pets to ask about? Do they manage the upkeep on an outside area? Do they have a collection of anything, if so, how is it kept? All of these questions will give you some idea of how they take care of what they own. This is very insightful as to how this person will care for someone long term.

If you are looking for someone just dominant enough to play with, there is another set of rules intirely, but if you want to know how dominant a person is, these questions can give you some idea.

Play Safe, Be Well~*
Master's dorei

< Message edited by MasterNdorei -- 3/30/2007 1:53:07 PM >

(in reply to onestandingstill)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 1:48:46 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrlandoDave

it is full of people that are completely insincere about the lifestyle.

This, like all websites, for some is nothing more than a place to either a) get laid or b) play out some fantasy without the slightest intention of taking things further than keys on their keyboard.

It is my guess that when someone is looking for a “real dom,” they are looking for someone that isn’t here for cheap thrills. Someone who really is, or at least close to, what they claim to be.


I agree that most people when they say they want someone "real" they mean someone who they can trust, who is what they say they are, whose boundaries are as written and who means what they say. To me the only qualification for being "real" is honesty in who you are, what your circumstances are, what you want/need/desire and what you can bring to the relationship.  For some people that may mean only online play. I don't think it makes it any less real as long as 2 (or more) people are having their needs fulfilled by the relationship.

The people who complain about others NOT being real tend to be those who have not found someone who meets their requirements who desires a relationship with them.  They are often jaded by negative experiences that involved some level of deceit or just a plain lack of interest from others.  It becomes a turn off for me when these people rant and trash others because of these experiences. I just don't need to be around that level of negativity

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 2:21:02 PM   
Najakcharmer


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Well, you know.  They don't eat quiche or wear bunny slippers.  That's how you can tell if they're Real or not.  It's right there in the Big Leather Book of Answers for Everyone, the one that was written by Mistress Manners. 

Actually I personally think that the Skin Horse had the right idea all along. 

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.  "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.  "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.  "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.  "You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
- The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

(in reply to riskrewarded)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 2:24:31 PM   
hereyesruponyou


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Awwwwwwwwww, that's so sweet

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 2:28:51 PM   
domiguy


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All good wine is red wine....You chardonnay drinkers can lick my balls...And quite frankly most abstract art is crap!....Now where was I?

Oh yeah, and the Olive Garden is the only place to get authentic Italian cuisine....I am the one and only true Dom....Come to Domiguy....Come to Domiguy!

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 2:38:10 PM   
Najakcharmer


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Joined: 5/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

All good wine is red wine....You chardonnay drinkers can lick my balls...And quite frankly most abstract art is crap!....Now where was I?


Tell that to the makers of Chateau d'Yquem.  Or to anyone who's ever tasted the stuff.  If you can pair it with foie gras as an opening course, you're definitely rocking.  Bring on the serious Bordeaux later in the evening.  I'll take a vertical tasting pour if you have one, thanks. 

For a whimsical but seriously complex white that can stand up to anything including steak topped with blue cheese, shoot for Conundrum by Caymus.  It's less than a tenth of the price of the d'Yquem and has at least a third of the focused power and fruit. 

I don't want to lick your balls, but one of my pets might. 

(in reply to domiguy)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 3:02:49 PM   
Tuomas


Posts: 242
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline
Real Doms are like UFOs, you always hear about them, but you never see any :p

OK, on a more serious note, I suppose it has to do with personal taste. Someone looking for a "real" dom, is someone who had a bad experience -and wants to blame him for it. :p

You are no more real than you make yourself...

quote:

There are some things to watch for in evaluating one's domliness. Anyone with half a brain can talk the talk online. This is what i looked for...

If you want to find out what's really going on with them take a look at the nonBDSM parts of their lives. Someone who isn't dominating their own life with any success if not going to be able to dominate yours any better.

Are they in a dominant position at work? Do they dominate others in a different environment, such as being a leader in a volunteer activity, or coaching a sports team, etc? People who are comfortable with their own dominance usually manifest this in activities that have nothing to do with BDSM.

How are their relationships with their children? Their exes? Their family members? Their co workers? If they have managed other relationships in their lives, there is a good chance they will be able to manage one with you.

How do they take care of themselves? Are they clean and presentable in their picture? When was the last time they went to the dentist? Do they have a retirement plan? What kind of exercise do they engage in? All of these questions will give you some idea as to what they can manage in their own lives. Are they making excuses for things? Or do have they already mastered this much of life for themselves?

How do they care for their belongings? Is their vehicle well maintained? Do they have pets to ask about? Do they manage the upkeep on an outside area? Do they have a collection of anything, if so, how is it kept? All of these questions will give you some idea of how they take care of what they own. This is very insightful as to how this person will care for someone long term.

If you are looking for someone just dominant enough to play with, there is another set of rules intirely, but if you want to know how dominant a person is, these questions can give you some idea.

Very good list. In fact, these questions would be pertinent for a lot of other situations as well.
*files away for future refrence*

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 3:19:25 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
You want real?  Here's real.  Consider this to apply for either a profile, or an opening email salvo.  Better yet, if you have this in your profile AND opening email, it is more likely to sound convincing.

'The truth of the matter is, I'm in it just for the sex.  I consider myself to be dominant in the same way that you consider your own version of sub frenzy a myth.

Here's how this is going to happen.  You'll reply to my profile and email, within the first day or so you can give me a screenname to chat with you, then because I have to admit I'm really good at this, I'll charm you into meeting me.

Upon meeting, the 'myth' of your sub frenzy will shatter, because you're going to be stunned by my good looks.  Your clothes will come off, and probably take your good sense with it.

Sure, we can talk about limits.  Those are the things that I ignore, so getting those out of the way is like saying 'Close your mind to these'.  Almost a hypnotic trigger in a really reverse (perverse) sort of way.

Then, I'll treat you like a punching bag (MY style of domination) and once you're 'just' about unconscious, I'll rape you.  I do ever so enjoy the struggle.  But after the fact, I'll convince you that all of this was basically consensual, if not YOUR idea, and I'll guilt you into keeping quiet about this.  It might screw up your future, but considering it's YOUR future and not mine, I can force myself to deal with that.

Let me know.  Time's a wastin'.'

That real enough?

Jeff

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 3:57:18 PM   
boundkitty


Posts: 62
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
"Real Dom" ? Isn't that a show on Fox? *lol*

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 5:33:25 PM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
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Chateau d'Yquem is not your average bottle of "white wine" for it contains the noble rot, thus giving it a much higher sugar content than most white wines and much more flavor. Thus it is not a fair comparison. Plus I don't have a hundred plus dollars to spare for a bottle of wine. I can't affort wines of the first houses.

As for foie gras, I find it over rated and some animal loving group has gotten it banned in Chicago saying its cruel to the duck and /or goose. I've had the duck variety while in France from a producer of foie gras during a wine tour in Bordeaux, so I have taste the authentic product.

But much like the old Starkist Tuna advertisements, Charlie Tuna's good taste is not at issue here and the expensive palate of more than one ruler has bankrupted their country. Now that might actually be of interest to the OP. For the lack of self control on that rules part resulted in the destruction of what they where responsible for. After all, is not self control the mark of a "Real Dom"?

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Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 6:36:06 PM   
Missokyst


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Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
Hmm... the title caught my eye.  I could only think, YES give me a mythical dom, with a beautiful twisted spiral horn on his forhead. 

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 6:43:14 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Clearly a contest between azzmaster, fuckintroll, and domiguy.

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 10:09:01 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Real Dom's are like Unicorns.


Good thing I'm looking for slave and subs...I'm not a virgin, so I'd never have a chance finding a "Real Dom". LOL

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/30/2007 10:12:04 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

Well, you know.  They don't eat quiche or wear bunny slippers.  That's how you can tell if they're Real or not.  It's right there in the Big Leather Book of Answers for Everyone, the one that was written by Mistress Manners. 

Actually I personally think that the Skin Horse had the right idea all along. 

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.  "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse.  "It's a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.  "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse.  "You become.  It takes a long time.  That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.  But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
- The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams



Oh! oh! Someone else quotes VR!!!! *jumps up and down* Check out The Little Prince, too, especially the part about the fox being tamed.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
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RE: Mythic "Real Dom" - 3/31/2007 4:30:44 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa

As for foie gras, I find it over rated and some animal loving group has gotten it banned in Chicago saying its cruel to the duck and /or goose. I've had the duck variety while in France from a producer of foie gras during a wine tour in Bordeaux, so I have taste the authentic product.



Yeah...but just killing, cooking and eating the duck is ok. Goddamn hippies screwing with all my favorite foods.

_____________________________

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