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Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 12:31:49 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Everyone has them, but they’re not often clearly understood, yet they should be.
 
All submissives have some goals, for some it may be little more than finding someone to belong too, but that’s still a goal.  For every such goal, there’s at least one motivation and sometimes many.  Yet many submissives don’t understand this about themselves, neither where they are going (goals) or what is driving them (motivations).  That lack of knowledge can be detrimental, or at least limiting.  Some give little thought to having goals of their own, particularly goals involving self improvement.
 
Dominants sometimes fall short in this regard as well.  For some they have the same lack of understanding of their own goals and motivations, whether that be where they are going in life or why they’re pursuing being dominant.  But another aspect some dominants miss is taking the time to understand the goals and motivations of a submissive.
 
From time to time in these forums we discuss training, teaching, and controlling submissives, using punishment or discipline to correct behavior.  Understanding goals and motivations can be a very useful tool for a dominant in encouraging and eliciting desired behavior, another form of control.  Rather than pushing a submissive towards a behavior, understanding and utilizing motivations they already possess can lead them where the dominant wants them to go.
 
So here’s the question for discussion.  Whether a dominant or a submissive, where are you going to (goals)?   What’s driving you to get there (motivations)?
 
And for the bonus round, what ways have you experienced or utilized motivations and goals to direct behavior?

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 12:51:21 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline
quote:

So here’s the question for discussion.  Whether a dominant or a submissive, where are you going to (goals)?   What’s driving you to get there (motivations)?

Greetings Master Padriag
 
Intriguing question. My goals. How simple and easy it would be to say that my only goals are to be pleasing and obedient; yet, that would be the easy way out of actually thinking about them. So, let me see if I can pick them apart. To be pleasing: my goal here is to always act and speak with grace and dignity, to never speak in anger, and to always maintain an aura of serenity. Not easy to attain at times, but that is my goal. To be obedient; to always show absolute obedience. Easier said than done ; I am a questioner, so I am always questioning Master. One day, I hope to quell this and to not think of the why ; but rather just the why not. Those are my goals . To achieve absolute obedience and to be pleasing.
 
My motivations. LOL, again, I could take the easy way out and say Master is, but I think I will go a bit farther. While Master is the actual deep driving force behind me; there is also a burning within that can not be smothered. Doing for Master, helps to not only keep the fire lit, but also keeps it contained. I just feel that as each day goes by, if I was to not try my best to achieve my ultimate; I would slowly wither away inside.
 
Hmm, Not sure I adequately covered them, but right now, that is the best that I can  explain.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa
 
edited for spelling

 

< Message edited by jauntyone -- 3/30/2007 12:52:14 AM >

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 1:48:15 AM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, this question has so many answers...and most of them vanilla in context.
 
Goal-Buy a home.
Motivation- We're tired of renting and it's time to build a family and a dungeon.
 
Personal Goal- Become more self aware.
Motivation- I'm a people watcher and I have learned that it's easier to give advice than to take it...I'm learning to take advice.
 
Goal- Become more involved in our local community.
Motivation- We, as a couple, could help our local community wax, rather than wane into drama as it has been for the past couple of months. We stepped back from the drama rather than bringing something positive into the situation and I think we both regret that, as a couple.
 
Goal-Learn, grow, live!
 
Motivation- I don't want to become one of those people who stops growing because they know everything possible there is to know. I want to become a better submissive for me...really, just for me. It will please my Daddy, but moreso because I will do it for myself.
 

< Message edited by spanklette -- 3/30/2007 1:49:23 AM >

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 2:52:38 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		My goal is to be a dominant without the gadgetry. My motivation is to have the submissive completely feel my power over her life and to submit to my physical play at a level beyond what she thought she could. I strive to consistently present myself here as one who has thought out matters and, yet, come full circle and realized that it is all not so serious. For me, it is a philosophy of common sense.

Seeing the superficial behavior of many helps me to become a better dominant and avoid that type behavior while being a compassionate friend of those who are still in the unfathomable maze. Knowing looks to those who will understand do far more than rants when a silly remark is made.

So if I say something like I want to make others smile, it does not mean my goal is not to dominate firmly. I am dominating by letting the submissive relax and finding comfort in being herself. The fact is that someone who makes you feel good about yourself will always be desired. The more fun, level headed, approachable, successful, socially adept and respected in vanilla and D/s society, I am, the better Dom I am.

For the bonus round: The girl I treat like a friend and listen to without trying to prove how superior I am, is going to become the most dedicated slave, taking whippings and obeying religiously, because I validate her as a desired, pretty, fun and wise person.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 3:06:32 AM   
justplainjava


Posts: 173
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings
girl has one goal and one Motivation   that is to get a job and get back home to her california

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 3:53:23 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Goal:  Build a cohesive family unit

Motivation: I am driven by the empowerment and freedom gained by the bonding of people in an intimate way.

Experience:  The common thread for my girls and I is the term "We Three are One".  They understsand that this is the reflection of the goal.   But to make the goal worthy to strive for it must have the rewards that motivate us.  As we take each step towards that oneness, there is a definite feeling of empowerment and freedom to be oneself.   This acceptance of each other for who we are as a part of this whole has a tremendous effect on our desire to work towards the goal.  The rewards are intrinsic to all of us.   As one moves closer to the goal.. it actually becomes easier to reach the goal.  This largely because of the effects of what motivates us has on our behaviors.   What motivates us causes us to consider what is the appropriate behaviors that will move us towards the goal.  In many ways it's a postive sprial that feeds itself.  For myself, I am quick to attack behaviors that are contray to what feeds this sprial.  I attack them by showing the consequences that such behaviors lead too.  My girls will make a choice that is intrinsically motivated.  As I show/discuss with them the consequences of specfic behaviors.. it is their own intrinsic motivations that will either perpetuate the positive behaviors or move to correct the negative ones.

However, I will add.. that no part of Goal and Motivation in of itself will result in the proper behaviors to achieve the Goal.  It's important to consider that the appropriate Character, Skills, Talents and abilities exist.  A lack of such will result in a disheartening to achieve the goal.  Part of the path to achieve the goal is to gain the ability that in turn feeds the motivations to achieve the goal.  One can also already have the ability... but has no confidence is such ability and there is no better than a person with no ability that all.  In some ways such a person is even worse off.  Therefore, one also has to foster Security, Confidence and Certainity towards the achievement of the goal.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 4:47:23 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		What is wrong with just having fun. Why stress yourself out trying to meet goals. One goal is enough. To meet someone compatiable. To tell someone these are the rules you will follow is one thing. To tell someone these are the goals you will achieve is going to far.

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 4:53:27 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings dnomyar
 
May I ask?
 
Why can one not have fun while striving to attain a certain goal?
 
Just curious
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 6:02:08 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		goal: losing my perfectionism
motivation: understanding that making mistakes is part of life

goal: ltr
motivation: chatting with 3 collarme members ...met one and planning to meet the other 2 soon.

i have other goals however two i listed are my major ones.




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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 6:12:58 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings to All,

I set goals and expectations for my slave. She strives to meet these. She is my slave to please me. I am her Master because I wish a slave. I want my slaves to be the best that they can be, so I push them. We live together 24/7 and it is not just play for us. I liken myself to a sculptor, I look into a girl, see the beautiful slave she can become and then begin to make it so. I constantly move that bar of excellence higher and higher, and she constantly improves because of it.

Orion


quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

What is wrong with just having fun. Why stress yourself out trying to meet goals. One goal is enough. To meet someone compatiable. To tell someone these are the rules you will follow is one thing. To tell someone these are the goals you will achieve is going to far.


_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 6:44:44 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		My goals are mostly vanilla at this time as I'm not in a D/s serious relationship & I'm not at a point I'm ready to persue one.
My goals are to get a better job as I need better health insurance and more income.
If I get the better paying job I'd have a goal to move into a home that's not an unfinished basement apartment I've divided up with curtains.
I'd also be able to help my family better as my kids are only 23 & 19 and on their own & my Mom's been in the hospital 6 motnhs and is probably not going to ever go home again.
It would be nice to say pay a months rent for my daughter and for some car repairs for my son etc... I'd also be able to help my partents and send my Mom flowers more often than I can now.
Most of my goals are oriented to reaching a more comfortable quality of life for myself and my family.
As far as BDSM really the only goals I have is learning more about my desire to be a submissive, where my reality as a submissive is and others and their perspectives in the community.
suzanne

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 6:57:17 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
 
So here’s the question for discussion.  Whether a dominant or a submissive, where are you going to (goals)?   What’s driving you to get there (motivations)?
 
And for the bonus round, what ways have you experienced or utilized motivations and goals to direct behavior?


This is way too involved to properly answer here. However, some short comments:

Primary goal: poly family that lives under one roof.

Primary motivation: a desire to have such and a need/calling to be a Master of said household.

Any submissive or slave can be directed using their desire to please the Dominant or Master. I've used this.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 7:06:15 AM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline 		Greetings Master Fire
 
LOL umm, I read your primary goal and I swear I thought it said " family plot under one roof"
 
Ohhh my, I am soooooo embarassed
 

 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 7:16:26 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Its best probably to start with the bonus round question.

Experience has taught me that openmindedness and flexibility are required when directing behavior because everybody and every situtation is different. Some people need positive support and encouragement, other people have needed an ultimateum, a "either you do this or else" type situation to get them off their ass and accomplishing things. Some people need the presence of authority, others need
"pleases" and "thank you's".

For myself and self motivation, its more of "carrot in front of the donkey" type thing. For me and my goals, the goals are the motivation. When I wanted to quit smoking, I used the large amount of money I was budgeting for cigarettes each month as the incentive. The same went for my past drinking habits. I focused on the positives of soberity, the extra money, and the negative consequences that had occured from developing such a negative habit.

My goal in M/S is to find a good match to be my lifelong partner in an absolute authority type relationship. A slave foremost, but the identity of a lover and a friend as well. Not a merely purely service oriented relationship, but a partner.
My motivations? Purely desire, a simply fealing for a "need" to have this, fulfillment.

However, this is a goal I have put on the backshelf for the time being in light of many other goals I need to accomplish in my own personal life.

The one that supercedes that is my goal of an Associates then Bachelor's degree in IT Technology with the focus on computer programming. My motivations are the money, the job itself, the development of something that has always been a core talent (My brain works like a puzzle solver), and a strong desire to leave the restaurant buisness for good.

Before that goal can be accomplished, I have to accomplish the goal of working two jobs until September. The motivations are the desire to be in a fiancial position to be able to start school comfortably (new vehicle payed off, money for supples, money stashed away for emergencies, not having to work excessive amounts while in school).

So...my goals and motivations are all linked into one big plan...one goal has to be accomplished before I can accomplish another. Each of these three big goals is broken down into a dozen little goals so I dont get overwhelmed by it all. For example, rather look at working two jobs for the next 6 months, I look at it on per month basis. My goal is to get threw this month and my goal next month will be to get threw that month as opposed to looking all the way down the line at September and fealing overwhelmed and hopeless.




< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 3/30/2007 7:18:56 AM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 7:18:02 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jauntyone

Greetings Master Fire
 
LOL umm, I read your primary goal and I swear I thought it said " family plot under one roof"
 
Ohhh my, I am soooooo embarassed
 

 
I wish you well
 
melissa


Ha! I do that sort of stuff all the time. My dyslexia crops up in the oddest ways...it's not just about transposing letters and such.

However, since I intend to be cremated and so does my girl, the idea has merit. Stick us on the mantle.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 7:27:21 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It's occured to me that another quote of John Campbell quote might sum it up as motivation for almost all of us:

"Follow your bliss."

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 7:35:34 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm constantly evaluating and measuring where I am in my goals -- I have many. In terms of Ds or SM it is to create a stable family where I am the chief authority and in which each individual is empowered to become the best he/she can become.

When I train, part of what I focus on are goals and motives are really the major measure of whether or not someone is really qualified to be a slave or owner in my opinion. This continues through ownership. We revisit our individual and group goals regularly; we help each other find better ways to achieve them and encourage each other to push through. It is a long haul for some of our goals.

For some of us these are clear goals we've been working on for years; for others in this family the goals are pretty simple or they change.

Our over-arching goal is to maintain the household and to support the Ds and vanilla dynamics that both exist in this family. That isn't easy and one thing we did to help us is that we go to a therapist once a month or less to just talk about things without the interpersonal blinders on for a bit.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 8:01:17 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag
So here’s the question for discussion.  Whether a dominant or a submissive, where are you going to (goals)?   What’s driving you to get there (motivations)?
 
And for the bonus round, what ways have you experienced or utilized motivations and goals to direct behavior?


Now I have Dianna Ross singing the Theme from Mahogany in my head

I really had no goals when we met.  My goal became to be the best "me" I could be, and to be true to myself.  But we had to figure out who that was first.  I certainly didn't know, so he began the goal of us both finding out, through various exercises and lots of mental work.

In doing that, I found out a great many things about myself, and now my goal is to be true to who that person is, and be more of what I can be.  I will always be a work in progress, and I will never reach perfection, and I will certainly  make mistakes along the way, but I really have attained a much more peaceful place within myself as a result.

And so now more definitve, tangible goals are in place - finish my degree, continue my weight loss, and wrap up some personal stressors that are still affecting me.  Some of the more intangible ones are things like understanding my boundaries and learning to let go when necessary. 

All of this leads to the ultimate goal of being the best slave to him I can be, which is right in line to being true to myself.

My motivator is him.  All I do is for him. His approval/pleasure/pride is my reward.  He uses his knowledge of my need to be challenged by him to create bars for me to reach which are just within my reach (and sometimes do not seem reachable at the time).  He pushes me hard and then enjoys my joyful astonishment when I meet such a goal.  Although my self doubt and skepticism is at a minimum now, because of this process.

So really it's his intimate knowledge of me and my drive to please him which creates this lovely dance.

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 9:54:31 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		jauntyone. Some goals are fun to obtain. Most take hard work and determination. I dont have any major goals. I raised my family. My kids are both doing great. They have families of their own to raise. Their goal is to get me to babysit the grandkids more. Not going to happen. I am just looking forward to fishing, hunting and traveling.

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RE: Goals and Motivation - 3/30/2007 10:45:02 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Goal - to own and run my own pub.
Motivation - just plain and simply always been my dream.
I'm on my way to this now, just passed my courses etc.
 
Goal - to be more honest with myself.
Motivation - recent events have made me realise that until im honest with myself i cant be honest with others.
 
Probably more but these are my major goals at present.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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