Reference material (Full Version)

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freshfaced -> Reference material (3/28/2007 2:53:34 AM)

I am interested in any reference materials or resources that can help me develop my dom 'skill set'. I am sure many of you will argue that such information sources shouldn't be necesary but I am genuinely interested in increasing my understanding and my ability to handle a sub. I also appreciate that there are no rules that can be applied to each sub and that understanding and communication are the key. Thanks.

If there are any male doms out there that are willing to spend some time talking with me then please either post here or message me. Thanks again.



darkinshadows -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 3:04:27 AM)

I am still a 'Loving Dominant' fan - and 'Screw the roses send me the thorns' in the book department. (If you click my myspace page below, I have a list of books and a link to amazon so you can purchase them).
 
I know it is easy to fall into the whole 'doms train doms' kinda spell - but you will find there are s-types out there just as capable and willing to assist you in your 'growth'.  Do not see it as training, more as mentorship.
 
Peace and Rapture



onestandingstill -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 6:47:52 AM)

I'd also recommend the book Different Loving & The Ethicle Slut.
2 good web sites are castlerealm dot com and frugaldomme dot com. Mind you the frugal one is geared to the female Dominant, but does have many good ceremonial rites and other resources you'd be able to learn from.
My over all advice is to find local groups in your area & get out to presentations or munches. Find a Dom in those places you can respect and trust and ask him to help teach you what you need in a mentoring position.
Good luck in your new journey,
suzanne



SimplyMichael -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 6:59:27 AM)

Anything by Dossie Easton, someone already mentioned "The Ethical Slut" but The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book are two of the best out there on doing D/s despite the sound of the titles.

There are a host of technical books on specific types of play, electrical, spanking, even one on was play, an aftertoon spent on Amazon can find amazing things.

Midori has put out a great basic guide to S&M that I am currently reading and finding quite insightful but then again, despite the pomp, Midori is amazingly well grounded.  Her book on Japanese bondage is the best on the market.

www.greenerypress.com is now the publishing house putting out Warren's The Loving Dominant as well as Dossie's stuff along with Jay's SM101.  Jay's bondage book is a waste of money, too much time spent on safety, screw the roses has about the same amount of info in vastly less space.  Midori's two books are both published by them, at least the bondage book is




thetammyjo -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:02:39 AM)

I'd say almost anything by Greenery Press should be helpful.  I know that they want only authors who have real life experience writing their books.  However, the last time I tried to find out what Greenery had coming out new for 2007 I coudln't even find their website.  I hope nothing has happened to them.

If you have specific questions, freshfaced, please feel free to send me an email.  I have a lot of books (part of my life is reviewing these sorts of books) and I can make a few more specific suggestions if I have more information about what exactly you are looking for.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:12:11 AM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_858346/mpage_2/key_books/tm.htm#858923
good kinky books

http://www.collarchat.com/m_542733/mpage_1/key_books/tm.htm#542785
What is your best bdsm book/novel?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_498262/mpage_2/key_books/tm.htm#498587
Someone should write a book

http://www.collarchat.com/m_269642/mpage_1/key_book/tm.htm#269653
submissive lit

Books on Subs/Bottoming

Books for subs/slaves

Books

Books on the lifestyle



veronicaboundcd -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:18:41 AM)

All the books mentioned are excellent, but you just can't beat "on the job" training, practice, and life experiences. My first Mistress and I sort of came into the lifestyle together, although we both had been online for a long time, talked with others, etc, and had a good idea of what our roles were. We learned from each other, by communicating. Since there is a huge mental aspect of what we all do from either side of the paddle, our feelings, emotions, and other factors, can be big learning experiences to our partners, when discussed and shared. While I'm not saying that you need to evaluate each other, open conversation is the best way to aquire knowledge, and hone Your skills.



sub4hire -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:25:54 AM)

Go out to where real live people gather and talk to them.  Then attend demo's and gatherings.

Anybody can write a book.  Granted there are a lot of good book's out there.  Yet some of
those writers lack any real time experience and everyone still recommends them highly.

There is no substitute for real life interaction.



darkinshadows -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:35:15 AM)

Be it a group or a book, still doesn't beat one on one with a partner who is in tune with your specific desires and visa versa.  The only time demos are any use are when they are teaching something hands on, like knife play or whip management.  Don;t expect to go to Demo 101 on 'how to be a Dom.'



SimplyMichael -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:36:16 AM)

sub4hire,

Stop talking out your ass.  Before you take a swipe at every author out there, at least try and scrape together enough class to state which authors you believe have no experience...

www.greenerypress.com has interns with more experience than you will EVER have and their authors are people with not only decades of experience under their belts but in a community with one of the oldest BDSM scenes in the US.

You really trying to say people like Midori, Jay Wiseman, Dossie Easton, and others have no experience?  Get real, I grew up meeting people they had played with, I went to Dossie as a therapist almost a decade ago and she had spent the last 30 years playing in SF so before you open your mouth and remove all doubt...go buy a clue.



sub4hire -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:44:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


You really trying to say people like Midori, Jay Wiseman, Dossie Easton, and others have no experience?  Get real, I grew up meeting people they had played with, I went to Dossie as a therapist almost a decade ago and she had spent the last 30 years playing in SF so before you open your mouth and remove all doubt...go buy a clue.


Nope but I know several who have zero experience in real life who have written several books on the scene.  If you ever went out and met anybody you would also know that.
Just because a person writes a book does not make them an expert. 
I do personally know several authors who are wonderful...BUT if you can read this.  You will also understand I know several who have no clue about anything.



darkinshadows -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:49:12 AM)

quote:

Nope but I know several who have zero experience in real life who have written several books on the scene.  If you ever went out and met anybody you would also know that.
Just because a person writes a book does not make them an expert. 
I do personally know several authors who are wonderful...BUT if you can read this.  You will also understand I know several who have no clue about anything.

Whilst I understand where you are coming from G, I would also add that what you say can be just as easily said about people at Demos, clubs and munches.  I have been to Demos where I think...OMFG are they REALLY doing it that way?  And would cringe.  But their teaching or way they are taught is just different to me.  Who really is the one who is correct?  Who really are the people who 'know'.  I do not think that demos and munches are always the best places to meet people who really 'do it'.  I believe people just make their own path in the end - after trial and error and reading the good or the bad and being taught the good and the bad as well.
 
Peace and Rapture



SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:51:24 AM)

BDSM Tip Sheet for Beginners
by Lady Green and Jay Wiseman

http://members.aol.com/OldRope/begintip.htm

Jay Wiseman's "Official" (ha!) Website
http://www.jaywiseman.com/

Taken In Hand
http://www.takeninhand.com/

So you want to be a BDSM Dom...
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdwanttobedom.html

House of Tanos provides hosting for community websites aimed at minority sexualities involving consenting adults: http://www.tanos.org.uk/projects/

So you want to be a slave The Realities
http://www.fetishexchange.org/slave-realities.shtml

The Iron Gate - Essays - Collection of the BDSM Community's Best essays
http://www.the-iron-gate.com/essays.php






The Order for Discipline and Service http://www.disciplineandservice.org/

Peter Masters scribbled here!
http://www.peter-masters.com/

The Slave Register
http://www.slaveregister.com/

rope lover
http://www.ropelover.com/

Power Exchange Magazine
http://www.powerexchangemagazine.com/


Ross
©º°¨¨°º©  



sub4hire -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:52:22 AM)

That is my point Angel.  You've got it.
I just started a discussion in a local group here a month ago about a self appointed expert who
was doing knife play at a demo.



SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:54:12 AM)

http://www.collarchat.com/search.asp

put in search item of interest

you can use by author to see last 300

Ross
©º°¨¨°º©
 





MasterFireMaam -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 7:57:51 AM)

If you use the search function at the top right of the page, you can search for "books" and "new dom". That should help out!

Master Fire



Padriag -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 8:54:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: freshfaced

I am sure many of you will argue that such information sources shouldn't be necesary but I am genuinely interested in increasing my understanding and my ability to handle a sub.

Actually you'll find many of us that will encourage that and recommend long reading lists! [;)]

In general I would recommend four "types" of reading material.  Material on how to do physical play.  Material on dominance.  Material on submission.  Material on basic psychology.

For how to's you might try SM 101 by Jay Wiseman, The Complete Spanker by Lady Green, and for general training ideas there are a couple of books by Miss (Christine) Abernathy that can be helpful.  Oh, and for rope work and tying knots my favorite is still the Boy Scout Field Book.

For info on dominance, try the Loving Dominant by John Warren, The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton, and Different Loving.

For info on submission, try The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton, Slavecraft by Guy Baldwin, Becoming Slave by Jack Rinella.

For some basic psychology I'd recommend Understanding Human Nature by Alfred Adler, Adlerian Counseling by Dr Thomas Sweeney and The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Brandon.

There's more out there but that's plenty to get you started.



FukinTroll -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 10:13:20 AM)

Use all your voices.
 
Sometimes disappointment is best whispered.



bliss1 -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 10:19:06 AM)

These books are not bdsm related - (but to get this topic back on track without the name calling) - I have found the books written by Deborah Tanner very good.  She gives excellent advice on the ways men and woman think- a great source for learning communication between males and females (no matter what roles they select to live).

Good luck in your reading

bliss



moki1984 -> RE: Reference material (3/28/2007 12:03:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Anything by Dossie Easton, someone already mentioned "The Ethical Slut" but The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book are two of the best out there on doing D/s despite the sound of the titles.

There are a host of technical books on specific types of play, electrical, spanking, even one on was play, an aftertoon spent on Amazon can find amazing things.

Midori has put out a great basic guide to S&M that I am currently reading and finding quite insightful but then again, despite the pomp, Midori is amazingly well grounded.  Her book on Japanese bondage is the best on the market.

www.greenerypress.com is now the publishing house putting out Warren's The Loving Dominant as well as Dossie's stuff along with Jay's SM101.  Jay's bondage book is a waste of money, too much time spent on safety, screw the roses has about the same amount of info in vastly less space.  Midori's two books are both published by them, at least the bondage book is



I would vouch for books written by Midori also. That woman has studied in Japan and knows her ropes, pun intended lol. I think the book screw the roses send me thorns is very broad and covers many subjects....so its a good start.



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