I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (Full Version)

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KaineD -> I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:13:24 PM)

Hey guys.  I've recently discovered a site for my area where people chat and they meet up in real life for munches.  I didn't know there were munches in my area, so I was very pleased.  I was definately looking forward to meeting people with similar interests.

However, I was on their chatroom for their "cybermunch".  All was well and people were just making small chat and I was asking questions and stuff.  Sometime into the chat when about 7 members were there, someone was joking around about how easy they were drunk, someone else said something like "I like my women drunk" and I said "I like my women on Roehipnol.  I mean, it's obviously just a joke, right?  But pretty much straight away one of the girls starts saying something along the lines of "Hey that isn't on!  I've been drugged twice in the past, you might aswell say you want to rape me" or something like that.  And someone else said "you shouldn't make jokes like that on a site like this" then the girl said "you shouldn't make jokes like that at all".  While off screen, I was rolling my eyes at this, in the chatroom I apologised immediately and said I meant no offense.  Which was true, I didn't mean any offense.  People said, thats fine no problem.

Today, in my messages on the site, an admin had a message for me.  "It has been brought to the Admins attention by two members that in last evening's Cybermunch you made referance to the use of Roehipnol."  TWO members.  They didn't seem to care that I apologised, or that it was only a joke.  Maybe in their minds, you mention roehipnol then you are clearly a rapist or something.

"You shall refrain from making these type of extremely inapproiate jokes at all times" the admin said.

I mean, what do you guys think?  I'm sort of half considering not going to their munches at all.  I don't know.  I don't really want to meet people that would complain about me over such a petty reason.



FukinTroll -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:18:12 PM)

You were just out of the clique for such a joke. Keep watching and one of the hipsters will do the same in a few weeks.



KaineD -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:25:47 PM)

I suspect you're right.  I'm willing to bet one of their long time members can make similar jokes, or worse jokes, and no one would bat an eye lid.

The question is, do I forget about it and go the munch?  Or do I take offense that two of them complained about me and not go?



missturbation -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:27:48 PM)

I'd go.
 
I offended at my first real life much lol - they got over it.
Well maybe - my Sir punished me for it when we first got together lol.



Missokyst -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:28:54 PM)

I am not skiddish and even I might look at that with hesitation.  One, they don't know you and cannot tell if you would kid like that.  And two.. heck, I didn't even know what that drug was.  I would wonder WHY you would know it off the top of your head. 
Best advice I ever got was watch how the crowd moves before you charge in and disrupt their pattern.
Kyst



FukinTroll -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:34:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD

I suspect you're right.  I'm willing to bet one of their long time members can make similar jokes, or worse jokes, and no one would bat an eye lid.

The question is, do I forget about it and go the munch?  Or do I take offense that two of them complained about me and not go?


Just go! Fuk'm if they can't take a joke.



missturbation -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:36:28 PM)

And two.. heck, I didn't even know what that drug was.  I would wonder WHY you would know it off the top of your head.
I know of it. It was in the news a lot, i thought most people would have heard of it.



SweetDommes -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:36:44 PM)

I would have pointed out that joking about drunk girls is just inappropriate as a joke about the date-rape drug (since I know many who were raped while drunk - with no other drugs involved).  I'd be wary of them, but still go.  Obviously they are quite cliquish, but maybe you can get past their barriers.



WyrdRich -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:51:54 PM)

        Go.  Chances are, the snarky ones won't even show up.  Let the people meet you in person and they'll have a better handle on your humor in the next group chat.

      I made a pretty mild joke on our groups forum about needing volunteers at 5:30 am to set up a little fundraiser sale tomorrow, I immediately added that it was a joke, and I've had two apologies about not being able to make it and it looks like the recipient will be crashing on our couch tonight to make sure she doesn't oversleep...   Things get taken seriously sometimes.



darkinshadows -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 5:51:56 PM)

You just need to remember they don't know you.  Personally I think you fucked up - but thats no reason to not go along anyway.  It is a good sign that someone came to you with a warning - whether you were joking or not.  You have to remember these people know each other and not you and know the boundries and limits if they have met up before.*Fuck my spelling sucks*  You could be underage or a troll or anything for all they know.
 
Its not being snarky or cliquey - it's protecting the interests of the munch and those that participate.
 
I disagree that the drunk comment is just as bad.  If someones stating they are an easy lay when drunk and someone flirts back - thats different from making a direct statement about drugging someone.  Loose I know, but ones consent and ones not - pure and simple. (Unless your so drunk youre passed out ) - but hardly comparable banter.
 
Go along and be yourself.  You apologised and learn from it.  If they get arsey, then that's up to them if you hold your hands up and say 'I messed' - you know it's not for you.



SirRober -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 7:16:10 PM)

I say go and if they can't get over your joke faq the and feed them hot dogs



FangsNfeet -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 7:49:19 PM)

Every group has  a person if not a few that you're just not going to click with. No matter what you say or do, there will always be someone who feels offended. Screw'em! Make friends with thoughs you get along with and enjoy life. As for the others, just tolerate them. After all, there's a good chance that you'll be in the group long after they're gone. 



sub4hire -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 8:41:06 PM)

Do the cyber people ever meet in real life?  I vaguely recall some group like that about ten years ago.  It was laughable to me.

I wouldn't let it worry you especially if none of them are real and never plan on being real.  The group I had found never had any intention of taking anything real life.



azzmaster -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 8:47:24 PM)

if its in real life i would go... on cyberspace people tend to be alot snarkier because u can't actually see them... what have u got to lose... if its just online... doesn't seem to be much point then



Emperor1956 -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 8:59:54 PM)

I'd probably go, and tell them I was a Hoffman-LaRoche drug rep, and hand out samples.  But I'd substitute a pill with a nice big dose of Bisacodyl instead.  That way they can all experience the thrill of date rape themselves.

But I'm just that sort of guy.

E.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 9:10:36 PM)

I think it's just a case of fem subs online being a chicken scratching clique and when they get their delicate sensibilities threatened, they call on some guard dogs.

YOu should have known better- as a male, and a newbie, you would be considered a threat and something to be already approached warily.  If you were a long time lust object of the women, they would have laughed and tried to flirt with you over it.

Since you weren't, you are unknown and must therefore be taken down.  Most people in the scene are NOT ok with drugging, even to be able to joke about it.



juliaoceania -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 9:19:14 PM)

Most of us have had the experience of putting our foot in our mouth. The thing is, you apologized for offending, and even though it was a joke some people do not have the same sense of humor as you do. I agree with LA too, you are an unknown, so even though they were just as inappropriate as you, you were new and threatening. I would say that those joking about the drunk thing should have chastised themselves as well as you for giving you the idea that such joking was not only acceptable, but normal within their group. We take social cues from others, it is normal in my mind to joke in the same manner as those who belong to the group in order to find common ground.. but life is not fair, and obviously they do not see their own misstep in being bad examples.

I would go to the munch, the two who had the complaints are not the only two that will be there. I would not hold the entire munch community responsible for the online hypocrisy of a few of their members.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 9:22:09 PM)

Oh and do you happen to actually HAVE rohipnol?  If so, email me :)



juliaoceania -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 9:36:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Oh and do you happen to actually HAVE rohipnol?  If so, email me :)


Kinky!



hisannabelle -> RE: I've apparently offended members of a munch site... (3/23/2007 10:06:08 PM)

i say go.

i wasn't wanted at my first munch because of my age. the red tape over the age issue never got cleared up, due to their rl business and the fact that the group is barely breathing, period. i showed up anyway, because i'd befriended one or two people in the group and if nothing else, then it would provide a space for the age issues to BE cleared up. everyone reacted just fine.

that said, i do think the joke is in somewhat poor taste, but no worse to me than someone saying, "i like my women drunk," which i think is what you said one of the other members said. sorry - having sex with someone while they're drunk OR drugged is legally considered rape, if i'm not mistaken. that said, i've had sex when i was under the influence and been just fine and had a spectacular time, and i've been drugged and gang raped and developed ptsd because of that, so i'm not saying that every time this happens, it is actually violating the person in question. so to me, making a roehipnol joke and making an alcohol joke pretty much amounts to the same thing. either way, it's not up my alley, but it's a joke - i wouldn't automatically think the person was serious or a rapist. although i certainly wouldn't make jokes like this when first meeting a group, because i'd still be trying to feel them out, it's not all that terrible imho.



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