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RE: Just not ready. - 3/25/2007 9:56:11 AM

swtrayn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

When you have the confidence to use the answers you have and don't need to come to CM or any other source to ask any question starting with; "What do I do if..."

A very simple but wonderful advice, thank you, i will surely keep this in mind :)

rayn

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/25/2007 4:30:27 PM

MsBlackheart

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No matter where I've been on the sliding scale between "ready", and "not ready", I've found that keeping the door open and being honest to anyone who ventures close has served me well. If it's someone who can't handle your situation or someone who just can't handle baggage, period, then you've already eliminated someone who needed to be eliminated. If they're still interested then at the very least you've made a friend who will make the effort to be a real friend. Win/Win.

MsB

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 8:57:59 AM

missturbation

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I've found that keeping the door open and being honest to anyone who ventures close has served me well.
But here in lies the problem surely? Keeping the door open when you are not ready!!

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 9:40:31 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I've found that keeping the door open and being honest to anyone who ventures close has served me well.
But here in lies the problem surely? Keeping the door open when you are not ready!!

misst, perhaps I can clarify this a bit. At least how I perceive it. When I began exploring all of this, it got more and more intimidating. There was one particular woman that I was very interested in but I only felt more and more insecure in my abilities and my lack of experience. Eventually any possiblity of something with that woman fell apart. For awhile I blamed myself on quite a few different levels.

Then I got to know a few other submissives that saw completely different things in me than she did, needed different things in a dominant than she did. With them I felt calm, confident and strong. I realized that I had allowed my doubts in compatibility with one woman to colour my vision of myself.

So now I just keep an open mind. Allow myself to believe that while I may not be everyone's dominant I very well may be someone's ideal.

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 9:44:51 AM

missturbation

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Thankyou LaT, i see what you are saying. I've had my confidence in me and my abilities to serve well, well and truly knocked and i guess that is part of my reasoning for not feeling ready. I just don't feel good enough about myself to feel good about anyone else.

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 10:13:25 AM

Bearlee

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I think I’m ready when the man I’m dating starts exhibiting all the red flags I’ve come to know…and frankly I don’t give a damn.

It feels good not to be drawn into someone’s drama.

By and large, I insist on trusting unless what they say doesn’t match up with what they do; then I start asking questions. When I can ask the questions and my life doesn’t depend upon their (positive) answers…I know I’m ready. I also know he might be ready…if my questions don’t scare him off.

b

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Post #: 26

RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 11:32:45 AM

gypsygrl

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It goes like this...

I'm not ready for life
Life is all about relationships
therefore I'm not ready for a relationship

I'm pretty sure the logic is fallacious, but the details escape me, so I push on. :)

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 12:26:40 PM

Eruditegirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Do you have a 'warning sign' that lets you know you are not ready to move on? Or do you think the things above and possibly more are just unavoidable actions and we can't foresee we are not ready?

Maybe you are expecting the warning sign in the very begining...but if after awhile you realize that you aren't ready....isn't that the warning sign you are looking for...doesn't have to be in the begining...perhaps...middle or end...and yes by then you have involved another's emotions....but when dealing with an adult...and as an adult...don't we all know the risks/consquences of being hurt when we begin any new relationship....
I think when we question if we are ready...and then decide that this relationship is worth the risks/consquences...then we know we are ready to enter into the next step....
I hadn't dated in 4 years...took time off to find me and quit repeating my past patterns....I had to take my Realtors exam in San Diego....meet a man from off the internet for dinner while I was in SD....I thought "hey...it's a free dinner on the beach"..but he was amazing!!!....and I had one of the best weekends of my life....on my drive home reality set in..."I could get hurt from this man"...."was I really ready"....no matter how hard I tried to talk myself out of it....it all came back to..."I was willing to take the chance"...no matter if I got hurt ...something told me it was worth it.....
If I had stopped dating in fear of hurting me or another....my friends list in my life would so much shorter....while I believe analyzing our actions is a good thing...sometimes we can over do it and bring more negative to a situation than needs be there....relax...take a deep breathe and just enjoy...

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RE: Just not ready. - 3/26/2007 12:41:29 PM

onmykneesforhim

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Hi misst,
Great topic,
Im still trying to fine out why its easier to die for someone than to live for them.
Warning signs would be a nice thing to notice. Maybe with time, if i can get back on the pervebial horse, that would make my serving much more free to do as i need.
omk

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Post #: 29