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RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 6:36:44 PM   
dawntreader


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Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marsman

quote:

Dnomyar wrote:

OK as usual this is from another post. Someone mentioned that they would wait a lifetime to find the right partner. How long for you is a lifetime? When does the compromising start?




LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! i love this!!!

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It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
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There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
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(in reply to marsman)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 6:49:21 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Knowing what I know now about life, I would have been better off unpartnered in my past than to have over-compromised as I did.  But you live and learn.  Balance is a good thing.


I tried to compromise and as i told him I'd rather be miserable alone than be miserable with someone. I can change the being alone part. I can even change me or my life so that I am no longer miserable if i am alone. But i can't change another person, and have no desire to even try anymore.

I totally agree with the balance. That really is what it is all about

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 6:50:37 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

OK as usual this is from another post. Someone mentioned that they would wait a lifetime to find the right partner. How long for you is a lifetime? When does the compromising start?


Interesting question...to me a lifetime is from the day i was born til the day i transition but "waiting" for something would mean i was not living each day fully and being present in the moment...so i would have to say no, i am not trully "waiting" even if it feels like it sometimes! LOL
As far as compromising...hmmm, i really need the right fit and i am kind of unique so...don't think i would compromise but in the meantime, i am out there enjoying and experiencing this lifestyle as much as i can and opportunity allows; so when the right thing come along, i will know myself better...who knows - i might have already found it and don't know it yet!LOL!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 6:57:59 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marsman

quote:

Dnomyar wrote:

OK as usual this is from another post. Someone mentioned that they would wait a lifetime to find the right partner. How long for you is a lifetime? When does the compromising start?




tooooooo damn funny!

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 7:01:56 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I have been separated and divorced almost 4 years and I have yet to find what my heart desires.
{not counting anyone I am talking to now}
I decided years ago, I would rather be happy and alone than compromising just so I would not be alone.
I am prepared to wait until the end of my days in this life and if I don't find it in this life, I have total
faith I will find it in the next life.
So my answer is until the end of time....and time to me is infinite.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 7:15:15 PM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		As a disclaimer:  i am sending this without seeing any responses.

my compromising ended when the last relationship did.  This is a particularly interesting thread  and threads like it that i have read in the past. 

i used to literally do anything it took to make a relationship last, i will no longer do that.  i have seen a very ugly side of "I am the Master you will do as I say, because you are so unimportant to me that I can kick you to the door and never look back" syndrome (yes i do view that as a syndrome among many).  No more will i compromise myself.

i most certainly can wait a lifetime.  i would rather live the rest of my life without a Master than ever compromise myself and be expected to want nothing in return.  i will not be brainwashed into thinking that "You are the be all end all" so therefore i compromise my own values.  That may be fine for others, but it is not for me. 

Yes i can wait a lifetime if that is what it takes.  i am worth it.

< Message edited by angelic -- 3/23/2007 7:16:46 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 8:44:30 PM   
Noah


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I think having EXTREMELY high standards is a great idea. It has worked amazingly well for me, anyway. But to rule out compromise in advance as either some sort of moral failing or else as a recipe for certain doom, well that just sounds like fairyland musing to me.

I've seen some profiles which proceed with detailed descriptions of what "the one" will be like. Shape, size and color, temperment, beverage preference, politics, interests, ethnicity, occasionally conjoined with a list of traits of character which I have so far never seen instantiated all together in a single person.

"You'll pull up the driveway at 6:15 in your Studebaker Avanti that gets me so hot. I'll be waiting in your favorite outfit (which by some coincidence I already own as I write this.) I'll have your favorite double mocha latte with a shot of Grenadine in hand. Your asymmetric moustache will tickle my elbow as you give me one of our special secret kisses that you will have invented, knowing that you'll love the tripe ala mode I've prepared for your supper, just before we grab a deck of cards and head down to the river for 2.6 hours of the kink play you can't live without: suspension bridge play. Yes, dear one, I will give my all to you and no one else, though I perish."

Sometimes a profile makes me think that either, A) Compromise can be a healthy, wise, deeply rewarding, even superlative thing sometimes, depending on someone's starting position. Other times I think, B) it seems I've hit on someone who believes "I'd rather die alone than learn that the world can sometimes present me with wonderful surprises."

Maybe if you click your be-rubied heels three times you're going to find that wealthy ascetic hermaphrodite nymphomaniac with a rich full life of family, friends, interests and career who wants to pay all attention henceforth to you. Maybe this person will be age 24-27, with 15 years experience running munches on seven continents in fourteen languages and at the same time a sizzling salsa dancer able to personally indulge your kink for quad amputees. Hold your breath and wait, if you like.

Or consider compromise. Your call.

I wonder if we could form some consensus that there can be some stated parameters that turn out to be fine to compromise about--even if we didn't realize that when we set them; that some others just might be worthwhile to compromise on in surprisingly special cases, and that there may be any number of other things that for a given individual probably should not be compromised on at all.

I'm just not sure that an unqualified abandonment of the very idea of compromise is the best first step to take toward relationship bliss.


Then again a lot of people seem to enjoy rigidly enforcing standards which just happen to get lower and lower as the beer disappears and closing time approaches. So part of this seems to come down to what different people mean by the differing ways they may be using the same words.

No offense to those who want to insist upon non-compromise on a small and reasonable set of carefully worked out parameters, while being open to a wide range of opportunities. I wasn't lumping you in with the pie-in-the-sky-ers. To these more reasonable people I would only suggest leaving a small crack at the doorway through which might, in a very special case, enter the person who is not only practically perfect for you, but surprisingly so.

Of course heartbreak can slip through that crack too. But, hey... no guts, no glory, right?

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 8:56:52 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Fast Reply: 

I guess one way to look at it as "A lifetime can be in every breath you take". Just like we need clean air to breath to remain healthy and stuff, so too do the relationships we choose to enter into need to nourish us. We wouldn't purposefully choose to breath bad air we knew that would make us sick..why would we chose a partner that would do the same to our mind, heart and spirit...and if someone has to wait for that to happen, more power to them.


< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/23/2007 8:57:15 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 9:04:29 PM   
cinderella221972


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		What a question.  There are probably thousands of answers appropriate for different people and even different answers that  are right for the same person at different times. 

When i first faced and accepted my submission was a vital part of me, i knew from the first that i was meant to serve the One who introduced me to the wonders of the lifestyle.  However, i allowed commitment to a job contract to delay my being able to join Him immediately.  We commited to each other and coped with the long distance between us until i could finally move but had only limited time together then due to cancer stealing His life away.  i will always regret not having the courage to make my move to be with Him fulltime quicker; will alway wonder if i could have made a difference in the length of time He had left had i been there to care for Him sooner.  For He and i a lifetime was far too short.

As a result of that experience, i made my decision much quicker when ask to serve again.  i cannot say that this was better, only that previous experiences tend to make us view things in different light.  i was willing to make compromises quicker knowing we might not have all the time i want to believe we have. 

i wish i could tell others to alway reach out and grab what you want now, i know that caution is important too.  Perhaps the "contingency plan" lesson is the one that needs to be shared with this note.  In both cases with both dominants i've offered my submission, a contingency plan has been in place in the event things did not work out.  Both men take seriously their commitment to look out for my well being and both know that i've moved a long distance from my family and retired early to be with them.  They have made sure i could return to family should the need arise and that my finances are protected in my name should something happen to them. 

To often i fear that the attitudes about submissive/slaves leaves the vulnerable to people who would chose to take from them what they offer without completing the commitment to protect them too.

Jon's girl, cindy




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respectfully, BigBearrrr's girl, cindy
:) definitely NOT vanilla :)

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 9:09:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

OK as usual this is from another post. Someone mentioned that they would wait a lifetime to find the right partner. How long for you is a lifetime? When does the compromising start?


Finding the right person is only the beginning of the journey. Anyone that thinks they do not have to compromise with the right person is just fooling themselves.

Now there is a big difference between compromising that makes a relationship work and compromising oneself.... the place that line is drawn will vary from person to person).

Lets put it this way, I am willing to compromise much for the right person... if they were not right for me it is doubtful I would compromise at all.

edited to add, I learned in my marriage that it is better to be lonely than hopeless in a relationship....

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 3/23/2007 9:12:44 PM >

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(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 9:14:02 PM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

I don't think I have ever used that phrase or take it from others who say it as a literal time mark but more of show of the value and importance I and others place on finding what we perceive to be true happiness at the time we say it.

As time goes on..the ideals of what it takes to make us happy change. They have for me and I don't really consider the failures in the past as episodes of me settling but rather truely learning from life experience just what is and isn't important or needed for me to be happy.

In addition to time..there was a large growth of how important compromise was, and that life wasn't all about me. So if I had to give a answer as to when compromise started..it would be the moment I grew up, and that was not defined by chronological age.

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 10:45:31 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		*Fast Reply*

I know this'll sound testy or harsh....

But life IS compromise, the trick is learning what will work.

Ask yourself if it's working for you. If the answer is yes, ask your self if it's true. If the answer is still yes, then, yet again, ask yourself if you're bullshitting yourself.

More often than not, I'm skeptical of people that declare themselves happy being alone, but then, I often relate to others based on my own experience. My answer is a muttered "Bullshit." I don't buy it. I'm not saying that you HAVE to be in a relationship, but avoiding potential isn't healthy, at all.

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Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 10:49:19 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I totally agree scott, life IS full of compromises.
For the right person, I am willing to bend and do what it takes.
 
I am not perfect, no mortal here on earth is perfect and I hardly seek perfection.
The key again is, THE RIGHT PERSON.
Many people settle for the wrong person, and try to make it work with them.
I figure life is hard enough with the right person, I don't need to try to live it with the wrong person.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to scottjk)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 11:27:23 PM   
AZSweetie


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		There are certain qualities that i look for in someone. Having all the qualities i desire in someone would make them the right one for me. However, i have yet to find that certain someone. When i think i have found someone i almost always am let down in some way. Now i'm not being to picky or anything, i just want to be happy and i know what kind of person will make me happy. Do i think i'll ever find the person i'm looking for? Maybe. Maybe not. Will i wait a lifetime for "The One"? i won't wait but if "The One" ever came along i wouldn't hesitate on making the relationship happen =)

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 11:33:31 PM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i think finding "perfect for me" to be a dang difficult thing and one i might never find.  So i compromise and find "close enough".  I never look for anything serious, i dont set my life looking for the "right one".  I just go with the flow and watch those that enter my life and those that leave my life. 

Everyone has something to offer another.. we are all just stepping stones for another.. and others for us... all getting to our ultimate place of being.. where ever that may be...

Its like Lotus's Train link......... 


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i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lifetime - 3/23/2007 11:34:16 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

OK as usual this is from another post. Someone mentioned that they would wait a lifetime to find the right partner. How long for you is a lifetime? When does the compromising start?


(My general thinking is...6 weeks)

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lifetime - 3/24/2007 4:24:30 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It is impossible to tell when the right person shows up. It could be someone you have known for awhile who gradually changes with time to become the one you want permanently. Often a friend turns into THE person. If you think about it, one should be a friend first before being anything else.

Keeping that in mind, why not live life, develop friendships and not feel as if you are punishing yourself by staying away from play or whatever? The more you are with a certain sub or Dom, the more you may see the qualities you desire and he/she may see the same in you.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lifetime - 3/24/2007 5:10:34 AM   
nookie


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/21/2007
Status: offline 		Is there a possibility something is being overlooked here? Is the person in question out enjoying herself, yet just hasn't found the "right" partner yet?

I've been divorced several years now after a 30 year marriage. I've experienced the, "If I'm going to miserable, I'm going to be miserable alone." thing.

And I'm not going to commit to someone just to be able to say I'm in a relationship.

But I'm not sitting at home alone, letting the world go by. Believe it or not, life can be enjoyable without being in a committed relationship. There are other things in life, family, friends, vanilla interests, that can fill my time until the person of my dreams comes along.

From the other side, would the other party in a relationship really be happy with someone who committed just to be in a relationship. I think not. And it doesn't seem fair to get quite that involved for that reason.

Just my two cents worth.

nookie

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lifetime - 3/24/2007 7:03:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Using fast reply.......

I continue to find it humorous that being without a partner is viewed at being "alone and miserable".

I think there are people, like myself, that are not frantically searching, wailing and moaning, tearing their hair out, "omg omg, I have to find someone, there, that one! omg, I gotta find me a man/woman!" like some rabid dog. Hopping in and out of, the one true one, add water and instant relationship, drama. Yet we manage to function, enjoy life, spend quality time with people we love.

It's not that we, at least not I, are being difficult or have too rigid of standards. I know I keep a very open mind, and heart. I am certainly not closed off to a possibility at all. I am quite certain that there is a potential person/s out there somewhere that would really enhance my life. If something is meant to be, it will.

I simply refuse to put my life, my happiness, fulfillment, joy, everything that I want for me........on hold pending the discovery of someone. I refuse to put the responsibility of having those things on that ellusive person.

I think there is a huge difference between being open to a relationship and feeling you simply MUST have one to be a happy, whole human being.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/24/2007 7:04:12 AM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lifetime - 3/24/2007 7:59:36 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I was married to my first wife for nearly 30 years,out of the blue she announced one day that she was leaving.I was on the road and came home to find an empty house and a pile of bill she wasn't paying.I was bitter but Diane and I moved in together and married shortly there afterwords.I could have made it without entering into another relationship But I am one that loves having my woman near.I want to be in a relationship ,I am one that can have many women around and yet need that one that comforts me I have no other way of says it but DIANE comfort me...bounty

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Profile   Post #: 40
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