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The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 4:17:25 PM

GeekyGirl

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We all have them...those furtive little thoughts that flit about the edges of the darkest depths of our heart and soul...Those naughtiest of fantasies that we fear to admit even to ourselves, or to others in the Lifestyle, let alone to our vanilla companions.

How do you deal with these things? Have you truly accepted ALL your most perverse desires? Are there still some things which make you flush with shame when you think of them? Despite all the other kinky activities you enjoy, are there certain ones that still carry a stigma in your own mind?

Many of my interests carry no shame in my mind and I speak of them openly even amongst vanilla friends. I don't care if people know I like pain and bondage for example. Yet, there are still a few things though that I have trouble admitting to myself...a few things that still make me wonder if I might be a very sick person indeed for thinking on them. These are things I have a very hard time discussing even with lovers.

Has anyone else experienced this feeling? The feeling that certain desires are hard to admit even to yourself? I have these feelings sometimes, and it almost makes me feel hypocritical as I try to be very open with myself and with others as a general rule...yet I still have secrets in my closet about things I enjoy or things I wish to try.

Have you conquered all your demons of desire? How did you do it?

Is all this even making sense ? (I've been awake a long time right now...I might be rambling...)

Edited for spelling

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 3/16/2007 4:18:44 PM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

Post #: 1

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 4:42:50 PM

Araven

Posts: 149
Joined: 3/16/2006
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This is an interesting topic to me, as a new submissive trying to learn and gobble up as much information as I can. I'm sort of in that phase of "Im scared of liking this stuff, I know I like it, I know I want to try it, but its scary".

I think from a very young age, we've been conditioned to think some of these things as wrong, wicked, evil. Such as the age old saying "Never hit a girl". But what if a girl wanted to be hit? Granted Im no dom, but this is just an example. It can be a total flip-flop in the nature of things. Alot of desires also can go counter to what society in general tells us. So I think the real issue is, can we accept what society tells us to do and be? Or can we be our own individals?

I have had this feeling and do understand how you are feeling. In fact, I still do have this feeling inside of me. I often times wonder if something is wrong with me, or if I'm just a sick perverted individual for wishing to do some of the things I wish to do.

Part of what has helped me conquer these fears is to see that I am not alone in them. That other people do share some of my desires and wants.

My desire to be who I am inside, not what society wants me to be is what gets me through this.

But for the most part, I'm still trying to work through some of the issues. I'm pretty eager to hear some of the other responces on this thread.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 2

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 4:45:13 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Has anyone else experienced this feeling? The feeling that certain desires are hard to admit even to yourself? Have you conquered all your demons of desire?

Yes. Yes. No...and not likely to.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 3

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 4:55:16 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Mine will remain private fantasies but will never happen in real life.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 4

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 4:57:03 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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I felt that way when I was very young, like high school age, and even into my early 30's, when I thought I was really weird for being interested in being tied up and kinky. I always wanted to experiment sexually, but my partners would always give me a look like I'd asked them to cut their arm off. It wasn't until I got my first computer and started exploring that I realized how widespread and vast the whole kinky world was, and that I was far from alone. It was a big relief, actually.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

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RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 5:01:09 PM

GeekyGirl

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Joined: 8/21/2006
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I'm ok with being kinky in general..it's more specific actions that freak me out. I'll have a fantasy and think , "Kinky or not, I should NOT have been thinking about that." Sometimes they are things that are pretty mild by others standards.Sometimes they aren't.

I've been sort of working through accepting them one at a time. For example, I use to have a really hard time accepting the fact that I was curious about threesomes. I've gotten over it since then, but it used to be a big cause of shame for me. Because I consider myself a monogamous person, I was afraid it indicated something about me that wasn't "right" and it took a long time for me to accept that I can be a monogamous person and still be curious about an occasional threesome.

It was weird...Tying me up and beating me was ok but fantasizing about a threesome made me feel guilty. Go figure.

I have others of course that I am not comfortable discussing obviously...this is just one random example.

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 6

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 5:01:39 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

My realizations over the years usually start with 'Life's too short......'.

Taboos can be explored safely. I realize that what 'you' mean by 'dark desires' could involve that, or even go further than that. I suppose I could say that many things further than that can be explored safely, as well.

I'm pretty big on communication, not the least of which involve fantasies. I'm open to someone's ideas. I'm open to their prior experiences. I'm open to some pretty nasty ideas as long as enacting fantasies or ideas are not going to cause psychological harm. (You would think I would also mention physical harm, but that is more common sense thus less important overall.)

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 5:16:12 PM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
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quote:

Have you conquered all your demons of desire?

No..I keep wondering what is deeper than deep and darker than dark, while I keep searching, exploring and experiencing....

Also, desires are like grits..they keep multiplying...so they are endless...

(Have to be from the south to truly understand grits)

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 3/16/2007 5:17:00 PM >

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 8

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 5:16:14 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i think a lot of people do - vanilla and kinky - the human psyche is a very complex hard to understand entity. i accept that i have them and will go to my grave with them. i think you are being a bit hard on yourself when you say

quote:

Original GeekyGirl
I have these feelings sometimes, and it almost makes me feel hypocritical as I try to be very open with myself and with others as a general rule...yet I still have secrets in my closet about things I enjoy or things I wish to try.

Why feel the need to be obligated to share every little secret - especially one that your not comfortable with yourself, with anyone else. i would suggest working on understanding it and becoming comfortable with it so it doesn't hold so much power over you. Although i have done that myself and have come to the conclusion that there are no reasons or justifications for having those "dark desires" they just are, i accept them and don't fret over them. Now they don't hold as much power over me as they once did as i defused them so to speak.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 9

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 5:16:53 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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For me I have no qualms about my instinctual things I enjoy consensually with any one I was with in BDSM reality or only in my mind.
My desires to me personally are not dark things.
I would never desire to injure someone emotionally.
The things I dream that I have not done were based on, lack of finding someone I trust enough, with enough skill, that I respect enough, to go that far with things as extreme as I imagine I can go one day.
My issues are not in how comfortable I am in my self, but how comfortable with the other half of that energy exchange so far.
I have physical limitations I'm sure I'll have to overcome and time will tell those, but before you race you have to reach the track so it's maily just been a mute point.

The notion I'd think something I did, or desire to do made me feel pathetic or sick is just not in me.

I'm really comfortable with who I am as a decent human being who's got a right to pursue my dreams as long as I don't just climb over people to get there.
My BDSM choices don't change my value or integrity in bad ways in my mind, rather they are benefits to me and only confirm my humanity.
I'd have to re-evaluate my motivation and find some peace in myself before I'd want to do something I thought was sick or perverted.
I think many have been so programmed with guilt they
I know a lot of people find fetish & S&M perverted, disgusting, dark and evil as a whole.
I think yes indeed the dark forces cause way more rath in tis realm than in others, but it's the same demons in the vanilla world.
I think indeed you can be a heavy BDSM player and be a good Christian even in poly dynamics.
SO lol I know my view's not popular, but so what.
It's my story, I'm sticking to it, and I'm proud to be me and see things from my view any way.
I think people don't understand the difference in being responsible for one's self and the actions you create causes you to be a good person, not what you do for mutual gratification with your partners.
Besides if others are throwing stones at you, have you looked at their lives?
What do you think gives them the authority to choose only their view can be right?
Their own SELF insecurity of course.
I just figure I'm very blessed and lucky to be able to see things from others perspectives and how that can work for them.
I learn so very much about myself in trying to learn others points of view.
I'm very grateful I don't miss those opportunities.
The more they try to convince people there way is the only way the less open they are to learning and growing beyond their own blinders.
What you have to do is rise above all the other people's chatter, find the parts of you that bring you peace and joy, pursue them with all your heart.
If you are not hurting anyone emotionally you consensually do your BDSM kinks with in my mind it's of the light and not darkness or perversion.
suzanne

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 5:27:10 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl
How do you deal with these things? Have you truly accepted ALL your most perverse desires? Are there still some things which make you flush with shame when you think of them? Despite all the other kinky activities you enjoy, are there certain ones that still carry a stigma in your own mind?

There's some things you're not s'posed to talk about...
...like, all the things i ever think about...
Mike Muir, "If I Don't Wake Up"

There's nothing i can manage to hide from myself, although various needs come and go... i have too many fetishes to concentrate on ALL of them ALL the time! i indulge most of them by myself as best i can, usually after weeks of delicious planning, then immediately regret it and feel ashamed afterwards. At best i'd say i actually "accept" maybe half of my desires.

...dave

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 11

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 8:37:45 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

Sorry i killed your thread GG

But it looks so pretty lying there... so peaceful... still soft, yet cool to the touch...

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 12

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 8:44:18 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Well I had a long hard time accepting that I could willingly and freely choose to murder another person. Took a long time to reconcile that notion with still being able to be a "good person."

But I did in the end accept it and move on.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 13

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 11:10:22 PM

goodlittlegirl28

Posts: 2108
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

I'm open to someone's ideas. I'm open to their prior experiences. I'm open to some pretty nasty ideas...

it's easier to accept and explore someone else's ideas and vulnerabilities, yet not believe acceptance will be reciprocal. it always amazes me how difficult it is to say that deep dark secret to another. so far it hasn't kicked me in the ass and i've been pretty happy with the results of speaking up (when i have the courage and determination). but it doesn't make it less scary, or more acceptable in my own eyes.

_____________________________

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Love people, not things. Use things, not people.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 14

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/16/2007 11:30:43 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

We all have them...those furtive little thoughts that flit about the edges of the darkest depths of our heart and soul...Those naughtiest of fantasies that we fear to admit even to ourselves, or to others in the Lifestyle, let alone to our vanilla companions.

actually this would be an over-generalization to say that we all have these In fact... as much as I have alot of interesting enjoyable thougths that some may consider dark desires... I am definitely not afraid or fearful to admit them to myself or share them with my girls or others that matter to me. However, for many it's just not important for me to share them with. Of course, interestingly, more than a few like to take a bit of my time privately to see alittle more into my mindset when they know what I enjoy and that I am very active in living out my desires.

quote:

How do you deal with these things? Have you truly accepted ALL your most perverse desires? Are there still some things which make you flush with shame when you think of them? Despite all the other kinky activities you enjoy, are there certain ones that still carry a stigma in your own mind?

What's to deal with? I am who i am... and my desires are just a part of who I am. Just as so many other aspects of me are a part of me. I suppose I am abit off from many in this lifestyle. I really don't understand those that have struggled or had learn to accept these aspects of themselves. For me Acceptance of my desires was as easy as breathing. What I found more difficult was managing these desires in a manner that it didn't negatively affect my life. The passions and desires are rather intense. I would love to just let them run free to fulfil them. Very much like a kid in the candy store trying to grab each candy to taste and find a favorite (all of them maybe *G*) As I said.. acceptance was never an issue... managing them so I control them and they don't control me was alittle more difficult.

quote:

Many of my interests carry no shame in my mind and I speak of them openly even amongst vanilla friends. I don't care if people know I like pain and bondage for example. Yet, there are still a few things though that I have trouble admitting to myself...a few things that still make me wonder if I might be a very sick person indeed for thinking on them. These are things I have a very hard time discussing even with lovers.

I look at this way... if you can't share them.. they can never become a reality. I wonder if a person's hesitation is relate to one's doubts of actually fulfilling these desires. For myself, I don't equate sharing them as meaning that I will or want to fulfill them. Sometimes they are what they are.. just thoughts ... dark fantasic thoughts. Sometimes the reality of making the thoughts a reality is much more difficult. However, if they are not shared... they will never be a reality. I like to share my thoughts with my girls... all of them. As time goes on.. I have learned that where at one time I didn't see it realistic to make something happen... Time as shown me that opportunities occur and what once wasn't possible can suddenly become possible and even a reality.

quote:

Has anyone else experienced this feeling? The feeling that certain desires are hard to admit even to yourself? I have these feelings sometimes, and it almost makes me feel hypocritical as I try to be very open with myself and with others as a general rule...yet I still have secrets in my closet about things I enjoy or things I wish to try.

Nope. It was very much like learning that I wanted sex... I didn't have any trouble with accepting it once I became aware of the desire in the first place. I will also note that my desires wasn't like opening a box and their they were. It was more like a trickle effect. Bit by Bit I became aware of things that I desired. I would also attribute alot easy acceptance with the openness that existed between alandra and I. Most if not all of my awareness of these desires occurred after I had already established a relationship with alandra. I can't help and wonder if that openness between the two of us had important and positive impact on the way my desires developed.

quote:

Have you conquered all your demons of desire? How did you do it?

I was never at war with them...so there was nothing to conquer.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 3/16/2007 11:40:04 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/17/2007 12:26:54 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Interesting question. I learned I could tell my Master anything - any dark, embarrassing, "out there" desire and it was safe. Without even blinking, he would just start asking more about it so he could understand it, and so I could, too. He made it so it was emotionally safe to tell him.

As for sharing with others - it is nobody's business. Such desires are personal and intimate to me and not to be bandied about. Those in my very small circle of trust might learn of them, but that's it. I have no problem admitting these desires to myself.

He has brought me experience many of those dark desires. Scary but amazing, and they always bring me deep within myself and coming out stronger on the other side.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 16

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/17/2007 12:51:43 AM

subnstudent

Posts: 105
Joined: 9/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I was never at war with them...so there was nothing to conquer.

That's a good way to put it. Something I heard a long time ago was that we desire things because we are able and deserve to have them. It takes a lot of energy to convince yourself that you can't have them, but when you do, it's hard to unlearn that. Also, when you have trouble relating your 'hidden' desires, it could just be that you're afraid of the consequences of doing so. Whether it be that they'll actually get fulfilled, or that your partners will laugh at you, I couldn't tell you. However, I would guess that the person you trust to tie you up, flog you, and keep you safe, you could also trust to explore these 'hidden' desires.

I wish you the best.
~Nicholas

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/17/2007 12:51:43 AM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Yes, it can be a mind fuck dealing with deep dark fantasies at times.
I think everbody on this message board has had to deal with this.

After all BDSM itself is full of deep dark fantasies for many people.

But yes, you can have threesomes and still be committed and
devoted to one person in your life.

Just like somebody taking a flogger to somebody's body, does
this make them a truely mean, cruel and evil person in life, when
they are filfulling anothers dreams and fantasy? In a sense this
is an expression of Love and devotion is it not?

The thing is to mentally get a grip on it, then explore the concentual
sides of it and the limits and risks involved.

There are emotional Pros/Cons to nearly every BDSM activity.
Things that will or will not personally sit well with your mindset.

I learned a lot about this when I was younger, and the Girl Next
Door would come up with ideas or things she wanted to have
done to her. So I took the top role while she took the bottom.
There were a few very intense experiences, I recall where I was
left sort of Mind Puking. Thinking to myself, OH MY GOD,
I can't believe I just did that, I must be pure fucking evil...LOL
But, you know what? It made a big difference to hear her say
how much she enjoyed or loved it... Now how the Hell can one
feel bad about that? LOL...

Since, I have been using this message board, it's really made me
stop look and think about how the Hell I got into BDSM.
It's made me explore my own roots and look a little deeper
into my soul.

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/17/2007 2:12:00 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

i've never felt at war with any of my desires.

my desire for humiliation and degradation took me a little by surprise, especially by how strong it is. it was a bit hard to come to terms with. my desire for, at some point, rape play, given my history, was one of the hardest things for me to admit - i don't think, until He pulled it out of me, that i really knew it was in there. i knew something was, but it took a lot of...i don't know how to say it...spiritual and emotional exploration to bring it out. it's still something that's very far off, but i think it's the closest thing i can imagine to what you are talking about.

i think this is a good thread, but i've never really considered any of my desires all that "dark." weird, yes, sometimes, but not necessarily dark. i personally haven't ever really wrapped my head around the idea that people often characterize bdsm as being "dark," like illicit or scary or something like that. to me, the things i associate with it are not.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 19

RE: The Depths of Our Darkest Desires - 3/17/2007 2:25:10 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

Have you truly accepted ALL your most perverse desires?

Yes.

quote:

Are there still some things which make you flush with shame when you think of them?

No.

quote:

Despite all the other kinky activities you enjoy, are there certain ones that still carry a stigma in your own mind?

As long as activities are kept in the realm of consensual/adult, I'm good with everything I know about.

quote:

Have you conquered all your demons of desire? How did you do it?

Yes and through years and years of self-reflection and self-acceptance.

quote:

Is all this even making sense ?

Yes.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to GeekyGirl)

Post #: 20

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